John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Not news: City uses bucket truck to hang Christmas decorations. News: City's bucket truck gets stolen. Fark: The guy hanging the decorations was still in the bucket [Scary]

Friday 17 November 23:50:05 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » San Diego police issue warning that they will inconvenience thousands of drivers to catch 3 drunk people [Stupid]

Friday 17 November 23:20:05 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [148 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dog owners live longer. Cat owners more likely to be murdered in their sleep [Spiffy]

Friday 17 November 22:50:05 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's Fark $5/Month Pyramid clues: "beyond vulgar to think of," "flabbergasted," "threat of electrical sparks and fire" [Creepy]

Friday 17 November 22:20:04 UTC 2017

Creepy [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: What do you do when the butcher gives you the wrong moose? [Strange]

Friday 17 November 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » $500 for a basement apartment rental. Oh, and if you could finish it while you're down there, that would be just great [Asinine]

Friday 17 November 21:40:45 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hey look: coffee is good for us again. Woot woot [Spiffy]

Friday 17 November 21:14:05 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this typical golf course hazard [Photoshop]

Friday 17 November 21:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo… always use the indefinite article A dildo, never YOUR dildo [Amusing]

Friday 17 November 20:50:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If strip clubs didn't have a minimum age limit for patrons this whole thing could have been avoided [Florida]

Friday 17 November 20:31:54 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 35-year-old time capsule found in Seattle's Space Needle. For non-Americans, around here, thirty five years is ancient history [Interesting]

Friday 17 November 20:10:05 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "It's not that it's lost. For it to be lost we'd have to look for it and not find it," said spokesman for the Navy that hasn't found it [News]

Friday 17 November 19:50:05 UTC 2017

News [link] [151 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Queen Elizabeth approves first female Black Rod for the House of Lords in its 650-year history. Strangely enough, this isn't a naughty thing [Cool]

Friday 17 November 19:38:32 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ménage à trois at the homeless camp [Giggity]

Friday 17 November 18:50:05 UTC 2017

Giggity [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 20 tons of meatballs lost after truck crashes on icy road in Sweden. Authorities investigating if somebody sneezed [Amusing]

Friday 17 November 18:20:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 39 years ago today, the most controversial program in all of television history aired for its one and only time [Interesting]

Friday 17 November 18:16:44 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [208 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Then he starting telling Michael Jackson pedophilia jokes, and then bopped two employees on the head with his book, making derisive comments about their comparative intelligence according to the sound their heads made when struck" [Amusing]

Friday 17 November 17:46:45 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [186 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Northeast to enjoy a Polar Vortex this winter. Burn more coal [Obvious]

Friday 17 November 17:20:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Report: Farc money launderer gave money to Trump's Panama resort, which could now face further investigations, but on the plus side is now signed up for 1000 years of TotalFarc [Facepalm]

Friday 17 November 16:44:05 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Norwegian woman gets a $30,400 fine for drunken driving, but she is a billionaire so no problem for her [Obvious]

Friday 17 November 16:14:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When the eel hits the anus [Weird]

Friday 17 November 14:50:04 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News media goes nuts with "baby died due to marijuana overdose" story … and if you guessed that maybe they weren't being all that accurate, well… yeah, about that story [Followup]

Friday 17 November 14:20:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this close up of an actual virus [Photoshop]

Friday 17 November 14:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nuns don't have €150,000 to repair church organ. Charity repairs organ for free. Government fines convent €170,000 for accepting free repair [Stupid]

Friday 17 November 13:50:51 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [96 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Virgin Hospitals

Friday 17 November 13:30:17 UTC 2017

1945: Mrs. Lenora Hawkes Jones came up with the idea of having a network of "virgin hospitals" throughout America which would house lovely and brainy women willing to bear children by suitable men in order to "improve the race." Suitable men would be those who didn't drink or smoke, and who weren't 'evil-minded.'

Didn't the nazis have some kind of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Trump? No, fark you [Followup]

Friday 17 November 13:18:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [285 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Comfort of a chair or sofa

Friday 17 November 12:47:26 UTC 2017

Bar Graph chair comfort furniture home shop sofa - 3161691648 Graph by: dreaml Tagged: Bar Graph , chair , comfort , furniture , home , shop , sofa Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 2013 Was a Big Year for Naming Your Baby ‘Cheese’

Friday 17 November 12:47:25 UTC 2017

Babies Line Graph parenting america names g rated - 7951850240 What a Gouda choice for a name. These parents were pretty Kraft-y. This is what happens when your parents are crackers. Submitted by: (via NY Mag) Tagged: Babies , Line Graph , parenting , america , names , g rated Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Saddest Part Is I Repeatedly Try to Wipe Them Off

Friday 17 November 12:47:16 UTC 2017

saddest wet glasses rain Pie Chart - 6875696640 Graph by: BioBark Tagged: saddest , wet , glasses , rain , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Congratulations?

Friday 17 November 12:47:14 UTC 2017

anxiety avoidance best of week congratulations flow chart life Memes stress - 6280544512 Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: anxiety , avoidance , best of week , congratulations , flow chart , life , Memes , stress Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Becoming a Pop Sensation: A Guided Journey

Friday 17 November 12:47:13 UTC 2017

annoying flow chart Music pop true - 4884084992 If lyrics are too hard, just make up some random sounds; it works for Lady Gaga! Graph by: doodleeveryday (via doodleeveryday.wordpress.com) Tagged: annoying , flow chart , Music , pop , true Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Movie Kid Pyramid

Friday 17 November 12:47:11 UTC 2017

child actors creepy Movie cute pyramid - 7044656640 Click here for the full sized graph! Graph by: (via Film.com) Tagged: child actors , creepy , Movie , cute , pyramid Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What sets off school fire alarms

Friday 17 November 12:47:08 UTC 2017

asshole fire fire alarm Pie Chart school - 2728192512 Graph by: firebird11692 Tagged: asshole , fire , fire alarm , Pie Chart , school Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Spurs Must Hate Fun

Friday 17 November 12:47:05 UTC 2017

nba sports Bar Graph basketball - 7859397120 Submitted by: (via deadspin) Tagged: nba , sports , Bar Graph , basketball Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » We Just Gotta Get Down

Friday 17 November 12:47:04 UTC 2017

content lyrics Pie Chart Songs - 4870905344 Graph by: platapus1234 Tagged: content , lyrics , Pie Chart , Songs Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Spicy Science

Friday 17 November 12:47:02 UTC 2017

hot index peppers spicy - 6460631040 Graph by: (via The Wall Street Journal Online) Tagged: hot , index , peppers , spicy Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Did It All for the Cookie

Friday 17 November 12:47:00 UTC 2017

computer friends history Maps parents porn url - 4329894400 Graph by: Tagged: computer , friends , history , Maps , parents , porn , url Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What it Took to Make BioShock Infinite

Friday 17 November 12:46:59 UTC 2017

bioshock infinite irrational games infographic bioshock - 7163879424 Submitted by: (via Irrational Games) Tagged: bioshock infinite , irrational games , infographic , bioshock Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What's That Aboot?

Friday 17 November 12:46:49 UTC 2017

accents Canada eh Pie Chart - 5223936512 Graph by: guisexo Tagged: accents , Canada , eh , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

Friday 17 November 12:46:48 UTC 2017

drunk footsteps kaputt - 4829286400 Graph by: (via Aras Kanani) Tagged: drunk , footsteps , kaputt Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Keeping My Roommate Informed

Friday 17 November 12:46:47 UTC 2017

laundry broke flowchart roommates - 7135279616 Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: laundry , broke , flowchart , roommates Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » You Need to Take Your Marco Polo Somewhere Else

Friday 17 November 12:46:46 UTC 2017

off on Pie Chart pool wave wave pool wavepool - 5098390528 The overcrowding is what really ruins it for me. Graph by: Unknown Tagged: off , on , Pie Chart , pool , wave , wave pool , wavepool Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Selling Your Body to Science has Never Been So Lucrative

Friday 17 November 12:46:44 UTC 2017

sale operation organs sell organs - 7670231040 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: sale , operation , organs , sell organs Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Formula for Drama Revealed

Friday 17 November 12:46:42 UTC 2017

pll drama pretty little liars common sense - 7702445568 Graph by: CreativeBoredom Tagged: pll , drama , pretty little liars , common sense Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Fido Used Tailwhip, It's Super Effective!

Friday 17 November 12:46:40 UTC 2017

dogs Pie Chart super effective tails tailwhip - 5633071104 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dogs , Pie Chart , super effective , tails , tailwhip Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In the Navy … You can sign up to learn to fly. In the Navy … And draw a penis in the sky [Amusing]

Friday 17 November 12:06:40 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [127 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teacher gets terrorist threats from Christian parents for daring to teach her students that not all Muslims are terrorists because of course [Murica]

Friday 17 November 11:50:41 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [212 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Lotte Fit’s Gum Commercial

Friday 17 November 11:44:00 UTC 2017

Japanese chewing gum promotes uncontrollable muscle spasms.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lock down – bladder edition [Dumbass]

Friday 17 November 11:00:40 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge vacates convictions for 15 black men who were imprisoned for up to 10 years after Chicago cop planted evidence. Cop was sentenced to 22 months, so it all works out fairly in the end [Scary]

Friday 17 November 10:52:39 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can Musk handle the curves and build Roadsters on time, With range of 630 miles, his thing can go all night, It goes from zero to sixty in 1.9. If you put down $50Gs, Shut up and… take my money [Spiffy]

Friday 17 November 9:39:40 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This couple made a promise to one another should the Australian people vote "Yes." Now a generous lawyer is offering to help them keep it [Sappy]

Friday 17 November 7:26:52 UTC 2017

Sappy [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida-ready headline: Florida man throws girlfriend's shoe out of his truck to stop her from strangling him, police say [Florida]

Friday 17 November 6:59:50 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » That Settles That

Friday 17 November 6:56:32 UTC 2017

The famous mathematician Stanislaw Ulam thought of the following paradox, which is now known as the Ulam Paradox: When President Richard Nixon was appointed to office, on the first day he met his cabinet he said to them: ‘None of you are yes-men, are you?’ And they all said, ‘NO!’ — Raymond Smullyan, A Mixed Bag, 2016 [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nothing about treating women with respect, nor listening to their thoughts and feelings should make a man uncomfortable. And yet, here we are [PSA]

Friday 17 November 6:09:14 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [371 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Perhaps more disturbing, is that people noticed it was the wrong loved one in the casket because he had legs [Awkward]

Friday 17 November 5:30:03 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'm not a veterinarian, but I play one at night in the forest [Dumbass]

Friday 17 November 4:41:12 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sorority sister A needs her service dog to live in the sorority house to control her panic attacks. Sorority sister B needs the service dog to leave the sorority house because of her allergies. Can the Fark legal system decide? [Interesting]

Friday 17 November 4:22:55 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [239 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » More than 200,000 gallons of oil spill from Keystone pipeline in South Dakota. Wahy does that name sound so familiar? Oh, right [News]

Friday 17 November 4:13:51 UTC 2017

News [link] [126 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man accidentally shoots himself and his wife at church during a discussion about church shootings [Facepalm]

Friday 17 November 4:08:56 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Quake halts South Korea's big exam, which is odd, as they're more Starcraft/RTS players than FPS fanatics [Weird]

Friday 17 November 3:50:05 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida man breaks out of Sanford mental hospital, carjacks man at knifepoint. Lamont's gonna be pissed this time [Florida]

Friday 17 November 3:26:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FBI offers reward in crop duster shooting, worries that violence will escalate to elevator tooters [Amusing]

Friday 17 November 3:02:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's like a heart attaaaack, at a Heart Association conference. It's needing a stent, when you're AHA President. It's being a cardiologist, but needing one yourself. Who would have thought it, tickers [Unlikely]

Friday 17 November 2:38:05 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you happen to have left a pot bazooka launcher lying around, Mexican Federales would like to talk with you [Fail]

Friday 17 November 2:14:05 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're going to rob a bank, try to use a better disguise than a pink floral nightgown and black lipstick, especially if it's the same bank you work at [Dumbass]

Friday 17 November 1:50:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just in case you thought the Catholic Church was the only religious group that goes out of its way to shelter and protect pedophile clergy [Sick]

Friday 17 November 1:27:08 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thieves steal $800,000 of rare whiskey known as "The Squirrel." Authorities currently searching Fark handle database for suspects [Silly]

Friday 17 November 1:26:05 UTC 2017

Silly [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops: "We have probable cause for a warrant. Can we get one?" Court clerk: "Sure thing. I'll be right back." Clerk to criminal buddies "Hey, hide your shiat, cops are getting a warrant. Oh, and that's $1,000 for saving you

Friday 17 November 1:02:05 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this pampered pooch's porthole [Photoshop]

Friday 17 November 1:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Grapevine

Friday 17 November 0:46:16 UTC 2017

A problem from the British Columbia Colleges Senior High School Mathematics Contest, 2000: Not all of the nine members on the student council are on speaking terms. This table shows their relationships — 1 means two members are speaking to each other, and 0 means they’re not: A B C D E F G H I A – 0 0 1 0 0 1 0 0 B … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man pleads guilty to groping women and exposing himself to children at State Fair, becomes new favorite write-in candidate in Alabama [Sick]

Friday 17 November 0:38:05 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mississippi man killed after being run over by a Tennessee bulldozer in Alabama [Strange]

Friday 17 November 0:14:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [46 comments] [Link]

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