John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Weird Universe » Its Good For You

Saturday 12 July 23:59:07 UTC 2014


Hydrogen sulfide, the stuff that puts the smell in farts, is actually good for you. So claims a study by the University of Exeter. So the next time your spouse or significant other subjects you to a 'dutch oven' just know its because they love you!

Picture from Yahoo Images. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Seattle marijuana shop has to close its doors because: A) it's raided by the cops, B) it doesn't comply with federal regulations, or C) they've run out of product [Spiffy]

Saturday 12 July 23:52:59 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chicago gets the weekend started with a bang by seeing 21 people shot on Friday night [Scary]

Saturday 12 July 23:39:11 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Q

Saturday 12 July 23:30:00 UTC 2014

The world’s smartest ape is one of Hollywood’s most engaging filmmakers [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rain cancels the taste of Chicago, sparing thousands from having to try and stomach Chicago-style casserole and hot dogs that don't even have ketchup on them [Spiffy]

Saturday 12 July 23:25:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Police break up party serving alcohol to over 50 people without a permit. Fark: at a retirement home [Asinine]

Saturday 12 July 22:40:32 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two great tastes that taste great together. Heroin and Peanut Butter [Dumbass]

Saturday 12 July 22:22:38 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [37 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 12 July 21:39:30 UTC 2014

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Authorities shoot and kill interloper that broke through airport perimeter security and accessed the runway, threatening the planes. Was presumably looking for picnic baskets [Scary]

Saturday 12 July 20:52:23 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Dear Tracy Morgan, we are really, really, really, REALLY sorry one of our trucks killed your friend and almost killed you. Please be gentle." Signed – Walmart, soon to be known as Tracymart [Followup]

Saturday 12 July 20:49:55 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [180 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Tree Ring Sound

Saturday 12 July 20:01:59 UTC 2014

It is fascinating to find that tree rings can be played like a vinyl record on a turntable. The sounds are mostly static but still interesting to listen to, see what you think. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this slimey silhouette [Photoshop]

Saturday 12 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Panda Express is now selling orange chicken burritos, finally bridging two cuisines that have no business meeting: terrible Chinese fast food and terrible Mexican fast food [Sick]

Saturday 12 July 19:56:30 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [129 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » weeping_angel_ says FML

Saturday 12 July 19:02:43 UTC 2014

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Shawnee_dear says FML

Saturday 12 July 19:02:42 UTC 2014

Today, I got stood up on a date for three hours. I would have left much earlier but the whole time she had reassured me that she was on her way. And then I saw her tweeting about the pizza rolls she was making at home. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The capital of nude has slowly gone prude [Sad]

Saturday 12 July 18:40:05 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this tuna tipping. Difficulty: no WGNaBB [Caption]

Saturday 12 July 18:00:01 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "What If The World Cup Were Awarded For Saving Trees And Drinking Soda?", or, what a slow news day looks like on NPR [Stupid]

Saturday 12 July 17:58:33 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Killed by a booby trap cable across the path in my County? That's YOUR problem, dude. Tag is for Sheriff [Dumbass]

Saturday 12 July 17:10:25 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [377 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Country songwriter alert: Man's dog dies. Fark: But not before giving him pneumonic plague, the deadliest kind there is. Try to work "pneumonic" into the lyrics, ok? [Scary]

Saturday 12 July 15:25:27 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Santa Ana man reels in the catch of a lifetime, says he was fishing just for the halibut [Spiffy]

Saturday 12 July 14:55:09 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » THAT'S NO MOON… oh wait, yes it is [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 14:50:04 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now that summer is here, let's fire up the barbecue and grill some watermelon and bananas [Weird]

Saturday 12 July 14:39:45 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't worry if your refrigerator breaks down because you can preserve your milk by putting live frogs in it [Strange]

Saturday 12 July 14:28:48 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you really care about the environment you should only drink coffee out of disposable cups made out of cork [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 14:21:52 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Stanley Kubrick's Unfinished Films

Saturday 12 July 14:00:00 UTC 2014

Are you are a Stanley Kubrick fan with 20 minutes to spare? Great. Watch this short documentary going deep on Kubrick's various unfinished projects. Guess who Kubrick wanted to play Napoleon? Jump to the 8-minute mark if you're curious. Enjoy: See also: 12 Stanley Kubrick Strategies for Perfecting a Film and Staircases to Nowhere: Making "The Shining." (Via Kottke.) [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are you ready for another breathless royal baby watch? Rumors to the left, "OMG Who the hell cares" pics to the right [Misc]

Saturday 12 July 13:51:46 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What do George Clooney and the average Farker have in common? [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 13:46:01 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prince Charles responds to rumors he's thinking of putting his trusty steed out to pasture [Unlikely]

Saturday 12 July 13:45:44 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're too lazy to cook your own damn meal, don't feel bad: Eating out at a restaurant is one of the best ways to show the world that the American economy is improving [Spiffy]

Saturday 12 July 13:23:57 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Anti-Sleep Glasses

Saturday 12 July 13:16:35 UTC 2014

This sounds like some kind of new self-torture device from Japan. Available at Japan Trend Shop.

