John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Creator of the indoor mall dies at age 91. Headstone to feature "you are here" map locator of the cemetery [Sad]

Saturday 18 April 23:46:44 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over Liberty Llamas. Freedom Zebras are now all the rage [Silly]

Saturday 18 April 23:31:50 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tenants of a Somerville, New Jersey rooming house are shocked to find that the stench they had been smelling for weeks was in fact a dead body and not just how New Jersey usually smells [Sad]

Saturday 18 April 23:11:15 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The 100-Million-Year-Old Spider Attack Captured in Amber

Saturday 18 April 21:30:00 UTC 2015

This post originally appeared on The History Blog. A hundred million years ago, back in the Early Cretaceous when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, a tiny male parasitic wasp was going about his business when he flew into the web of an orb spider. Stuck in the silken strands of death, the wasp could only stare at his impending doom … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In the entire history of the world, there was only one brief moment, lasting about 70 years, where you could put something under lock and key–a chest, a safe, your home–and have complete, unwavering certainty that no intruder could get to it [Inter

Saturday 18 April 20:47:54 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What parents did to their kids in the '50s and '60s that would be considered horrible now. With some nice slightly faded vintage photos. Subby can remember several more [Amusing]

Saturday 18 April 20:40:46 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [288 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » khaoslife says FML

Saturday 18 April 20:11:30 UTC 2015

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML [Link]

FMyLife » pandapantsMD says FML

Saturday 18 April 20:11:29 UTC 2015

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Challenge: Improve upon this elaborate artsy shot [Photoshop]

Saturday 18 April 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Man gets pulled over after numerous 911 calls about his driving. Fark: With a cage of puppies on top of his van [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 19:34:26 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Despite the fact nobody has ever been executed by using nitrogen gas except in movies, Oklahoma decides to give it the greenlight over the chair [Amusing]

Saturday 18 April 19:06:30 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [186 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Animal rights protesters? In MY circus? Send in the clowns [Amusing]

Saturday 18 April 18:41:44 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police officer will receive counseling after being caught on camera saying what everybody is thinking about bike lanes [Misc]

Saturday 18 April 18:29:08 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ohhhh, ANTI-catcalling? Fark it, I'm goin' anyway [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 17:40:19 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Ohio school has word on girl's T-shirt photoshopped out of class photo. Get your popcorn ready: The word was 'feminist' [Asinine]

Saturday 18 April 17:00:16 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [237 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Tiny Books That Packed a Big Punch

Saturday 18 April 17:00:00 UTC 2015

by Michael Ridgeway At 1,456 pages, War and Peace makes a big impression … and a great doorstop. But books don’t have to weigh a lot to be heavy hitters. Here are seven tiny tomes—all fewer than 100 pages—that sparked revolutions. 1. Common Sense by Thomas Paine (52 pages) In the 1770s, American colonists were riding the fence. Should they … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark ready headline: Increase in demonic possession prompts Vatican to train army of exorcists [Followup]

Saturday 18 April 16:40:02 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [51 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » ThatSlappinBass says FML

Saturday 18 April 16:15:03 UTC 2015

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Keladrylady says FML

Saturday 18 April 16:15:02 UTC 2015

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Demonstrating its commitment to swift and sure justice, the Louisiana Board of Ethics imposes a $3,000 fine on a woman who employed her son for eleven months over eight years ago [Obvious]

Saturday 18 April 16:14:10 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Why Do Humans Have Chins?

Saturday 18 April 16:10:00 UTC 2015

It’s a diagnostic feature for our species, but its origins have been a mystery. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Noted real doctors demand that Columbia University remove noted fake Doctor Oz from their faculty [Obvious]

Saturday 18 April 15:39:48 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pirate Bay co-founder decries "inhumane conditions" in his Swedish prison. Those conditions? Denying him a Nintendo [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 14:37:03 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [233 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Most people cannot really do anything from their hospital beds, this woman is accused of dealing meth from hers [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 14:35:06 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Pick the Final Word in These Song Titles

Saturday 18 April 14:30:00 UTC 2015

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two-thirds of those under 35 say they feel unpopular, unhappy, and wish they had more friends [Sad]

Saturday 18 April 14:29:11 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Texas House approves gutting municipal fracking bans and would give the state the exclusive right to regulate the oil and gas industry, because Texas [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 14:17:15 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Well, Whenever. And Could You Buy Lots of Snacks?

