John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Dylann Roof wishes he had a white supremacist lawyer and not one of these horrible Jewish lawyers. How can I be declared innocent of killing a church full of black people with a Jewish lawyer? I need a creepy racist lawyer with a bowl cut [Stupid]

Monday 18 September 23:57:25 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tonight at 8pm ET, a special Paul's Memory Bank as I pay tribute to our beloved soosh by sampling some playlists from early in the year [Live]

Monday 18 September 23:30:22 UTC 2017

Live [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » OK, this is the Whole World. And this is us. No sir, we're not the whole world. These other thingies are other countries. No sir, we can't make them go away [Facepalm]

Monday 18 September 23:27:18 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After getting buzzed by North Korean missiles Japan's prime minister is looking to quickly rewrite their pacifist Constitution [Interesting]

Monday 18 September 22:35:09 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Intoxicated wedding guests try to mingle with a bison herd. Darwin heard muttering "too easy" [Facepalm]

Monday 18 September 22:20:05 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mystery woman has been crashing every funeral at local church for 14 years just so she can stuff her face at the free buffet [Awkward]

Monday 18 September 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » WA father claims that he accidentally shot his son repeatedly with flaming balls from a "fireworks gun" in a "safety lesson" that went accidentally awry. His 6-year-old son tells a different, more believable, and frankly better-constr

Monday 18 September 21:18:38 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This story of a slam poet and a stolen house gets weirder the further down you go [Amusing]

Monday 18 September 20:20:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this flying man [Photoshop]

Monday 18 September 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burglar jerks off after breaking in. In burglar circles this is known as a whack job [Dumbass]

Monday 18 September 19:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's a time and place to take selfies and check your backpack, and it's not while A) Riding a motorcycle on a motorway; B) Practicing wheelies; C) Doing 117 mph; D) Being followed by the police; or E) Any or all of these [Dumbass]

Monday 18 September 19:20:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Monday 18 September 18:49:05 UTC 2017

symposiast
n. a member of a drinking party alate
adj. winged dimication
n. fighting or strife bouleversement
n. a turning upside down “In Other Words,” an airman’s drinking song from World War I: I was fighting a Hun in the heyday of youth,
Or perhaps ’twas a Nieuport or Spad.
I put in a burst at a moderate range
And … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bill Gates thinks an outbreak of disease could kill 30 million people within the next 10 years. No word if he thinks it could come from a virus [Interesting]

Monday 18 September 18:20:06 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman with a gun, threatening to shoot herself? Don't worry, the Florida Police are there to help with that [Florida]

Monday 18 September 17:50:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark NotNewsletter: Changes afoot for online advertising [FarkBlog]

Monday 18 September 17:27:03 UTC 2017

FarkBlog [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-10 to Sat 2017-09-16 [FarkBlog]

Monday 18 September 16:42:33 UTC 2017

FarkBlog [link] [0 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man helps himself to bacon from woman's plate. Surprisingly, she objects. Late-night hilarity at the Waffle House ensues [Florida]

Monday 18 September 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption these construction workers [Caption]

Monday 18 September 16:00:00 UTC 2017

Caption [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » *Bark* Bark* "Hello, 911?" *Bark* *Bark* "This is 911, what is your emergency?" *Bark* *Bark* [Scary]

Monday 18 September 15:50:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After harassing black passenger on bus, Seattle Nazi followed by bystanders and punched [Video]

Monday 18 September 15:20:05 UTC 2017

Video [link] [1427 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Snapchat blocks Al-Jazeera in Saudi Arabia. How will fearless reporters send dick pics to fundamentalist Muslims now? [Interesting]

Monday 18 September 14:50:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In other news, Best Korea's nuke tests may have awoken a Kaiju [Strange]

Monday 18 September 14:20:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Big rig hauling 40,000 pounds of dog food overturns on freeway, spilling its contents. That's ruff [Amusing]

Monday 18 September 13:50:04 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lexus goes "Hey, Kool-Aid!" on fourth floor parking garage wall. Oh, yeah! [Fail]

Monday 18 September 13:20:05 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this magic mushroom [Photoshop]

Monday 18 September 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Swastika and racist message found on Drake. You'd think he'd have woken up during that [Sick]

Monday 18 September 12:50:04 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » RIP Stanislav Petrov, the man who saved the world [Sad]

Monday 18 September 12:20:05 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [90 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Respect for the Aged Day

Monday 18 September 12:07:47 UTC 2017

Today is Respect for the Aged Day in Japan.

