John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » World's largest hot dog gets rolled out at Florida County Fair [Weeners]

Saturday 22 March 23:41:29 UTC 2014

Weeners [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Those FABULOUS weddings happening in Michigan won't stop until Tuesday at the earliest [Followup]

Saturday 22 March 23:22:12 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 59 out of 80 dead as Ebola makes another run at the gates. Sleep tight [Scary]

Saturday 22 March 23:00:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What professions have the most psychopaths? You already know number one [Obvious]

Saturday 22 March 22:45:36 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [149 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guy takes exception to someone cutting him in the lunch line, starts a fatal fight. This happened in a.) prison, b.) high school, or c.) a nursing home? [Dumbass]

Saturday 22 March 22:29:45 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » AT&T says Netflix not paying for additional bandwidth is like you paying for extra postage so your neighbor can get their Netflix movies in the mail [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 22:08:17 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Are You Smarter Than an Eighth Grader? 1912 Edition

Saturday 22 March 22:00:08 UTC 2014

Travel back to 1912 and pretend this is your exit exam to the real world. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wondered what would happen if a submarine surfaced right underneath a walrus, and then the walrus takes a nap on the submarine? Wonder no more (pic) [Cool]

Saturday 22 March 21:47:13 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man wearing trash bag as disguise robs Jack-in-the-Box. Witnesses describe the man as Hefty [Strange]

Saturday 22 March 21:19:54 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis names the first members of council to advise him on sex abuse policy. Fark: Council includes an Irish woman who was abused by a priest [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 20:42:37 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [133 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Dr.Anonymous says FML

Saturday 22 March 20:26:25 UTC 2014

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Honeymooner loses ring in an unpleasant spot. No. Not the back of a Volkswagen [Dumbass]

Saturday 22 March 20:13:25 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this mysterious person [Photoshop]

Saturday 22 March 20:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You said I had nothing to fear from the dentist. You said everything was going to be fine and I was just being a worry-wart [Scary]

Saturday 22 March 19:47:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest "retro" trend is to recreate childhood photos. These two brothers (and their dad) show what happens when someone takes the time to get it right [Cool]

Saturday 22 March 19:35:02 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » My girlfriend's sister revealed my gf was formerly a man, so I dumped her and married the sister. The in-laws sided with my transgender ex. Dear Prudie: how can I add more outrageous details while still being believable enough for you to answer?

Saturday 22 March 19:18:17 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [253 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Special Delivery

Saturday 22 March 18:55:58 UTC 2014

Mark Twain’s 3-year-old daughter Susie found this letter waiting for her on Christmas morning 1875: Palace of St. Nicholas,
In the Moon,
Christmas Morning. My Dear Susie Clemens: I have received & read all the letters which you & your little sister have written me by the hand of your mother & your nurses; & I have also read those … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not so cool unhip guy who doesn't like people on his lawn, explains how liberals use coolness as a weapon. The uncoolness, it oozes [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 18:40:07 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [162 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Our Interview with Hellboy Creator Mike Mignola

Saturday 22 March 18:32:19 UTC 2014

In 1993, Mike Mignola stepped away from a successful career drawing comics for Marvel and DC to pursue his dream of creating his own comic book character. Twenty years, hundreds of comics, four novels, and two feature films later, Hellboy has spawned an entire world of characters and stories that endures today. (And that's despite the fact that Hellboy himself … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some people call this a garage door, but if you're from the uber hip East Village in NYC it's called a retractable facade [Obvious]

Saturday 22 March 18:17:51 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The remote control needs to die. Die, remote control, die [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 17:45:29 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Couple arrested for trying to sell purloined boat parts, will get a stern lesson in the law [Florida]

Saturday 22 March 17:18:13 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Pasta Behind the Scenes

Saturday 22 March 17:00:00 UTC 2014

Take an illustrated, virtual trip to Italy and the home of the world’s largest pasta producer. * Would you rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses or a single horse-sized duck? Arnold Schwarzenegger has the answer to this one. * Given the chance, who wouldn’t want to sing a duet with Billy Joel? Jimmy Fallon, late-night TV host and very lucky … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers ask: What happens if you get drunk and stoned at the same time? Well, other than what you post on the Politics tab – we've all seen that [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 16:53:28 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [148 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » please stop singing!!!! says FML

