Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
FMyLife » ewhy says FML
Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Russia sends 50 year old bombers to invade Britain [Amusing]
[link] [141 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You should visit a dentist at least once every six months. Unless of course the dentist randomly pulls out all your teeth for no reason on the first visit, then you can skip the second one [Scary]
[link] [76 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police attach explosives to rental car for training exercise, forget to tell the company which car before they rent it out [Fail]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » True story: Jay-Z once wrote a song for Bugs Bunny [Unlikely]
[link] [13 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: ‘Goonies’ Sequel In The Works
Reports are surfacing that a sequel is in store for The Goonies, the 1985 film about a group of kids hunting for treasure to save their homes from foreclosure, a possibility that has delighted fans who hope to see the film return with original cast… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Most people use log splitters to break up their firewood. This guy decided to use a frieght train instead [Florida]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man tries everything he can think of to avoid a DUI. Well, everything except not drinking and driving [Dumbass]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 8 Quirky Chopsticks For Playing With Your Food
Add some flair to your meal with a set of chopsticks that put those splintery disposable kind to shame. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Home defense tip: Those pithy, tough-guy, "kill lines" that movie action heroes spit out while shooting people? They don't sound nearly as good when being played for jurors at your murder trial [Dumbass]
[link] [498 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Wife refuses to have sex with you? Well she was probably molested as a child and that's grounds for a divorcin' says Pat Robertson [Dumbass]
[link] [127 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "You were collecting disability and were singing in a metal band. Yeah it's hardcore but that is fraud, you know" [Dumbass]
[link] [45 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Bill O'Reilly asks Bundy Militia member:"How does your protest differ from Occupy Wall Street?" Bundy supporter:"Mr. Bundy is providing the country with beef." Hey everybody: FREE STEAKS [Dumbass]
[link] [363 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » killmenow says FML
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML [Link]
The Onion » Neighborhood Kids Grant Landmark Status To House Where Guy Killed Himself
LINCOLN, NE—Granting it the same distinction as the playground where a third-grader stepped on a huge needle and the community swimming pool where someone dove in and broke his neck, neighborhood sources confirmed Wednesday that the grade-schoolers … 
[Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: An Oral History of 'MST3K'
From the Peanut Gallery If you love Joel Robinson, Tom Servo, and Crow T. Robot, then you’ll love this oral history of Mystery Science Theater 3000. * Alakazam! Check out this astounding illusionist on Britain’s Got Talent conjuring birds out of thin air. * “Some Kind of Writhing, Oversized Ball-Pit Monster” I love that description of the time Cleveland released … [Link]
The Onion » Activists Release Horrifying Video Showing How Meat Products Are Eaten
WASHINGTON—Forcing the grisly and rarely acknowledged practices into the public eye, a group of activists posted several disturbing videos online this week that expose how most meat products are eaten, sources confirmed. Secretly filmed on cell phon… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this relaxed show of force [Photoshop]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Most Famous Book Set in Each State
Do you agree with the book chosen for your state? [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Anomalous Mind Management, Abductee, Contactee Helpline stages inaugural conference to help those who believe they've had contact with aliens. Organizers hope the event will allow people to share their experiences without being teased [Unlikely]
[link] [69 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » To ensure motorists remain alert, small town replaces neutral road markings on narrow street with more to-the-point phrases like "AH DANGER", "SLOWLY" and "Things will jump out at you" [Weird]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Perverted Little Boy Asks To Sleep With Parents
ENID, OK—Reportedly seeking to indulge his twisted desires for the third time in as many nights, perverted 6-year-old Kyle Rogers entered his parents’ bedroom Tuesday night and directly asked if he could sleep with both of them, household sour… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » The worst part about faking your own kidnapping: Discovering your mom wouldn't pay $200 to get you back [Fail]
[link] [46 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Priest uses church money to buy condom. No, wait, condo, not condom [Dumbass]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Those melonfarmers in the Russian parliament are making a melonfarming law that bans melonfarming swearing in melonfarming public, the melonfarmers [Asinine]
