John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Millennial outdoes granny nanny by renting AirBNB condo for 44 days, never paying his bills, and never leaving while claiming protection under California rental laws. He's scamming Kickstarter, and looks like his greenlights were repeats too [Sca

Saturday 26 July 23:14:40 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [155 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » PrincessPromotion says FML

Saturday 26 July 23:10:47 UTC 2014

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You may want to sit down for this: MH17 black box findings are consistent with a missile blast [Obvious]

Saturday 26 July 23:05:52 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man wanted for passing four fake $100 dollar bills at 7-11. In other news, it's possible to spend $400 at 7-11 in one visit [Interesting]

Saturday 26 July 23:05:45 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's Cool Russian Dashcam Footage involves a driver calmly jumping out of his fuel truck as it explodes into a fireball [Cool]

Saturday 26 July 23:02:28 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tired of having motorcycles stolen, man parks his bike where he can see it – hanging from a winch outside his third-floor apartment. 'It is not much more work than putting three padlocks on the bike, and it's a lot more secure" (pics) [Am

Saturday 26 July 22:19:25 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Millennials give up jobs, family, and all worldly possessions for: a) missionary work b) socialist ideology c) moving to Denver for legal weed and living in homeless shelter [Fail]

Saturday 26 July 21:29:43 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Buzzfeed editor discovers this one weird trick for getting fired [Followup]

Saturday 26 July 20:56:30 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It doesn't matter if you're the Queen of Soul, if you order a hamburger at Johnny Rockets to go, you damn well better go [Stupid]

Saturday 26 July 20:54:32 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this enthusiastic beachgoer [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 26 July 18:19:03 UTC 2014

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 26 July 18:19:02 UTC 2014

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: A New York man is suing Starbucks. News: Claiming the staff put heroin and Ambien in his Oprah Chai tea. Fark: six months before they even started serving Oprah Chai tea [Stupid]

Saturday 26 July 18:12:22 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [138 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Towing company owner charged with twenty-nine felonies after he towed multiple cars from a parking lot because it was where people attending a homosexual-friendly event parked, and he (allegedly) can't stand gays [Florida]

Saturday 26 July 17:21:15 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Superheroines

Saturday 26 July 16:45:00 UTC 2014

Superhero stories are enjoying a massive resurgence lately, but with so many supermen flying around, let’s not forget about all the awesome ladies out there fighting the forces of evil. * No time for a novel? Luckily, classic authors as diverse as Ray Bradbury, Margaret Atwood, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and more have penned plenty of short fiction that's freely available … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Georgia State Patrol threatens to ticket slow drivers for blocking fast lane [Spiffy]

Saturday 26 July 16:40:17 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [266 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you have a voice like Morgan Freeman's, you don't even need to wear a beekeeper's suit to feed the bees living in the beehives in your backyard. You just charm them with your relaxed velvet voice [Spiffy]

Saturday 26 July 16:19:22 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For those who bet on "Suspect in home invasion was not pregnant," please step up to collect your prize [Followup]

Saturday 26 July 16:13:32 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [332 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Prudence: Our 7 year-old daughter regularly goes to sleep over at her friend's house. On a routine Google search, I learned the girl's father was a sex offender; he says he was 18 and had a 14 year-old girlfriend. What should I do? [Stra

Saturday 26 July 15:46:19 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [266 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » cleavers_143 says FML

Saturday 26 July 15:45:43 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend pointed out that her pubes are longer than my penis. FML [Link]

FMyLife » CFPS2909 says FML

Saturday 26 July 15:39:27 UTC 2014

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sharp knees are still ok with this guy [Amusing]

Saturday 26 July 15:32:14 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After investigating for three years, aviation authorities say helicopter crash was caused by "failure to maintain clearance" near mountains. In related news, flying into a mountain makes you crash [Obvious]

Saturday 26 July 15:28:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » US evacuates embassy in Tripoli following clashes between rival militias [Scary]

Saturday 26 July 15:24:15 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Dana Scully on God and Science

Saturday 26 July 15:00:00 UTC 2014

For your weekend viewing pleasure, here are two supercuts featuring Special Agent Dana Scully from The X-Files. It's fitting that they touch on two of her character's primary interests: the "But Science" defense; and the "OMG" moment. Enjoy! Science "What you can't question is the science!" -Dana Scully, every third episode of the series. Scully typically deployed this line because … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looks like somebody's mommy and daddy didn't show them enough attention [Dumbass]

Saturday 26 July 14:21:21 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Nurse struck by lightning inside her house is saved by her flip flops." Shocking [Strange]

Saturday 26 July 13:15:59 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Whilst the death penalty for serial killers is of debatable morality, I think we can all agree that thieves who steal the ashes of dead children pretty much deserve a hangin' [Sick]

Saturday 26 July 13:05:26 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Super-Grandma [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ok, so now we know why it was abandoned [Scary]

Saturday 26 July 12:48:23 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #225

Saturday 26 July 12:48:05 UTC 2014

Who ever knew that Snap, Crackle & Pop had villainous counterparts in Soggy, Mushy & Toughy? [Link]

Weird Universe » Magnet Hat

Saturday 26 July 12:45:07 UTC 2014

Failed Kickstarter: Looks like only 3 people thought this guy's "magnet hat" was a good idea. Product page.

[Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 26 July 12:40:52 UTC 2014

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML [Link]

FMyLife » birthday girl says FML

Saturday 26 July 12:25:58 UTC 2014

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Click this link to watch a celebrity cat video that provides a meal for a shelter animal each time someone watches it – up to one million meals. Sounds like a job for Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 26 July 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [1029 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The rest of you can mock us for living in Arizona when it's 117 outside all you want, but it's still better than shoveling snow [Obvious]

Saturday 26 July 11:44:11 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fertility clinic tells white woman she can only choose white semen. She was okay with that until they also said she can only choose from white donors [Asinine]

Saturday 26 July 11:22:06 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [181 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this Cafeteria Catholic [Caption]

Saturday 26 July 10:00:00 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russia declares McDonald's to be "unsanitary and unhealthy" [Ironic]

Saturday 26 July 9:00:00 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents of the year candidates say they 'can't see what the fuss is about' after their 4-year-old daughter and her toddler brother were found playing next to a dumpster near a busy road [Florida]

Saturday 26 July 8:55:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Coming and Going

Saturday 26 July 6:20:56 UTC 2014

A puzzle by Pierre Berloquin: In my house are a number of rooms. (A hall separated from the rest of the house by one or more doors counts as a room.) Each room has an even number of doors, including doors that lead outside. Is the total number of outside doors even or odd? Click for solution … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest peril from the animal kingdom: GIANT KILLER ANTEATERS [Scary]

Saturday 26 July 6:06:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Your Pronunciation of These Words Tells Other People

Saturday 26 July 5:05:13 UTC 2014

Subjects were asked how they pronounce certain words, and what they thought about people who said them differently. [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Future Stars Who Appeared on MTV’s 'Undressed'

Saturday 26 July 5:05:11 UTC 2014

Undressed turns 15 years old on July 26. In celebration, here are some future stars who popped up on the seminal show. [Link]

Mental Floss » Explode a Watermelon Using Only Rubber Bands

Saturday 26 July 5:05:09 UTC 2014

Here are some science tricks you can do with objects you might have stashed around the house. Like a watermelon and dozens of rubber bands. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tooth Fairy declares bankruptcy [Repeat]

Saturday 26 July 4:54:00 UTC 2014

Repeat [link] [34 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » xXshitface4uXx says FML

Saturday 26 July 3:51:35 UTC 2014

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 26 July 3:51:34 UTC 2014

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML [Link]

FMyLife » asshalf15 says FML

Saturday 26 July 3:51:33 UTC 2014

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » America's favorite burger chain? Well it's not that one place, or that other place either [Interesting]

Saturday 26 July 3:14:59 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [259 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "How shenanigans start on the internet." Article is a bit more in-depth than "Hey, y'all, watch this" [Silly]

Saturday 26 July 3:07:31 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newest trend in marriages? Beta testing. Thanks, millennials [Interesting]

Saturday 26 July 2:58:02 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Stars You May Not Have Known Appeared on MTV’s 'Undressed'

Saturday 26 July 2:45:31 UTC 2014

Undressed turns 15 years old on July 26, so in celebration, here are some surprising stars who popped up on the seminal show—one for each year. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » BART's coliseum station closed due to A's signing a new 10-year lease [Obvious]

Saturday 26 July 2:28:14 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not News: Insurance refuses to buy 6 year old a prosthetic arm. News: Engineering students decide to build him one. FARK: Boy now has new bionic arm. It cost $350.00 to build. And the students just put the design into the public domain – for free [Co

Saturday 26 July 1:58:32 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [151 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here is a list of some of the best New Yorker articles that you have three months to read before they go behind the paywall [Cool]

Saturday 26 July 1:55:26 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man searches abandoned house, finds "old mop" and brings it to the local SPCA to get cleaned up [Sappy]

Saturday 26 July 1:24:42 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Turns out International travel insurance isn't all inclusive in case of horrific Mexican ziplining accidents [Scary]

Saturday 26 July 0:51:40 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Austria-Hungary Rejects Serbia’s Response

Saturday 26 July 0:47:09 UTC 2014

King’s Academy The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that shaped our modern world. Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 133rd installment in the series. July 25-26, 1914: Austria-Hungary Rejects Serbia’s Response The delivery of Austria-Hungary’s ultimatum to Serbia on July 23, 1914 triggered frantic activity across … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Who would have thought that a violent felon who repeatedly runs from the cops would make a reliable informant? Well, the cops, apparently [Dumbass]

Saturday 26 July 0:42:52 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Y'know how that airliner getting shot down last week was going to force Russia to re-assess their aggression in Ukraine and back off? Yeah, today they started shelling Ukraine and giving more weapons to the nuts who shot down the plane last week

Saturday 26 July 0:40:46 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [169 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman who tested positive for the ebola virus has escaped quarantine and is now loose in a city of one million people. FUEL AIR BOMB [Scary]

Saturday 26 July 0:22:39 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [158 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » notadoorman says FML

Saturday 26 July 0:01:22 UTC 2014

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this leisurely reader [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 July 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

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