John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.” RSS » Mom who homeschools her daughter doesn't get why she can't ride public school buses around town. "Let's not punish each other because we've decided to educate our children in different ways" [Murica]

Thursday 18 January 23:35:03 UTC 2018

Murica [link] [274 comments] [Link] RSS » In June of 2016, BMW announced it won a contract to supply the Los Angeles Police Department with 100 electric cars – a multi-million-dollar program the chief said "made sense for taxpayers and for the environment." Well, guess what? [Fail]

Thursday 18 January 22:50:04 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [117 comments] [Link] RSS » ♪♫ Robbery Raccoon, in search of a Zune, broke into a Knoxville iPhone store ♫♪ [Repeat]

Thursday 18 January 22:20:05 UTC 2018

Repeat [link] [23 comments] [Link] RSS » Sorry, but your flight has already left, Buzz. If that is your real name [Sad]

Thursday 18 January 22:05:03 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [61 comments] [Link] RSS » Old and busted: Living in a shipping container. New affordable housing: Living in a giant concrete water pipe [Spiffy]

Thursday 18 January 21:46:44 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [95 comments] [Link] RSS » Nothing to see here citizen. Ignore the NYPD raiding the offices of Newsweek [Interesting]

Thursday 18 January 21:35:03 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [39 comments] [Link] RSS » ♫ Who's blowing through the streets of the city / Knocking down everybody she sees / Who's rippin' off the roofs of the buildings / Everyone knows it's Windy ♫ [Scary]

Thursday 18 January 21:05:03 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [33 comments] [Link] RSS » Photoshop Tennis Match: A day at the beach [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 January 21:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link] RSS » Florida has a new high-speed rail line called Brightline that just started service. So far, four people have been struck and killed by the train. Death Row Rails? [Florida]

Thursday 18 January 20:50:04 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [109 comments] [Link] RSS » The B'oatcake is back floating and chugging along North Staffordshire's waterways after donations paid for it to be repaired [Sappy]

Thursday 18 January 20:05:03 UTC 2018

Sappy [link] [21 comments] [Link] RSS » The Nanny State considers cutting back on 24-hour drinking at airports so there would be no more refreshing pints available at 4 in the morning [Sad]

Thursday 18 January 19:35:03 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [117 comments] [Link] RSS » Here's your annual "The majority of Americans are good and truly farked in the event of a minor financial emergency" article. Sleep tight [Scary]

Thursday 18 January 19:20:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [151 comments] [Link] RSS » Dozens audition for role of lifetime as Weeki Wachee mermaids. "It's just a dream come true if I get it" [Followup]

Thursday 18 January 19:05:03 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [57 comments] [Link] RSS » Krispy Kreme is asking fans to choose new doughnut flavor. OK FARK. You know what to do. Article on the left, your sick, disgusting, snotty comments on the right [Survey]

Thursday 18 January 18:50:04 UTC 2018

Survey [link] [210 comments] [Link] RSS » Giant Meteor continues its election campaign in the Midwest with a second fireball in the sky last night. Bruce Willis reportedly seen headed to Cape Canaveral [Followup]

Thursday 18 January 18:35:03 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [64 comments] [Link] RSS » I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a deer that has a chicken feeder stuck around its neck [Strange]

Thursday 18 January 18:05:03 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [29 comments] [Link] RSS » Traffic wardens overlooked $19,000 of parking tickets for two years of free pizza. So, pro-tip? [Interesting]

Thursday 18 January 17:20:06 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [50 comments] [Link] RSS » We can confirm the missile attack alert was a false alarm. You may now fap in complete safety [Giggity]

Thursday 18 January 17:05:03 UTC 2018

Giggity [link] [52 comments] [Link] RSS » After minutes of searching, drone locates two people in the middle of nowhere and unleashes an unholy barrage of flotation device to save their lives [Cool]

Thursday 18 January 16:50:05 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [54 comments] [Link] RSS » Marijuana is not a substitute for money when buying pizza. Who knew? [Amusing]

Thursday 18 January 16:20:05 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [79 comments] [Link] RSS » "Honey, lets get married today." "But we're on a plane. How can we possibly make that happen?" Pope Francis: "Ahem" [Spiffy]

Thursday 18 January 16:05:03 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [172 comments] [Link] RSS » Finally, a chest of drawers big enough for Farkers to keep their ratty old underwear in. And it's for sale [Spiffy]

Thursday 18 January 15:35:03 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [32 comments] [Link] RSS » Toronto Board of Health to hold public hearings on the dangers of nuclear weapons and radiation fallout. How's it glowing, eh? [Scary]

Thursday 18 January 15:20:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [62 comments] [Link] RSS » A wolf is on the loose near London after escaping its sanctuary. Sources cited by Fark say it sneakily wore a sheepskin jacket to trick the people on the gate [Scary]

