Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Every inmate in a Colorado prison will have a computer tablet by the end of 2017. Will figure out how to make prison wine with them shortly [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 23:38:13 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » If the headline asks a question, man [Fake]

Wednesday 10 May 22:50:13 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Mysterious silver pods appear in Seattle. Pod people soon to follow, or at least heroin users [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 22:24:28 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Seven-foot python found slithering down a street in France. Unverified and untrue reports claim locals first regarded it with snooty indifference, then ate it [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 21:50:11 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Alabama TV station reminding residents where local fallout shelters are, just in case [Murica]

Wednesday 10 May 21:20:16 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Branch Dildonian sympathizer appears before judge for ratting out FBI informants. Odds are he'll replace Comey [Followup]

Wednesday 10 May 20:50:16 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Dog saves hikers from grizzly bear, will guest host for Colbert next week [Spiffy]

Wednesday 10 May 20:20:16 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these wannabe fish [Photoshop]

Wednesday 10 May 20:00:01 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » 'Sir, I'm not going to lie; I sell dope' Points for honesty [Florida]

Wednesday 10 May 19:54:22 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Man gets shot in the head, then runs to nearby gas station to see if they could call for help, and maybe some of those nachos with the hot cheese from the machine, too [Strange]

Wednesday 10 May 19:20:05 UTC 2017

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Futility Closet » “The Elephant Who Walked to Manchester”

Wednesday 10 May 19:17:45 UTC 2017

Image: Art UK In 1872, as he prepared to retire in Edinburgh, English menagerie owner Alexander Fairgrieve auctioned off his remaining attractions in the Waverley Market. The largest lot was Maharajah, an Indian elephant 7 feet tall with 20-inch tusks. The winning bid, £680, came from James Jennison, proprietor of the Belle Vue Gardens near Manchester, who was expanding his zoological … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Hey Mr. Gullible, since you have such a big d*ck why don't you meet me at Buckingham Palace for a threesome?" (not safe for work images on page) [Dumbass]

Wednesday 10 May 18:50:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » ♫ Flintstones – meet the Flintstones – they've got a lien on your family van…♫ [Weird]

Wednesday 10 May 18:16:45 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » This just in from the Romero Institute: "Don't build on flood plains" [Obvious]

Wednesday 10 May 17:46:45 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: getting busy in a Burger King bathroom. New hotness: getting busy in a McDonald's dining room [Creepy]

Wednesday 10 May 17:20:05 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Adult film star faked shark attack because she wanted "viral" video [Followup]

Wednesday 10 May 17:08:03 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Jimmy John's founder denies he's the naked guy seen in a photo humping a shark. Which sounds like something a naked guy humping a shark would say [Followup]

Wednesday 10 May 16:44:03 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Raw milk is killing people, CDC warns. Just to be on the safe side, make sure you fire up the grill and get a good sear on the next gallon you buy [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 16:20:03 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Iran tests high-speed torpedoes after finally discovering how to launch them from their fleet of military donkeys [Scary]

Wednesday 10 May 15:50:03 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Wait, you can get drunk off vanilla extract? [Strange]

Wednesday 10 May 15:46:46 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Anne Frank Memorial defaced with racist, anti-Semitic messages. At least that's what they told her [Murica]

Wednesday 10 May 15:45:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams. THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread, deadline or not edition [CSB]

Wednesday 10 May 15:32:18 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Mother goose nests on couple's balcony – apparently a hockey fan: "We put an iPad out on the deck so she could watch the Oilers game…she hissed at the Ducks" [Sappy]

Wednesday 10 May 15:20:06 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » The glory of GovCo contracting: Burn an interstate bridge, set a completion date with LOTS of fluff, complete the work waaay ahead of stated date, collect heeewge bonus [PSA]

Wednesday 10 May 15:09:15 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Cops bust giant cock fighting ring. 130 fighting cocks seized. Many cocks had to be euthanized in some sort of cock gas chamber or something. Other cocks survived the ordeal uninjured. Cock. 🐓 [Sad]

