John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Residents of Black Tickle want you to know two things. First, don't make the island crossing on foot as the ice is not safe to cross. And second, we're an island dammit not a sex aid [Scary]

Thursday 11 January 23:41:07 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Autistic man finally gets long-awaited Tommy Pickles tattoo, after being forced to wait one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-five days [Cool]

Thursday 11 January 23:19:18 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother: My son told me you said he was going to get lynched if he didn't get back to work. Teacher: What? That's wrong. What I said was WAY worse than that [Stupid]

Thursday 11 January 22:59:18 UTC 2018

Stupid [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indiana one step closer to Sunday alcohol sales, hosting Fark data center [Spiffy]

Thursday 11 January 22:39:18 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fourth-grade teacher tells class to name three good reasons for slavery. Pokemons, Santa's elves, and Oompa Loompas top list [Asinine]

Thursday 11 January 22:38:25 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently forcing kids to work at your fish market for free is not legal, even if you're doing it for Jesus [Weird]

Thursday 11 January 22:19:18 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida woman charged with animal abuse after pets found in 'deplorable conditions,' prompting Trump voters nationwide to start hoarding feces and dead cats to stiggit to the libs [Florida]

Thursday 11 January 22:02:09 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A man fired shots at a church because he believed it was secretly a covert alien spacecraft [Strange]

Thursday 11 January 21:45:01 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida bans leaving infants alone in cars, even if you crack the windows [Florida]

Thursday 11 January 21:29:01 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ghanaian river god bans girls from crossing its waters if they are menstruating or if it is a Tuesday [Asinine]

Thursday 11 January 21:13:01 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this horrifying nightmare [Photoshop]

Thursday 11 January 21:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 236 sickened with norovirus at El Toro. You mess with the bull, you get the runs [Sick]

Thursday 11 January 20:58:54 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tonight, the San Diego Police Department will set up their first DUH (driving while high) checkpoint [Misc]

Thursday 11 January 20:44:47 UTC 2018

Misc [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Powerclown arrested in Japan for drug smuggling, running really weird Dominatrix service [Amusing]

Thursday 11 January 20:30:40 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Punning headline writer a suspect in highway incident [Silly]

Thursday 11 January 20:16:33 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Butcher breaks himself out of -20C freezer with black pudding after getting locked in, which marks the first time black pudding has ever been used for something useful [Cool]

Thursday 11 January 20:02:26 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having solved all crime, Britain's finest begin manhunt for suspect who drove through a puddle [Silly]

Thursday 11 January 19:48:19 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chicago could see highs in the 50s today and then freezing rain tonight, followed by a trainwreck tomorrow [Strange]

Thursday 11 January 19:34:12 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indian Prince builds LGBTQ centre at his palace; hopes to be promoted to Queen [Hero]

Thursday 11 January 19:20:05 UTC 2018

Hero [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 30 year old man steals books and electronics from his University and sells them in his Amazon store. Man gets caught and is given five years probation. Man now has a job working for Amazon. TAA DAA [Ironic]

Thursday 11 January 19:07:12 UTC 2018

Ironic [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Footwork

Thursday 11 January 19:04:55 UTC 2018

Miss Alice E. Lewis sent this curiosity to the Strand in 1903: These false horseshoes were found in the moat at Birtsmorton Court, near Tewkesbury. It is supposed that they were used in the time of the Civil Wars, so as to deceive any person tracking the marks. The one on the left is supposed to leave the mark of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but drinking 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal [Interesting]

Thursday 11 January 18:50:04 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finger guns now forbidden in U.S. airports [Asinine]

Thursday 11 January 18:33:48 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FedEx worker discovers largest known prime number, immediately throws it against a wall [Repeat]

Thursday 11 January 18:18:48 UTC 2018

Repeat [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: When transporting $1.5 million worth of drugs, follow all traffic laws [Dumbass]

Thursday 11 January 18:03:48 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Queen Elizabeth II's official bra-fitter loses her "Royal Warrant" after publishing a book about her work. There. now try to get THAT image out of your head for the rest of the day [Followup]

Thursday 11 January 17:48:48 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New Jersey man's houseboat gets stuck in solid ice. Thankfully not a euphemism [Awkward]

Thursday 11 January 17:30:20 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Demi-god cashier, Chee-hooo [Sappy]

Thursday 11 January 17:11:53 UTC 2018

Sappy [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » House rejects sweeping surveillance reform. You were about to submit this, but it was intercepted via the NSA/Fark backdoor [News]

Thursday 11 January 16:57:28 UTC 2018

News [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Members of Japan's infamous Yakuza gangs often get extremely elaborate full-body tattoos to signify their membership or status withing the gangs. Which also makes them REALLY easy to identify if they go on the run [Fail]

Thursday 11 January 16:50:04 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pro-Tip: Casinos have really, REALLY good cameras. If you're going to rob one, at least wear a disguise or something (with REALLY good suspect pic) [Dumbass]

Thursday 11 January 16:38:33 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Couple accused of praising be in church parking lot. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. Yeah, him too [Amusing]

Thursday 11 January 16:16:44 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Missing woman found decomposing in mall food court. We can assume everyone just thought the smell was coming from Sbarro [Sick]

Thursday 11 January 15:55:03 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Swiss government wants to make sure that lobsters are 'comfortably numb' before you cook them [Interesting]

Thursday 11 January 15:50:04 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn't you? You only moved the headstones [Awkward]

Thursday 11 January 15:20:05 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida man gets into a boxing match with a bear…and loses big time [Florida]

Thursday 11 January 14:50:04 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thomas Jefferson's kitchen has been found complete with America's first leftover mac & cheese, proving he was the O.G. bachelor [Interesting]

Thursday 11 January 14:20:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this cat eating machine thing [Photoshop]

Thursday 11 January 14:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wow 6EQUJ5 [Cool]

Thursday 11 January 13:50:04 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "He was 21 and fit. He tried to push through the flu – and it killed him" [Sad]

Thursday 11 January 13:23:41 UTC 2018

Sad [link] [205 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian uses blowtorch to clear ice from front walk in the most Canadian headline of the day. At least so far [Cool]

Thursday 11 January 13:20:05 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [30 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Drive-Thru Funeral Home

Thursday 11 January 12:51:26 UTC 2018

In 1968, Herschel Thornton of Atlanta, Georgia opened the world's first drive-thru funeral home. He called it a "mortatorium." The press dubbed it the "remains to be seen" funeral home.

It featured five windows in which bodies could be viewed from the comfort of one's car. Thornton noted, "Folks will be able just to drive by and view the last … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Warning about dive-bombing owl WHO attacks skiers WHO is trying to protect its nest [Misc]

Thursday 11 January 12:30:41 UTC 2018

Misc [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sssssshh. I'm a bull shark, be vewy vewy quiet, I'm 'hunting' Chihuahas [Scary]

Thursday 11 January 12:01:41 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [34 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » The Fireballs, COME ON, REACT

Thursday 11 January 10:43:00 UTC 2018

"You've got your bag, and I've got mine."

Their Wikipedia page. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Governor Eric Greitens (R-evenge porn) apologizes for extramarital affair but not for blackmailing his mistress with a photo of her "show me state" [News]

Thursday 11 January 10:13:33 UTC 2018

News [link] [148 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After a 14-year-old student alleges sexual assault by a teacher, the school's leadership moves to terminate the… no? Well, at least they don't try to cover it up and retaliate against the– they suspended the student, huh? (Link switched) [

Thursday 11 January 9:58:41 UTC 2018

Asinine [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Surprisingly, worst places to die includes inside burning house while being eaten alive by piranha fish in St. Petersburg [Florida]

Thursday 11 January 9:42:42 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Soo Cold, Must Be Prepared to Lose a Toe to Frostbite

Thursday 11 January 9:14:10 UTC 2018

lazy morning Pie Chart waking up - 7935177728 Graph by: ThisPoisonedOne Tagged: lazy , morning , Pie Chart , waking up Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Gravity Falls Relationship Web

Thursday 11 January 9:14:07 UTC 2018

web gravity falls relationships - 7841269504 Click here to make it bigger. Submitted by: (via rachels-venue) Tagged: web , gravity falls , relationships Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Practice That Pokerface

Thursday 11 January 9:14:03 UTC 2018

Bar Graph be quiet laughing out loud shh - 4741536768 Graph by: Mamzelle_Kat Tagged: Bar Graph , be quiet , laughing out loud , shh Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » An Update on GraphJam

Thursday 11 January 9:14:02 UTC 2018

update - 8015243264 In order to focus our efforts on the sites you all enjoy the most, we will no longer be updating GraphJam with new content. The last day with new content will be Thursday January 23.

Don't panic! Starting Friday January 24th, GJ will be completely randomizing the content daily. That means you'll get a completely random chance of … [Link]

GraphJam » It's the Small Things

Thursday 11 January 9:14:01 UTC 2018

Music partner compatible - 7756603392 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Music , partner , compatible Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Classic: No Offense But…

Thursday 11 January 9:14:00 UTC 2018

classic offensive Pie Chart - 7067480832 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: classic , offensive , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Sundays Are the Worst

Thursday 11 January 9:13:58 UTC 2018

sunday morning booze worst - 4505912320 Graph by: alliceinwonderllland Tagged: sunday morning , booze , worst Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Where My Mail Is Delivered Base On Importance

Thursday 11 January 9:13:54 UTC 2018

bills delivery junk mail narnia neighbor - 1998515456 LoL by: matth6761 Tagged: bills , delivery , junk , mail , narnia , neighbor Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Need My Cute Pictures of Cats Now!

Thursday 11 January 9:13:53 UTC 2018

internet lol cats not acceptable Pie Chart slow - 6514148608 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: internet , lol cats , not acceptable , Pie Chart , slow Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Rich Schools vs. My School

Thursday 11 January 9:13:52 UTC 2018

school poor wealth books library rich people tape - 6755281152 Graph by: thekidscallmeblue Tagged: school , poor , wealth , books , library , rich people , tape Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Replotted: Like Led Zeppelin, Except Opposite

Thursday 11 January 9:13:51 UTC 2018

Cheezburger Image 5573106944 Graph by: Cineris Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Hotels Are Terrifying

Thursday 11 January 9:13:48 UTC 2018

scary hotel shower - 7293886464 Graph by: markot9 Tagged: scary , hotel , shower Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Clear and Present Danger

Thursday 11 January 9:13:47 UTC 2018

law Lawyers loans money Pie Chart politics school ughghgh - 4433754368 Graph by: skyywise Tagged: law , Lawyers , loans , money , Pie Chart , politics , school , ughghgh Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » All the Ways You Could Die on One Handy Chart

Thursday 11 January 9:13:44 UTC 2018

Cheezburger Image 7853566208 Click here and read Popular Mechanic's full article on specific types of fatal accidents and show how they compare with all causes of death. Submitted by: (via Popular Mechanics) Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What the Beatles Have Taught Me

Thursday 11 January 9:13:40 UTC 2018

man beatles Bar Graph song yesterday - 7025171456 Graph by: (via Pablo Stanley Art) Tagged: man , beatles , Bar Graph , song , yesterday Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Your Number One Source for News You Can Joke About

Thursday 11 January 9:13:36 UTC 2018

jokes memebase news Pie Chart timely - 5123072512 Graph by: Narthin Tagged: jokes , memebase , news , Pie Chart , timely Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » They Know Their Audience

Thursday 11 January 9:13:35 UTC 2018

pie charts smartphones pause bathroom video games - 6812310784 Graph by: swankgd Tagged: pie charts , smartphones , pause , bathroom , video games Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Untitled

Thursday 11 January 9:13:30 UTC 2018

care computers dont internet twitter - 2075858688 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: care , computers , dont , internet , twitter Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Shortest Path Usually Has Barriers

Thursday 11 January 9:13:25 UTC 2018

barrier best of week path success - 5393929472 Graph by: Bendyrulz Tagged: barrier , best of week , path , success Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It'll Appear Eventually

Thursday 11 January 9:13:22 UTC 2018

empty flow chart food fridge hungry - 4844096000 Graph by: ThatGuy506 Tagged: empty , flow chart , food , fridge , hungry Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dumbest HOA ever gives up on free stuff from your garage policy [Followup]

Thursday 11 January 8:02:04 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Joke all you want about 7-11 clerks being illegal aliens, ICE just raided 98 of those shops throughout 17 states, netting 21 arrests, which statistically, is better than that wide DUI checkpoint net LEOs cast once in a while [Awkward]

Thursday 11 January 7:45:12 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burglar bangs his hoozads on shelf, sues shopkeeper for medical bills. Soon shelves everywhere will come with a warning label [Silly]

Thursday 11 January 7:16:06 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Before birth each soul knows all the secrets of heaven. At birth, an angel presses their fingertip just above one's lip, which seals us to silence. This accounts for the philtrum, or medial cleft. I don't know what's going on with this la

Thursday 11 January 6:42:57 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Unquote

Thursday 11 January 6:25:50 UTC 2018

“If God wants us to do a thing, He should make his wishes sufficiently clear. Sensible people will wait till He has done this before paying much attention to Him.” — Samuel Butler (from his notebook) [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wondering how the Bundys escaped justice? A short and clear explanation on how the prosecutors violated their constitutional rights [Fail]

Thursday 11 January 5:16:58 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 662: "Mmm Bokeh 4". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 11 January 5:01:00 UTC 2018

Farktography [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New study suggests that those damn noisy humans need to shut the hell up so birds can focus on getting it on [Weird]

Thursday 11 January 4:41:00 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your dog does not want this steak [Fail]

Thursday 11 January 3:50:04 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NJ's status as the only state requiring full serve gas is in jeopardy, leaving MTV with a shortage of places to hold casting calls [Amusing]

Thursday 11 January 3:32:56 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sponsor for Wisconsin bill ending protections for wolves "doesn't think people would simply start blasting away at wolves" apparently hasn't spent a lot of time in Wisconsin [Stupid]

Thursday 11 January 3:15:47 UTC 2018

Stupid [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The CIA arranged an affair for a king with an actress that produced a dwarf, and then things got all Game of Thrones [Weird]

Thursday 11 January 2:58:39 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida woman charged with slashing, stabbing and firing a gun at a man. She just needed punching him to complete the cycle [Florida]

Thursday 11 January 2:41:30 UTC 2018

Florida [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The cost of being a dumbass in Toronto is only C$100 — which is only C$64,900 short of the cost to rescue her from the crane [Dumbass]

Thursday 11 January 2:24:22 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Who hasn't stolen a tank and driven it into a supermarket? Why, yes, alcohol was involved [Amusing]

Thursday 11 January 2:07:13 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever been so frustrated by a train delay that you wanted to make a bomb threat against the rail network? Well if you live in the UK we've got good news for you [Spiffy]

Thursday 11 January 1:50:04 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prosecutors who don't just hinder justice – they actively work against it [Scary]

Thursday 11 January 1:40:42 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Speaking of bad HOAs. Arizona HOAs are foreclosing on homeowners at a record rate and the state legislature wants to make it even easier to do that [Facepalm]

Thursday 11 January 1:32:56 UTC 2018

Facepalm [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now that Canada is legalizing cannabis, they're trying to act real cool by using slang [Spiffy]

Thursday 11 January 1:15:47 UTC 2018

Spiffy [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this serious deliberation [Photoshop]

Thursday 11 January 1:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You could now own a piece of Rome's 'mangy' Christmas tree [Cool]

Thursday 11 January 0:58:39 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Zelda' and 'Overwatch' are top PornHub searches for 2017. But if you ask me, they've got nothing on the man-boy relationship between Pit and the Eggplant Wizard [PSA]

Thursday 11 January 0:56:25 UTC 2018

PSA [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You can't drop a large chunk of yellow ice on this woman's house and tell her it is raining [Strange]

Thursday 11 January 0:41:30 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama's presidential library will be "socially regressive" and "privileges cars and people that can afford them" while failing to "improve train lines and public transportation infrastructure" according to 100 professors a

Thursday 11 January 0:34:37 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And now, dancing goddess gifs. Alas, Homer's Boob Lady isn't among them [Giggity]

Thursday 11 January 0:24:22 UTC 2018

Giggity [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Band teacher arrested in November for sending lewd photos of herself to a 13-year-old student has been re-arrested for sending nude pictures of herself to another student at another school. Band camp submissions see sudden drop off [Facepalm]

Thursday 11 January 0:07:13 UTC 2018

Facepalm [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Archive

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