John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » "If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Thor: "I got something to say" [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 23:30:08 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Skateboarding Is Not A Crime. Someone should remind the SFPD, caught on camera sending a hillbomber flying with the long arm of the law [Asinine]

Wednesday 12 July 22:50:08 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [150 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The three stripes are protected by trademark laws. No, not Adidas. The three stripes on Mother Teresa's sari [Strange]

Wednesday 12 July 22:20:11 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Self-Described "conservative Christian"? Check. "Star" of reality show on TLC? Check. 40-year prison term for child rape? Check and Checkmate [Obvious]

Wednesday 12 July 22:12:21 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's some hedgehogs going tubing [Amusing]

Wednesday 12 July 21:50:06 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Psst. The man sitting next to you was pleasuring himself while you slept. We just thought you'd like to know. Please return to your seat and enjoy the rest of your flight" [Sick]

Wednesday 12 July 21:20:08 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's one thing to have a fight with yourself. It's another to break your leg in the process [Dumbass]

Wednesday 12 July 20:50:07 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Never Too Late

Wednesday 12 July 20:22:04 UTC 2017

Abraham Lincoln had less than a year of formal schooling. The fifth Lincoln-Douglas debate was held before Knox College in 1858. As he crawled through a second-story window to reach the platform, he said, “At last I have gone through college.” [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Airport testing robot to help passengers through security checkpoints, both for efficiency and the fact that having a cold, remorseless machine tell you to take your clothes off in public IS some people's fetish [Interesting]

Wednesday 12 July 20:20:08 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these ingredients: a rock, a clock, and a jock [Photoshop]

Wednesday 12 July 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police mistake unarmed 5'2" woman for 5'10" bald man with a machete, punch her and sic a dog on her when she identifies herself by her name [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 19:50:06 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ugly-ass hippo baby Fiona gets reunited with her parents [Sappy]

Wednesday 12 July 19:20:09 UTC 2017

Sappy [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » DEA agrees with stoners [Awkward]

Wednesday 12 July 18:50:04 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [192 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "One modest house – 1,046 square feet – sold for $660,000 above its listing price" [Asinine]

Wednesday 12 July 18:43:41 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [162 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "For those of you who pointed out the misspelled highway sign on I-29, we are aware. It will be corrected soon. We hope you're paying this much attention to the signs that say slow down, road crews ahead, and reduce your speed. Thanks" [A

Wednesday 12 July 18:20:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian Mint: "Why did we make the world's purest and largest gold bullion coin? Because we can." Really ballsy thieves: "Challenge accepted." German police: "We got this." Canadian Mint: "Where's the damn coin?&#

Wednesday 12 July 17:50:07 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [90 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Battle over whether Macaque took the picture is not in question. Macaque is very good at selfies. Especially dick pics [Followup]

Wednesday 12 July 17:20:07 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Father thrown in jail for pretending his son had cancer. For the second time [Sick]

Wednesday 12 July 16:50:12 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Being a writer requires an intoxication with language." -Jim Harrison. Dangit, and all this time I was going with bourbon. This is your Fark Writer's thread, anti-sobriety edition [CSB]

Wednesday 12 July 16:30:50 UTC 2017

CSB [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A statue immortalizing a person at the moment he's EATEN BY A SHARK may be in poor taste [Florida]

Wednesday 12 July 16:20:09 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cobras seized at JFK Airport. Destro vows revenge [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 16:16:44 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this talking ape [Caption]

Wednesday 12 July 16:00:01 UTC 2017

Caption [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Patent trolls could come after your pot plants [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 15:50:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Why can't children control their impulses?" Seriously? People don't know the answer? [Facepalm]

Wednesday 12 July 15:44:05 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cryptography professor finds enigma machine in flea market bargain bin, although he did Nazi who was selling it [Strange]

Wednesday 12 July 15:20:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So, apparently Texas with its pro-gun policies had an "illegal knife" law. Which it decided to finally repeal. Fark: also lifting the ban on sales of edged weapons to minors, just as long as they don't bring them to school [Weird]

Wednesday 12 July 15:10:10 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thank you for flying Air Canada, please retrieve your complimentary pants-soiling upon landing [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 14:50:10 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » U.S. website finds food even the British don't want to claim credit for. Happily, New Zealand is there to pick up the slack [Sick]

Wednesday 12 July 14:42:00 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The New York Post offers the best explanation for Trump Jr.'s various actions [Followup]

Wednesday 12 July 14:20:11 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [142 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Cheryl’s Birthday

