John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Canada banning Citronella based insect repellants because it killed some lab rats when they drank it. DEET on the rocks still an acceptable, and might I add delicious, summer beverage. BOTTOMS UP… *twitch* [Stupid]

Sunday 31 August 23:45:42 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sandy girl died doing what she loved [Sad]

Sunday 31 August 23:41:50 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (August 31, 2014)

Sunday 31 August 23:40:15 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M386, August 31, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

All War Is Weird, But This ISIS War–: As summed up by a Vox.com writer: “The absurdity runs deep.” America uses American military equipment to bomb American military equipment that ISIS captured (captured from inept Iraqi soldiers, inept in part since America … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » More free cash handouts for cash strapped and unemployed Rhode Islanders [Fail]

Sunday 31 August 23:25:18 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hong Kong is totally a democracy, but the People's Republic of China wants you to remember that they pick the candidates. Now go vote [Obvious]

Sunday 31 August 23:18:04 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: 5-year-old girl is sent home from school. News: With severe bruising and swelling on her face that she said was caused by other kindergarteners beating her up. Fark: The school denies it and won't investigate (with horrifying injury pic

Sunday 31 August 22:17:56 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [189 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » SunshineSquared says FML

Sunday 31 August 22:09:41 UTC 2014

Today, I felt so overwhelmed by all the kids in my house that I sat in the bathroom alone for a while to get some peace. I sat on the toilet for so long that I started to pee, realizing too late that the seat was down, and that I was also quite overdressed for the occasion. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 August 22:09:40 UTC 2014

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML [Link]

FMyLife » anon says FML

Sunday 31 August 22:09:39 UTC 2014

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » City council of Council Bluffs, Iowa excited to be "one step closer" to getting a big Dick's [Silly]

Sunday 31 August 21:41:33 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The racism of modern medicine [Scary]

Sunday 31 August 21:31:34 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: How To Eat Sushi

Sunday 31 August 21:30:00 UTC 2014

Japanese chef Naomichi Yasuda is a man who knows his sushi, and he’s the perfect guide to teach the nuances of correct sushi-eating etiquette. * The most meta Wikipedia page is "a list of articles comprising a list of things that are themselves lists of things, such as the lists of lists listed below." * If a Double Stuf Oreo … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Putin demands substantive, meaningful talks in order to give southeastern Ukraine statehood. The Ukraine? The Ukraine is weak. UKRAINE IS GAME TO YOU? [Followup]

Sunday 31 August 21:15:21 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » California men fighting federal government over ownership of a rare aluminum penny issued in 1974 by the US Mint; the penny is valued at $250,000 [Interesting]

Sunday 31 August 21:08:31 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Video footage shows beautiful wedding aboard a Nile felucca in what is the first documented gay marriage in Egypt. Other than the guy who supports gay rights but suggests killing them, local social media seems supportive [Cool]

Sunday 31 August 20:49:08 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scholars don't think there was a real life Jesus Christ. Well God damn [Followup]

Sunday 31 August 20:38:29 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [352 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The most powerful distributor of news in the world is not News Corp or the New York Times. It is an algorithm governing how items are displayed to the billion active users on Facebook.' Well, and Fark.com [Obvious]

Sunday 31 August 20:18:56 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this man out of the blue [Photoshop]

Sunday 31 August 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Read a Previously Unpublished Chapter of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'

Sunday 31 August 19:41:28 UTC 2014

Roald Dahl's beloved book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, celebrates its 50th birthday this year—and yesterday, The Guardian has posted a fun treat for its fans: a previously unpublished chapter from an early draft of the book. "The Vanilla Fudge Room" was discovered among Dahl's papers after he died; according to The Guardian, it was "deemed too wild, subversive and … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're not going to believe this, but when you allow child care providers to self-certify, lots of kids end up dead [Obvious]

Sunday 31 August 19:00:12 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bandit fails to get any money in two attempted robberies. Smokey still promises to catch that sumbiatch [Fail]

Sunday 31 August 18:38:05 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » President Obama takes a few hours away from his busy schedule golfing and destroying America to attend the wedding of his personal chef, which is expected to cost taxpayers billions [Obvious]

Sunday 31 August 18:02:42 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [152 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Amelia Earhart

