John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » I-Mockery's annual Valentine's Day card collection. The perfect gift for that special someone you love to hate [Amusing]

Saturday 14 February 23:57:39 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The only clue police have as to the identity of the armed robber who absconded with cash from a Subway restaurant last night was the man's unique shoes" [Florida]

Saturday 14 February 23:15:36 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [61 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » DumbFace714 says FML

Saturday 14 February 22:20:41 UTC 2015

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 14 February 22:20:40 UTC 2015

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Celebrating YouTube’s 10-Year Anniversary With The Most Popular Video From Each Year

Saturday 14 February 22:00:00 UTC 2015

On an otherwise regular Monday in February 2005, video file sharing website YouTube was launched. At the time, founders Chad Hurley, Steve Chen, and Jawed Karim just wanted to find an easier way to share videos between them and their friends, but YouTube has turned into arguably the most popular video sharing site on the Internet. In honor of its … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Washington Post romanticizes about Valentine's Day at the White House, featuring the JFK-Jackie Camelot marriage. Wholly accurate except for his affairs with Exner, Monroe, Alford, Dietrich, Dickinson, Rometsch, Meyer, Starr, Tierney, Von Post et

Saturday 14 February 21:09:39 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this tickler [Photoshop]

Saturday 14 February 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » BuzzFeed sends reporter to eastern Ukraine to see what the awful Russians are up to, and discovers the people want nothing to do with Ukraine. Awkward [Interesting]

Saturday 14 February 20:39:53 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [222 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman drives car off bridge. Car falls 60 ft and lands upright. Woman and her passenger are taken to hospital with minor injuries. TADA. With helpful picture of what a car may look like after falling 60 feet. Bonus: Hackensack [Interesting]

Saturday 14 February 19:49:46 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do the world's most romantic cities live up to the hype? Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Yes, yes, oh, oh, yes [Spiffy]

Saturday 14 February 19:28:09 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman gave two men she was drinking beer with money to buy more beer. They returned with the beer, argued, and the men returned to their tent with the beer. Hours later, they woke up to find their tent on fire [Florida]

Saturday 14 February 19:10:13 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Great Love Stories That Weren't All That Great

Saturday 14 February 19:00:00 UTC 2015

Valentine’s Day annoys a lot of people. So here’s a reminder that some relationships that are considered the greatest love stories of all time were pretty messed up. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Shots fired at Copenhagen free speech event hosting cartoonist who drew Mohammed [News]

Saturday 14 February 18:48:49 UTC 2015

News [link] [366 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian company offering tourists four-day, no insurance on earth will cover you guided-tank tours of Ukraine for just $3,000 (pics) [Spiffy]

Saturday 14 February 18:42:54 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "One way to convince advanced aliens that we are an intelligent species would be to teach them the rules of cricket, according to a leading scientist" [Unlikely]

Saturday 14 February 18:40:44 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Five officers respond to report of naked woman rolling around in snow [Obvious]

Saturday 14 February 18:16:04 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Legal: Putting "Jesus is my co-pilot" bumper sticker on your car. Illegal: Writing "Jesus is my co-pilot" in your driving logs [Dumbass]

Saturday 14 February 17:47:59 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The complete guide to choosing a yacht. Says one expert: "I don't like to overwhelm people with massive yachts right out of the box." Of course [PSA]

Saturday 14 February 15:29:03 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [145 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boise, ID mayor's search for new ombudsman comes up empty-handed again, even after dozens of heavily armed police lay siege to candidate's home (w/pic of job search) [Amusing]

Saturday 14 February 15:26:59 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Wasn't That the Title Of a Filmstrip in Health Class?

Saturday 14 February 15:23:27 UTC 2015

Law firm partner: How much does it cost to raise a cock?Cherry Hill, New Jersey [Link]

Overheard In The Office » At the Bad Pick-Up Line Quarterfinals

Saturday 14 February 15:23:25 UTC 2015

Client: There are a lot of things you can eat that aren’t food.Photo studio
Culver City, California [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Presenting, the World's Smelliest Lock-Box

Saturday 14 February 15:23:24 UTC 2015

HR clerk to room full of tech guys: Hey guys, the men's restroom is going to be closed for a while. The plumber is here. Senior tech guy: Okay. Our loads are secure.Pearl, MississippiOverheard by: Brain Dancing [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 1PM Design Meeting

Saturday 14 February 15:23:23 UTC 2015

Designer to photo researcher: Try to find a nice child abuse shot. 10801 N. MoPac Expressway
Austin, Texas Overheard by: always listening [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Or Defrost a Poodle

Saturday 14 February 15:23:19 UTC 2015

Coworker: Oooh, look at that microwave. It’s all ’50s and industrial and stuff.Boss: Yeah, look how big it is. You could cook a whole baby in there!Atlanta, GeorgiaOverheard by: Glad I’m not her baby [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 5PM That’s a Wrap

Saturday 14 February 15:23:18 UTC 2015

Associate #1: Well, you look nice today.
Associate #2: Stop being mean to me! 11755 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California Overheard by: AJ Feuerman [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police foil plot to kill people at mall. Like, omigawd [Scary]

Saturday 14 February 15:14:21 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boy anonymously sends valentines to every girl in school. Officials attempting to ascertain his identity so they can suspend him for sexual harassment [Sappy]

Saturday 14 February 15:07:56 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Facts About American Singles

Saturday 14 February 15:00:00 UTC 2015

Graphic by Chloe Effron [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Stolen' credit card used on three dating websites. Why didn't I think of that? [Unlikely]

Saturday 14 February 14:42:49 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [17 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Name On Valentine Misspelled

Saturday 14 February 14:30:00 UTC 2015

Name On Valentine Misspelled
[Link]

Overheard In The Office » Most Of What the Computer Does Is Your Fault, Pal

Saturday 14 February 14:26:01 UTC 2015

Male coworker: They stole my icons!IT guy: How can someone steal something inside of your computer?Male coworker: They're not where I left them!Ft. Lauderdale, Florida [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 14 February 14:14:24 UTC 2015

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML [Link]

FMyLife » jostertoaster12 says FML

Saturday 14 February 14:14:23 UTC 2015

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this intimidation [Photoshop]

Saturday 14 February 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Abnormals Anonymous

Saturday 14 February 13:49:46 UTC 2015

This 1964 novel by Stella Gray seems appropriate for WU.

[Link]

Overheard In The Office » Like Glinda, the Good Witch Of the North

Saturday 14 February 13:22:54 UTC 2015

Frustrated coworker: No! I didn't see the website error! I've been in a bubble! I've literally been in a bubble!Needham, MassachusettsOverheard by: it was a big bubble… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Put your white gloves and muskets away, Idaho has finally outlawed dueling [Strange]

Saturday 14 February 13:15:28 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Olaf the cat who was found stuck to the side of a building in the snow has been rescued and is ready to find a new home. That being said he has no interest in watching Frozen with you this Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 14 February 13:00:00 UTC 2015

Caturday [link] [694 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 70 Years Ago Today, Kurt Vonnegut Was in Slaughterhouse-Five

Saturday 14 February 13:00:00 UTC 2015

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt." [Link]

Overheard In The Office » We Were Perfectly Dysfunctional before You Butted In. Who Even Asked You?

Saturday 14 February 12:15:22 UTC 2015

Recruiter #1: The fax wouldn’t go through. I don’t understand it.Recruiter #2: You left a staple in it.Recruiter #1: So?Admin: I think you’re setting yourself up to fail.330 Madison Avenue
New York, New York [Link]

Weird Universe » Kusama: Princess of Polka Dots

Saturday 14 February 11:47:46 UTC 2015

Creator of the "penis chair," among other objects of art.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can a computer change the essence of who you are? [Unlikely]

Saturday 14 February 10:11:00 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Virginia woman who hates vegetables and drinks Pepsi every day celebrates her 106th birthday. Doesn't look a day over 102 [Spiffy]

Saturday 14 February 8:50:00 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman with artificial vagina made from pig intestine says now she's ready to pork [Spiffy]

Saturday 14 February 8:38:00 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [101 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonynonynon says FML

Saturday 14 February 7:52:12 UTC 2015

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Innocence says FML

Saturday 14 February 7:52:11 UTC 2015

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Of all the things you can use to hide your face while robbing a Mini-Mart, camouflage boxer-brief underwear probably isn't the best choice [Stupid]

Saturday 14 February 6:11:00 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Red and Black

Saturday 14 February 6:05:38 UTC 2015

I propose a card game. I’ll shuffle an ordinary deck of cards and turn up the cards in pairs. If both cards in a given pair are black, I’ll give them to you. If both are red, I’ll take them. And if one is black and one red, then we’ll put them aside, belonging to no one. You pay a … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's Friday the 13th, so what better day to read about a Camp Crystal Lake young adult novel in which an electric fence kills more people than Jason Voorhees [Amusing]

Saturday 14 February 5:04:38 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [30 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 14 February 4:54:42 UTC 2015

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And They Remind Me Too Much of My Baby-Carrot Member

Saturday 14 February 4:26:36 UTC 2015

Man, referring to golf pencils provided: Can I borrow something to write with? I can't use those small pencils. I'm a VIP!Virginia Beach, Virginia [Link]

Overheard In The Office » That's What You Said About David Hasselhoff!