Saturday 22 March 16:38:32 UTC 2014

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's bad enough that the Chinese are processing our chickens and selling them back to us; it's even worse that the Chinese appetite for Spam is destroying the Midwest [Scary]

Saturday 22 March 16:33:03 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kinda-hot school security guard gets 7-month suspended sentence for sleeping with student, may not spend a day in jail. Why of course its a woman – how did you know? [Obvious]

Saturday 22 March 16:12:44 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [169 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Officer, please help. The bank has been robbed." "Can you describe the suspect Ma'am?" "Yes. He's pink" [Fail]

Saturday 22 March 15:55:44 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FYI: It's Furry Weekend in Atlanta. You've been warned [Scary]

Saturday 22 March 15:33:29 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I've fathered 98 children, and won't stop" [Strange]

Saturday 22 March 15:25:38 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [71 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Jen__ says FML

Saturday 22 March 15:18:16 UTC 2014

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three million people now trying to help find the missing Malaysian Airlines jet. It's the biggest surge of people working together on the internet for a cause since the effort to deport Justin Bieber back to Canada [Followup]

Saturday 22 March 15:14:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scots figure out that if you can do everything else in life with a beer in your hand, you might as well sketch nudes with a beer in your hand as well. Behold, art class in a pub [Spiffy]

Saturday 22 March 14:55:16 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida couple married for 45 years dies minutes apart. Which isn't unusual in Florida except in this case it didn't involve a gun or a trip to the farmers market [Florida]

Saturday 22 March 14:53:37 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're doomed for deep, self-loathing, mommy issues if your 70-year-old mother puts on a heavy Mickey Mouse costume every day just so she can earn enough money to buy your sorry-ass a wife [Strange]

Saturday 22 March 14:30:48 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Ghostbuster" gets 15 years in prison for exchanging ectoplasm with 15-year old Police Explorer [Dumbass]

Saturday 22 March 14:15:12 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch the Watson "Jeopardy!" Match

Saturday 22 March 14:00:04 UTC 2014

In 2011, IBM's supercomputer Watson took on Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter in a computer-versus-human championship match. It was aired across three days, but consisted of two full games and some bonus material. Now you can watch those games on YouTube. Enjoy this trip back to the not-so-distant past! Here's the first game. The commercials are mostly skipped. And here's … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can you match popular food brands with their corporate parents? No running to the kitchen to check labels [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 13:52:01 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ♫ OOOOk-lahoma, where the earthquakes are really very tame ♫ [Misc]

Saturday 22 March 13:49:31 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Life in America: 1948

Saturday 22 March 13:46:51 UTC 2014

[Link]

Weird Universe » Tarantula

Saturday 22 March 13:44:20 UTC 2014

Body artist Emma Fay transforms a person into a tarantula. More info at the Leicester Mercury.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Church of Scientology leader David Miscavige meets with Clearwater leaders to complain about the local newspaper and discuss how best to continue taking over the city [Florida]

Saturday 22 March 13:26:14 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [172 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police in Aurora, Colorado arrest two after finding 12,000 packets of spice. In other news, Aurora police now control the universe [Dumbass]

Saturday 22 March 13:05:00 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this sausage queen [Photoshop]

Saturday 22 March 13:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cuba gives doctors big pay raise. To $64 a month. When they make assistant manager, though, that's when the big bucks roll in [Amusing]

Saturday 22 March 12:54:43 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [52 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 22 March 12:49:54 UTC 2014

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Investigation reveals e-cigarette smokers may inhale metal. Slayer wanted for questioning. m/ m/ [PSA]

Saturday 22 March 12:41:32 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you decide to try to interfere with a cop who's arresting your son, make sure that you wear your best mascara for mugshot goodness [Fail]

Saturday 22 March 12:21:06 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not News: Adorable kitty enjoys a comforting back massage. Caturday: From his best friend, a young crab-eating macaque monkey (w/pics) [Caturday]

Saturday 22 March 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [938 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Best Korea protests Worst Korea's military drills with US by firing 30 more best rockets at Sea of Japan [Obvious]

