John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Minnesota man MAY get a new trial after two jurors admit that they were influenced by a fellow juror's "look, he is a black person with a previous criminal record living in North Minneapolis. You know he's just a banger from the hood, so

Wednesday 20 December 23:50:04 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis to preside over ex-Boston cardinal Bernard Law's funeral, soon as he figures out what's Latin for "Nothing to see here, move along" [Awkward]

Wednesday 20 December 23:20:05 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Grinch will not be stealing Christmas this year, thanks to a 5-year-old boy and 911 [Spiffy]

Wednesday 20 December 22:50:04 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This season's Swedish Ice Hotel is now open for business, and HOLY HELL how are you supposed to get any sleep in Room Three?? [Weird]

Wednesday 20 December 22:31:49 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This story's run so many times, I'm starting to think the Navy is trying to sell T-shirts [Followup]

Wednesday 20 December 22:20:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your honor, it is completely out of character for my client to steal a car, go to a Motel 6, run from the cops, get arrested, slip out of hand cuffs, and beat the arresting officer. We ask for light bail [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission would like to remind you all once again that your Christmas tree is a murderous pyrotechnical booby trap detonated by milk and cookies while you sleep [PSA]

Wednesday 20 December 21:20:05 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Challenge: A more believable press secretary [Photoshop]

Wednesday 20 December 21:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canada's Trudeau contravened ethics rules with visit to Aga Khan island. Aga Khan, Aga Khan, Aga Khan Aga Khan, let me rock you Let me rock you, Aga Khan [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 20:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rudolph, Santa puppets from 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' classic TV special listed on eBay for $10 million [Interesting]

Wednesday 20 December 20:20:05 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Drinking and ready to pull the trigger" is no way to head into the holidays [Sad]

Wednesday 20 December 19:50:04 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meanwhile in Puerto Rico…. You remember Puerto Rico? An island with nearly three and a half million American citizens? Devastated by a hurricane and almost completely ignored by the POTUS? [Fail]

Wednesday 20 December 19:20:05 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [252 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Someone has spent almost a decade analyzing Bob Dylan's Xmas lights on his Malibu home, here is his analysis of his 2017 display. The restraining order will be announced tomorrow [Silly]

Wednesday 20 December 18:50:04 UTC 2017

Silly [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Describe TFD to Liters using 4 words or less [Cool]

Wednesday 20 December 18:30:20 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [630 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The 17 most Florida things that happened in 2017 [Florida]

Wednesday 20 December 18:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » France passes law to ban all oil and gas production by 2040. France, the world's 71st leading oil producer at 15k barrels per day. We hear heavyweights Slovenia and Lithuania will follow suit [Spiffy]

Wednesday 20 December 17:50:05 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Double Dealing

Wednesday 20 December 17:49:02 UTC 2017

A play is put on that Mr. Baker wants to see. Tickets cost $10. Consider two situations: Baker buys a ticket but loses it on the way into the theater. Baker arrives at the ticket window and realizes that he’s lost $10 from his wallet. What’s the likelihood in each case that Baker will buy a ticket to see the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Community shocked to learn assistant principal can afford prostitutes [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [124 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Plain Sailing

Wednesday 20 December 16:04:36 UTC 2017

In 1670, Louis XIV’s finance minister, Jean-Baptiste Colbert, ordered the planting of the Forest of Tronçais to provide masts for the French navy 200 years hence. His order established one of the principal stands of oaks in Europe, carefully interplanted with beeches and larches to encourage them to grow straight, tall, and free of knots. By the time they matured, … [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Cultural Shock

Wednesday 20 December 15:13:11 UTC 2017

I wonder if somewhere the film of this experiment in 'cultural shock' still exists.

Cincinnati Enquirer – Apr 6, 1971 [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Queen Angelita

Wednesday 20 December 15:13:10 UTC 2017

Modern dictators just don't have the style and panache of olden tyrants. At an international exposition in his country in 1956, Rafael Trujillo crowned his 16-year-old daughter as "Queen Angelita," and gave her a court of 150 ladies-in-waiting.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Screaming 'F*** off, I'm an honours student' won't fly on this airline [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 14:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Palm Springs to remove stand of trees at golf course that were put there so that 1960s golfers didn't have to look at black people [Strange]

Wednesday 20 December 14:20:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [127 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this speedster cyclist [Photoshop]

Wednesday 20 December 14:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do dogs need winter coats? This cleverly disguised advertisement from the 'buy coats for dogs' foundation says yes. It's your Woofday Wednesday [Cool]

Wednesday 20 December 14:00:00 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [178 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man gets sick and tired of porch thieves stealing his Amazon deliveries, so he invents TheBlankBox – a box that fires a blank shotgun shell when someone tries to lift it [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 13:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [347 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Birdbrain who ate a 'large quantity' of MDMA tablets, steals a boat and gets caught by police, tells them he doesn't want to be 'judged by swans'. Ta Da [Weird]

Wednesday 20 December 13:20:05 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lgb, Lgt, Lbt, Gbt [Sad]

Wednesday 20 December 12:31:48 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [266 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Better Call Heywood Jablome [Repeat]

Wednesday 20 December 12:09:48 UTC 2017

Repeat [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest data breach leaked personal information, including Experian records, for 123 million American households. On the bright side, that's only 98% of households in the US, so technically, it could have been worse [Facepalm]

Wednesday 20 December 11:55:48 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CNN interviews the Navy pilot who witnessed the streetlight from this weekend's video release [Followup]

Wednesday 20 December 11:32:48 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cardinal Law passes away at 86 [News]

Wednesday 20 December 11:27:47 UTC 2017

News [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Member of well regulated militia pleads guilty to fatally shooting boyfriend in YouTube stunt [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 10:15:47 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "After 20 years and two children my beloved wife decided to become a porn star against my wishes" [Awkward]

Wednesday 20 December 9:28:48 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [118 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Is It Any Wonder I Do Poorly on the Tests?

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:41 UTC 2017

school venn diagram college - 5235524352 Graph by: Tanvir Tagged: school , venn diagram , college Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How Gandalf Makes His Decisions

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:39 UTC 2017

Lord of the Rings gandalf decision - 7765910016 Where's the route for 'you shall not pass'? Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: Lord of the Rings , gandalf , decision Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Pssh, That's NOTHING

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:37 UTC 2017

desensitized disturbing hide kids these days Pie Chart Popcorn - 4244125696 Graph by: ladyexlibris Tagged: desensitized , disturbing , hide , kids these days , Pie Chart , Popcorn Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Time it takes to fall in love (average)

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:34 UTC 2017

Bar Graph days fairy tales fall love months movies real life weeks years - 2559642368 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Bar Graph , days , fairy tales , fall , love , months , movies , real life , weeks , years Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How to Pick a Charity Infographic

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:33 UTC 2017

charity infographic money - 7897556224 Graph by: neomam Tagged: charity , infographic , money Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How Was All of That Inside of You?

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:32 UTC 2017

baby gross Line Graph parenting spit up towel - 4994353408 Graph by: michaelgschaffer Tagged: baby , gross , Line Graph , parenting , spit up , towel Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What Are You Turning On?

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:29 UTC 2017

dark lights Pie Chart turn on wall - 6514570240 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dark , lights , Pie Chart , turn on , wall Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » tastiness vs area of sandwich

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:27 UTC 2017

delicious food sandwich tasty yummy - 2078348032 Graph by: cauelaratta Tagged: delicious , food , sandwich , tasty , yummy Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Imagine This Is Also True for Available Men

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:23 UTC 2017

fish Maps populations Sad serious - 4829713408 Graph by: (via Guardian) Tagged: fish , Maps , populations , Sad , serious Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Stalling for Time?

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:21 UTC 2017

question answer stalling Pie Chart - 6782417664 Graph by: markot9 Tagged: question , answer , stalling , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Why Pie Charts Suck

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:20 UTC 2017

color blind Pie Chart - 6531448832 Graph by: StarsHallelujah Tagged: color blind , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Maybe If I Stare a Little Longer…

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:12 UTC 2017

computer Line Graph procrastination school studying - 6241079296 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: computer , Line Graph , procrastination , school , studying Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Tumblr for Math Nerds

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:11 UTC 2017

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: math nerds , internet , social media , tumblr , Video , youtube Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » True H2O Facts

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:06 UTC 2017

best of week Death h2o true facts water - 6420291072 Graph by: (via Roflmaocopter) Tagged: best of week , Death , h2o , true facts , water Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Story of My Life

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:03 UTC 2017

crushes girls like venn diagram - 6534426368 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: crushes , girls , like , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Apple Business Model

Wednesday 20 December 8:37:00 UTC 2017

apple suing copyright Reframe copying categoryimage - 6642623488 Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: apple , suing , copyright , Reframe , copying , categoryimage Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Obvious Quesitons

Wednesday 20 December 8:36:57 UTC 2017

marijuana windmills Netherlands Pie Chart - 6980976384 Graph by: PrincessWordplay Tagged: marijuana , windmills , Netherlands , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Think I'll Just Go Back to Bed

Wednesday 20 December 8:36:56 UTC 2017

bed morning sleeping Pie Chart waking up - 5340900096 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: bed , morning , sleeping , Pie Chart , waking up Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum

Wednesday 20 December 8:36:55 UTC 2017

joseph smith mormonism Pie Chart religion southpark - 6092715520 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: joseph smith , mormonism , Pie Chart , religion , southpark Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Your Jedi Mind Tricks Will Not Work On Me, Boy

Wednesday 20 December 8:36:54 UTC 2017

force powers Jedi Pie Chart star wars - 4745490432 Graph by: Tagged: force powers , Jedi , Pie Chart , star wars Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Belgian woman who personally helped 250 downed Allied airmen escape Nazi occupied Europe has died at age 96 [Hero]

Wednesday 20 December 8:22:48 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After Colorado man's "F*ck Nazis" sign is stolen from his yard, he rebuilds bigger and better. "The day I take down this sign is the day I take down the American flag." Can't Fark have a Hero tag for more than one kind of hero

Wednesday 20 December 8:06:33 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [164 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'm bartending at the Brooklyn Safehouse, in Greenpoint, on Christmas Day. I'm opening around 4pm. Any Farker that comes in, I'll provide a free drink. I'll also provide fresh popped popcorn and other snacks [FarkParty]

Wednesday 20 December 7:39:29 UTC 2017

FarkParty [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It must be trial run train wreck week [Fail]

Wednesday 20 December 7:14:46 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Since the Keystone Pipeline worked out so well, let's just double down and put one under the Potomac River [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 6:29:58 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wow. That's gay. That is soooo gay. That's gayer than a gay unicorn puking a rainbow on Richard Simmons. That's gayer than a penis flavoured lollipop. That's gayer than a guy riding a bicycle with no seat. OK, maybe not that gay. But

Wednesday 20 December 5:54:42 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you lost a emaciated, balding dog with a mysterious tattoo then San Antonio Animal Care Services would like a word with you [Sad]

Wednesday 20 December 5:22:35 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hold my beer. I'm gonna be the first person to drive across the lake this winter [Dumbass]

Wednesday 20 December 4:30:49 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Users of New Crack are joining unions to protect their safety (while they still use). Classic Crack users still choosing the "getting arrested or shot" option [Interesting]

Wednesday 20 December 4:01:11 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest in international propaganda that might just work….Do you want free Choco Pies for life? The all you have to do is run across the Korean DMZ into South Korea and make it across safely and you may be a winner. Oh my [Cool]

Wednesday 20 December 3:54:01 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Google confirms all New Zealanders are sheep shaggers [Amusing]

Wednesday 20 December 3:46:43 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Every single U-boat is out of action, leaving the German navy with no working subs. This is not a repeat from 1945 [Fail]

Wednesday 20 December 3:22:08 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever just feel like digging a hole, crawling into it, and never coming out? Look this guy up [Strange]

Wednesday 20 December 3:12:26 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sailors at sea aboard the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford get special screening of The Last Jedi, demand to know why the ship's namesake was killed off in the previous movie [Cool]

Wednesday 20 December 2:38:09 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can you really be called a nudist if you don't take off your socks? [Weird]

Wednesday 20 December 2:03:52 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's that time of year for stories of anonymous people dropping precious metals, gems in Salvation Army kettles instead of feeding the poor, reading to the elderly, visiting with family, friends, isolated people because that's hard work [Sapp

Wednesday 20 December 1:35:29 UTC 2017

Sappy [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Who is more stupid? The police for tweeting out their plans to arrest a spy in a few days or the spy who still got caught? [Fail]

Wednesday 20 December 1:29:35 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man claims he had no idea he backed into bicycle officer and thought it was just a random dude firing shots at him [Unlikely]

Wednesday 20 December 1:22:46 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Quiz: Whose rules are more complicated, the NFL or the US Senate? [Facepalm]

Wednesday 20 December 1:20:41 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A new painting of Prince Pillip, the Duke of Edinburgh and Consort to the British Monarch, has been unveiled — improve it, Farkers [Photoshop]

Wednesday 20 December 1:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well, look on the bright side, Mr. President: it says right here you don't fark goats [Awkward]

Wednesday 20 December 0:55:18 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Columbia, SC to ban bump stocks. Bumping uglies with cousins still legal [Interesting]

Wednesday 20 December 0:21:01 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A hotel charges a woman $350 after she posts a negative review online [Facepalm]

Wednesday 20 December 0:10:40 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Archive

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