Saturday 14 February 4:26:34 UTC 2015

Admin to another: Zombies would never happen, god wouldn't allow it.Schaumburg, Illinois [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Or a Q as in Cuba?

Saturday 14 February 4:26:27 UTC 2015

Phone rep: Can I get your name?Customer: [Mumbles.]Phone rep: I don’t think I got that. Did that start with a ‘K’… as in ‘cat’?Austin, Texas [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Some People Are Way Too Enthusiastic About Spam

Saturday 14 February 4:12:43 UTC 2015

Woman in next cube: It was used, too, which is kind of gross. But it works! It gets in those little cracks!Malvern, PennsylvaniaOverheard by: Don'tWannaKnow [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Historical auction sells sentimental favorites like Hitler's watercolor and General Patton's morgue toe tag [Weird]

Saturday 14 February 3:39:42 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Just Want Permission, I Don’t Care Whose

Saturday 14 February 3:09:12 UTC 2015

Blonde on cell: Yeah, well, I didn’t think I could either ’cause I was on those antibiotics, but he said I could, so that’s cool.Elevator, large insurance company
Bloomington, IllinoisOverheard by: even that was too much information for me [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida International University found a way to make HBOGO more expensive than your Time Warner Cable subscription [Misc]

Saturday 14 February 2:34:50 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Isn’t That a Stapler in Your Pocket?

Saturday 14 February 2:05:02 UTC 2015

Manager: Did you give up anything for lent?Underling: Yeah. Stealing office supplies from your company. It may not be much, but I think it’s pretty good considering I’m not even Catholic.Meacham Boulevard
Haltom, Texas [Link]

Mental Floss » Here Lies Ethan Allen … Or Not

Saturday 14 February 2:00:00 UTC 2015

Flickr User Don Shall // CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 Ethan Allen: Revolutionary War hero; founder of the state of Vermont; namesake of an overpriced furniture store. Yes, he did a lot for our country, and after his death in 1789, his family and the state wanted to make sure that his grave was worthy of him and easily identified by any … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Romantic man proposes to his girlfriend with the help of her favorite animal, an elephant. He must be a keeper [Sappy]

Saturday 14 February 1:30:42 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [37 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 14 February 1:06:37 UTC 2015

Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics and video games from my roommates and me, just so he could pawn them off and buy himself a new car stereo. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this flying whatever [Photoshop]

Saturday 14 February 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Congress Should Make Hashtags a Controlled Drug

Saturday 14 February 0:58:30 UTC 2015

Reporter: Dude, her tweets were all over my site. And they weren't even relevant!Palo Alto, California [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "What if there were topless ladies screaming from the public gallery throwing bottles of mayonnaise?" [Strange]

Saturday 14 February 0:46:53 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Icebreaker heads down south because a bunch of fishermen don't like being crammed in a metal can on a shelf [Obvious]

Saturday 14 February 0:44:09 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [34 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » cyprianista says FML

Saturday 14 February 0:43:12 UTC 2015

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For birthday celebration, parent of six-year-old enters Chuck E. Cheese's "at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning, surrounded by enough flashing lights to fill a Tokyo porn district," survives to tell the tale [Scary]

Saturday 14 February 0:16:45 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man shot in Butte treated for a gunshot wound to his arm [Strange]

Saturday 14 February 0:13:39 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » US eases restrictions on many Cuban goods… but not cigars, guns, classic cars, or anything remotely resembling fun [Fail]

Saturday 14 February 0:07:29 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Bumpy Facts About Ceratosaurus

Saturday 14 February 0:00:00 UTC 2015

Like a ’56 T-Bird parked in a lot full of hybrids, Ceratosaurus shared its range with several less-archaic carnivores. This primitive predator really stands out in films and in museums, which helps explain the odd dino’s enduring popularity. [Link]

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