[link] [46 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pardon me, Mr. President Obama? Sir? Nigeria has oil AND they're hiding Islamic Extremists like Al Queda AND I have evidence that they are transporting dangerous materials in trucks. Yours truly, Parafujo Mpira [Misc]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It's a good thing that you want someone to take action about all the cars that have crashed through your house in the last two years but maybe you need to move your family in the meantime [Scary]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » IRS gives out over $1 million in bonuses to employees who are delinquent in paying their taxes. Well, at least now they have some cash to cover the fines [Asinine]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » US says its troops only "assisted" Yemeni forces in taking out an Al-qaeda bombmaker responsible for the "underwear bomb" plot- by, ya know, flying them to the exact spot of the ambush, giving them guns and pointing out the guy to sho
[link] [38 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » In a Word
imbonity
n. the reverse of goodness; unkindness nocument
n. harm, damage; evil impenitible
adj. incapable of repentance illachrymable
adj. incapable of weeping [Link]
Fark.com RSS » 63 killed on Congo train when the band played the music too fast [Sad]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "Son, there comes *hic* a time *hic* when you become a man. *hic* here, take the *hic* keys, you're driving *hic* home tonight." "But dad, I'm only 13 and have never driven before." "You're a man *hic* now son. Do it ^
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 12 Fun Facts About Dollywood
I spent last weekend running around Dollywood, the amusement park created by country singer Dolly Parton. In addition to have a ton of fun, I learned a ton when I was there—not just about Parton, but about the area, too. Here's a sampling. [Link]
The Onion » NFL GMs Frantically Studying Bleacher Report Slideshow On Top College Prospects
NEW YORK—With the 2014 NFL Draft less than a month away, sources confirmed Tuesday that GMs from across the league are closely studying a Bleacher Report slideshow titled “Ranking The Top 100 NFL Draft Prospects” before making their fina… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Is that a loaded gun in your vagina or are you just not very happy to see me? [Dumbass]
[link] [97 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 9 Reasons to Love the Amazing Snow Monkey
Snow monkeys (also known as Japanese macaques) are a cute, fun-loving bunch. Adorable as they may be, there’s much more to this primate than just a pretty face. [Link]
Mental Floss » The Most Interesting Comics of the Week
Every Wednesday, I write about the most interesting new comics hitting comic shops, bookstores, Comixology, Kickstarter, and the web. These are not necessarily reviews (though sometimes they are) but more pointing out noteworthy new comics that you may want to seek out. Feel free to comment below if there's a comic you've read recently that you want to talk about … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Germany warns of war in Europe. This is not a repeat from 1938 [Interesting]
[link] [187 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "It's hard to fault Foote for not going into greater detail about the underlying science, since he is, at that very moment, boring a hole in Haning's skull" [Interesting]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Almost_Homeless says FML
Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man gets fitted with bionic eye, claims to be the son of Scott Summers and Jean Grey [Cool]
[link] [92 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Report: U.S. Still Leads World With Highest Density Of Kevins
WASHINGTON—A report released Wednesday by the United Nations revealed that the U.S. continues to lead the world with the highest per capita density of Kevins of any nation. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Only the Shadow knows who it was that was caught on camera at this South American soccer game that freaked out fans by gliding through the crowd [Strange]
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you took an ambulance for a four block spin last night, the Montgomery County Police would like a word with you [Strange]
[link] [15 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The most extreme conspiracy theory yet in the missing Malaysia Airlines plane drama: Passenger jet was shot down by American military forces and they're now trying to cover it up [Unlikely]
[link] [111 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Apparently these milk executives thought the public was of the opinion, "You know, I would buy more milk if milk commercials made a lot more innuendos." This is what 8 oz. of protein looks like. [Strange]
[link] [82 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Everyone in the US South discovered to be African American [Interesting]
[link] [53 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Amazon strikes a deal with HBO in order to air classic shows like "The Sopranos" and "The Wire." In other news those two shows are considered classics now [Spiffy]
[link] [171 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Infographic: How To Live Gluten-Free
Here is The Onion’s guide to avoiding wheat, barley, rye, and other glutinous foods 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » One's career options are limited when one's name is Drupak Kunley and one's penis is known as the "Thunderbolt of Flaming Wisdom." One can be a rap artist or the patron saint of Buddhist Bhutan [Hero]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The ongoing search for the missing Malaysian airliner has revealed a serious hurdle for China's plans to become the dominant naval power in the Pacific: Navies need friendly ports to resupply in and most of China's neighbors don't like Ch
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » According to a 'planetary defense group,' it is just a matter of time before a planet-killing asteroid hits us. EVERYBODY PANIC. Wait, planetary defense group? You mean… the Justice League? [Scary]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » A Giant Map of Where to Drink in New York City
Display the splendor of New York City's imbibing options on your wall with Pop Chart Lab's latest poster, which intricately maps over 200 "artisanal purveyors of alcohol" throughout Manhattan, Brooklyn and Queens. [Link]
Mental Floss » 15 Fun Facts About 'Midnight Madness'
When Midnight Madness starts to get to you … you’d better be prepared [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A list of license plates rejected by Florida DMV. A55 RGY unavailable for comment. (Warning: subby not competent enough to make deslided work) [Florida]
[link] [109 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » UC Florida student claims he was rejected by a fraternity for being too gay to paddle the asses of his brothers and stand around in a circle of guys wanking it [Florida]
[link] [85 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Nintendo Game Boy Turns 25
This week marks the 25th anniversary of the release of the Nintendo Game Boy in Japan. What do you think? 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Poland's military is made up of clanky Soviet-era equipment. An upgrade was scheduled with European involvement. Then Russia invaded Ukraine and Poland decided it wanted BIG AMERICAN GUNS (and helicopters and missiles) [Obvious]
[link] [151 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Brain Game: 1760 of 'em
Can you solve the Word Ladder in today's mentalfloss.com Brain Game Wednesday Wordplay challenge in six steps or fewer? Prove it! By changing one letter in each step to form English words, and leaving all other letters in their original positions, convert YARD into MILE in the fewest possible steps. Y A R D
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "His story is that several officers attacked him wearing full chemical suits, and they sprayed him with chemicals and put him in a shed," Wilkie said. "So, he's hallucinating" [Dumbass]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » What Would a Full Lunar Eclipse Look Like From the Moon?
Eclipses are a pretty amazing sight from our tiny little vantage points on Earth. But what would a lunar eclipse look like from the moon's surface? And what about that strange phenomenon we call a blood moon? [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Today is St George's Day in England, kind of like President's Day if George Washington was a Turkish dragon slayer who never actually went to the United States [Interesting]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » ♪ If a model finds a body while it's on the fly, The FAA says that's no hobby, you must let them die ♫ [Asinine]
[link] [92 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pro tip: Calling the real life SWAT team to swat out your opponent is not the proper way to avenge your destruction in "Call of Duty" [Fail]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "We believe that this road sign reading 'WARNING: ZOMBIES AHEAD' is a joke. But we haven't been brave enough to drive beyond the sign" [Florida]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Anti-thigh gap jeans are here, because we must not allow a thigh-fat gap [Interesting]
[link] [133 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Britain's fearless mutant rat population is mutating, getting more intelligent at being able to not get caught [Scary]
[link] [60 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "NJ family sues over under God." Hmm — preposition trouble. Apparently they don't to be dictated to from about down out of above or something [Amusing]
[link] [142 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » First economic sanctions, now North Koreans are barred from learning how to make cheese [Interesting]
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Digital eyes
A Japanese inventor, Hirotaka Osawa, has created glasses (which he calls AgencyGlass) that display a pair of digital eyes, sparing wearers the burden of having to express emotion with their eyes. The NY Daily News reports:
Just as robots can reduce the need for physical labour, the AgencyGlass — which looks like two small TV screens set in spectacle frames … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this magic picture box [Photoshop]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » First online spam sent 20 years ago. Nigerian prince now serving his fourth term as king [Interesting]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » How Good Design Can Save Lives
Childhood vaccination is step one. Step two is helping parents keep track of it. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "The next time you're cleaning your fish pond, remember to turn off the ultraviolet sterilization lamp" [Scary]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A man celebrating his birthday pees on a van. Then things get weird [Weird]
[link] [11 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » The Seagram’s Nightmare
Does this bout of insane tedious bickering make you want to purchase Seagram's liquor? [Link]
Fark.com RSS » I think the internet is officially being catfished by raunchy sorority girl emails [Strange]
[link] [58 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Meet the British gamer girl living life as a fully blown Disney Princess [Cool]
[link] [59 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Supreme Court gives police the power to execute searches based solely on anonymous tips. There is no way that this can backfire [Hero]
[link] [459 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Move over, Grinch: Girls caught fencing stolen Easter bunnies [Amusing]
[link] [12 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Experts say eating flowers could be good for your health, increase your stamena [Interesting]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Archery
[Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Twaggies Illustrated Tweets Animated
Grammar Nazis Rock! The first episode of the Twaggies video series of animated Tweets is online.