Saturday 18 April 14:06:29 UTC 2015

Working mom to teenage daughter: I am not going to the store this minute to buy you a lava lamp. I’m at work!OhioOverheard by: Jewels [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Exactly Why I Asked

Saturday 18 April 14:06:28 UTC 2015

Passenger: What time does the five o’clock bus leave?Bus driver, sarcastically: I don’t know.Boulder, ColoradoOverheard by: Another bus driver [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Actually She Details Cars, Professionally

Saturday 18 April 14:06:27 UTC 2015

Account manager: So I sent you that new job applicant. Have fun.Recruiter: I just opened it up. Wow, she completely misspelled ‘Delaware State.’Account manager: Oh, it gets worse.Recruiter: ‘Seven years,’ with an ‘-s!’ And she spelled ‘with’ wrong!Account manager: Yep, and she’s a detail-oriented professional.Trolley Square
Wilmington, DelawareOverheard by: Rhymes with Banana [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Ohio Finally Discovers the Village People

Saturday 18 April 14:06:26 UTC 2015

Male salesman: I'll let you wear a sailor suit and steer my boat.Male purchasing agent: I don't want to have any part in your weird fantasies!New Albany, Ohio [Link]

Overheard In The Office » That’s Not Baggage — Those Are Wedding Gifts

Saturday 18 April 14:06:25 UTC 2015

Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks — they have too much baggage.3250 42nd Street
New York, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Who Could Have Guessed “Good Vibrations” Wouldn’t Be the Pinnacle of His Career?

Saturday 18 April 14:06:24 UTC 2015

Newbie: Did you know Matt Goldberg used to be a singer?Employee: Who?Newbie: Mark Goldberg?Employee: You mean Mark Wahlberg?Newbie: Yeah! That’s it!5100 Spectrum Way
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia [Link]

Overheard In The Office » The Point Is, It Would Make Me Happy If You'd Stop Hitting on Me

Saturday 18 April 14:06:20 UTC 2015

Straight guy: And why would I be happy turning gay?Straight girl: Duh!Straight guy #2: “Gay” means “happy!”Straight guy: (silence)Straight guy #2: “Gay” also means “gay.”Straight guy: I fail to see your point.Quorum Drive
Addison, Texas [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bicycling is an excellent way to get Tampa police to notice you, if you're black [Florida]

Saturday 18 April 14:05:00 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Management Tip: Some Meetings Should Be Held Standing Up

Saturday 18 April 13:54:26 UTC 2015

Little boss to big boss who was late meeting his wife for dinner: Shut it down, boss, or I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig!Washington, DC [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother gets her daughter's school to rename their father-daughter dance to Spring Fling because not all children have fathers in their lives. And not surprisingly someone has a problem with this [Florida]

Saturday 18 April 13:40:04 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [237 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Last Reel: A 35mm Movie Theater Goes Digital

Saturday 18 April 13:30:00 UTC 2015

From The New York Times comes The Last Reel: An Ode to 35-Millimeter Film, a short film about the end of…film. In the U.S., about 6% of movie theater screens still project using 35mm film projectors; digital is taking over, and the days of skilled projectionists are ending. In this film, Steven Bognar visits the Little Art Theatre in Ohio … [Link]

Weird Universe » Seaweed Collecting

Saturday 18 April 13:17:08 UTC 2015


Back in the Victorian era, this was apparently a popular hobby. From Collectors Weekly:

Affluent Victorians often spent hours painstakingly collecting, drying, and mounting these underwater plants into decorative scrapbooks… Part of the appeal was what a seaweed collection said about the collector. Anyone could appreciate and collect flowers, but painstakingly obtaining, preserving, and mounting seaweed specimens demonstrated patience, artistic … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is America ready for marijuana moguls who can light their bongs with $100 bills? [Spiffy]