Saturday 22 March 11:35:43 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The reality in America is that gay people are poorer than straight Americans because they're gay. The myth that they're a privileged set is just that .. a myth [Obvious]

Saturday 22 March 11:05:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [133 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Portland man finds rat swimming in his toilet. Officials: "It's quite common" [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 9:39:11 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russia's bill for Crimea: $10.2 billion. But Russia is getting $100 million back from their basing leases, so they have that going for them [Interesting]

Saturday 22 March 9:11:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school football player who is geekier than most of us can play piano, trombone, tuba, small tuba, guitar, bass guitar, snare, trumpet and drums and has been offered 150 college scholarship offers. Finally something good comes out of Florida [Spi

Saturday 22 March 8:00:48 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's "school forced into panic-stricken lock-down over toy gun" story brought to you by Clayton County, Georgia [Asinine]

Saturday 22 March 8:00:41 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If they recognize your bedroom as a war museum because of your collection of RAF memorabilia, you've got to be a pretty cool seven-year-old [Cool]

Saturday 22 March 7:58:38 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you lie to a cop by claiming you were driving and talking on your cell phone because your mother was at home with chest pains, mom's going to wonder why there are paramedics at her house and what your mug shot is doing in the papers [Dumbass]

Saturday 22 March 7:38:24 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Slippery

Saturday 22 March 6:49:05 UTC 2014

Image: Flickr Andy Warhol made a significant statement with Brillo Boxes, first exhibited at New York’s Stable Gallery in 1964. The banal collection of soap boxes seemed indistinguishable from those found at any supermarket. Warhol seemed to be saying that it’s not the visual appeal of an object that determines its status as art; rather, it’s the artist’s intention, his decision … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Idaho to 4,000 ravens: Nevermore [Asinine]

Saturday 22 March 6:39:22 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [49 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » BMTH2296 says FML

Saturday 22 March 6:20:35 UTC 2014

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 22 March 6:20:34 UTC 2014

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML [Link]

FMyLife » iusedprotectionanyway says FML

Saturday 22 March 6:14:00 UTC 2014

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian University makes an apology for making a student apologize for emailing that photo of President Obama kicking down a door. What a sorry country [Stupid]

Saturday 22 March 6:06:19 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A guy walks into a bar, drinks $80 worth of shots, sets fire to trash can in the bathroom and punches several people in the face on the way out. Not a joke setup, a standard Friday in Florida [Florida]

Saturday 22 March 5:51:13 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Crazed man who is high on PCP climbs on top of a SUV and starts doing a strip tease for police as well as the woman and her 6-year-old daughter who are in the SUV. Another normal day in Florida…. Wait i mean Delaware [Scary]

Saturday 22 March 5:36:45 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cool: starting your school day over breakfast with Montana's governor. Cooler: he brings along a friend who draws sketches for you. Holy Fark: it's the Dude, and he won't abide kids going hungry [Cool]

Saturday 22 March 4:36:55 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear donator, Goodwill would like to thank you for the old clothing, but due to 4.7 billion pounds of clothing donated annually, yours will be placed in landfills, get recycled into rags or be sent to crush a 3rd world country's economy [Asinine]

Saturday 22 March 4:05:46 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When arrested, Richards told police 'Just take me to the *%$ #@* jail then." Drunk? Nope. Teenage thug? Nope. How about senior citizen who started food fight at Golden Corrall? Winner winner, flying chicken dinner [Amusing]

Saturday 22 March 3:41:18 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [33 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt says FML

Saturday 22 March 2:20:36 UTC 2014

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 22 March 2:20:35 UTC 2014

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's teacher/student tryst takes place at a Waffle House. Flip me over and cover me in butter [Amusing]

Saturday 22 March 1:36:41 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Connection found between White House and MH370. Fox News was right after all [Followup]

Saturday 22 March 1:19:49 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [305 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » richard says FML

Saturday 22 March 1:10:38 UTC 2014

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman wins $7.5 million for having "the baddest body in the St. Louis area" [Misc]

Saturday 22 March 0:34:14 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Welcome to the IKEA helpline. If you would like to report your baby being strangled in our bed canopy, please press 1 now [PSA]

Saturday 22 March 0:11:51 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this jaunty Joe [Photoshop]

Saturday 22 March 0:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

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