John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games until you take a sword to the head. Well, apparently that's fun too, in the Armored Combat League [Strange]

Tuesday 31 October 23:30:04 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman accused of getting drunk and offering tap dance to cop [Florida]

Tuesday 31 October 22:50:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Best. Halloween. Weather. Forecaster. EVAR [Creepy]

Tuesday 31 October 22:20:05 UTC 2017

Creepy [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That's why they call them "cigarette butts" [Florida]

Tuesday 31 October 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "He fired a warning shot into his ceiling, but when the burglars appeared unfazed, he fired two more shots at them." Fail tag is for both burglars, one of whom is no longer with us [Fail]

Tuesday 31 October 21:20:04 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's this year's handy-dandy guide to offensive Halloween costumes [Facepalm]

Tuesday 31 October 20:50:04 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [164 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The other Reformation: on this day 500 years ago, Martin Luther changed our beer, too [Interesting]

Tuesday 31 October 20:41:54 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Tuesday 31 October 20:32:04 UTC 2017

accinge
v. to prepare or apply oneself facetely
adv. elegantly; cleverly; ingeniously plusquamperfection
n. utter perfection magnality
n. a great or wonderful thing A villainous Nazi named Roehm
Was searching for rhymes matching “poem.”
Then, chortling with glee,
Stated that he
Had found one at last. “That’ll show ’em!” — J.M. Crais [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Culinary capitals of the U.S.? Michelin makes it *** official: Bay Area 7, New York 5 [PSA]

Tuesday 31 October 20:20:05 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Neither does a drunk man with a rifle [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 20:11:53 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this ghost horse [Photoshop]

Tuesday 31 October 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Possible shooter in a car running over pedestrians and then hitting a school bus very close to subby in Downtown Manhattan. Multiple injured [News]

Tuesday 31 October 19:54:22 UTC 2017

News [link] [793 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Samuel Adams just released a $200 beer that's illegal in 12 states" [Spiffy]

Tuesday 31 October 19:50:04 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's something to teach those little candy-grabbing bastards a lesson they won't soon forget [Amusing]

Tuesday 31 October 19:44:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you plan to take your children trick or treating in Florida tonight, the police would like you to keep an eye out for any instances of kids trying to eat your face [Florida]

Tuesday 31 October 19:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cougars are getting more common in North America, and attacks can happen in unexpected places, like in flight [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 18:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Medical Experts: Rabies is survivable if treatment is sought within 10 days. Florida Woman: "Experts." What do they know? [Florida]

Tuesday 31 October 18:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beer festival in China has German roots, but no lederhosen. Lots of awesome pictures [Cool]

Tuesday 31 October 17:50:04 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb – even if you keep the receipt [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 17:20:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Man critical after bystander pulls him from river". You would think he could show at least a little appreciation for that [Obvious]

Tuesday 31 October 16:50:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Legendary mountain climber Taylor Swift dies at 94 [Sad]

Tuesday 31 October 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're not going to believe this but Ireland has a 'massive' alcohol problem [Obvious]

Tuesday 31 October 15:50:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » … aaaaaaaaaand we have the second recorded instance of Halloween blackface for Oct. 31, 2017 [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 15:39:39 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [155 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New Orleans psychic does ambush readings on the street. Nobody saw her coming [Amusing]

Tuesday 31 October 15:20:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Happy Halloween haunters. What do you do to scare candy out of your neighbors? Costume or decorate? Show us [Scary]

Tuesday 31 October 15:00:00 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 500 years ago today, Martin Luther had a dream [Interesting]

Tuesday 31 October 14:50:05 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » German government to social media companies like Facebook and Twitter: What's that? You having a hard time deleting abusive posts right away, even after they're reported? Well, how about a $58.3 million fine per incident? Would that help? [He

Tuesday 31 October 14:20:05 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [406 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark NotNewsletter: Slightly better than Chick Tracts [FarkBlog]

Tuesday 31 October 13:57:02 UTC 2017

FarkBlog [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-10-22 to Sat 2017-10-28 [FarkBlog]

Tuesday 31 October 13:06:59 UTC 2017

FarkBlog [link] [4 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As you enjoy your Halloween candy, remember that the bulk of it was made by slave labor. SPOOKY [PSA]

Tuesday 31 October 12:50:04 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's your annual Fark Jack-O-Lantern Photoshop Contest [Photoshop]

Tuesday 31 October 12:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CNN today: Benghazi attack suspect arrested in Libya. Infowars tomorrow: Benghazi attacker had HRC's personal cell number tattooed on his back and was trained in urban assault by Michelle Obama [News]

Tuesday 31 October 11:58:00 UTC 2017

News [link] [142 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Why is Florida Weird?

Tuesday 31 October 11:46:29 UTC 2017

Craig Pittman, columnist at the Tampa Bay Times, has a new book out that might be of interest to WUvies. It asks the question: why does so much weird news come out of Florida?

He suggests a few possible reasons in an interview with Wisconsin Public Radio:

"Well we don't have any snow as you know, and so as a … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Helping customers while wearing blackface, knowing that management's got your back? That was easy [Facepalm]

Tuesday 31 October 11:42:00 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [133 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This Halloween is all about our pumpkin-headed president. Man, talk about low-hanging fruit, especially since he's out of his gourd [Amusing]

Tuesday 31 October 11:15:00 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Yo dawg, I heard you were an editor at Jared Kushner's New York Observer. So let's observe what you observed [Interesting]

Tuesday 31 October 10:58:29 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [40 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Intercontinental Stereotypes

Tuesday 31 October 10:50:00 UTC 2017

america best of week europe intercontinental Maps stereotypes - 6154773504 Submitted by: TheBestMemeMaker Tagged: america , best of week , europe , intercontinental , Maps , stereotypes Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Makeup Of a Conductor's Brain

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:57 UTC 2017

Music conductor brain - 7870006784 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: Music , conductor , brain Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How Many Calories Can You Burn in 10 Minutes?

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:55 UTC 2017

health food infographic - 7078851584 How many calories can you burn in 10 minutes? Graph by: neomam (via Quickquid) Tagged: health , food , infographic Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Being an Artist

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:51 UTC 2017

artists art graphs funny - 7463731712 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: artists , art , graphs , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Real Love Story

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:49 UTC 2017

monstrosity love story venn diagram the birds and the bees - 6730021888 Graph by: (via Bite) Tagged: monstrosity , love story , venn diagram , the birds and the bees Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Replotted: Let's Just Hope There's No Overlap

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:47 UTC 2017

cat videos demographics internet Pie Chart pr0n replotted - 5718542080 Graph by: TechnoBrit Tagged: cat videos , demographics , internet , Pie Chart , pr0n , replotted Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Another Round of Heads Up, Seven Up!

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:46 UTC 2017

games graphs line graphs funny - 7584053760 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: games , graphs , line graphs , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Things Your Body Does in Space

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:45 UTC 2017

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: humans , infographics , science , body , space Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Psychology of Color

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:44 UTC 2017

wheel color psychology - 7756793856 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: wheel , color , psychology Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Man's Best Friend My Ass

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:39 UTC 2017

dogs pets cuddle mud Pie Chart - 6861496320 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dogs , pets , cuddle , mud , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » British Television: The Next Best Thing to Being There, I Assume

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:38 UTC 2017

bbc best of week British culture doctor who Pie Chart top gear TV - 6213951744 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: bbc , best of week , British , culture , doctor who , Pie Chart , top gear , TV Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Don't Shower; Problem Solved

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:36 UTC 2017

girls hair ladyfunbags Pie Chart shower titspace tumblr white people problems - 4575193344 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: girls , hair , ladyfunbags , Pie Chart , shower , titspace , tumblr , white people problems Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Caffeine Bang for Your Buck

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:34 UTC 2017

caffeine Starbucks McDonald's buck - 7719782656 Submitted by: (via Thrillist) Tagged: caffeine , Starbucks , McDonald's , buck Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » You Forgot Pit-Stains McGee

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:31 UTC 2017

infographic nervous presentation scary - 4704130304 Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: infographic , nervous , presentation , scary Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Different Hairstyles For Different Lifstyles

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:30 UTC 2017

Chart lifestyles hairstyles - 7886040832 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: Chart , lifestyles , hairstyles Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What We See vs. What Politicians See

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:29 UTC 2017

best of week bills elections politicans politics unemployment votes - 6030834688 Graph by: (via Pleated Jeans) Tagged: best of week , bills , elections , politicans , politics , unemployment , votes Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » They Have to Learn Eventually

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:27 UTC 2017

Awkward inappropriate kids Pie Chart swearing - 4654390528 Graph by: susan.clouse Tagged: Awkward , inappropriate , kids , Pie Chart , swearing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Amount of times my boss uses the F word

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:25 UTC 2017

boss curse words microsoft work - 1512638208 LoL by: Unknown Tagged: boss , curse words , microsoft , work Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Lent, Why Must You Tagalong?

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:24 UTC 2017

cookies darth vader girl scouts lent nooooo venn diagram - 4567104512 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: cookies , darth vader , girl scouts , lent , nooooo , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Epic Fail(s)

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:23 UTC 2017

napolean failure achievement short - 7714804736 Graph by: Evertide Tagged: napolean , failure , achievement , short Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Going All In

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:22 UTC 2017

pie charts olympic rings graphs funny - 4476905216 Graph by: ferretfm3 Tagged: pie charts , olympic rings , graphs , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Puppy Love

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:18 UTC 2017

puke dogs carpet - 7763695360 Graph by: micosrock Tagged: puke , dogs , carpet Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Snapchat Can Be Educational Too!

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:17 UTC 2017

snapchat Pie Chart - 8009418240 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: snapchat , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Replotted: Science, Art and…Religion

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:15 UTC 2017

art religion science venn diagram wonder - 5984733440 Graph by: tappin Tagged: art , religion , science , venn diagram , wonder Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Close Enough, Right?

Tuesday 31 October 10:49:13 UTC 2017

British british isles scottish venn diagram welsh - 5053701888 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: British , british isles , scottish , venn diagram , welsh Share on Facebook [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 61

Tuesday 31 October 9:44:00 UTC 2017

This woman is attempting to sell you a magazine. What type? Skin mag? Sports mag? CAT FANCY?

The answer is here.

UPDATE: original page now sequestered behind the new paywall at THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE ARCHIVES.

And after the jump. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Trump administration is so racist it can't even abide black licorice [Obvious]

Tuesday 31 October 9:25:28 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember the massive Force 11 storm that left 2 women and their dogs stranded at sea for 5 months? Neither does the National Weather Service [Awkward]

Tuesday 31 October 8:50:00 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I never saw this in The Book of Mormon [News]

Tuesday 31 October 7:10:07 UTC 2017

News [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Motor City

Tuesday 31 October 7:09:48 UTC 2017

In 1923 Columbia University architect Harvey Wiley Corbett proposed a novel solution to Manhattan’s traffic problem: surrender. His Proposals for Relieving Traffic Congestion in New York had four phases: The present situation. Pedestrians are transferred from street level to bridges that are cantilevered from the buildings, and patronize shops at this level. “Cut-ins” in the buildings permit six cars to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Power knocked out to about half of Saskatchewan after beaver chews down power pole. This is the most Canadian thing you will read today [Amusing]

Tuesday 31 October 7:05:09 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's something for your bucket list [Creepy]

Tuesday 31 October 6:44:11 UTC 2017

Creepy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three arrested after creation of pizza abomination [Amusing]

Tuesday 31 October 6:41:10 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dumb: Couple uses shady website to buy a cellphone, both get shot. Asinine: Their parents blame the police for not warning the public that people pull scams via the internet [Asinine]

Tuesday 31 October 6:34:09 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge orders man to write 144 nice things about his ex-girlfriend after sending her gross text messages [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 5:38:11 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bite my meatbag-mocking ass [Asinine]

Tuesday 31 October 4:28:04 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That's a rough 31, Mrs. Unconscious Woman of Walmart [Florida]

Tuesday 31 October 3:56:37 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Braaaaaaaaaaa…. please visit our town… aaaaaaaaaaaains [Strange]

Tuesday 31 October 3:13:23 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Construction workers are most at risk of suicide, according to the CDC. Lobbyists for the Assistant Crack Whore union have not yet commented on this story [Interesting]

Tuesday 31 October 2:50:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A study found that people ate about two more pieces of candy when it was placed in clear bowls near their desks versus in opaque containers further away from them, according to the Captain Obvious Research Institute [Obvious]

Tuesday 31 October 2:10:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Royal family carries on time-honored tradition of inbreeding [Awkward]

Tuesday 31 October 1:30:04 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 1934 puzzle returns, with a hefty prize for the first to solve it. Can you identify both the killers and the victims? [Interesting]

Tuesday 31 October 0:50:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Driving with drugs in your anus, a dead woman in the trunk, and shooting at other cars is no way to go through life [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 0:39:33 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The story behind those old Halloween string masks [Cool]

Tuesday 31 October 0:35:15 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Puppy left to die in a dumpster looks like Dobby the House Elf [Sick]

Tuesday 31 October 0:21:56 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Eel trafficker not slippery enough [Dumbass]

Tuesday 31 October 0:10:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this man hiding in the Bushes [Photoshop]

Tuesday 31 October 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Archive

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