Sunday 31 August 18:00:07 UTC 2014

It’s been nearly 80 years since Amelia Earhart and her Lockheed Electra disappeared from the face of the earth in 1937, but she remains one of America’s favorite missing persons. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Disney knows that ice cream cones melt. So what about bacon macaroni and cheese cones? [Spiffy]

Sunday 31 August 17:51:25 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When does a $5 toll cost $30? When you drive a rental car [Florida]

Sunday 31 August 17:46:24 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Farker is getting a new male pug puppy today. Help me pick a name. Food related are best (my other pugs are Twinkie and Egg Roll) all are welcome [Survey]

Sunday 31 August 17:46:23 UTC 2014

Survey [link] [241 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 10 American children try Vegemite for the first time, immediately swear to exact revenge upon Australia [Amusing]

Sunday 31 August 17:41:07 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 52-year-old New Jersey man is suing Grindr after being arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old boy he met using the app. Claims it was Grindr's responsibility to verify the boy's age considering you have to be 18 to use the app [Unlikely

Sunday 31 August 17:26:03 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The violence of summer continues unabated in Chiraq, with twenty wounded in shootings and two dead from gunshots. Clearly, the only solution is even tougher gun control laws–and bigger prison sentences [Followup]

Sunday 31 August 17:19:32 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » An abortion provider speaks out about the stigma of her job, the constant fear of violent protestors, and what it was like "coming out" and admitting her profession [Hero]

Sunday 31 August 17:12:21 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The US is helping the Kurds fight against Islamic extremists. Good. But a few years back we were helping Turkey kill Kurdish rebels. Good. Turkey is a trusted friend. Maybe. Welcome to the twisted world of foreign policy [Asinine]

Sunday 31 August 17:10:28 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: cops accused of racism. Fark: in Indonesia, for getting KFC for two American idiots accused of murder when said idiots complained about regular food [Dumbass]

Sunday 31 August 17:00:30 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [48 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » motherslove says FML

Sunday 31 August 16:52:44 UTC 2014

Today, my son ran up to me holding out his hand and crying about an "owie". I quickly kissed it better to get him to calm down before I checked it out. I didn't have to look to figure out that he wasn't crying over being hurt, he was upset over the large amount of poop on his hands. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman survives camel tow accident [Strange]

Sunday 31 August 16:45:49 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's your map of Boston color coded to show best scavenging opportunities on student moving day [PSA]

Sunday 31 August 15:39:54 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Harry Houdini: Escape artist, magician, and secret spy for the British Secret Service [Cool]

Sunday 31 August 15:36:11 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rescued dog in Hiroshima becomes rescue dog in Hiroshima. "An dog abandoned by people is now rescuing them. It is a proof that Yumenosuke deserves to live" [Cool]

Sunday 31 August 15:34:44 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sorry, ma'am, I just happened to drop these shoes right under your skirt. Don't mind me picking them up with my camera running [Sick]

Sunday 31 August 15:23:27 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 33-year-old slice of Princess Diana's wedding cake auctioned to highest bidder Jacopo Peterman [Strange]

Sunday 31 August 15:04:17 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cab company Uber must be stopped by any means necessary. It is the true embodiment of unrestrained hypercapitalism. And together, we can destroy it [PSA]

Sunday 31 August 14:58:18 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [161 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Utah teacher has four sets of twins in class, is still working on labellng the evil ones [Interesting]

Sunday 31 August 14:19:56 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Music Boxes Work

Sunday 31 August 14:18:58 UTC 2014

Here's a brief explanation of the science, history, and mechanics involved in a music box. While some of this seems obvious to those of us who took apart music boxes as kids (ahem), there's a whole segment at the end of this video about a historical music box using large LP-style platters called a Polyphon. It's beautiful, educational, and fun. … [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #228

Sunday 31 August 14:13:24 UTC 2014

The cliche is: Swedes know everything about coffee–and sex. So that household should be a happy one, with busybody Mrs. Olson supervising the kitchen and, offstage, the bedroom. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Subby's voices tell him to drink beer with his cat and that Drew Curtis is around every corner wanting to borrow five dollars [Interesting]

Sunday 31 August 14:08:06 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is there anything sexier than a woman frolicking in the water wearing a tight facekini? [Weird]

Sunday 31 August 13:54:10 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [4 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The crisp air of the oncoming Autumn in Vermont brings the DUI, Attempted Burglary, Theft of a School Bus, Possession of Narcotics and other charges [Dumbass]

