John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » National Corvette Museum will keep the sinkhole that destroyed several cars. It's the first bottomless pit associated with Corvettes since gasoline went over $3 a gallon [Followup]

Saturday 28 June 23:43:53 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Angry over Hillary's fee to speak at UNLV, students argue they should be paid for her speech instead. "$225,000 is enough to award 225 students scholarships of $1,000", or 22,500 students a joint and large pepperoni pizza [Obvious]

Saturday 28 June 22:59:55 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [195 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thirty-year-old hottie who piled on weight after being dumped by her boyfriend goes from flabby to super fit in 8 weeks, says she can't wait to show off her body to a new man (w/before and after pics) [Spiffy]

Saturday 28 June 22:59:30 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having been cleared of a rape allegation, Greg Kelly shoots for sexual harassment. Fark: On air [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 22:32:16 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Making a reference to Nickelback is now grounds for detainment and search in The War on Drugs™ [Asinine]

Saturday 28 June 22:22:44 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember how in the good old days if you wanted to get elected you just needed to shake hands and kiss babies? Now you have to portray yourself as the last line of defense between voters and a militaristic and out-of-control total surveillance state

Saturday 28 June 21:57:46 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman who agreed to manage the gang banger whose mugshot went viral and exposed the depths of human stupidity is starting to receive death threats from rival gangs [Followup]

Saturday 28 June 21:50:51 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [54 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » lovegame says FML

Saturday 28 June 21:48:40 UTC 2014

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FDA approves inhaler for insulin. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for MannKind [Cool]

Saturday 28 June 21:21:52 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A year ago: 19 Hotshot firefighters lose their lives fighting a major wildfire. Politicians took photo-ops. Investigations were conducted. Promises of change. Today: MEH [Asinine]

Saturday 28 June 21:06:48 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do you speak Quiche? The Justice Department wants you. Subby's fluent in Quesadilla and Hot Pockets; what do I get? [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 20:55:10 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Steelo [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 June 20:30:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [9 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Puzzlepiece says FML

Saturday 28 June 20:08:58 UTC 2014

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Life of Pi II: The Revenge [Scary]

Saturday 28 June 19:55:48 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Quick heads up for Peeping Toms just getting started: When installing camera in women's locker room, make sure you're not recording yourself installing said camera in women's locker room [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 19:55:47 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » UK facing major sperm shortage. Yes, both smooth and crunchy [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 19:55:46 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Sexy Schoolgirl 5K' canceled. OH THE HUMANITY [Sad]

Saturday 28 June 19:55:45 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bus passenger dies after altercation with off-duty bus driver. Witnesses say the off-duty bus driver threatened to send the passenger "to the moon," and perhaps even hit him "right in the kisser" [Strange]

Saturday 28 June 19:22:21 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Welcome to Isla de la Munecas, a macabre 50-year collection of dolls enshrined to honor the spirit of a girl found floating in the canal. Locals say the dolls can be heard whispering to each other at night. With nightmare-inducing pics [Scary]

Saturday 28 June 19:08:45 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The only way the people of San Francisco will conserve water is if you remind them in a sexy, baritone voice [Obvious]

Saturday 28 June 18:54:18 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Eleven things a sloth would say if he were your life coach [Sappy]

Saturday 28 June 18:43:28 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Crackdown on qat in New York. Scrabble players said to be inconsolable [Caturday]

Saturday 28 June 18:39:47 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » A Heavenly View

Saturday 28 June 18:36:31 UTC 2014

This is startling — in 1500 artist Jacopo de Barbari produced an aerial view of Venice, assembled from six woodcuts on large sheets of paper. The full image fills nearly 4 square meters; it was probably assembled from sightings taken by surveyors in bell towers around the city. The artist’s meticulous attention to detail is reflected in the flat roof … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jenny McCarthy does just what any of us would do after getting fired and flees to a tropical island with Donnie Wahlberg so the paparazzi can photograph her on the beach wearing a smoking hot bikini [Obvious]

