John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Look out… Look OUT… LOOK OUT! [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 23:49:15 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ugly-ass baby Malayan tapir born in Minnesota Zoo. Who am I kidding, it's adorable [Sappy]

Wednesday 17 January 21:35:13 UTC 2018

Sappy [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Family discovers hidden room after sinkhole opens in garage. Pennywise unavailable for comment [Weird]

Wednesday 17 January 21:20:05 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're living so well that you don't notice your assistant stole $1.2 million of your wine, then good for you [Asinine]

Wednesday 17 January 21:05:04 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this spa session [Photoshop]

Wednesday 17 January 21:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having studiously crunched the numbers, Church of Satan arrives at the conclusion that only Sex Robots are capable of saving society [Obvious]

Wednesday 17 January 20:50:06 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chinese youth falling prey to dangerous mew drug. "As a veteran sniffer, if I don't get my fix I feel absolutely terrible. I have a serious addiction" [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 20:35:11 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're kicked off a train by the police, don't try to jump back on when it starts moving again. Especially if you're about 50 pounds overweight [Dumbass]

Wednesday 17 January 20:20:06 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Surf’s Up

Wednesday 17 January 20:13:46 UTC 2018

La Ola, or the “Mexican wave,” seems like the ultimate in spontaneous behavior, but biological physicist Illés Farkas of Eötvös University found that stadium waves can be studied quite effectively using the methods of statistical physics. Examining videos of waves in stadia holding more than 50,000 people, Farkas and his colleagues found that a crowd behaves like an excitable medium … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Morons perplexed as to why cars don't drive up icy hills. Maybe they should have bought those snow tires after all (with exciting video) [Asinine]

Wednesday 17 January 20:05:11 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'It's a log / It's a log / It's round, it's happy it's woOMG FLYING THROUGH MY WINDSHIELD [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 19:35:04 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police were in hop pursuit [Amusing]

Wednesday 17 January 19:05:08 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Price of beer going up this spring O DEAR GOD, DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER MASS HYSTERIA [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 18:50:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This Florida Woman filmed her neighbors with camera. And this Florida Woman ran same neighbors off the road. And THIS Florida Woman cried "I'll fark you all up anytime" at her neighbors when at home [Florida]

Wednesday 17 January 18:35:03 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Llouts lleave llamas llacking llids. Llocals llament lloss [Sad]

Wednesday 17 January 18:05:04 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russians laugh at Americans and their "cold" weather [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 17:50:04 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Part of I-78 in NJ is now the cleanest stretch of highway in the country [Fail]

Wednesday 17 January 17:35:03 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cyclists are more law-abiding than motorists. More smug, too [Obvious]

Wednesday 17 January 17:30:05 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [335 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » European Parliament bans electric fishing even though it's safer to environment. Fishermen can't believe results, not sure if they're being trawled [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 16:50:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » My hovercraft is full of eels. Sorry, my English is bad. That should be "mall restroom" [Strange]

Wednesday 17 January 16:20:06 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » She got better [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 16:05:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Illinois governor's office clarifies that their boss does believe a former KKK leader is a racist [Facepalm]

Wednesday 17 January 15:35:03 UTC 2018

Facepalm [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A 'potentially hazardous' monster asteroid the size of Hyde Park is heading towards Earth at 67,000mph." That's roughly 45 RPM…or 45 Rhode Islands per minute [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 15:20:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Walmart offers way to turn leftover opioids into useless gel. But who has leftover opioids? [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 15:05:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hawaii's Emergency Management Agency insists an employee pushed the wrong button and they weren't hacked. But then there's this news photo showing the system's password written on a sticky note. Can't we just go back to blaming Tr

Wednesday 17 January 14:05:04 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [155 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this rear wheel [Photoshop]

Wednesday 17 January 14:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researcher says your dog wants steak. Difficulty: prairie dogs. Enjoy your Woofday Wednesday [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 14:00:00 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Fallout Biscuits

Wednesday 17 January 13:51:05 UTC 2018

Back in 1961, the U.S. Office of Civil Defense came out with 'fallout biscuits.' They were vitaminized crackers. The idea was that people in fallout shelters could live on these for weeks, or even years, if necessary. The biscuits were cheap to make and lasted pretty much forever, so huge quantities were prepared.