Sunday 31 August 13:54:04 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [8 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 August 13:29:47 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge warns attorney to never dress like a Harry Potter character again, says he is the only person allowed to wear an absurd robe and wig in his courtroom [Silly]

Sunday 31 August 13:20:59 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this worker beaming with pride on a box well carried [Photoshop]

Sunday 31 August 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Potato Peeler

Sunday 31 August 12:48:23 UTC 2014

I'll give the makers of this video credit for trying really hard to make an industrial potato peeler seem exciting. But in the end, it's just a potato peeler. Wait for the epic zoom-in at around 1:10.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Last surviving Hindenburg crew member dies at 92. He was able to jump out of a cloth supply hatch onto the ground below. The Knot seams saved him [Unlikely]

Sunday 31 August 12:43:09 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Man has a heart attack on a Southwest Airlines flight. News: The flight attendant refused to use a defibrillator on him. Fark: When asked why the attendant wouldn't use the defibrillator on the man she said 'Because his chest is too

Sunday 31 August 12:16:04 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nothing like those dog days of summer, high on meth, burglarizing a home and cooling down by splashing toilet water on your face. (With mugshot goodness) [Amusing]

Sunday 31 August 12:01:26 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A question only one state can answer: If you drink more after a crash, can you avoid a DUI? [Florida]

Sunday 31 August 10:46:08 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A bright, vivid pink gun gets a known gang leader a lengthy federal prison sentence [Dumbass]

Sunday 31 August 8:34:41 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stunning satellite images show the Arctic ice cap is growing, and Al Gore is actually living as a snow-encrusted man in his vast private ice kingdom, with his own freeze-ray and a diet of nothing but polar bear meat and icicles [Unlikely]

Sunday 31 August 7:58:36 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [161 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 93 year-old woman is preparing to skydive for the first time, because "she has nothing to lose" [Hero]

Sunday 31 August 7:43:28 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Porn, drugs, prostitution, and cosmetic surgery is rampant in A) Hollywood B) Las Vegas C) Iran [Strange]

Sunday 31 August 7:33:53 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Paul McCartney tells Scotland "You can't do that" in terms of voting for their independence from Britain [Silly]

Sunday 31 August 6:35:21 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Flash mob overtakes mall with a performance dedicated to one of the most boring books in history, which details the exhaustive life of a French terrorist and thief who absconds with a loaf of bread, tormenting the heroic cop who chases him [Florida]

Sunday 31 August 6:27:45 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Sunday 31 August 6:20:21 UTC 2014

haliography
n. a description of the sea Charles Dickens’ 1850 novel David Copperfield climaxes with a dramatic tempest at Yarmouth: The tremendous sea itself, when I could find sufficient pause to look at it, in the agitation of the blinding wind, the flying stones and sand, and the awful noise, confounded me. As the high watery walls came rolling in, … [Link]

Weird Universe » Kids These Days

Sunday 31 August 5:30:40 UTC 2014


A ten year old boy who was upset by all the noise being made by a man working on the side of the apartment building decided to do something about it. The kid wanted quiet so he could hear his cartoon. To that end he cut the rope the worker was hanging from, 80 feet up the side of the … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 August 4:21:40 UTC 2014

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over, thyroid problem. There's a new excuse for being fat [Interesting]

Sunday 31 August 4:07:34 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thank you for choosing Disneyland Paris, your stay will cost $7500. Oh, you need a fridge to store your terminally ill child's medicine? That will be $56,000. Wait, you contacted the press? The fridge will be free [Asinine]

Sunday 31 August 3:01:45 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Missing Plane News Network loses another cabin crew member [Sad]

Sunday 31 August 2:49:30 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dog turns on stove, sets laptop on fire — according to cat [Scary]

Sunday 31 August 1:52:13 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [35 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » liilii says FML

Sunday 31 August 1:10:00 UTC 2014

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til you take a $200,000 Lamborghini for a test drive [Scary]

Sunday 31 August 0:50:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Neighbor secretly takes pictures of firefighters doing something other than their jobs, shares it on Facebook and now suddenly the firefighters are heroes [Hero]

Sunday 31 August 0:21:55 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Interview with teen who was assaulted by his family during their "pray the gay away" intervention. He says that he's going to donate some of the almost $90k raised for him to gay youth groups [Spiffy]

Sunday 31 August 0:11:51 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [149 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this dramatic drapery [Photoshop]

Sunday 31 August 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [13 comments] [Link]

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