John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Mental Floss » How the Criterion Collection Restored 'A Hard Day’s Night' for a Theater Near You

Thursday 3 July 23:30:53 UTC 2014

When they were gathering the original source materials for their new restoration of A Hard Day’s Night, the experts at the Criterion Collection—the famed home video label that gathers some of cinema's best films and releases them in editions of the highest possibly quality—had a big problem. “The first and last reels of the negative were missing,” Criterion President Peter … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Grandmother of a 2-year old girl who was shot to death by her 5-year old brother after he was allowed to play unsupervised with a loaded .22 rifle he was given for his birthday:" "It was God's will. It was her time to go, I guess" [As

Thursday 3 July 23:16:53 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [216 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » starflares says FML

Thursday 3 July 23:07:19 UTC 2014

Today, I moved fifteen stacks of bricks from our store to a customer's van. After I made all that effort, he decided he didn't like the colour of the bricks after all, and demanded a full refund. FML [Link]

FMyLife » blood buddies says FML

Thursday 3 July 23:07:18 UTC 2014

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 3 July 23:07:17 UTC 2014

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the CIA Twitter feed: Remember reports of unusual activity in the skies in the '50s? That was us [Amusing]

Thursday 3 July 22:11:51 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Black and White

Thursday 3 July 22:11:41 UTC 2014

By Alexander Yarosh. The position above was reached in a legal game, except that one piece has been knocked off the board. What was it? Click for solution … [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Winners and Losers of Globe Making

Thursday 3 July 22:05:14 UTC 2014

Sometimes it’s good to be a little fish in a big pond—especially if you’re a municipality yearning for recognition on a mapmaker's globe. It’s easy to miss the cut if your metropolis juts up against another, larger megalopolis, or a capital city. Or perhaps your hometown falls right in the path of a big, bold continent label. In either case, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'm sorry, I can't reply to your post because I'm out doing really fun things. I'll check for green arrows when I'm back on the site and might post a reply later. Toodles [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 21:04:20 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: USA WEEKEND – Show us your holiday cookouts and red/white/blue creations. We've got a whole weekend so you've got plenty of time to get it right. Show us them vittles [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 21:00:12 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Radioactive room so dangerous that no one has entered since 1976 can be found in A: Russia, B: Japan, C: Washington State [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 20:40:47 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That independent privacy board that Obama appointed to look into NSA's data collection has concluded everything the agency does is totally legal and effective and they'd really like it if NSA would delete those copies of their search historie

Thursday 3 July 20:09:23 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're well on our way to lawn-darting into the tarmac since my computer went out, but on the bright side here in the back I'll survive for a few hundredths of a second longer than any

Thursday 3 July 20:09:11 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this fashionable singer [Photoshop]

Thursday 3 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » IBM supercomputer proves you don't need taste buds, a mouth, or a soul to create a barbeque sauce recipe, something Kraft has known for decades [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 19:59:49 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Six out of ten Brits admit to "daredevil" behavior on vacation, risking their life and health by drinking heavily, getting tattooed, bungee jumping and eating a salad once [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 19:49:17 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ukraine and Russia agree to hold a three-way. Looks like the separatists are getting screwed [Cool]

Thursday 3 July 19:39:41 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This July 4th, celebrate Ted Nugent and his superior patriotism, says Ted Nugent [Dumbass]

Thursday 3 July 19:32:07 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [159 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: A Visual Guide to Space Junk

Thursday 3 July 19:30:00 UTC 2014

Space Junk Here’s an infographic breakdown of space junk—how much there is, where it is, and how big it is. * The Age-Old Debate This video finally explores for us which hurts more: being a woman delivering a baby or being a man getting kicked in the, ummmm, area. Slightly NSFW. * The Most Believable UFO Stories A lot of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Things aren't looking so good for you when "staggering amount" and "child porn" are in the same sentence [Sick]

Thursday 3 July 18:49:26 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man's testicles removed from his throat after first ride on World's Tallest Waterslide [Cool]

Thursday 3 July 18:41:43 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The rate by which Americans injure themselves with fireworks has reached the highest level recorded in 10 years. Thanks, Obama [Dumbass]

Thursday 3 July 18:38:15 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [73 comments] [Link]

The Oatmeal – Comics, Quizzes, & Stories » How your body responds to exercise

Thursday 3 July 18:31:15 UTC 2014

How your body responds to exerciseView [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Passionate kissing is "over" for couples once they've been married for three months, beating subby's over/under bet on 'three days' [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 18:19:56 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nanny from hell is in fact meting out justice [Followup]

Thursday 3 July 18:05:44 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [185 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you've always felt like there's been a void in your life because you could never accurately track the yearly wildebeest migration between Tanzania and Kenya, your suffering is over [Cool]

Thursday 3 July 17:34:09 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looking for work? Check out this map to see where the most jobs STEM from [Cool]

Thursday 3 July 17:24:06 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Group refused service at Atlanta restaurant because a member of the party's sleeveless t-shirt violated the "gentleman's dress code" for the establishment. The fact that he was 4-years old did not sway management to make an exception

Thursday 3 July 17:19:31 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Louis Zamperini, WWII hero, Olympian, subject of the book 'Unbroken' and one of the toughest people ever to live passes away at age 97 [Hero]

Thursday 3 July 17:16:39 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [37 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » notacashier says FML

Thursday 3 July 17:03:02 UTC 2014

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Q

Thursday 3 July 17:00:32 UTC 2014

A lot can change in 15 years. National Geographic Channel's upcoming three-part miniseries 'The '90s: The Last Great Decade?' makes that quite apparent, with a look back on the decade that gave us Bill Clinton's presidency, the rise of America Online, the musical stylings of Vanilla Ice, and a spooky little television series called 'The X-Files.' [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with 10 inch penis gets surgery to make it bigger. "I wanted a monster" (Not safe for work) [Hero]

Thursday 3 July 16:55:20 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [249 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Animating Adam Savage's Workshop

Thursday 3 July 16:40:09 UTC 2014

Here's a treat. MythBuster Adam Savage invited animator Marty Cooper (previously on mental_floss…) to talk about animation, and make a stop-motion cel animation in Savage's workshop. In the process, Savage drops a bit of trivia I'd never heard: his father worked on Sesame Street interstitial animations (!). Enjoy: For more from Cooper, check out his YouTube Channel or his Instagram … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "We expect sewers to get blocked with fats or baby wipes, but not tennis ball. How on earth people managed to flush quite so many tennis balls I don't know, but this is just one example of amazing things we find blocking the sewers" [Inte

Thursday 3 July 16:31:36 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Regarding the impending hurricane, NC Governor warns against putting on 'stupid hat'. Silly pants, ugly tie presumably still ok [Followup]

Thursday 3 July 16:12:25 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently the borough of Queens has a problem with a therapy pig within its boundaries [Silly]

Thursday 3 July 16:07:26 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Growing rates of obesity in pets have led to the emergence of fat farms offering 'pawlates,' 'doga' and 'Barko Polo,' doggie versions of Pilates, yoga and Marco Polo to help slim down man's best friend." Your dog

Thursday 3 July 16:05:24 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't you hate it when the jet you're in starts flooding at 30,000 feet over the ocean? You might want to stay away from this link, then [Scary]

Thursday 3 July 16:00:10 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Odd Festivals and Events in July

Thursday 3 July 15:48:38 UTC 2014

July is filled with local fairs and festivals filled with family fun. But even as each festival tries to stand out among the others, a few float to the top for their wacky uniqueness. Here are some that may be worth planning a road trip around! 1. UFO Festival Photograph from UFO Festival Roswell. The UFO Festival in Roswell, New … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The owners of Timo The Cat would like you to know that after four months, he has figured out how to work a hammock (pics, vid) [Followup]

Thursday 3 July 15:43:59 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photographer who submitted Jewish baby pic for Ideal Aryan 1935 magazine cover was indeed the greatest troll of his generation. "I wanted to make the Nazis look ridiculous" [Hero]

Thursday 3 July 15:24:20 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [171 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Toughest mathematical problem for general public to solve is 7 X 8. A shocking sixty percent of people come up with answers other than '42' [Dumbass]

Thursday 3 July 15:20:15 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [254 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: I'm Free!

