Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » This day in history, 1947, a UFO allegedly crashed at Roswell, New Mexico. We now know this never happened because, come on, you think Trump could stop himself from tweeting about it if it really happened? [Unlikely]

Saturday 8 July 23:45:44 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Josh Duggar is apparently so broke, that he's attempting to sue just about anyone who outed him as a sex offender [Dumbass]

Saturday 8 July 21:45:42 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Ohio sheriff to overdose victims: "Die, scum" [Sick]

Saturday 8 July 21:35:44 UTC 2017

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Futility Closet » Animal Behavior

Saturday 8 July 20:58:43 UTC 2017

Guidelines for wearers of a Smokey Bear costume, from the U.S. Forest Service’s Smokey Bear FAQ: The person wearing the costume must exhibit appropriate animation to be effective. Express sincerity and interest in the appearance by moving paws, head, and legs. There shall be at least one uniformed escort to accompany the Bear. The escort shall guide the Bear at … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » According to researchers at the University of Duhhh, No Really and the Institute of the Blindingly Obvious, ultra-wealthy people are hiding their money from the tax system, forcing us all to either pay more, or go without [Obvious]

Saturday 8 July 20:36:42 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Spiffy: Cookie shop worker pays for cop's purchase. Asinine: People behind cop want employee to buy their stuff too. Ridiculous: Cookie company suspends employee [Asinine]

Saturday 8 July 20:32:43 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Mr. Mister convicted of dealing kilos of cocaine. And when we hear the voices sing, The book of love will open up, And let us in [Awkward]

Saturday 8 July 20:31:21 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this…painting of…whatever it is [Photoshop]

Saturday 8 July 20:00:01 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » "You know I'll tell you that in 31 years on the job I've never seen that many people affected by eating a gummy bear" [Facepalm]

Saturday 8 July 19:35:50 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Sunday's sermon ought to be a good one [Dumbass]

Saturday 8 July 19:35:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » You, too, could climb a rock wall with the right motivation [Scary]

Saturday 8 July 17:20:50 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » "This is a new awakening," Vnuk says with a spark in his earth-blue eyes. "Some will accept it, some won't. But love it or hate it, you can't ignore Flat Earth" [Obvious]

Saturday 8 July 16:55:04 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Seattle stares in horror at the sky as it approaches a month with no rain at all [Scary]

Saturday 8 July 16:27:17 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » "You know what would make yoga practitioners ever more annoying?" "No, what?" "Have them set up a yoga class floating on a swimming pool…and combine it with Pilates" [Facepalm]

Saturday 8 July 15:58:09 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » If staggering around a Walmart naked while wearing garish makeup is wrong, I don't want to be right [Weird]

Saturday 8 July 14:59:51 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » This is your Captain speaking: We're being delayed on the JFK runway due to turtles wanting to fornicate [Weird]

Saturday 8 July 14:45:06 UTC 2017

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Overheard In The Office » Once You Try a Giant Mutated Rat Sensei, You Never Go Back

Saturday 8 July 14:37:56 UTC 2017

Lady peon #1: Have you been following this e-mail chain? Derek* wrote that he was going to send his ninja friends after her, and Karen* wrote back, ‘Which ones? Leonardo or Donatello?’ Then Derek replied, ‘Splinter.’
Lady peon #2: I love Splinter!
Lady peon #1: Yeah, me too. That’s what I was going to write back to them. 555 West Monroe Street
Chicago, Illinois … [Link]

Weird Universe » Toys Are Made for Children

Saturday 8 July 14:28:17 UTC 2017

Sometimes the writer masters the metaphor, and sometimes the metaphor masters the writer.

"You keep me jumpin' in your hopscotch world." [Link]

Weird Universe » Edmonton Rebranded

Saturday 8 July 14:26:00 UTC 2017

In 2015, city officials in Edmonton, Alberta decided that their municipal slogan, "City of Champions," needed an update. Several years and $2 million later, they have a replacement. The new slogan is simply "Edmonton."

It's a non-slogan slogan, apparently reflecting Mayor Don Iveson's belief that we live in a "post tag-line era." More info: Daily Hive, Edmonton Sun

I'm reminded … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What's the strangest, most unusual book in your personal library? This week, the Saturday Morning Book Club heads into the Twilight (Reading) Zone [Interesting]

Saturday 8 July 14:00:00 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Billionaire wannabe makes head-scratching to-do list in 1972 because he wants to succeed from a young age. Why yes, his name is Richard Branson [Interesting]

Saturday 8 July 13:53:44 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » 3D printer accidentally prints out 3D fly. So, of course, the 3D ass-print must have already happened… and the 3D god knows what else [Amusing]

Saturday 8 July 13:35:20 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » For Sale: Newly-built two-bedroom home with lovely interior. Located inconveniently close to public transit [Awkward]

Saturday 8 July 13:33:15 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Two more runners gored during second running of the bulls in Pamplona, one right in the ass, making it a bad week for butts, nuts, guts, and coconuts [Dumbass]

Saturday 8 July 13:17:14 UTC 2017

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Futility Closet » Sale!

Saturday 8 July 13:07:51 UTC 2017

This weekend only, get 20% off all Futility Closet merchandise — shirts, mugs, phone cases, and more. Just use coupon code 200717. Thanks for your support! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Naked and drunk Florida man arrested in hotel lobby on charges of exposure of sexual organs. Police probably had difficulty finding out his name, as he kept saying he was Long [Florida]

Saturday 8 July 3:38:41 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Man with ultra-cool garage finally wins six-year legal battle against dickwad neighbors [Followup]

Saturday 8 July 2:56:00 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Monster Bass Caught on a Buzz Lightyear Fishing Rod. Woody fishing rod still only good for catching boot-loving snakes out of poisoned wells [Cool]

Saturday 8 July 2:46:50 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » I'm going to St. Louis tomorrow. Any recommendations on local restaurants? I want to try food I can't get at home [Interesting]

Saturday 8 July 1:08:39 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Macklemore takes his Grandmom out on her 100th birthday. Epicness ensues [Cool]

Saturday 8 July 0:46:50 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Newspaper columnist pens scathing story about a recent traffic stop, claiming he was lucky he didn't get shot. Unfortunately for him, dashcam video of the event paints a much different picture [Awkward]

Saturday 8 July 0:41:46 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Anti-Vaxxers feel "betrayed" by Trump's pick to head the CDC, thank god [Spiffy]

Saturday 8 July 0:40:41 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Tough guy beats up deaf and autistic guy dressed as Superman. Gets arrested and taken to jail, where deputies say he cried, screamed and gave himself a swirly [Florida]

Saturday 8 July 0:36:39 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » After she repeatedly reports him to the HOA for daring to live beside her, big gay "Mexican" responds to racist neighbor with sternly-worded baked goods [Amusing]

Saturday 8 July 0:32:01 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » Penis rock rises again after brief recovery period [Weeners]

Saturday 8 July 0:23:44 UTC 2017

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Fark.com RSS » When asked about their feelings on recovering the biggest ivory haul in 30 years, Hong Kong officials replied, "Just say that you love me" [Followup]

John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons