John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 51: Poet Doppelgängers

Sunday 29 March 23:52:00 UTC 2015


In this week’s episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll look at the strange phenomenon of poet doppelgängers — at least five notable poets have been seen by witnesses when their physical bodies were elsewhere. We’ll also share our readers’ research on Cervino, the Matterhorn-climbing pussycat, and puzzle over why a man traveling internationally would not be asked for his … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 29 March 23:40:56 UTC 2015

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML [Link]

FMyLife » shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa says FML

Sunday 29 March 23:03:24 UTC 2015

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Singing “Big Saviors Don't Cry”

Sunday 29 March 23:03:13 UTC 2015

Hipster teen on phone: Oh, that was awesome! Like a combination of Fergie and Jesus!Barnes & Noble
Greenfield, WisconsinOverheard by: darkhorse [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 29 March 22:33:51 UTC 2015

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "But this is taking the Mickey and we want the top of our mountain back.'' [Stupid]

Sunday 29 March 22:17:19 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » If At First You Don’t Succeed, Lower Your Standards

Sunday 29 March 22:02:28 UTC 2015

Drunk chick: Hey, bartender! Did anyone ever tell you you look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?Bartender: No. What’s Gilmore Girls?Drunk chick: It’s a show on TV. You should look it up. [To guy standing next to her] Hey, you look like this guy in this porn I have!Dickson Street
Fayetteville, ArkansasOverheard by: laughing into my beer [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 5000 year old beer making equipment discovered in Israel, Letting us know which brew Israeli Hipsters will be obnoxious about next year [Cool]

Sunday 29 March 21:22:37 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you were told there was to be no math, obviously you weren't taught correctly [Spiffy]

Sunday 29 March 21:06:33 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hipsters flock to Facebook, Instagram to mourn replacement of worn but iconic PDX airport carpet, celebrate its starring role as grand marshal in Starlight Parade this May [Weird]

Sunday 29 March 20:08:59 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Challenge: Remodel this storefront to guarantee plenty of customers [Photoshop]

Sunday 29 March 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's a time and a place to take selfies, the NYC East Village gas-explosion site is not one of them [Dumbass]

Sunday 29 March 19:41:51 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Other police departments need to up their web game because Cookeville ain't playin [Cool]

Sunday 29 March 19:24:56 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [104 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » M.SHUKRI says FML

Sunday 29 March 18:59:44 UTC 2015

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML [Link]

FMyLife » ToiletRoll says FML

Sunday 29 March 18:59:43 UTC 2015

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Haggis300 says FML

Sunday 29 March 18:59:40 UTC 2015

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML [Link]

GraphJam » Malignant? Moronic? Mediocre?

Sunday 29 March 17:30:00 UTC 2015

Bar Graph,mtv,Music,television Graph by: Ninja_Beefcake Tagged: Bar Graph , mtv , Music , television Share on Facebook [Link]

FMyLife » ihatecoldfeet says FML

Sunday 29 March 17:24:15 UTC 2015

Today, a calf kicked a needle straight into my arm hard enough to make me stab myself. The good news is I'm now fully vaccinated for cow diseases. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you've ever wanted to lie down and curl up next to a sandwich, now's your chance with this fancy burrito body pillow [Spiffy]

Sunday 29 March 16:48:41 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [45 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Is This Even a Question?

Sunday 29 March 16:30:00 UTC 2015

cheese,delicious,flow chart,food,redundant,think again,toppings Graph by: Unknown Tagged: cheese , delicious , flow chart , food , redundant , think again , toppings Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » 20 Things You Might Not Know About ‘The Care Bears Movie’

Sunday 29 March 16:30:00 UTC 2015

As one of the 1980s' most beloved animated properties turns 30, we round up some little-known trivia. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Asked why she had shown the police officer her marijuana stash and asked if she could smoke a joint, the woman explained: 'It's just weed and I thought he might be cool with it"" [Florida]

Sunday 29 March 16:23:42 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There can be only … four? [Strange]

Sunday 29 March 16:11:49 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Antidepressants were found at home of Germanwings co-pilot, which, in light of recent events, didn't really live up to their name very well [Followup]

Sunday 29 March 15:41:58 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [193 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Relax everyone, ISIS has not invaded Luke Skywalker's moisture farm homestead [Followup]

Sunday 29 March 15:29:32 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [46 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Kryometric says FML

Sunday 29 March 15:08:34 UTC 2015

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What makes the cut as a 'smart snack' in schools? The answer may surprise you…or since you're reading this on Fark, probably not [Fail]

Sunday 29 March 14:38:17 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photos of dogs enjoying a windy day. It's not news, it's bark [Amusing]

Sunday 29 March 14:05:50 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stray dogs turn up at funeral of woman who fed them [Sad]

Sunday 29 March 13:45:39 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » After the Kodak Moment

Sunday 29 March 13:30:00 UTC 2015

What's being made on the Kodak campus these days? Lots of stuff, including jars of pasta sauce. [Link]

GraphJam » Poor Man's Timer

Sunday 29 March 13:30:00 UTC 2015

alarm,cooking,fire,Pie Chart,smoke,timer Graph by: Åsum Tagged: alarm , cooking , fire , Pie Chart , smoke , timer Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After one final gig at a local race track, the Drama Llamas have officially retired from all public appearances [Followup]

Sunday 29 March 13:24:38 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [30 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Pukey says FML

Sunday 29 March 13:08:35 UTC 2015

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 29 March 13:08:34 UTC 2015

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this relaxed beachgoer [Photoshop]

Sunday 29 March 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Pranks [CSB]

Sunday 29 March 13:00:00 UTC 2015

CSB [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Not so long ago, Rainbow Court mobile home park was a peaceful, pleasant community of senior citizens. Today it is a Mad Max, dystopian landscape of broken and abandoned trailers" [Florida]

Sunday 29 March 12:45:04 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: The Walk of Your Life

Sunday 29 March 12:30:00 UTC 2015

El Caminito del Rey, the "world's most dangerous path," has been reconstructed and is once more open for thrill-seeking tourists to walk, with their hearts in their mouths and (hopefully) their feet steady beneath them. * A photographer's recently publicized trove of candid celebrity photographs from the '90s serves up some serious throwbacks to the days before Michael Caine went … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Venezuelan model wears waist-shrinking device 23 hours a day. Of corset hurts [Strange]

Sunday 29 March 12:25:54 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Lady is a tramp

Sunday 29 March 12:10:50 UTC 2015

Lady is a tramp from Dvein on Vimeo. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here is all the information you will need to know about Palm Sunday, in case you were wondering what it is [Interesting]

Sunday 29 March 12:05:26 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Snake Woman

Sunday 29 March 11:57:25 UTC 2015

[Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Things You Didn't Know You Needed to Measure

Sunday 29 March 11:30:00 UTC 2015

A simple measurement—made even easier by photo measuring technology—will save you wasted time, energy, and effort in the following scenarios. It never hurts to arm yourself with as much information as possible, especially now that innovative technology has put accurate, easy measurements at your fingertips. 1. Doorframes and Hallways in Your New Apartment Building Even if you don’t live in … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Anti-Muslim protest in Montreal canceled due to the strength of counter-protest. "They spread hate and fear, and there's nothing to be afraid of. All we want is peace" [Hero]

Sunday 29 March 7:15:14 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [441 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Paradox of Goals

Sunday 29 March 6:04:26 UTC 2015

Image: Wikimedia Commons Suppose that two teams of equal ability are playing football. If goals are scored at regular intervals, it seems natural to expect that each team will be in the lead for half the playing time. Surprisingly, this isn’t so: If a total of n = 20 goals are scored, then the probability that Team A leads after the … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 29 March 5:51:54 UTC 2015

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 29 March 5:51:53 UTC 2015

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Air Canada flight with 138 passengers crash lands through power lines. Only minor injuries reported while plane is destroyed [News]

Sunday 29 March 4:59:31 UTC 2015

News [link] [221 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » That's Like Going Without Water!

Sunday 29 March 4:28:12 UTC 2015

Coworker to another, whispering during staff meeting: And no sex… Not even anal… (room goes dead silent)Las Vegas, Nevada [Link]

Overheard In The Office » We'll Come to Work by the Other One

Sunday 29 March 4:28:06 UTC 2015

Office lady #1: What time does your computer say?Office lady #2: 3:27. Yours?Office lady #1: 3:32.Office lady #2: Let's follow that one.Bayonne, New Jersey [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Never Again, Believe Me

Sunday 29 March 4:28:05 UTC 2015

Preteen boy: Will this band-aid be a problem for the x-ray?Medical assistant: Oh, no… What happened to the back of your heel?Boy: You know when you wear shoes and the high heels rub?Medical assistant: You wear high heels?Podiatrist's Office
Lawrence, KansasOverheard by: Yoshi [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Frat boy pulls an Ozzy Osbourne, with a hamster. At least he didn't pull a Richard Gere [Stupid]

Sunday 29 March 3:21:28 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work

Sunday 29 March 2:57:54 UTC 2015

Male co-worker : Is that Elaine* I hear? Does she want to see my tool?
Pause
Boss: Would you like to re-phrase that? 3001 8th Avenue
Evans Colorado [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Let Me Guess–White Castle?

Sunday 29 March 1:51:33 UTC 2015

Girl #1: Did somebody fart?Girl #2: What?Girl #1: Oh wait, never mind, that's just somebody's food.New York City, New York [Link]

Mental Floss » Q

Sunday 29 March 1:30:00 UTC 2015

Roel Reiné found his calling early: When he saw Blade Runner at just 11 years old, he instantly knew that he wanted to be a filmmaker. After honing his craft in his native Netherlands, he made the jump to Los Angeles, helming direct-to-DVD movies like Death Race Inferno, The Marine, and The Man With the Iron Fists 2, among others. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police helicopter used in pursuit of wine drinking bicyclist [Stupid]

Sunday 29 March 1:11:46 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » It the Future, You'll Be Able to Just Click a Box on the Internet

Sunday 29 March 0:45:58 UTC 2015

Girl applying for marriage license, to fiance: You sure you want to do this?Fiance to girl: Who else am I gonna marry?Girl to clerk: Is this the same place you come for divorce too?Clerk of Court Office
Titusville, FloridaOverheard by: Tricia [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ozzy Osbourne's daughter is about to hit it big time. No, not Kelly. The unknown one that nobody talks about [Interesting]

Sunday 29 March 0:43:49 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers use GPS collars to track wild pandas. Turns out each panda really eats shoots and leaves [Spiffy]

Sunday 29 March 0:30:28 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Springtime in Edinburgh, where the "bloomin' potholes" are actually in bloom [Amusing]

Sunday 29 March 0:02:58 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop theme: Create an ad for a product no one wants [Photoshop]

Sunday 29 March 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [32 comments] [Link]

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