Thursday 18 January 15:05:03 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [114 comments] [Link] RSS » New VA hospital in Colorado will serve fewer patients, have fewer beds and no PTSD treatment center, despite being twice the square footage of the old one. Fail tag passed away in the waiting room, so Asinine tag fills in [Asinine]

Thursday 18 January 14:50:05 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [91 comments] [Link] RSS » 200,000 honey bees killed when 100 hives doused with diesel fuel. Talk about a buzzkill [Creepy]

Thursday 18 January 14:35:03 UTC 2018

Creepy [link] [166 comments] [Link] RSS » 750kg of cocaine found hidden in pineapples. Police describe the suspect as wide-eyed and square pantsed [Weird]

Thursday 18 January 14:05:03 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [39 comments] [Link] RSS » Photoshop this holy orb [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 January 14:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link] RSS » Lions and tigers and mares, oh my (warning: disturbing images) [Scary]

Thursday 18 January 13:50:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [41 comments] [Link] RSS » Not all millionaires are bad, some are also deranged for hiring strippers for their son's 12th birthday party [Dumbass]

Thursday 18 January 13:35:04 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [94 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » 8 tons of fallout biscuits

Thursday 18 January 13:25:05 UTC 2018

A follow-up to my post yesterday about the invention of 'fallout biscuits' in 1961.

In 1971, eight tons of these biscuits, or crackers, caused the floor to collapse at the South Carolina State House:

"All of a sudden the walls of the State House began to shake and then the whole world fell in," said Woody Brooks, whose office is … [Link] RSS » Today in obvious news: Most dog owners would rather hang out with their pet because they are less stressful than stupid people [Obvious]

Thursday 18 January 13:05:04 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [76 comments] [Link] RSS » Russian urban climber found dead and turned unto failcicle on side of building (possible nsfw content on page) [Fail]

Thursday 18 January 12:50:01 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [49 comments] [Link] RSS » A man shoots at cops with a BB gun, cops don't shoot back. Can you guess why? [Obvious]

Thursday 18 January 12:20:22 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [112 comments] [Link] RSS » IRS warns of W-2 form scams that are worse scams than the W-2 forms [Fake]

Thursday 18 January 11:45:03 UTC 2018

Fake [link] [13 comments] [Link] RSS » Trump's announcement of the winners of Fake News Awards goes as smoothly as everything else his administration does [Fail]

Thursday 18 January 11:03:08 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [174 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 66

Thursday 18 January 10:52:00 UTC 2018

What's going on here?

The answer is at the link.

Or after the jump.

[Link] RSS » Almost there, almost there, almost there… oh shiat [Fail]

Thursday 18 January 10:23:09 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [53 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » A Simple Guide for Any Wizard

Thursday 18 January 10:11:25 UTC 2018

guide Lord of the Rings Movie The Hobbit books saru - 7013260288 Graph by: (via LOTR Project) Tagged: guide , Lord of the Rings , Movie , The Hobbit , books , saru Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Rally of the Sexes

Thursday 18 January 10:11:20 UTC 2018

Cheezburger Image 7770398976 Neomam Said: Male tennis players might win more money than the ladies… But what can the rest of the game numbers say about each gender? Graph by: neomam (via Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Don't Forget noise-Canceling Headphones

Thursday 18 January 10:11:14 UTC 2018

packing family Pie Chart vacation - 7976902912 Graph by: NanoKid6 Tagged: packing , family , Pie Chart , vacation Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » So Many Frienemies

Thursday 18 January 10:11:11 UTC 2018

facebook frienemy venn diagram - 6137087744 Graph by: (via Matthew Krase) Tagged: facebook , frienemy , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Classic: The Greatest Keytar Player Since Prince

Thursday 18 January 10:11:07 UTC 2018

animals beaver classic duck keytar platypus prince venn diagram - 6069606144 Graph by: Sponge-lemon Tagged: animals , beaver , classic , duck , keytar , platypus , prince , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It Takes a Long Time To Talk Yourself Into Putting Your Pants On

Thursday 18 January 10:11:02 UTC 2018

lies on my way Pie Chart - 7878571520 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: lies , on my way , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Cutest Astronomical Event

Thursday 18 January 10:11:01 UTC 2018

eclipse moon sun venn diagram - 5159893760 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: eclipse , moon , sun , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Expensive School Myths Explored

Thursday 18 January 10:11:00 UTC 2018

infographic money schools - 7958374656 Graph by: NowSourcing (via Tagged: infographic , money , schools Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Can't Stop the Music

Thursday 18 January 10:10:54 UTC 2018

Music phone Pie Chart quiet room volume - 4269894400 Graph by: liliop Tagged: Music , phone , Pie Chart , quiet , room , volume Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Morning Shower Water Is the Nectar of the Gods

