John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » We have our first fatal Walmart fight of the new year [Murica]

Friday 5 January 23:46:44 UTC 2018

Murica [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're going to take off your engagement ring to wash your hands, and then forget that you've taken off your engagement ring to wash your hands, don't do that in a Walmart bathroom [Dumbass]

Friday 5 January 23:16:44 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fat, drunk, smearing feces on the walls and trying to stuff your shirt down the toilet is no way to behave on a airline son [Dumbass]

Friday 5 January 22:50:04 UTC 2018

Dumbass [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Customers attack a restaurant worker because they wanted the thermostat turned down. Yes it did happen at a Waffle House down South, why do you ask? [Facepalm]

Friday 5 January 22:20:06 UTC 2018

Facepalm [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's what you need to know if you win the Powerball and Mega Millions and their combined $1 billion prize [Cool]

Friday 5 January 22:13:25 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alabama's strength coach smashes last years Nat'l Champ Runner Up Trophy. No word on what he did with this year's 3rd place in the SEC trophy [Amusing]

Friday 5 January 22:03:19 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twitter on world leaders' accounts violating terms of service: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others [Obvious]

Friday 5 January 21:53:42 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Poachers beware: Robot deer are roaming our woods, hunting for you [Creepy]

Friday 5 January 21:46:45 UTC 2018

Creepy [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » San Francisco will beat Los Angeles… to adult use cannabis sales. Now if they could just figure out baseball and football [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 21:16:45 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this stealth bomber over the Rose Bowl [Photoshop]

Friday 5 January 21:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Huh, apparently you're not supposed to pepper spray ten-year-olds. How else am I going to keep Junior in line? [Murica]

Friday 5 January 20:46:45 UTC 2018

Murica [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Fair Play

Friday 5 January 20:32:08 UTC 2018

“I understand that a computer has been invented that is so remarkably intelligent that if you put it into communication with either a computer or a human, it can’t tell the difference!” — Raymond Smullyan [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That can't be good for the alignment. Or the bodywork. Or the anything [Cool]

Friday 5 January 20:20:05 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nationwide, police shot and killed nearly 1,000 people in 2017. No word on how many were holding toy trains or groceries that look like guns [Obvious]

Friday 5 January 20:05:54 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [255 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As drone demand soars, New Jersey poised to bar drunken droning. I'd like to try that, just once [Amusing]

Friday 5 January 19:41:54 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NASA rover spots strange 'stick-like figures' on Mars. One seen stuffing a bobcat into a shipping box [Strange]

Friday 5 January 19:20:05 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alitalia: when you said "be extra careful with this 330-year-old viola da gamba" we thought you meant "run it over with a car" [Fail]

Friday 5 January 19:11:54 UTC 2018

Fail [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hell hath no fury like a woman with a hatchet and a head full of shrooms [Scary]

Friday 5 January 18:50:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman rescued from Cheddar gorge, so at last we've found the culprit for John Cleese's rage all those years agWOULD YOU SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI OFF? [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 17:20:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Municipal court defendant says Sooner's loss at Rose Bowl affected judge's decision in the most Oklahoma story you'll read today [Facepalm]

Friday 5 January 16:50:04 UTC 2018

Facepalm [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: if you're in the county lockup and someone shows you a meth pipe and asks if you want to smoke up, pause for a moment and think about how that pipe got into the jail in the second place [Sick]

Friday 5 January 16:20:05 UTC 2018

Sick [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Stop and Go

Friday 5 January 16:11:45 UTC 2018

Image: Wikimedia Commons In the mid-1990s Jacques Jouet introduced “metro poems,” poems written on the Paris Métro according to a particular set of rules. He explained the rules in a poem: There are as many lines in a metro poem as there are stations in your journey, minus one.
The first line is composed mentally between the first two stations of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother unhappy that daughter's hat has washing instructions that include "give this to your mum, she'll wash it". This begs the question, who washes a hat? [Strange]

Friday 5 January 15:50:04 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Let them fight," the Godzilla method of parenting [Awkward]

Friday 5 January 15:20:05 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [118 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » The Encyclopedia of Ethical Failure

Friday 5 January 14:50:40 UTC 2018

This curious book, compiled and published by the U.S. Government, is a catalog of examples of ethical failure among federal employees. As explained in the intro:

The Standards of Conduct Office of the Department of Defense General Counsel’s Office has assembled the following selection of cases of ethical failure for use as a training tool. Our goal is to provide … [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Cavalcade of Jazz Beauty Pageant

Friday 5 January 14:50:39 UTC 2018

There is very little historical information about the annual "Cavalcade of Jazz" festival held in Los Angeles at Wrigley Field. Surprising, in light of lots of appearances by big-name artists.