Saturday 18 April 13:08:22 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this man with his princess [Photoshop]

Saturday 18 April 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » The Sound of the Chainsaw Was the Tip-Off

Saturday 18 April 12:52:18 UTC 2015

Coworker #1: I’m really excited about getting my hair cut tonight.Coworker #2: What are you going to have done?Coworker #1: I don’t know. I usually just say, ‘Surprise me.’Coworker #2: Oh. That’s what I said last time…Coworker #1: That was a big mistake for you, wasn’t it?111 South 1st Avenue
Wausau, WisconsinOverheard by: McMathis [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Hitchcock Films That Were Never Made

Saturday 18 April 12:50:00 UTC 2015

Even The Master of Suspense didn't always get his way. [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Prevent Tears While Cutting Onions

Saturday 18 April 12:44:56 UTC 2015

Only two things make everyone tear up: the end of Old Yeller and chopping onions. There’s no cure for the dog movie, but we kitchen-tested 4 tricks for beating onions. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kentucky researcher snaps pic of Bigfoot: "I know the photo might not convince anyone, but if you add the sightings, the tracks I found, the stick structures, and the personal experiences I had while in this area, then it just might" (w/pic)

Saturday 18 April 12:44:29 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man gets worldwide attention after growing 33-pound vegetable, says he now comes home beet, just wants to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed [Strange]

Saturday 18 April 12:31:18 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The Living Theatre, Deceased

Saturday 18 April 12:28:07 UTC 2015

With the death this month of Judith Malina, the world will be forever deprived of "happenings" like the one in the first clip, where, I regret, Ms. Malina does not appear until the final few seconds.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Although the evidence is still spotty, health authorities say Disneyland measles outbreak is over [Followup]

Saturday 18 April 12:19:14 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [5 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Products That Can Only Come From One Place

Saturday 18 April 12:00:00 UTC 2015

Your sparkling wine doesn’t have to come from France to be authentic. Here are six products that can really only be produced in one place on the globe. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cats aren't just for crazy cat ladies. More pet households own cats than other animals, according to the Humane Society. Cats rule households and now they rule the internet. So learn how to speak fluent Cat to make Caturdays more pleasant [Caturd

Saturday 18 April 12:00:00 UTC 2015

Caturday [link] [488 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A former U.S. Navy aircraft carrier that survived a Japanese torpedo strike and was a massive guinea pig for two atomic bomb blasts looks remarkably intact at the bottom of the Pacific [Cool]

Saturday 18 April 11:51:20 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Large and Cold and Benign?

Saturday 18 April 11:49:34 UTC 2015

Worker #1: Did you vote?
Worker #2: I can’t vote.
Worker #1: Why not?
Worker #2: I’m not a citizen.
Worker #1: You’re from here, no?
Worker #2: No, I’m from Canada.
Worker #1: Oh… You don’t look like a Canadian. 45 Rockefeller Center
New York, New York [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In response to an earlier report describing an ISIS camp on the US/Mexico border, the FBI has set up a task force that is meeting to determine their strategy to bag the whistleblower of the story. Sleep well [Strange]

Saturday 18 April 11:06:46 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Locals freak out when National Guard troops march thru Ontario neighborhood on "training exercise." 1812 wasn't THAT long ago, Canucks [Strange]

Saturday 18 April 10:53:53 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Whoa just wait a minute, are you saying that when you helped bring KFC over to Britain the Brits ruined it? No way could the Brits ruin good food [Obvious]

Saturday 18 April 10:27:51 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Addiction In America: 14 Groovy Graphs [Interesting]

Saturday 18 April 9:24:00 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New study says the perfect salary for happiness is $75,000. "More money had no measurable effect on day-to-day contentment" [Interesting]

Saturday 18 April 8:40:00 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [121 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 18 April 8:16:59 UTC 2015

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 18 April 8:16:58 UTC 2015

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When forced to choose between two equally undesirable options, the only thing to do was choose the most ridiculously expensive option [Hero]

Saturday 18 April 6:57:00 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » All Relative

Saturday 18 April 6:09:00 UTC 2015

1. A puzzle from J.A.H. Hunter’s Fun With Figures, 1956: Tom and Tim are brothers; their combined ages make up seventeen years. When Tom was as old as Tim was when Tim was twice as old as Tom was when Tom was fifteen years younger than Tim will be when Tim is twice his present age, Tom was two years … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » U.S. no longer needs the King ♣ to complete the Iraqi straight flush [Followup]

Saturday 18 April 4:29:00 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [83 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » rachlette says FML

Saturday 18 April 3:47:24 UTC 2015

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » The Best Part Is, She Means Martin Luther King Day.

Saturday 18 April 3:22:54 UTC 2015

Loud, annoying girl on phone trying to sound important: No, no, no! We can't do April 22nd, we're closed for black Friday!Manhattan, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Monkeys Use 3-Ring Binders

Saturday 18 April 3:22:53 UTC 2015

Coworker #1: Do you know what sets us apart from all other human species?Coworker #2: Ah… what is that?Coworker #1: Paper clips. See this paper clip in my hand. Monkey's don't have these.Twin Cities, Minnesota [Link]

Overheard In The Office » For Some Reason, This Scene Was Cut from Pretty Woman

Saturday 18 April 3:22:52 UTC 2015

Sad girl, folding t-shirts: And I totally didn't understand why he's like “we need some time apart”. Like, I really thought he was my soulmate. We were the fairytale movie couple, I really loved him… And then he's just like “you call too much. You talk too much. You should stop calling me”.Uninterested male coworker: Uh, well, you said he paid … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 1PM Lunch Happens

Saturday 18 April 3:22:51 UTC 2015

Co-worker on phone: That’s what happens when there are too many chefs and not enough cooks! 465 Main Street
Buffalo, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work

Saturday 18 April 3:22:50 UTC 2015

Manager: Ok. Since it seems like [Dougie] doesn’t want to be a part of the team and show up for meetings, [Steve], from now on, when you send out meeting requests, make sure the invitation is sent to him personally. [Steve]: So basically, I should click a few more times to enable this otherwise unacceptable behavior? Manager: Right. [Steve]: Got … [Link]

Mental Floss » That Time the Government Burned $200 Million of Hawaii’s Cash

Saturday 18 April 3:00:00 UTC 2015

During WWII, the U.S. government was scared that Japan might take all of Hawaii's money. Here's what they did to stop it. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Okay… Well, Parole Denied, Then

Saturday 18 April 1:53:57 UTC 2015

Office grunt: Now, just so you understand — I’m no stranger to drugs.Winchester, VirginiaOverheard by: where’s the good stuff [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hey, Doc, can you help me with my erectile dysfunction? Well, I'm a dentist, but i'll give it a shot [Dumbass]

Saturday 18 April 0:50:04 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Amazing Facts About Komodo Dragons

Saturday 18 April 0:43:01 UTC 2015

Apart from being earth’s heaviest lizard, behavior like man-eating and grave-robbing are the Komodo dragon’s biggest claims to fame. But did you know that these guys are also surprisingly intelligent—even playful—creatures gifted at both long-distance swims and virgin births? Read on to learn more. 1. They’re Also Called Oras. Western scientists didn't find out about the giant reptiles until 1912, … [Link]

Weird Universe » Pee .. Beer .. Recycle

Saturday 18 April 0:20:31 UTC 2015

A company is now making Beer from urine and other sewage waste water. I think this would be good for the space station as they do something similar but only get back the water.

http://metro.co.uk/2015/04/17/brewi~ [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The glass around the zoo's gorilla enclosure is as strong as a gorilla. Almost [Scary]

Saturday 18 April 0:08:54 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » To honor the new "meme law", Photoshop a Russian public figure that in no way harms their "honor, dignity and business" [Photoshop]

Saturday 18 April 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [42 comments] [Link]

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