Fast-forward to the twenty-first century. The various … [Link]

Weird Universe » Useful Tip

Wednesday 17 January 13:51:04 UTC 2018

Original article here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can you pass the test President Trump had to take to prove his mental health is not deteriorating? [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 13:50:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [183 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actually, America doesn't need any Norwegian immigrants because for starters, they're just too good looking [Silly]

Wednesday 17 January 13:32:26 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [126 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're planning on traveling to a southern state tonight, don't [PSA]

Wednesday 17 January 13:20:05 UTC 2018

PSA [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Famous Bayeux Tapestry 'to be loaned to Britain for first time' from France to show Brits how they got their arses handed to them by the Normans after the Battle of Hastings in 1066 [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 13:05:03 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some Carillion directors will continue to draw a salary for most of 2018, while 5,000 small businesses are likely to go under in the wake of the giant's collapse [Sad]

Wednesday 17 January 12:33:41 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What barks like a dog, has no legs and runs on tracks? Difficulty: Japan [Strange]

Wednesday 17 January 12:05:03 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twenty seven years ago today, and only seventeen days into the 1990s, the First Gulf War (aka Desert Storm), began, after the entire 1980s passed without a single boot on the ground in combat [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 11:48:27 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [127 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Scotch Tape FUll of Cat Hairs

Wednesday 17 January 11:04:04 UTC 2018

christmas wrapping holiday Cats Pie Chart - 7925006592 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: christmas , wrapping , holiday , Cats , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Toddler's Brain: Enter if You Dare

Wednesday 17 January 11:04:03 UTC 2018

best of week children toddler - 5533611008 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: best of week , children , toddler Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Challenges of Pet Photography

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:59 UTC 2018

another aww batteries button camera cute finger Line Graph pets photography room squee Unavailable waiting - 2956083200 Graph by: tr1c14 Tagged: another , aww , batteries , button , camera , cute , finger , Line Graph , pets , photography , room , squee , Unavailable , waiting Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Damn Gary Busey videos…

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:55 UTC 2018

gary busey internet laptop battery Pie Chart - 6225359616 Graph by: 44kaliberliebesbrief Tagged: gary busey , internet , laptop battery , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » And Forget Using the "Popcorn" Setting

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:53 UTC 2018

burned microwave Pie Chart Popcorn - 5921298688 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: burned , microwave , Pie Chart , Popcorn Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Hater of My Hated Is My Beloved

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:43 UTC 2018

hate hater love Pie Chart relationships - 5425896960 Graph by: Norwegia Tagged: hate , hater , love , Pie Chart , relationships Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Body Count of Quentin Tarantino's Films

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:39 UTC 2018

body count films django unchained quentin tarantino - 7063970816 Click here for full sized image! Graph by: geha714 (via Vanityfair) Tagged: body count , films , django unchained , quentin tarantino Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Time Spent Flying Kites

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:36 UTC 2018

flying kites Pie Chart running swearing time - 3220868608 Graph by: Benny_Westside Tagged: flying , kites , Pie Chart , running , swearing , time Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Use the One Hand at a Time Technique

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:35 UTC 2018

bathroom faucet hands hygiene Pie Chart washing - 4648202752 Graph by: TheBenz Tagged: bathroom , faucet , hands , hygiene , Pie Chart , washing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Tribute to the World's Most Reliable Machine

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:34 UTC 2018

anatomy money snacks vending machine - 6378227456 Graph by: S.P.A-Bits (via Bite) Tagged: anatomy , money , snacks , vending machine Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Can I Try Those?

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:33 UTC 2018

school friends try crutches Pie Chart - 5286208256 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: school , friends , try , crutches , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Evil / Incompetent / Cowardly

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:32 UTC 2018

bp dr-evil french soccer fans jim joyce - 3704503552 Evil / Incompetent / Cowardly Graph by: jrrymaury Tagged: bp , dr-evil , french soccer fans , jim joyce Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What really happens when you receive a chain mail

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:29 UTC 2018

annoy chain mail crazy flowchart friends nothing people send - 2716455936 Graph by: EternoAprendiz Tagged: annoy , chain mail , crazy , flowchart , friends , nothing , people , send Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Easiest A

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:27 UTC 2018

adultery Bar Graph punishment the scarlet letter - 5325655808 Graph by: Tagged: adultery , Bar Graph , punishment , the scarlet letter Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » In the Year Eighteen-Fifty-Herp

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:25 UTC 2018

brain derp finals herp Pie Chart school - 4750430720 Somebody derped Graph by: (via I Raff I Ruse) Tagged: brain , derp , finals , herp , Pie Chart , school Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Cultural Faux Pas

Wednesday 17 January 11:03:22 UTC 2018

anime naruto manga trick - 7721748992 Graph by: clockmakersassistant Tagged: anime , naruto , manga , trick Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is either a story about: 1) a very clever criminal or 2) the deputies who didn't check her butt cheeks closely enough [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 11:00:53 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fake buttocks injection doctor's reign of terror comes to an end in prison [Dumbass]

Wednesday 17 January 9:50:45 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Did you vote Giant Meteor 2017? Apparently its first act was to try to wipe out Detroit [Cool]

Wednesday 17 January 9:28:27 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother of children found shackled to their beds and starving was "perplexed" as to why the cops were there [Followup]

Wednesday 17 January 8:21:49 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [182 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Department of Justice wants to start arresting state and local elected officials. Let that sink in [Scary]

Wednesday 17 January 7:18:52 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [275 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dean Wormer puts his foot down [Hero]

Wednesday 17 January 7:06:04 UTC 2018

Hero [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sanctuary city concept dealt a blow [Sick]

Wednesday 17 January 6:54:32 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Et Tu?

Wednesday 17 January 6:46:30 UTC 2018

A Friedman number, named after Stetson University mathematician Erich Friedman, is a number that can be calculated using its own digits, such as 736 = 36 + 7 or 3281 = (38 + 1) / 2. A “nice” Friedman number is one in which the digits are used in order, such as 3685 = (36 + 8) × 5 or … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Former CIA Officer, accused of supplying China with information that led to the arrest or execution of 20 American agents, arrested flying into New York [News]

Wednesday 17 January 6:04:50 UTC 2018

News [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man takes his wife's surname when they get married. Naturally, people think he should kill himself for this [Stupid]

Wednesday 17 January 5:46:33 UTC 2018

Stupid [link] [211 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Moscow's 2017 December was 'darkest' on record. Look, you guys chose this timeline, don't come whining to us [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 5:14:23 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Captain, since you were asleep in your bed at 2 AM when you were almost killed we decided to go ahead and charge you with negligent homicide [Followup]

Wednesday 17 January 4:48:58 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops protect infants with "Invisible Cloak" made out of the Emperor's new clothes [Sad]

Wednesday 17 January 4:44:23 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Counterfeit money used to buy winning lottery ticket. Bonus: Not Florida [Amusing]

Wednesday 17 January 4:10:03 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Attorney on Nixon's enemies list says his journalist wife wants a Trump fake news award [Fake]

Wednesday 17 January 3:57:24 UTC 2018

Fake [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » VA won't study effects of medical marijuana on veterans leaving it up to veterans to conduct self testing [Sad]

Wednesday 17 January 3:42:59 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pointing a BB-gun at someone while robbing a pizza joint in Texas goes as expected [Fail]

Wednesday 17 January 3:31:52 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sure, he abandoned his girlfriend to die after crashing their car into an icy river – but at least he asked bystanders to help her before he ran off [Fail]

Wednesday 17 January 3:13:21 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Africa's Black Footed Cat is the world's deadliest, shaming every American house cat who only plans to kill you once the wet food runs out [Interesting]

Wednesday 17 January 2:48:14 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It is with a very heavy heart that I have to inform you all that gremlin1 – who was an active and very much loved member of the Caturday family – has crossed the bridge ☹ [Caturday]

Wednesday 17 January 2:46:01 UTC 2018

Caturday [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Axe-throwing divorce parties are a thing [Weird]

Wednesday 17 January 2:26:25 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kazakhstan is switching from the Cyrillic alphabet to the Latin alphabet, in a bid to underscore independence from Russia and simplify language learning. Very nice [Spiffy]

Wednesday 17 January 2:04:36 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alaska says their emergency system won't issue false alarms like Hawaii, because by the time workers have manually typed in a warning, remembered the password, clicked multiple buttons, and typed a confirmation, the missiles will have already hit

Wednesday 17 January 1:42:47 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pro Tip: Don't steal cars. But if you do steal a car and there is a dead guy in the front seat, either ditch the body or steal a different car before driving through a police checkpoint [Creepy]

Wednesday 17 January 1:20:58 UTC 2018

Creepy [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this thing that Hell Met [Photoshop]

Wednesday 17 January 1:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Danish inventor accused of having sex of a "particularly dangerous nature" aboard his submarine, also murder, dismemberment and indecent handling of a corpse [Followup]

Wednesday 17 January 0:59:09 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. But teach a man how to grow a fish using heat generated from Bitcoin mining and he eats until the Bitcoin bubble bursts [Weird]

Wednesday 17 January 0:37:20 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man takes explicit pics of woman he's dating to later blackmail her, sends them to the preschool where she works, lets his identifying tattoos get caught in the images [Florida]

Wednesday 17 January 0:15:31 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [42 comments] [Link]

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