Wednesday 12 July 14:16:45 UTC 2017

This question appeared in the 2015 Singapore and Asian Schools Math Olympiad, a competition for 14-year-old students from Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, China, and the U.K. (I’ve amended the language a bit): Albert and Bernard have just become friends with Cheryl, and they want to know when her birthday is. Cheryl gives them a list of 10 possible dates: May 15 … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scientists create golden-orange-fleshed bananas rich in pro-vitamin A that could save the lives of hundreds of thousands of children who die from vitamin A deficiencies each year. Ray Comfort and Jesus unavailable for comment [Interesting]

Wednesday 12 July 13:50:14 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [114 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you thought the $3 million fine for Hobby Lobby for naively being involved in single illegal antiquities purchase in 2010 was a bit steep it was because 2010 was the last in a long line of naively being involved in illegal antiquities purchases [F

Wednesday 12 July 13:20:10 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop whats behind the curtain [Photoshop]

Wednesday 12 July 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school students file first amendment lawsuit after their anti-abortion club is denied. Fark – they named it 'Trojans For Life' [Strange]

Wednesday 12 July 12:50:08 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nothing to see here, just a block of ice a quarter the size of Wales breaking off the coast of Antarctica [Followup]

Wednesday 12 July 12:20:07 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Hitler Heater Ad

Wednesday 12 July 12:15:59 UTC 2017

1999: A Taiwanese company came under fire for its "Hitler Heater Ad." The ad for the German-made heater featured a cartoon image of Hitler standing alongside the heater. A company representative explained, "We decided to use Hitler because as soon as you see him, you think of Germany. It leaves a deep impression."

The German manufacturer insisted it hadn't been … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis announces a new path to sainthood. No, submitting a Fark Headline of the Year still won't cut the mustard [Interesting]

Wednesday 12 July 12:11:21 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over grammar nazis & make way for the punctuation police [Asinine]

Wednesday 12 July 11:50:05 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Seven Twitterers sue Trump for blocking them and their free speech [Murica]

Wednesday 12 July 11:19:56 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chinese set up naval base in Djibouti. That's gotta hurt [Asinine]

Wednesday 12 July 11:00:55 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You won't believe where a sunspot's been seen [Obvious]

Wednesday 12 July 10:22:26 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #320

Wednesday 12 July 10:12:00 UTC 2017

Sexy Owl Lady is recruiting cigar smokers.

Original ad here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A new breed of patent troll requires a new defense strategy and the CEO of Cloudflare may have found it [Hero]

Wednesday 12 July 10:04:14 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A dingo's got my Swiss backpacker [Sad]

Wednesday 12 July 9:35:56 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » August Adolphus Busch IV lands helicopter filled with loaded guns, prescription pills and 8 dogs in a residential area. And then things get weird [Facepalm]

Wednesday 12 July 9:31:19 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gun = 'Murica. Gun + ATV = Total 'Murica. Gun + ATV + Bald eagle = Peak 'Murica. Shooting bald eagle + Running it over with ATV = 'MURICA OVERLOAD [Murica]

Wednesday 12 July 8:33:56 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How you can help save the Internet. Do it for Fark. Do it for freedom. DO IT FOR PORN! [Obvious]

Wednesday 12 July 8:06:03 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [522 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Chart of Animals With Misleading Names

Wednesday 12 July 7:46:16 UTC 2017

misleading names nomenclature Chart comic animals - 6434401536 LoL by: (via Bird and Moon) Tagged: misleading , names , nomenclature , Chart , comic , animals Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Morning Joe is first rat off GOP ship [News]

Wednesday 12 July 4:56:49 UTC 2017

News [link] [260 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Found: Fifteen pounds of ditched weed [Amusing]

Wednesday 12 July 4:20:47 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nope tries to board boat. Paddle faster [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 3:46:20 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Man dies from bullet wound. Fark: 59 years later [Florida]

Wednesday 12 July 3:30:51 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Elon Musk's battery is very important to our plans to keep Australia free of blackouts, says Australian dude in charge of such things [Cool]

Wednesday 12 July 2:20:06 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After year-long wait for updated mugshot, man with epic half-beard arrested again [Florida]

Wednesday 12 July 1:50:25 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teen plowed by car after Gucci backpack sale goes wrong at Denny's [Florida]

Wednesday 12 July 1:32:06 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Maybe she just wanted to play fireman with him [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 1:06:23 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Michigan agency to host 3 bear hunting clinics in Cadillac. No word how they'll fit the bear in there, maybe the trunk? [Murica]

Wednesday 12 July 0:44:06 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » RIP my BFF Jill [Scary]

Wednesday 12 July 0:10:26 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [202 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this very exciting dish [Photoshop]

Wednesday 12 July 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

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