Thursday 3 July 15:04:19 UTC 2014

The mentalfloss.com Brain Game is taking Independence Day off, so I'm moving the Free-for-All Friday challenge forward one day. Enjoy! Give ONE example of an English word
that begins with the letters "FREE."
EXAMPLES: FREEDOM, FREEWHEELING, FREEZER Please add your single entry to our
comment list below,
and have a great weekend! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Bubbling' Is the new teen trend that no teen anywhere has ever done but will be reported in horrified tones by news outlets across the country [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 14:55:49 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [151 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The World Cup was so popular in America this year that it beat the NBA Finals and the World Series in TV ratings [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 14:54:42 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [194 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lee Boyd Malvo, the DC sniper, believes that he's learned some important lessons about not using human beings as target practice and would like to be let out of prison now, please [Stupid]

Thursday 3 July 14:38:53 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [231 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Names of 10 Fireworks Effects

Thursday 3 July 14:32:24 UTC 2014

Try to spot them this Fourth of July. [Link]

Futility Closet » Saving Face

Thursday 3 July 14:10:10 UTC 2014

Image: Wikimedia Commons “The Joker,” a picture-preserving geomagic square by Lee Sallows. The 16 pieces can be assembled in varying groups of 4 to produce the same picture in 16 different ways, without rotation or reflection. The outline need not be a joker — it can take almost any shape. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Transparent salaries are actually great motivators for employees [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 14:05:00 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [180 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Does the Farmers' Almanac Work?

Thursday 3 July 13:30:59 UTC 2014

Labor Day may have signaled the unofficial end of summer, but that milestone hasn't done much to cool off the regions that are still sweating in oppressively hot weather. There may be good news on the horizon for fans of chillier weather, though. The recently released 2016 editions of both the Farmers' Almanac and the Old Farmers' Almanac are predicting … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's a little known fact that on the nation's first Fourth of July our Founding Fathers gathered together in celebration and raised in hearty cheer mugs filled with cucumber dill fizz [Unlikely]

Thursday 3 July 13:21:59 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » One-Armed Rider

Thursday 3 July 13:16:58 UTC 2014

The headline tells the whole story:
"German police apologise for fining one-armed cyclist for riding his bike with only one arm."

Technically he was fined for having only one handbrake, even though he had modified the bicycle, per legal requirements, to also have a foot-operated brake. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this disembodied soccer fan [Photoshop]

Thursday 3 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hurricane Arthur not expected to threaten Beaufort County [Interesting]

Thursday 3 July 12:54:44 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hurricane Arthur expected to threaten Beaufort County [Scary]

Thursday 3 July 12:54:43 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » USPS takes 83 years to deliver a letter 150 miles. That sounds about right [Fail]

Thursday 3 July 12:52:52 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Twins: The Mid-'90s NYC Restaurant Staffed Entirely By Identical Twins

Thursday 3 July 12:51:49 UTC 2014

Employees had to work at the same time and wear the same outfit, and if one called out sick, the other twin was forced to take the day off. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Explosion at General Motors plant injures workers. GM immediately recalls all factories [Fail]

Thursday 3 July 12:48:03 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with only one arm fined for riding his bike with only one brake [Asinine]

Thursday 3 July 12:41:57 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hawaii's alien spaceport opens for business. Apparently "first contact" is less about warp drive, and more about hippie girls in white dresses [Followup]

Thursday 3 July 12:37:39 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "You're not a true American until you've cooked your bacon with a machine gun" [Spiffy]

Thursday 3 July 11:55:02 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [128 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 3 July 11:53:55 UTC 2014

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Home VCR: 1965

Thursday 3 July 11:36:53 UTC 2014

I really was unaware that home video outfits debuted as early as 1965.

Of course, there was the stated price range to consider, from $500.00 to $1100.00.

Full article here.
[Link]

Mental Floss » mental_floss magazine is hiring!

Thursday 3 July 11:30:00 UTC 2014

mental_floss magazine is hiring an assistant editor. This is a full-time, in-house position based in New York City. We are published 10x a year and there are some late nights involved. Also, accordingly, some pizza. We are a small team and we all wear many hats—therefore looking good in a variety of hats is a prerequisite. The assistant editor will: … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After woman suffers pain for six months, doctors remove fountain pen lodged in her stomach. Hospital calls it a write-off [Strange]

Thursday 3 July 11:23:19 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you're being interviewed on live television about the fact that your nephews just died in a house fire, don't tell the reporter that you're more concerned about the condition of the food stamps in your purse inside the house [Asinine

Thursday 3 July 10:46:47 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Out for Snakes!