*
Celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Ghostbusters with Witty Art Inspired by the Film. Gallery 1988 is taking the show on the road.
*
Keep Your Kitten Away From Your Laptop With This Handy Cat Desk. It gives them something better to do than … [Link]
FMyLife » tothebaneofkings says FML
Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Gun silencer sales are skyrocketing, in case you hadn't heard [Sad]
[link] [384 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » flufee2 says FML
Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Paint-filled eggs falling out of my vagina? It's more likely than you think (Not safe for work) [Strange]
[link] [91 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Dumb: A child molester from Georgia travels to Colorado. Dumber: while wearing his ankle monitor tracker. Dumbest: To meet an underage girl who was actually a cop in a undercover sting operation [Stupid]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Borromean Tribars
Only the brilliantly inventive Lee Sallows would think of this. The figure above combines Penrose triangles with Borromean rings: Each of the triangles is an impossible object, and they’re united in a perplexing way — although the three are linked together, no two are linked. (Thanks, Lee.) [Link]
Mental Floss » 20 Awesome Things People Saw at the 1964 World’s Fair
The 1964–'65 World’s Fair opened in New York City 50 years ago today, bringing a plethora of innovative exhibits to Flushing Meadows–Corona Park in Queens. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Study finds men still interested in sex even when in severe pain. "It's only a flesh wound" [Obvious]
[link] [141 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 6 Traits Humans Inherited from Monkeys
Humans didn’t evolve from modern monkeys, but if you trace the branches of our family tree far enough, you’ll realize that we share a common ancestor. [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML [Link]
FMyLife » only my life says FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Defendant afraid tattooed mirror-image letters spelling out the word "murder" on his neck might just prejudice the jury in his murder trial. O Rly? [Asinine]
[link] [98 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nice: Providing wood for public Easter bonfire. Not so nice: With live machine gun ammunition hidden in it [Sick]
[link] [94 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You're a girl and wear pants to prom? GTFO [Stupid]
[link] [164 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police: Man 'armed' with potato attempts robbery in Rhode Island. I can defend myself against fresh fruit but a potato is a whole nother story [Silly]
[link] [54 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark: Naval Academy lacrosse player threatens cab driver with a knife. Farker: A butter knife [Dumbass]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hey officer, could you keep an eye on my really nice, expensive bike while I run into Walmart and grab a few things? [Dumbass]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Since 2000, CEOs of fast food chains have seen their salaries quadruple. Their employees, however, have seen their salaries decrease by a minimum of 1% [Sick]
[link] [257 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The New York Police Department just got a, shall we say, brutal lesson in social media [Fail]
[link] [112 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Cardiologist accuses strip club into drugging him into signing off on extravagant charges. So he went back three more times to be sure [Dumbass]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 13 Great Jack Nicholson Quotes for his 77th Birthday
Jack Nicholson turns 77 today. Let's celebrate with some of the actor's wit and wisdom. [Link]
Mental Floss » 12 Discontinued Boy Scout Merit Badges
Aspiring Eagle Scouts no longer sew these patches onto their merit badge sashes, much to the chagrin of taxidermists and almond farmers everywhere [Link]
FMyLife » wah wah "you raised him" says FML
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Always know where your towel is. Also your toilet paper. Especially if you might appear in this week's Mugshot Roundup [Fail]
[link] [67 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » When questioned after his arrest for rape of 10-year-old, man explains, "I'm not the normal guy that everyone thinks I am" [Florida]
[link] [51 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this street viewer [Photoshop]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 7 People Whose Death Notices Improved Their Lives
These folks, falsely declared dead, came out stronger on the other side. [Link]
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