Japan Tobacco has long celebrated the day by giving senior citizens each ten packs of cigarettes.

Baltimore Sun – Sep 15, 1999

More info: Japan Times [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Happy 308th birthday, What the Fark Am I Reading Guy [PSA]

Monday 18 September 11:55:33 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Is there a Tulls here? Jenna Tulls? Hey everybody Show me Jenna Tulls" [Amusing]

Monday 18 September 11:50:04 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [57 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Life in Graphs

Monday 18 September 11:17:39 UTC 2017

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: life , Music , Video Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Amanda Bieber, Y U So Horrible!?

Monday 18 September 11:17:38 UTC 2017

amanda bieber fangirls justin bieber Pie Chart twitter y u no meme - 6351564288 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: amanda bieber , fangirls , justin bieber , Pie Chart , twitter , y u no meme Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It's Okay, You Still Have Alfred

Monday 18 September 11:17:36 UTC 2017

batman comics forever alone infographic movies Sad television - 4767943424 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: batman , comics , forever alone , infographic , movies , Sad , television Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Oh Hey Insomnia

Monday 18 September 11:17:35 UTC 2017

energy insomnia night Pie Chart sleep - 4636070912 Graph by: stormchaser319 Tagged: energy , insomnia , night , Pie Chart , sleep Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » That Awkward Moment When You've Done All of These

Monday 18 September 11:17:34 UTC 2017

Awkward best of week merit badges socially awkward penguin - 6128369408 Graph by: (via Pleated Jeans) Tagged: Awkward , best of week , merit badges , socially awkward penguin Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » An Out of This World Infographic on Space Oddities

Monday 18 September 11:17:33 UTC 2017

movies infographic space - 7885459200 Submitted by: (via DKNG Studios) Tagged: movies , infographic , space Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Why Do I Even Bother Reading Them

Monday 18 September 11:17:32 UTC 2017

pie charts youtube graphs music videos funny - 7594454272 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: pie charts , youtube , graphs , music videos , funny Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Stuff Your Face, Responsibly

Monday 18 September 11:17:31 UTC 2017

Double Down eating food leftovers - 6399092992 Graph by: buckles_b (via Bite) Tagged: Double Down , eating , food , leftovers Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Has to Be One of the Big Three

Monday 18 September 11:17:28 UTC 2017

Father greek mythology hero heroes Pie Chart - 4889680128 Graph by: Regrubezeehc Tagged: Father , greek mythology , hero , heroes , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » So Much Fun!

Monday 18 September 11:17:27 UTC 2017

amusement park fun lines Pie Chart - 6315934464 Graph by: Specialk97 Tagged: amusement park , fun , lines , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Mommy and Daddy Love You

Monday 18 September 11:17:26 UTC 2017

age Bar Graph deep-seated issues lies love parents pills - 4350624000 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: age , Bar Graph , deep-seated issues , lies , love , parents , pills Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Vegan Decision Tree

Monday 18 September 11:17:25 UTC 2017

eat it frolicking warrior meat - 7690652672 The correct answer is Hamburger. Graph by: Unknown Tagged: eat it , frolicking , warrior , meat Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It's a Two Branch Path

Monday 18 September 11:17:24 UTC 2017

stomach hungry heart chocolate - 5186960640 Graph by: brookelin Tagged: stomach , hungry , heart , chocolate Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Think You Mean Greater Than?

Monday 18 September 11:17:22 UTC 2017

age birthday greater than intelligence less than Line Graph math - 4287825920 Graph by: SilverSunlight Tagged: age , birthday , greater than , intelligence , less than , Line Graph , math Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Is It Any Wonder I Never Get Any Work Done?

Monday 18 September 11:17:19 UTC 2017

school youtube facebook college Pie Chart - 6637277184 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: school , youtube , facebook , college , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » You Came to the Wrong Chiropractor…

Monday 18 September 11:17:15 UTC 2017

wrong chiropractor Pie Chart - 6970040576 Graph by: markot9 Tagged: wrong , chiropractor , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I'll Just Scrape Out This Last Bit With a Spoon

Monday 18 September 11:17:14 UTC 2017

chocolate food homemade i-liek-chocolate-milk Line Graph - 5807593728 Graph by: johnstpierre11 Tagged: chocolate , food , homemade , i-liek-chocolate-milk , Line Graph Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Harry Potter and the Pitched Tents

Monday 18 September 11:17:12 UTC 2017

camping deathly hallows Harry Potter hermione Pie Chart ron voldemort - 4239130624 Graph by: JoKey42 Tagged: camping , deathly hallows , Harry Potter , hermione , Pie Chart , ron , voldemort Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Ruin All the Songs!

Monday 18 September 11:17:10 UTC 2017

all the things glee Pie Chart ruining Songs - 5511418368 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: all the things , glee , Pie Chart , ruining , Songs Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Does This Mean I Can Learn at Home, And Sleep at School?

Monday 18 September 11:17:09 UTC 2017

classroom infographic learning school - 5412883712 Don't you wish your school went like this? Graph by: SuperNerd256 (via Knewton) Tagged: classroom , infographic , learning , school Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Usefulness of Shotgun in Video Games

Monday 18 September 11:17:08 UTC 2017

call of duty covert ops halo Left 4 Dead Line Graph shotgun tactical shooter video games zombie - 2540951040 Graph by: allornone Tagged: call of duty , covert ops , halo , Left 4 Dead , Line Graph , shotgun , tactical shooter , video games , zombie Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » They Like Us, They Really Like Us!

Monday 18 September 11:17:07 UTC 2017

bands facebook likes Pie Chart - 4900003584 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: bands , facebook , likes , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Well Duh, She's a Pegasus

Monday 18 September 11:17:06 UTC 2017

equestria my little ponies Pie Chart rainbow dash - 4872859648 Graph by: Rodolfo Tagged: equestria , my little ponies , Pie Chart , rainbow dash Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » When You Point, Stick Figures Look More Like Real People

Monday 18 September 11:17:05 UTC 2017

board games drawing flow chart pictionary stick figures - 4598750464 Graph by: (via Doghouse Diaries) Tagged: board games , drawing , flow chart , pictionary , stick figures Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How Rich Are the Richest Americans?

Monday 18 September 11:17:04 UTC 2017

americans best of week economy politics richest wealth - 6459796736 Graph by: (via United for a Fair Economy) Tagged: americans , best of week , economy , politics , richest , wealth Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Snack Chart

Monday 18 September 11:17:02 UTC 2017

food goldfish Pie Chart piechart snacking - 6357378048 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: food , goldfish , Pie Chart , piechart , snacking Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Correct Spelling

Monday 18 September 11:17:01 UTC 2017

Bar Graph big correct head paper presentation spelling texting writing - 2552192512 Graph by: chrissreef Tagged: Bar Graph , big , correct , head , paper , presentation , spelling , texting , writing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » If You Met Them In the First Fifteen Minutes, They're Probably the Killer

Monday 18 September 11:17:00 UTC 2017

cops drama guilty Line Graph television - 5350565888 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: cops , drama , guilty , Line Graph , television Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » This Graph Again; You Know the Drill

Monday 18 September 11:16:59 UTC 2017

drill school teachers this like circle people graph or whatever tornadoes venn diagram you guys love these - 4496602112 Graph by: Tagged: drill , school , teachers , this like circle people graph or whatever , tornadoes , venn diagram , you guys love these Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » When someone asks "Guess What?"

Monday 18 September 11:16:58 UTC 2017

ask guess what Pie Chart - 3220098816 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: ask , guess what , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Taylor Swift's Bread and Butter

Monday 18 September 11:16:57 UTC 2017

taylor swift venn diagram - 7079948032 Graph by: (via Bite) Tagged: taylor swift , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The World According to Cats

Monday 18 September 11:16:56 UTC 2017

food Cats funny graphs - 4496043008 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: food , Cats , funny , graphs Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » They're Used Outside of Arts and Crafts?

Monday 18 September 11:16:55 UTC 2017

arts and crafts kids Pie Chart pipes toys - 5758657024 Graph by: furrybrats2 Tagged: arts and crafts , kids , Pie Chart , pipes , toys Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Better Names For Things

Monday 18 September 11:16:54 UTC 2017

Cheezburger Image 5527846144 Graph by: (via Pleated Jeans) Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Top Books According to Facebook

Monday 18 September 11:16:53 UTC 2017

top facebook books trending Pie Chart - 6877667072 Graph by: (via Matt Mullin) Tagged: top , facebook , books , trending , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Internet + Explorer = Rage

Monday 18 September 11:16:52 UTC 2017

accurate dora infographic internet explorer rage guy - 3823821056 Graph by: the_cheat420 Tagged: accurate , dora , infographic , internet explorer , rage guy Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » But Which Filter Should I Use!?

Monday 18 September 11:16:51 UTC 2017

coffee filter hipsters instagram pictures of food Pie Chart - 6440559104 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: coffee , filter , hipsters , instagram , pictures of food , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Odds of Me Getting Fired

Monday 18 September 11:16:50 UTC 2017

career fired job - 1478172416 LoL by: stonewalljackman Tagged: career , fired , job Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You, you, and your rabbit don't understand why all the voices are talking to me [Interesting]

Monday 18 September 10:42:35 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now I know why; they're faster than I. I guess we'll die [Amusing]

Monday 18 September 10:16:34 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [51 comments] [Link]

<title>Weird Universe » Malvaz Malt Tonic

Monday 18 September 9:36:00 UTC 2017

Oh, it's not beer, despite coming from Monarch Brewing–it's just a healthy Malt Tonic!

As this site says of a similar brand from the same period: "the concoction—actually just simple beer with the addition of honey—was advertised as a 'liquid food' for the treatment of various ailments, from insomnia to 'old age' to 'expectant motherhood.'"

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "My life improved when I moved from a blue state to a red state," claims delusional woman [Unlikely]

Monday 18 September 9:08:14 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [424 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The cruise ship industry and US Govt. really missed the boat not coming to the people that were stranded in the Caribbean islands and Houston They could have helped dammit. No food or water doggonit . How does money work? [Fail]

Monday 18 September 8:20:08 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Clearly, the smartest thing for insurance companies to do during an opioid crisis is to restrict access to less addictive and powerful drugs [Fail]

Monday 18 September 7:08:16 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 170: The Mechanical Turk

Monday 18 September 7:00:19 UTC 2017

In 1770, Hungarian engineer Wolfgang von Kempelen unveiled a miracle: a mechanical man who could play chess against human challengers. In this week’s episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll meet Kempelen’s Mechanical Turk, which mystified audiences in Europe and the United States for more than 60 years. We’ll also sit down with Paul Erdős and puzzle over a useful … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Detective has found no evidence that deputy coroner and cop had sex at death scene, but the remaining allegations are nearly as weird [Sick]

Monday 18 September 6:04:16 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oreo unveils their newest flavor, Cookie Butter. Wait. What the hell is Cookie Butter? This literally makes no sense [Sick]

Monday 18 September 5:50:10 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Farmers Insurance, We have another exhibit for our Hall of Claims [Scary]

Monday 18 September 5:12:10 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police to armed robbers of Boost Mobile: "Where you at?" [Scary]

Monday 18 September 4:33:10 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Watch out, we got a badass over here. He's also depressing and 100% right [Sad]

Monday 18 September 4:18:10 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [264 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Coast Guard seizes $50 million worth of cocaine from suspicious boat [Florida]

Monday 18 September 3:40:13 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parachuter at BYU game runs out of room while attempting to land on field, but you have to expect that when those large Mormon families gather [Awkward]

Monday 18 September 2:48:38 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently FEMA was up to its regular stupidity concerning disaster relief, they auctioned off disaster trailers before Hurricane Harvey made landfall [Dumbass]

Monday 18 September 2:27:27 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I've been catching rattlesnakes since I was about 8 years old because we had nothing else to do back in the day" [Dumbass]

Monday 18 September 2:25:17 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Black students meeting with college president pick cotton on table centerpiece as being racially insensitive [Awkward]

Monday 18 September 1:55:28 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [207 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Father arrested for chasing his young daughter through their neighborhood while wearing a clown mask, which he said he was doing to punish her. Seems like a sensible punishment [Dumbass]

Monday 18 September 1:19:33 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida Man calls 911 to request an ambulance ride to the hospital… while at the hospital [Florida]

Monday 18 September 1:06:41 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Four American women are victims of acid attack in France. Refreshing: Not terrorism, just some crazy lady [Scary]

Monday 18 September 0:31:32 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A look inside the most dangerous convention known to man [Scary]

Monday 18 September 0:21:35 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Enjoy hanging out with other octopodes and taking turns chasing each other out of the same dens? Then Octlantis is the place for you [Interesting]

Monday 18 September 0:17:29 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Post Haste

Monday 18 September 0:00:59 UTC 2017

At the start of the 1892 story “Silver Blaze,” Sherlock Holmes and Watson set out on a train journey from Paddington to Swindon in a first-class train carriage. “We are going very well,” says Holmes, looking out the window and glancing at his watch. “Our rate at present is fifty-three and a half miles an hour.” “I have not observed … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this swimmer [Photoshop]

Monday 18 September 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Archive

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