Thursday 18 January 10:10:49 UTC 2018

morning Pie Chart showers sleepy - 4884242432 Graph by: SnowyCheetah Tagged: morning , Pie Chart , showers , sleepy Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Fashion's Most Outrageous Outfits [Infographic]

Thursday 18 January 10:10:48 UTC 2018

Music fashion infographic celeb - 7844479488 From Britney Spears to Lady Gaga, you must know the best moments of your favorite pop stars. Graph by: neomam (via Tagged: Music , fashion , infographic , celeb Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Those Certainly Aren't in the Books

Thursday 18 January 10:10:47 UTC 2018

pie charts Game of Thrones graphs funny got - 7551996416 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: pie charts , Game of Thrones , graphs , funny , got Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Where Your Guitar Pick Goes

Thursday 18 January 10:10:45 UTC 2018

guitar Music pick graphs funny - 7465776384 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: guitar , Music , pick , graphs , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Like a Real Grown Up

Thursday 18 January 10:10:40 UTC 2018

office chairs Pie Chart spinning vomit work - 6493207296 Graph by: MissMimi99 Tagged: office chairs , Pie Chart , spinning , vomit , work Share on Facebook [Link] RSS » But detectives had him in handcuffs within hours after discovering the note he left at the bank was written on the back of his girlfriend's pay stub [Dumbass]

Thursday 18 January 9:46:53 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [19 comments] [Link] RSS » Study points to way to improve home prices. Is it A) Better schools B) Better infrastructure or C) Marijuana dispensaries [Amusing]

Thursday 18 January 8:03:35 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [66 comments] [Link] RSS » The terror group responsible for the most extremist murders in 2017? White supremacists [Murica]

Thursday 18 January 7:16:32 UTC 2018

Murica [link] [121 comments] [Link] RSS » A president, such as President Trump, who cannot take criticism, "who must constantly deflect and distort and distract – who must find someone else to blame – is charting a very dangerous path" [Obvious]

Thursday 18 January 7:02:33 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Machine Prayer

Thursday 18 January 6:35:55 UTC 2018

In his 1953 book The Impact of Science on Society, Bertrand Russell warned that modern life was subordinating people to the technical requirements of their work. “What science has done is to increase the proportion of your life in which you are a cog,” he warned. “You can only justify the cog theory by worship of the machine.” In time … [Link] RSS » Gay couple orders programs for their wedding. Receives pamphlets on Satan instead. I guess that's a type of progress [Asinine]

Thursday 18 January 6:13:36 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [91 comments] [Link] RSS » The sexual superbug you've never heard of, and since you're on Fark, will never have a chance to catch either [Sick]

Thursday 18 January 5:41:40 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [37 comments] [Link] RSS » Where would be the best place to hide 52 Bison? [Weird]

Thursday 18 January 5:03:47 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [82 comments] [Link] RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 663: "Pink 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 18 January 5:01:00 UTC 2018

Farktography [link] [44 comments] [Link] RSS » Honestly, what kind of cretin steals 1,000 tins of spaghetti hoops from a food bank? [Sick]

Thursday 18 January 4:11:16 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [83 comments] [Link] RSS » Fort Collins, CO has been engaged in a desperate battle for years. Finally, its drive to keep women's tops on goes to 10th Circuit Court of Appeals [Boobies]

Thursday 18 January 3:30:03 UTC 2018

Boobies [link] [82 comments] [Link] RSS » The latest everyday item that is making you sick: receipts [Sick]

Thursday 18 January 2:50:21 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [54 comments] [Link] RSS » Speed camera placed at strategic work zone on the Capital Beltway produces almost 75,000 tickets and $3 million of safety during the last six months of 2017 [News]

Thursday 18 January 2:43:49 UTC 2018

News [link] [94 comments] [Link] RSS » Drunk droning now illegal in New Jersey. Bagpiping under the influence still legal [Followup]

Thursday 18 January 2:14:29 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [40 comments] [Link] RSS » The parents of the 13 kids kept locked up lived in two houses in the Fort Worth area of Texas before heading west. The current owners of those houses found scratch marks on doors, carpets caked in filth and closets "converted into cages" [Fol

Thursday 18 January 2:01:13 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [112 comments] [Link] RSS » Man arrested for having 'unnatural sex' with three cows. So does that mean that there is such a thing as 'natural sex' with a cow? [Sick]

Thursday 18 January 1:55:14 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [76 comments] [Link] RSS » What kind of shiathole 3rd-world country takes 4 months to get the power back on? [Sad]

Thursday 18 January 1:49:17 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [35 comments] [Link] RSS » Photoshop these beautiful buds [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 January 1:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [29 comments] [Link] RSS » US Border Patrol agents routinely destroy water jugs, humanitarian supplies left for illegal immigrants crossing deserts, like, so they can die [Sick]

Thursday 18 January 0:55:03 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [222 comments] [Link]


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