Masunaga Wink Glasses
These clever specs can detect when you haven't blinked in five seconds and fog up one of the lens. This simple function will then "jolt" the eyes and make them focus, thus waking you up before you drop off fully. Men … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this ride out of control [Photoshop]

Saturday 12 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Buy an Entire Village

Saturday 12 July 13:00:00 UTC 2014

In the market for an Italian vacation home? Why not upgrade to the purchase of an entire village on eBay? (Shipping not included.) * Don't let the killer bees get you. * However maligned airport security checks may be, the TSA does end up confiscating some pretty scary – and weird – stuff. Before flying, maybe think about leaving the … [Link]

Weird Universe » Doomsday for Pests

Saturday 12 July 12:27:07 UTC 2014

Spray that DDT everywhere!

Aren't you a little sad for all those cartoon bugs? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "This is not madness… this is BEAUTY" [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 12:03:08 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doorman enlists Jangles and Tiger to do battle with the building's rat problem because that's what cats do. And yet, some tenants have a problem with this Caturday feast of rodents [Caturday]

Saturday 12 July 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [770 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Radio host would like you all to know that homofascist Nazi super gay male soldiers are coming to kill American Christians. Not sure if fabulous [Weird]

Saturday 12 July 11:42:22 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [86 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » sexyhobbit says FML

Saturday 12 July 10:36:19 UTC 2014

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you are pooping on the top of trains as they pass by, the Massachusetts police would like you to stop [Sick]

Saturday 12 July 10:18:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sleepwalker has advice for those sleepwalkers who open windows and fall 50 feet: Stay asleep, it could save your life [Weird]

Saturday 12 July 8:04:00 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leading the fight against fracking are cowboys, hunters, and hippies oh my [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 7:20:21 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [34 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 12 July 7:06:05 UTC 2014

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » Behind the Lines

Saturday 12 July 6:55:45 UTC 2014

After a performance of his play The Birthday Party, Harold Pinter received a note from an audience member: Can you tell me the meaning of your play? There are three points I do not understand. i. Who are the two men?
ii. Where did Stanley come from?
iii. Were they all supposed to be normal? You will appreciate that without … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Amelia Earhart finishes flight around the world. Well, better late than never, I suppose [Followup]

Saturday 12 July 6:32:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I said, WOMAN KICKED OUT OF BRAD PAISLEY CONCERT FOR BREASTFEEDING BABY (w/video) [Dumbass]

Saturday 12 July 5:22:00 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you take your car airborne 100 times and there is a 1% chance each time of a fatal wreck, what are the odds your cell will have a south facing window? [Dumbass]

Saturday 12 July 5:08:57 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I have had it with these motherfarking crocodiles on this motherfarking plane [Followup]

Saturday 12 July 4:37:39 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » See Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd in the Unreleased 1984 Movie 'Nothing Lasts Forever'

Saturday 12 July 4:30:48 UTC 2014

In 1984, Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd starred in a sci-fi flick that had nothing to do with ghosts or giant marshmallow men: Nothing Lasts Forever [Link]

FMyLife » and god shat says FML

Saturday 12 July 4:03:47 UTC 2014

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 12 July 4:03:46 UTC 2014

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML [Link]

FMyLife » beaniegirl512 says FML

Saturday 12 July 4:03:45 UTC 2014

Today, I woke up to my mum screaming at my dad, accusing him of being a pervert. Turns out she'd just caught him jackin' the beanstalk. She shrieked stuff like "I saw you masturbating!", "Don't deny it!", and "It's cheating!" for a good 20 minutes before I dared to leave my room. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want to live in a HUGE mansion for next to nothing in rent? If so, you may want to consider becoming a "human prop" [Interesting]

Saturday 12 July 3:58:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Ms. Phillips, Happy belated 98th birthday and thanks for being our tenant for 50 years. Please vacate the property in 30 days. Best wishes, The Management [Sad]

Saturday 12 July 3:19:18 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In a surprise move that no one could have possibly predicted, small businesses in Seattle are cutting work hours and services in response to the new $15/hr minimum wage law [Obvious]

Saturday 12 July 3:11:21 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [417 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mentally ill man celebrated getting his gun back from police the only way he knows how [Scary]

Saturday 12 July 2:54:03 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Athens, Ga. police on the lookout for OCD burglar. "It was very odd that someone would break in and clean the kitchen" [Strange]

Saturday 12 July 2:37:04 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [31 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » soundslikeadumbcommentersituation says FML

Saturday 12 July 2:34:50 UTC 2014

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Movie Soundtracks by a Single Artist

Saturday 12 July 2:11:46 UTC 2014

Whether it’s a large orchestral score or the hushed strumming of a lone guitar, the music in a film is an essential part of the whole. But sometimes, instead of a traditional score or multi-artist soundtrack, filmmakers choose a single act to provide the music for their movie. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Villagers take action to ward off pesky crows. Solution may also help ward off The Joker, Lex Luthor and Italian footballer Giorgio Chiellini [Cool]

Saturday 12 July 1:59:56 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tourist leaves a few tips for Disney employees after getting on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride [Florida]

Saturday 12 July 0:53:56 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [75 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » morgan_rumm says FML

Saturday 12 July 0:50:51 UTC 2014

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Putin is sure to arouse the masses by banning one of Russia's most coveted creative outlets: profanity [Silly]

Saturday 12 July 0:17:53 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [59 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 12 July 0:15:31 UTC 2014

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Products That Kept Dad Looking Dapper

Saturday 12 July 0:11:48 UTC 2014

How many of these products do you remember the ol’ man using to look and smell his best? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Signs you're definitely too drunk [PSA]

Saturday 12 July 0:05:42 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lone explorer [Photoshop]

Saturday 12 July 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link]

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