Wednesday 10 May 15:07:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Everest climber found hiding in cave to avoid £8k fee [Dumbass]

Wednesday 10 May 14:37:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Utah's liquor laws strike again [Facepalm]

Wednesday 10 May 14:15:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Why would you even start to cheese off a 77-year-old woman with a chain saw who has demonstrated that she is not afraid to use it? [Stupid]

Wednesday 10 May 13:50:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Admit it, you want one [Cool]

Wednesday 10 May 13:36:14 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Arcade group says that ticket and claw games will no longer be "rigged". You can totally trust them this time. Pinky swear [Unlikely]

Wednesday 10 May 13:30:14 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » "Why were you throwing bricks at cars?" "The Lord told me to throw bricks at white men" [Strange]

Wednesday 10 May 13:20:05 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this friendly visitor [Photoshop]

Wednesday 10 May 13:00:01 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Yelling questions at Tom Price (HHS Secretary) – You bet that's an arresting development [Murica]

Wednesday 10 May 12:35:09 UTC 2017

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Weird Universe » Middle Finger Candle

Wednesday 10 May 12:30:58 UTC 2017

You could have one of these burning in your front window to let neighbors/salesmen/people-trying-to~ know how you feel about them.

Available from the Cool Material Shop.

via SylK's Playground [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Frat bros who let their brother die after falling down the stairs are asked what they did before the fall. "Uh. I'd rather confess to the murder" [Followup]

Wednesday 10 May 11:57:48 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » If your spouse's parents' approach to raising your child seems outdated and antiquated, you should get over yourself and just be glad they're helping out [Obvious]

Wednesday 10 May 11:32:51 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Need a cannon to reinforce your home defense systems? Have we got the estate sale for you. Bonus: We got some Cyndi Lauper stuff too [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 11:13:33 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » RIP porn magnate Richard Basciano, who helped make Times Square the fun place it was, before Giuliani and Disney ruined it [Sad]

Wednesday 10 May 10:55:16 UTC 2017

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Weird Universe » Mildred Our Choir Director

Wednesday 10 May 10:39:00 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Wait… I get to smuggle puppies AND I get a speedboat? Why was this never presented as a career option in high school? [Cool]

Wednesday 10 May 10:18:14 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Present-day Goldilocks found sleeping in a bed after breaking into house. No word if she ate porridge and was found by three bears. Also, alcohol was involved [Strange]

Wednesday 10 May 5:41:45 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Primitive humans also had funerary customs, burying their dead with purpose and intent, fear of a zombie uprising [Interesting]

Wednesday 10 May 2:50:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Sam the lost 17ft python has found his way home, presumably with fewer dog and cat companions than his incredible journey started with [Followup]

Wednesday 10 May 2:13:08 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » In an attempt to reclaim his title as oldest person to climb Everest, Nepalese mountaineer claims the new title of oldest person to die at Everest base camp [Sad]

Wednesday 10 May 1:54:40 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » A drone crashing into a bike race is every cyclist's nightmare [Scary]

Wednesday 10 May 1:36:13 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » HOUSE FOR SALE: 2,656 sq ft, 4Br 3Ba, as-is/no warranty. Upstairs apt can't be shown under any circumstances. Occupant has never paid rent and no sec. deposit is being held but there is a lease in place. Great diamond in the rough investment. $

Wednesday 10 May 1:17:45 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » ISIS claiming it beheaded a Russian officer in Syria, a move which will in no way escalate anything, anywhere [Facepalm]

Wednesday 10 May 0:59:17 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » CEO of Australian carrier Qantas takes a pie to the face. Looked like, I say, looked like he was in one of them Boo Cocky contests. Look at me when I'm talkin' at you [Awkward]

Wednesday 10 May 0:40:50 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Friendly deer follow turkey hunters around, lick shotgun barrel [Strange]

Wednesday 10 May 0:22:22 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Handheld screen use by toddlers now linked to speech delays. Parents should become concerned when their child's first words are "Super Mario Brothers" [Scary]

John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons