John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » My friend has disappeared into the US prison system and I can not find out where he is. He is no longer being shown as a federal prisoner. Any advice would be appreciated [Sad]

Friday 7 July 23:51:53 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [135 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pilot who crashed plane in Everglades went on unauthorized solo flight. There's a Harrison Ford joke in here somewhere [Followup]

Friday 7 July 23:46:50 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Always eager to help finish a Fark trifecta out, Pence tweets a humorous reply to his recent NASA photo [Followup]

Friday 7 July 23:38:47 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Best Korea celebrates their impending doom with spectacular fireworks show in Pyongyang [Obvious]

Friday 7 July 23:16:50 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Let's meet one of the runners-up in the contest for 'Worst Former Subway Employee' [Dumbass]

Friday 7 July 22:46:50 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jesus Christ. It's a moose… Get in the golfcart [Obvious]

Friday 7 July 22:20:10 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Study finds that closing marijuana dispensaries results in higher crime rates. Apparently amotivational syndrome is real, at least for criminals [Amusing]

Friday 7 July 21:56:10 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looks like someone dug up some old video of a young Drew [Amusing]

Friday 7 July 21:32:10 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Vandals cause $20,000 to elementary school, Visigoths unimpressed [Stupid]

Friday 7 July 21:10:21 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Shot Locks

Friday 7 July 20:53:43 UTC 2017

A bizarre item from Gaillard’s Medical Journal, November 1884: Henry Matthews, a Pennsylvania soldier, was struck down by a bullet to the head at Cold Harbor in 1864. When he survived, his astonished doctors gave him the ball, with some of his brain and scalp still adhering to it. He “suffered no mental inconvenience” and went on to work as … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida man skips out on $6 bar tab, chips an officer's tooth while resisting and goes all sovereign citizen after arrest. In other words, a normal day in Lady Lake FL (w/ mugshot goodness) [Florida]

Friday 7 July 20:48:32 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Public Service Announcement: Skin-tight, shiny red pants do not provide adequate protection against anti-riot water cannons [PSA]

Friday 7 July 20:28:32 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Step back a moment from all the ills and worries of the world and watch The Beastie Boys' Sabotage remade with muppets characters [Cool]

Friday 7 July 20:08:32 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Korean circus balancing act [Photoshop]

Friday 7 July 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's game over for master criminals who stole 100 pounds of quarters from a car wash, then checked into a nearby hotel [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 19:50:05 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I think I see Bigfoot in the back, too [Followup]

Friday 7 July 19:31:44 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CDC sees drop in opioid prescriptions, possibly because pill mills have mostly killed off the people willing to take them [Interesting]

Friday 7 July 19:09:55 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After 3 years, Illinois finally passes a budget. Don't worry about it being written in crayon [Interesting]

Friday 7 July 18:45:55 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [213 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Polluted Indian river given 'living entity' status. Instantly reported dead [Obvious]

Friday 7 July 18:44:07 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man charged for growing pot, but not for shooting his fully auto AK-47 in his yard the night of July 4 [Murica]

Friday 7 July 18:20:07 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Family rents home off of Craigslist. News: Homeowner did not list house on Craigslist. Fark: Family cannot be evicted without going through long, extensive eviction process [Asinine]

Friday 7 July 18:11:59 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [208 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Master Class

Friday 7 July 18:10:38 UTC 2017

In 1884 Robert Louis Stevenson began to give writing lessons to his 26-year-old neighbor Adelaide Boodle. One of his first assignments was to describe a place. When he read her attempt, he said, “Oh, but this work is disgracefully bad! It could hardly be worse. What induced you to bring me stuff like this?” When she asked him what was … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dude arrested for having, like, a bazillion snakes and alligators at his Thousand Oaks home. He thought it was OK because he lived in a gatored community [Dumbass]

Friday 7 July 17:50:10 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What Google searches tell us about peoples' REAL sexual desires [Amusing]

Friday 7 July 17:33:44 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [128 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The CERN Data Centre passes the 200-petabyte milestone. It hurt like hell, but had to be done to keep things moving [Cool]

Friday 7 July 17:11:55 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Delta first class passenger decides he would rather not fly to Beijing. Other passengers have a problem with this. Brawl ensues [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 16:50:06 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trump/Putin meet lasts over 2 hours. In other news, Trump is now pregnant [Obvious]

Friday 7 July 16:42:13 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [397 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with throwing knives claiming to be senator shows up at Trump Tower looking for Ivanka [Weird]

Friday 7 July 16:20:09 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Instashop what the sign REALLY said [Photoshop]

Friday 7 July 16:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Should Vendors Be Allowed to Provide and Sell Marijuana at County and State Fairs? Deep-fried Oreo vendors say YES [Spiffy]

Friday 7 July 15:50:07 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [119 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two Americans, one Spaniard gored in first running of the bulls in Pamplona. One in the head, one in the abdomen, and one right in the giggleberries [Dumbass]

Friday 7 July 15:20:09 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Yes, mooning is still a thing [Scary]

Friday 7 July 14:50:06 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Rosaleen Norton: Australia’s Most Famous Witch

Friday 7 July 14:36:31 UTC 2017

Excellent NatGeo article here, with more videos. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Love All

Friday 7 July 14:26:07 UTC 2017

Project manager: Man, my partner nailed me in the ass last night! [Shocked coworkers stare.] Tennis… We were playing doubles tennis! Atlanta, Georgia Overheard by: CorpusChristi [Link]

Fark.com RSS » USF improv instructor, wife lured with male, female students to drug-fueled parties, ad-liberties with them in threesomes, same-sex affairs [Florida]

Friday 7 July 14:20:06 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NASA sign in Orion clean room: "Critical Space Flight Hardware: DO NOT TOUCH" VP Pence: Challenge accepted (Surprisingly rare Pence/NASA trifecta now in play) [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 14:14:06 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [214 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » World’s Largest Corkscrew

Friday 7 July 13:57:00 UTC 2017

I just returned from visiting family in the Northern Neck region of Virginia. One of the oddities I encountered there was the giant corkscrews which stand at the entrance to the Dog and Oyster Vineyard in Irvington. Inside the vineyard, they'll tell you that these, at 40-feet tall, are the largest corkscrews in the world, and also that they're functional. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Star Wars: The Phantom Menace claims another victim [Obvious]

Friday 7 July 13:50:06 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We're living in the golden age of canceling plans with people [Sad]

Friday 7 July 13:46:50 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this mystified man [Photoshop]

Friday 7 July 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actual headline: New Orleans men ready to bare it all in 'Mr. Legs' contest [Giggity]

Friday 7 July 12:50:07 UTC 2017

Giggity [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Melania Trump reportedly trapped inside hotel in Hamburg due to anti-capitalist protesters surrounding the building [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 12:15:45 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [227 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nerd fight in Oklahoma between black guy named Whyte and white guy named Black [Strange]

Friday 7 July 11:40:59 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Farkers beware. The Australian police are onto you [Giggity]

Friday 7 July 11:20:07 UTC 2017

Giggity [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CNN is apparently to compete with United for bad public relations: Now they've been caught editing video to make it look like Poland's first lady snubbed Trump when in fact she didn't [Fail]

Friday 7 July 9:14:57 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [377 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fire evacuates south Orlando Travelodge. No word on what scared it so badly [Florida]

Friday 7 July 7:56:00 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Virginia girl freed by emergency personnel after getting trapped in sofa [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 6:21:22 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mike Pence is apparently sending riot cops to Mars [Unlikely]

Friday 7 July 4:36:13 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman surprised to find post-Tinder Netflix and chill leads to pregnancy. Subby surprised to find a news outlet thinks that's a story [Dumbass]

Friday 7 July 4:28:19 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nuclear plant operators, including Wolf Creek Nuclear Operating Corp. in Kansas, hit with cyberattacks [Scary]

Friday 7 July 4:04:15 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bear raids fridge (with "he's done this before" video) [Amusing]

Friday 7 July 3:50:18 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you are going to cheat your time card and claim hours and overtime you never worked, maybe you should pay cash at the tollbooths, instead of using an EZ-pass that leaves a log with a time stamp..especially if you WORK for the Transit Authority [Du

Friday 7 July 2:50:04 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Climatic Lab explosion reported at Eglin AFB. Man, between that and Meth Labs, I'm glad I went with a Golden Retriever [Florida]

Friday 7 July 2:02:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Plant City police shoot man to death following bizarre 911 call, sadly depriving us of possible 'shot man becomes vegetable in Plant City' headline [Florida]

Friday 7 July 1:14:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New Jersey man comes home to find his pool gone and reports it stolen. Days later finds out it was mistakenly removed by contractor [Weird]

Friday 7 July 1:10:41 UTC 2017

Weird [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Imagine you're cruising down the freeway at 1 in the morning when all of a sudden you see headlights moving toward you, and you catch it on your dash cam [Scary]

Friday 7 July 1:01:19 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are many interesting things in the ground that your kid can dig up and bring to show and tell class in kindergarten. A WWII incendiary bomb is not one of them [Scary]

Friday 7 July 0:44:47 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When a cop asks you how your day is going, 'I almost had to shoot a (racial slur)' is not a good answer [Florida]

Friday 7 July 0:26:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's "Youngsters Gone Wild" having group sex in public, brought to you from Cape Cod, Mass [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 0:20:18 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sheriff Joe still hates due process [Facepalm]

Friday 7 July 0:05:17 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this peeker [Photoshop]

Friday 7 July 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

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