But one thing is certain: they also held a beauty contest.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pipe blockage at Ionia County Jail possibly caused by inmate. How big is that pipe? [Awkward]

Friday 5 January 14:50:04 UTC 2018

Awkward [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently learning what it means to be an Australian includes having giant frogs jumping out of your toilet [Scary]

Friday 5 January 14:20:05 UTC 2018

Scary [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this blue bike [Photoshop]

Friday 5 January 14:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "According to Global News, the singer of POWERCLOWN, a Canadian IRON MAIDEN tribute band that wears clown makeup, was arrested in Japan last month after more than $5.5 million worth of stimulant drugs were found in his guitar case" [Strange]

Friday 5 January 13:20:05 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Speed breeding breakthrough may save the world. What? Why are you snickering? [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 12:22:04 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What happens in the Janet hub at the McCarran International Airport in Vegas stays in Vegas … unless you're going to Area 51 (possible NSFW content on page) [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 11:42:05 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trump, Republicans strengthen America by getting the Director of the National Security Agency to retire. He was useless. He told the truth [Obvious]

Friday 5 January 10:52:04 UTC 2018

Obvious [link] [33 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » More Like Sometimes-Buddy Cop Movies

Friday 5 January 8:19:02 UTC 2018

cops Chart movies buddies - 7804271872 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: cops , Chart , movies , buddies Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » My Infinite Loop Ate My Homework

Friday 5 January 8:19:00 UTC 2018

Bar Graph Portal portal 2 school video games - 4702041856 Graph by: adbazm Tagged: Bar Graph , Portal , portal 2 , school , video games Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Reasons Why Your Mad

Friday 5 January 8:18:56 UTC 2018

graphs your vs youre funny comic sans - 7460316160 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: graphs , your vs youre , funny , comic sans Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Classic: Do I Have to Update Now?

Friday 5 January 8:18:55 UTC 2018

adobe computer restarting software update time - 6440041472 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: adobe , computer , restarting , software update , time Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Where Do Hipsters Fit In?

Friday 5 January 8:18:49 UTC 2018

clothes height infographic pants urkel - 4697003264 Graph by: xclusivetrollin Tagged: clothes , height , infographic , pants , urkel Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Evolutionary Arithmetic

Friday 5 January 8:18:48 UTC 2018

school arithmetic math - 7734267648 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: school , arithmetic , math Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Common Disappointment

Friday 5 January 8:18:45 UTC 2018

candy pie charts m and ms graphs funny reeses-pieces - 7559647488 Graph by: bdog2001 Tagged: candy , pie charts , m and ms , graphs , funny , reeses-pieces Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Ski Mask Usage

Friday 5 January 8:18:44 UTC 2018

ski masks graphs funny - 4495430656 Graph by: knightsofcolumbus Tagged: ski masks , graphs , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It's Worse if You Stand Next to Something Ruffly

Friday 5 January 8:18:41 UTC 2018

boyfriend girlfriend Line Graph lingerie shopping victorias secret - 4598349568 Graph by: (via The High Definite) Tagged: boyfriend , girlfriend , Line Graph , lingerie , shopping , victorias secret Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Not My Problem

Friday 5 January 8:18:39 UTC 2018

Awkward clog Pie Chart pooptimes public toilet - 5297230592 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Awkward , clog , Pie Chart , pooptimes , public toilet Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » This Is Some Helpful Advice I'll Never Use

Friday 5 January 8:18:35 UTC 2018

google Pie Chart procrastination skyirm - 6591617024 Graph by: rahkshi95 Tagged: google , Pie Chart , procrastination , skyirm Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It Wasn't Me

Friday 5 January 8:18:33 UTC 2018

farting public smell - 6428677120 Graph by: dudetheiguana Tagged: farting , public , smell Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » She's Always Watching…

Friday 5 January 8:18:27 UTC 2018

homework school grades mom watchings - 6752409856 Graph by: dglvr8600 Tagged: homework , school , grades , mom , watchings Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » An Unfortunately True Story

Friday 5 January 8:18:26 UTC 2018

Bar Graph graphs funny fart - 7415927808 Graph by: ninjadogs Tagged: Bar Graph , graphs , funny , fart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Things I read at breakfast

Friday 5 January 8:18:24 UTC 2018

book breakfast cereal box food mail meal newspaper Pie Chart read - 2542130432 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: book , breakfast , cereal box , food , mail , meal , newspaper , Pie Chart , read Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Reasons wires get tangled

Friday 5 January 8:18:22 UTC 2018

alone connected days empty know moving reason room tangled undo wires - 2945102848 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: alone , connected , days , empty , know , moving , reason , room , tangled , undo , wires Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Pundit Kitchen: Who Made What in 2010

Friday 5 January 8:18:19 UTC 2018

Bar Graph election 2012 Mitt Romney obama political Pundit Kitchen - 5741552128 If you haven't heard the news: Mitt(ens) Romney is rolling in it! Get your fix of everything political at Pundit Kitchen Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Bar Graph , election 2012 , Mitt Romney , obama , political , Pundit Kitchen Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Probably Shouldn't Buy That, But…

Friday 5 January 8:18:17 UTC 2018

coffee ordering pastries Pie Chart Starbucks - 6386783488 Graph by: mightymango13331 Tagged: coffee , ordering , pastries , Pie Chart , Starbucks Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Self-Centered Look on Socioeconomic Issues

Friday 5 January 8:18:16 UTC 2018

Pie Chart socioeconomic self-centered - 7906255872 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Pie Chart , socioeconomic , self-centered Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 14 years old + 18 more years = lawsuit 4 Roy Moore [Followup]

Friday 5 January 8:10:04 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While you are freezing your butt off, Sydney and Melbourne are expecting a heat wave of 113 degrees. How's that for global warming? [Strange]

Friday 5 January 7:54:37 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Family of swatting victim haven't been allowed to view body yet, police also took multiple items from the home including two cellphones, a computer, and their front farking door [Followup]

Friday 5 January 6:29:19 UTC 2018

Followup [link] [232 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boston is borked [News]

Friday 5 January 5:22:16 UTC 2018

News [link] [172 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 104-year-old woman says drinking Diet Coke is the secret to her longevity. Trump immediately names her head of the FDA [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 4:49:37 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Homeless Basement Sleepover just happens to be the name of my band. We'll be playing down at the Oasis next Tuesday evening, where the beer is cold and the cover charge is only $5 [Misc]

Friday 5 January 3:50:04 UTC 2018

Misc [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Snow Cream Snow Cream No one should ever scream for snow cream [Weird]

Friday 5 January 3:44:10 UTC 2018

Weird [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not News: Guy goes out in blizzard for coffee. Fark: He's wearing a dead fox head and pelt, and smoking a cig on live TV [Amusing]

Friday 5 January 3:33:53 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The day Santa shot up your car was the most important day of your life. But for onlookers it was just Christmas [Video]

Friday 5 January 3:20:04 UTC 2018

Video [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is a much lucky American twenty dollar bill. Fark: Someone still had to run the anti-counterfeiting pen on it [Strange]

Friday 5 January 3:02:04 UTC 2018

Strange [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New Hueytown police chief takes oath of office, Deweytown and Louietown are next on the docket [Interesting]

Friday 5 January 2:38:04 UTC 2018

Interesting [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wandering Dago food truck in trouble for being offensive. I guess this means problems for my Drunken Paddy pub and my Stinky Frog bath house. Stereotypes are fun [Silly]

Friday 5 January 2:14:04 UTC 2018

Silly [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A Montana brewery is celebrating a conservation milestone with their "Million Acre Amber." Rumor is they will offer a new brew in 2020 called "I Wish Government had Maibock" [Cool]

Friday 5 January 1:50:04 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Time-lapse video shows butter sculpture made from smearing butter on wire frames instead of being carved out of a block of butter like Michelangelo's David. Subby devastated [Amusing]

Friday 5 January 1:26:04 UTC 2018

Amusing [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Let hungry goats recycle your Christmas tree [Cool]

Friday 5 January 1:02:04 UTC 2018

Cool [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this modern mason [Photoshop]

Friday 5 January 1:00:01 UTC 2018

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » DA drops case against hottie arrested for mauling her husband's private parts [Weeners]

Friday 5 January 0:51:31 UTC 2018

Weeners [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Freezing squirrel shelters in mop to escape NYC snowstorm. Except the mop is on a balcony. Outside. Because that's a good place for a mop [Video]

Friday 5 January 0:38:04 UTC 2018

Video [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman sues hospital over nude photos taken of her during surgery and you clicked way too fast 'cause you're not gonna like the mental image [Creepy]

Friday 5 January 0:14:04 UTC 2018

Creepy [link] [49 comments] [Link]

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