John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Converse man arrested for allegedly beating children with belt, 'switch'. Someone should kick him in the head with some Chuck Taylors [Sick]

Friday 6 October 23:57:23 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » RIP, Canadian tar sand pipelines [Cool]

Friday 6 October 23:36:22 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Miami police department has arrested someone for running a parody Twitter account that made fun of the Miami police department [Florida]

Friday 6 October 22:48:22 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marilyn Manson confesses he smoked a bone, riff on that to the right while considering the sad state of shock value in 2017 [Murica]

Friday 6 October 22:20:05 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From robots to role play: study reveals German attitudes to sex. Not a lot of monogamy [Interesting]

Friday 6 October 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beer 4 Boobies event saves lives (and boobies). Is there anything beer cannot do? [Boobies]

Friday 6 October 21:20:05 UTC 2017

Boobies [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Give me three reasons why you're demolishing my home." "Rotting garbage, debris and mould" [Sick]

Friday 6 October 20:50:04 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Darth Vader robs a convenience store, doesn't Force-choke anyone [Weird]

Friday 6 October 20:20:05 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this division [Photoshop]

Friday 6 October 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obviously unbalanced man arrested in airport for making bomb threat in person to TSA agent. "I've got to get this bag checked in before it explodes" [Florida]

Friday 6 October 19:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Calgary school board candidate blames gay people for terrorism. Fabulous, kinky terrorism [Dumbass]

Friday 6 October 18:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Because there is not enough work for lawyers, a Georgia sheriff decided to order the warrantless frisking of 900 minors [Dumbass]

Friday 6 October 18:20:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [119 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Alphabet of Nature

Friday 6 October 18:17:43 UTC 2017

Philologist Alexander John Ellis wanted to describe the sounds made by every human speaker, and to record them as objectively as possible in a universal alphabet, so that anyone could accurately record speech in any language. He acknowledged that “it would be impossible to make the whole world pronounce alike,” but he thought that the system illustrated above could be … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Plane skids on runway as it lands in crosswinds. Passengers have matching skidmarks (possible nsfw content on page) [Scary]

Friday 6 October 17:50:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Vegas madman regularly wore gloves because of bizarre allergies [Followup]

Friday 6 October 17:20:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When a car thief pursued by police jumps in the water to escape, the police must shoot and kill him in self defense [Florida]

Friday 6 October 16:50:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [244 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When the Saudi king rolls into Moscow, he rolls DEEP, with a 1,500-person "squad," food, furniture, servants and carpets from home, and his own portable golden escalator [Strange]

Friday 6 October 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Think Trump throwing paper towels at Puerto Ricans was bad? He almost threw cans of chicken until told not to [Dumbass]

Friday 6 October 15:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [177 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New emojis coming including "I love you" hand sign. Next up, the Shocker [Weird]

Friday 6 October 15:20:05 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We tried the new grocery store frozen avocados so you didn't have to…and you should be thanking us for this every day for the rest of your life. The horror, THE HORROR [Fail]

Friday 6 October 14:50:04 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [106 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Flexiclogs

Friday 6 October 14:45:31 UTC 2017

Hinged, segmented shoe soles. There must be a good reason why this innovation never caught on.

Pairs seem to come up for sale on eBay and Etsy if you want to give them a try.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Like multi-colored hair mugshots? Here is one for you, then [Dumbass]

Friday 6 October 14:30:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [37 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Miss Most Titles

Friday 6 October 14:21:00 UTC 2017

Actress and singer Janis Paige earned the reputation of having the longest list of 'misses' in show business. Her career as a Miss began at the age of 9 when she was awarded the title of Miss Olive Oyl in a Popeye contest. She went on to be named (among other things) Miss Valley Aviation, Miss National Buddy Poppy, Miss … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If the Vegas shooter had been trying to stockpile cold medicine instead of guns, he would have been sitting in jail long ago [Murica]

Friday 6 October 14:20:04 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [289 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tampa Bay kicker on missing all 3 field goal tries: "This one's on me." Apparently he can't count either [Fail]

Friday 6 October 13:22:06 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you ever wanted to own your very own, one-of-a-kind toilet seat museum, well you might want to sit down for this news [Spiffy]

Friday 6 October 13:20:04 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this fine foursome [Photoshop]

Friday 6 October 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leopard loose in car factory. Well, at least the workers have cars to get into, Jesus Christ [Scary]

Friday 6 October 12:50:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Middle school janitor calls the police about a tampon [Silly]

Friday 6 October 12:25:19 UTC 2017

Silly [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As if Harvey, Irma, and Maria didn't bring enough big water: U.S. Gulf Coast going back to pucker factor 5, cuz here comes Nate [Scary]

Friday 6 October 12:20:06 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a county prosecutor quite like hearing that the defendant wants to talk about jury nullification during his trial. Especially when the defendant is known as Weedman [Obvious]

Friday 6 October 11:39:19 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Milo Snuffaluffagus' emails obtained and turned over to Buzzfeed and wow that is way more Nazis than I was expecting [Interesting]

Friday 6 October 11:24:23 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [547 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Forty-eight. Forty-eight environmental rules the White House is trying to undo ah ah ah [Sad]

Friday 6 October 11:01:19 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indiana Supreme Court: "Yes, we agree that the law is pants-on-head stupid, but seeing as it is the law, off to prison with you" [Stupid]

Friday 6 October 10:39:51 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents charged with manslaughter after newborn dies from treatable jaundice because parents refused to seek medical help. Their excuse? "God makes no mistakes" [Sick]

Friday 6 October 10:04:20 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [183 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If someone drives on your lawn at 5:40 in the morning, shooting at their truck isn't the best option. You should teach your kids that, too, before they fire eight rounds from "the household's .40-caliber Glock" [Fail]

Friday 6 October 9:36:19 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » John Kelly finds out why his phone is acting weird [Facepalm]

Friday 6 October 8:55:19 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [87 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » You Expect Me to Pay How Much for These!?

Friday 6 October 7:32:50 UTC 2017

headphones rappers Pie Chart Songs Music - 6595212288 Graph by: aaronundead Tagged: headphones , rappers , Pie Chart , Songs , Music Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The World's Obsessed with Facebook

Friday 6 October 7:32:49 UTC 2017

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: facebook , obsession , the world , Video Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » That's a Big Closet

Friday 6 October 7:32:48 UTC 2017

closets wife husband clothes - 7425161984 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: closets , wife , husband , clothes Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Think of Them as 'Character Tattoos'

Friday 6 October 7:32:47 UTC 2017

character Line Graph alive scars - 7685742080 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: character , Line Graph , alive , scars Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Mister Aladdin, Sir, Have a Wish or Two or Three

Friday 6 October 7:32:44 UTC 2017

cartoons disney movies Pie Chart Songs - 4620434176 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: cartoons , disney , movies , Pie Chart , Songs Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Go Out the Window

Friday 6 October 7:32:42 UTC 2017

bathroom childhood Pie Chart timeout window - 5701309696 Graph by: Deylinn Tagged: bathroom , childhood , Pie Chart , timeout , window Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Small Differences

Friday 6 October 7:32:41 UTC 2017

scalded tongue venn diagram casual racism - 7721998848 Submitted by: (via Indexed) Tagged: scalded tongue , venn diagram , casual racism Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Why I Didn't Text You Back

Friday 6 October 7:32:40 UTC 2017

fap Pie Chart respond shower texting - 6183808512 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: fap , Pie Chart , respond , shower , texting Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Working the Info Desk at the Bookstore:

Friday 6 October 7:32:39 UTC 2017

books bookstore desk manga need oprah Pie Chart requests school vague working - 2884019200 Graph by: tziva Tagged: books , bookstore , desk , manga , need , oprah , Pie Chart , requests , school , vague , working Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 2001 Was a Weird Year for His Footwear

Friday 6 October 7:32:38 UTC 2017

apple Retiring steve jobs timeline - 5130228736 Graph by: (via EPICPonyz) Tagged: apple , Retiring , steve jobs , timeline Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Things my boyfriend writes meaningless crap on vs. their importance

Friday 6 October 7:32:36 UTC 2017

boyfriend relationships stuff - 1562859264 LoL by: Unknown Tagged: boyfriend , relationships , stuff Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How I Feel Apartment Hunting with Friends

Friday 6 October 7:32:35 UTC 2017

friends venn diagram apartment - 6940068096 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: friends , venn diagram , apartment Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Responses To Me Dancing

Friday 6 October 7:32:33 UTC 2017

chicks dancing dig on Pie Chart responses shirt - 2650166784 Graph by: GraphComedy Tagged: chicks , dancing , dig , on , Pie Chart , responses , shirt Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Find Your Perfect Pasta

Friday 6 October 7:32:31 UTC 2017

pasta - 7803758848 For original or to purchase, click heret Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: pasta Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What If I Left My Personal Massager In My Room?!

Friday 6 October 7:32:30 UTC 2017

anxiety college forgetting home leaving Pie Chart - 5179971584 Graph by: hurricaneallegra Tagged: anxiety , college , forgetting , home , leaving , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Those Movies All Take Place on the Same Day

Friday 6 October 7:32:22 UTC 2017

movies Pie Chart running of the bulls Spain - 5296420608 Graph by: Ellimistopher Tagged: movies , Pie Chart , running of the bulls , Spain Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Reasonable Explanation

Friday 6 October 7:32:21 UTC 2017

birds and bees junior mints venn diagram mints - 7677084928 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: birds and bees , junior mints , venn diagram , mints Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » This is:

Friday 6 October 7:32:20 UTC 2017

4chan brains drugs sparta spinal tap - 1938065664 LoL by: buffypython Tagged: 4chan , brains , drugs , sparta , spinal tap Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Ooh, a Shiny Within Arms Reach

Friday 6 October 7:32:19 UTC 2017

complete efficiency energy focus task venn diagram - 5010295808 Graph by: Sedge Tagged: complete , efficiency , energy , focus , task , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Have a Happy Ending!

Friday 6 October 7:32:18 UTC 2017

holiday lady boys Pie Chart thailand - 4968700672 Graph by: Tagged: holiday , lady boys , Pie Chart , thailand Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » My Brain Wants Me to Fail

Friday 6 October 7:32:17 UTC 2017

homework lyrics Pie Chart quotes school studying test - 5386987776 Graph by: jialiu1998 Tagged: homework , lyrics , Pie Chart , quotes , school , studying , test Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Can I Just Order a Plate of Bacon?

Friday 6 October 7:32:14 UTC 2017

bacon blt food Pie Chart sandwich - 4479627264 Graph by: geo1 Tagged: bacon , blt , food , Pie Chart , sandwich Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Let's Light Congress on Fire and Leave Them on Someone's Doorstep

Friday 6 October 7:32:13 UTC 2017

dog poop government Congress poll - 7938041856 Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: dog poop , government , Congress , poll Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Disappointment… In the Third Dimension!

Friday 6 October 7:32:12 UTC 2017

cool 3d Bar Graph expectation vs. reality movies TV - 6958287872 Graph by: (via Coolness Graphed) Tagged: cool , 3d , Bar Graph , expectation vs. reality , movies , TV Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Highway Driving

Friday 6 October 7:32:11 UTC 2017

behind driving fast front highway pass speeding - 2606222080 Graph by: NeelT Tagged: behind , driving , fast , front , highway , pass , speeding Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » If You Can't Sit Still Long Enough to Read This…

Friday 6 October 7:32:10 UTC 2017

drinking caffeine sugar coffee cream Pie Chart - 6964365312 Graph by: markot9 Tagged: drinking , caffeine , sugar , coffee , cream , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » We Don't Want Any "Art"

Friday 6 October 7:32:08 UTC 2017

artist go away Pie Chart - 6013146624 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: artist , go away , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Am a Jedi!

Friday 6 October 7:32:07 UTC 2017

the force is strong star wars Movie Pie Chart Jedi - 6867234560 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: the force is strong , star wars , Movie , Pie Chart , Jedi Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Do You STILL Want That Big Mac?

Friday 6 October 7:32:06 UTC 2017

best of week big mac fast food mafia - 5913075456 Submitted by: (via silentsketcher) Tagged: best of week , big mac , fast food , mafia Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Who Had the Pieces of Eden…

Friday 6 October 7:32:05 UTC 2017

assassins creed history Pie Chart school truancy story - 5978981120 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: assassins creed , history , Pie Chart , school , truancy story Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Teh1337sniper1

Friday 6 October 7:32:04 UTC 2017

gamertags Pie Chart video games xbox - 4828348160 Graph by: TRUdog Tagged: gamertags , Pie Chart , video games , xbox Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Downloading

Friday 6 October 7:32:03 UTC 2017

99-9 always downloads its-a-pun limits Line Graph math - 4223557888 Always. Graph by: Unknown Tagged: 99-9 , always , downloads , its-a-pun , limits , Line Graph , math Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » When the lawn sprinklers turn on in my community

Friday 6 October 7:32:02 UTC 2017

Bar Graph barbecue check dry ground lawn mail rain sprinklers thunderstorm - 2668359424 Graph by: CDigital37 Tagged: Bar Graph , barbecue , check , dry , ground , lawn , mail , rain , sprinklers , thunderstorm Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I'm Good, I Just-Agghhlagghh

Friday 6 October 7:32:01 UTC 2017

dentists-office doctors office Pie Chart questions - 6353792000 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dentists-office , doctors office , Pie Chart , questions Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » History's Greatest Monster has some wise words and personal insight into solving the North Korea issue [Interesting]

Friday 6 October 7:05:26 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Northern California recycled clothing store pays for billboard promoting store and depicting Trump as a Nazi; billboard company removes it less than 24 hours later, claiming it "received complaints" [Murica]

Friday 6 October 6:13:28 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trump notes "calm before storm" at military dinner. Asked for clarification : "You'll find out" [Scary]

Friday 6 October 5:20:22 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [301 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Once again, The Red Cross shows itself to be the "hopes and prayers" of hurricane disaster relief [Facepalm]

Friday 6 October 4:21:21 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Please note: the police may listen in on your phone calls, especially if you're calling from jail [Facepalm]

Friday 6 October 3:58:00 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Vegas shooter often would moan and scream "Oh my God" in bed, much like your mom [Interesting]

Friday 6 October 3:04:20 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Appealing the citation forfeits the right to pay with peanut butter [Weird]

Friday 6 October 2:46:43 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'I may be in possession of some amphetamine' [Florida]

Friday 6 October 2:12:26 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Evasion, Tax Evasion [Followup]

Friday 6 October 1:38:09 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » By the word of a complete stranger to someone who isn't even a judge, all your rights as a person can be stripped away and there's nothing you can do about it [Scary]

Friday 6 October 1:07:19 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [192 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In what is no way a viral ad campaign designed to create the buzz of outrage, the Hollywood studio behind Kate Winslet's new movie with Idris Elba wants you to know that she doesn't eat the dog. Also, Kate Winslet has a new movie with Idris E

Friday 6 October 1:03:52 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Which is the bigger fail? The woman who tried to knock takeout food out of a man's hand, but ended up falling on her ass OR this article which contains a slideshow of a computer screen with a gif on it? [Fail]

Friday 6 October 0:29:35 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The bleeding hearts at the NRA do the right thing [News]

Friday 6 October 0:20:14 UTC 2017

News [link] [447 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these tulip lovers [Photoshop]

Friday 6 October 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Archive

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