Thursday 3 July 10:17:21 UTC 2014

[Link]

FMyLife » thatsnotmyname says FML

Thursday 3 July 10:12:24 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: The Last Foot-Binding Survivors

Thursday 3 July 10:00:58 UTC 2014

China’s Last Foot-Binding Survivors. The ancient practice affects some women who still cannot walk normally eighty years later.
*
Shane has been causing some problems for the management at Walmart. Whether he’s a real employee or not has no bearing on how funny his shenanigans are.
*
Please Enjoy This Fully Playable Tetris T-Shirt. A barrel of laughs for about two … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers claim a third of women have gone through a sex dry spell lasting at least a year. Subby's got that beat by six years [Sad]

Thursday 3 July 9:00:00 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [325 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 3 July 7:59:41 UTC 2014

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 3 July 6:20:20 UTC 2014

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Thursday 3 July 6:06:41 UTC 2014

titivil n. “Name for a devil said to collect fragments of words dropped, skipped, or mumbled in the recitation of divine service, and to carry them to hell, to be registered against the offender.” [OED] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chicken rescued from street outside a branch of KFC 'not in great condition', although not fried or inside a bucket [Strange]

Thursday 3 July 5:46:40 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I'm a doctor, can I check your body for ticks?" might work in a bar, but not on a playground [Weird]

Thursday 3 July 4:43:38 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 478: "You Can't Fight City Hall 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 3 July 4:01:00 UTC 2014

Farktography [link] [39 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » pissed off says FML

Thursday 3 July 3:24:02 UTC 2014

Today, my dad finished installing our new home security system. One of the features lets him control any light in the house from his phone. He keeps trying to piss me off by turning my bedroom light on at random intervals. I don't know how to make it stop, and I can't sleep. FML [Link]

FMyLife » HazingNight says FML

Thursday 3 July 3:24:01 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 46 Facts About First Ladies

Thursday 3 July 2:38:05 UTC 2014

Bring some First Lady facts to this year's Fourth of July barbecue. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a story you'll never see in the mainstream Western media: Ever since 2004 China has outlawed the construction of new golf courses and is currently bulldozing rogue operations [Scary]

Thursday 3 July 2:08:36 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Amanda Knox's ex-boyfriend: "That biatch be crazy, yo" [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 1:37:17 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [177 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two-year investigation to find out how much U.N. officials pay themselves results in discovery that nobody in the U.N. knows how much they're paying themselves. Strongly worded letter to follow [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 1:31:43 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Reminder to all kitchen staff: Band-Aids belong on your foot, not in your food [Unlikely]

Thursday 3 July 1:11:48 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » These urban explorers see one infiltration of Neverland Ranch and raise it by a mothballed fleet of warships and two US rocket testing sites [Followup]

Thursday 3 July 0:56:32 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ten questions to help you determine if your religious liberty is being threatened. Don't have time to answer 10 questions? Fine, here's the cheat sheet: It's not being threatened [Obvious]

Thursday 3 July 0:55:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sadly, the spatula is not mightier than the sword [Dumbass]

Thursday 3 July 0:31:33 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jockey arrested for driving away from a traffic stop with a sheriff's deputy clinging onto his truck [Florida]

Thursday 3 July 0:27:58 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The reasons Tibetans can thrive at altitudes that would make the rest of us gasp and reach for an oxygen bottle? Apparently it's because their ancestors did a lot of farking with the now-extinct human species known as "Denisovans" [Intere

Thursday 3 July 0:10:27 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Taboos From a 17th-Century Coffeehouse

Thursday 3 July 0:00:04 UTC 2014

Thanks to Paul Greenwod, who penned The RULES and ORDERS of the Coffee-House in 1674, we’ve got the basics to keep you from embarrassing yourself in front of 17th century London’s most progressive socialites. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop who should sit next to this fashionable squirrel [Photoshop]

Thursday 3 July 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

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