Saturday 28 June 18:22:22 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meat eaters of the world, be ashamed, be very ashamed for you are the scrouge of the world when it comes to your carbon footprint [Unlikely]

Saturday 28 June 18:10:26 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [171 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Britain introducing bedtimes for youthful offenders in correctional facilities, is considering mandatory storytime and forced tuck-ins as well [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 18:02:57 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gavrilo Princep wanted to pull the trigger and kill Franz Ferdinand, but he never wanted to start a war, claims author who tries to glorify the man who inadvertently gave rise to Nazi Germany [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 17:59:33 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Undertaker jailed for pocketing charity money donated by mourners. He just hasn't been the same since Brock Lesnar broke the streak [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 17:16:19 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Google+'s referral traffic on its network was 10 times less than social bookmarking site Fark" [Amusing]

Saturday 28 June 17:01:24 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Facts About Cachaça

Saturday 28 June 17:00:00 UTC 2014

Move over rum! Brazil’s favorite spirit is coming to town. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pro-tip for people on the dole: When boasting about the new horse you just bought on Facebook, try not to say you bought it with your benefits money. Just sayin' [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 16:46:22 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're the asshat that dumped asbestos tainted with DDT, lead, and arsenic in the Deer Park wetlands on Long Island, the DA would like a word with you [Sick]

Saturday 28 June 16:14:15 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beach town fire department is getting tired of people who keep turning their cars into crispy hulks because they don't know how to drive on the beach [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 16:01:37 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kill it, KILL it with fire gets woman arson charge after trying to light up a spider [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 15:56:32 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police sing their hearts out to the tune of OneRepublic's "Counting Stars" to coax teens out of gang activity. Pretty sure the teens aren't the ones committing a crime here. (vid) [Amusing]

Saturday 28 June 15:55:34 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [6 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "First driving lesson didn't go well" [Fail]

Saturday 28 June 14:21:36 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sheriff Joe Arpaio doesn't get why people are wondering why his department used a taxpayer-funded helicopter to search for a lost dog when the chopper is always being launched to rescue people from mountains and lakes [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 14:19:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Women being shown their vaginas for the first time find themselves moved. Men also know the feeling of it moving when seeing a woman's vagina for the first time [Interesting]

Saturday 28 June 14:11:06 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Mystery Postcard

Saturday 28 June 13:53:47 UTC 2014

Here's one of the mysteries of the Internet. Over at groovy.net, people have been debating for many years over what this postcard might mean. It appears to have been manufactured in the early 20th century (circa 1907) and bears the statement: "Health Must Be Earned, Get it — you Lobster."


Some of the theories are that "lobster" was slang for … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's June. You're in Arizona. Why would you embark on a desert hike by yourself when the sun is up? [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 13:43:14 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Some Things That Happened on June 28

Saturday 28 June 13:30:00 UTC 2014

Born: Mel Books, John Cusack, Felicia Day. Bitten by Mike Tyson: Evander Holyfield. Ended: World War I. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New study shows that human language originated in Italy [Strange]

Saturday 28 June 13:02:27 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this walking foliage [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 June 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: War and Cheese

Saturday 28 June 13:00:00 UTC 2014

If reading War and Peace is too much of a commitment to Tolstoy, try his family mac 'n cheese recipe instead: shorter, and probably tastier than a 1440-page Russian classic. * Those pesky paper wrappers are no longer an obstacle to any (inadvisable) attempts to eat a cupcake in a single bite. * The opening date for the world's tallest … [Link]

FMyLife » Madridsta says FML

Saturday 28 June 12:28:22 UTC 2014

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Miz Caramel Vixen: Giantess Car Crush Video

Saturday 28 June 12:23:08 UTC 2014

Whatever gets you off, I guess….. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "It doesn't matter if they have two legs or four, they are all family." Sounds like it's time for Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 28 June 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [632 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 June 11:47:17 UTC 2014

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Brittany says FML

Saturday 28 June 8:53:36 UTC 2014

Today, I was babysitting a girl. It was going well until she told me she purposely put her lice in my hair as a joke while she was braiding it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Look ladies, if you want a blanket, a state trooper hat and a bottle of wine, there has got to be an easier way to do it than breaking in to Washington Gov. Jay Inslee's office. Fark: Through the second-floor window [Weird]

Saturday 28 June 8:42:15 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guy Fieri's Cheesecake Challenge: Literally half a cheesecake that's been shrapnel-studded with pretzels and potato chips, and drizzled with hot fudge. That distant scream was from your cardiologist [Sick]

Saturday 28 June 8:02:29 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » True brilliance in license plate design is now a lost art, A55 RGY notwithstanding [Sad]

Saturday 28 June 7:20:34 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [114 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actual news, or Family Guy scene? Man in search of his lost cell phone wearing leopard print bikini top and black skirt assaults customers with a skillet plate and mugs at Denny's [Strange]

Saturday 28 June 7:10:50 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Moving Up

Saturday 28 June 6:35:04 UTC 2014

My wife and I walk up an ascending escalator. I climb 20 steps and reach the top in 60 seconds. My wife climbs 16 steps and reaches the top in 72 seconds. If the escalator broke tomorrow, how many steps would we have to climb? Click for solution … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know that religious couple who hand out bibles instead of candy on Halloween? Apparently the bible wasn't clear on if it's wrong to beat your children and keep them chained in a basement dungeon for years [Sick]

Saturday 28 June 6:31:38 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Baby goats practice climbing on. A) Blocks. B) Ramps. C) Horse's back [Amusing]

Saturday 28 June 6:00:05 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hospitals soon to be hit by the most expensive drug shortage in history, as suppliers are unable to keep up with the demand for… saline? Really, nobody has a solution? [Scary]

Saturday 28 June 5:59:59 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [106 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 June 5:30:15 UTC 2014

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Archduke Ferdinand Is Murdered in Sarajevo

Saturday 28 June 4:54:12 UTC 2014

The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that shaped our modern world. Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 125th installment in the series. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mountain Dew Doritos cupcakes [Sick]

Saturday 28 June 4:30:53 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If your car's stuck in a ditch in someone's yard, it's okay to ask them for help….unless you just robbed their home. Then ask the neighbors, instead [Florida]

Saturday 28 June 3:57:30 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [7 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » keelah says FML

Saturday 28 June 3:57:24 UTC 2014

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Another day, another GM recall [Followup]

Saturday 28 June 3:33:02 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [55 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 June 3:15:25 UTC 2014

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Old Wedding Traditions You Didn't Know Existed

Saturday 28 June 2:46:21 UTC 2014

Showing your tush to the wedding photographer isn’t the strangest or most objectionable tradition the human race has dreamt up in the past few centuries. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » People of the world who benefited from the sacrifices of this WW II D-day veterans courage, if you're close by, go to his funeral, please. Somebody? [Hero]

Saturday 28 June 2:05:00 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Admiral Akbar says If a woman offers you a four-way with her and her two underage daughters, she's a Fed. Always, every time a Fed [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 June 1:17:09 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Funding approved for Golden Gate Bridge suicide barrier after only 1,400 have already jumped to their deaths [Obvious]

Saturday 28 June 0:55:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [238 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 June 0:28:10 UTC 2014

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing hysterically, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police tell man trying to get arrested that he hasn't committed a crime and that they can't arrest… oh…oh…wait… ooooh, yep, that'll work [Amusing]

Saturday 28 June 0:06:32 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The sound you hear is the hordes of lawyers breaking their necks to represent Bowe Bergdahl in hundreds of defamation lawsuits [Followup]

Saturday 28 June 0:04:56 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [150 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 June 0:02:36 UTC 2014

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this smoke break [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 June 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

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