John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their heels, preferably along with a cute little flirty number [Hero]

Friday 23 June 23:50:04 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Brendan "Making of a Murderer" Dassey order retried or released [Interesting]

Friday 23 June 23:30:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Appleton Police Dept has acquired an adorable stress relief Goldendoodle named Blue [Cool]

Friday 23 June 22:50:04 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Badass New Yorkers turn into panicky 1950's-sitcom housewives when a big scary mouse shows up on the E train [Facepalm]

Friday 23 June 22:20:04 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Deputies searching for suspect who may have jumped into Lake Sherwood. Current reports are that they are not merry men [Florida]

Friday 23 June 21:50:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man stabbed near Dick's. That's what happens when your pants fit like a glove [Scary]

Friday 23 June 21:20:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indian toilet charity renames village after Trump [Obvious]

Friday 23 June 21:05:17 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman forced to leave pool for wearing a revealing swimsuit that may excite teenage boys. In fairness, a good breeze induces a boner in teenage boys [Stupid]

Friday 23 June 20:50:06 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [258 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teen arrested in Times Square for squeezing Wonder Woman's butt [Dumbass]

Friday 23 June 20:38:05 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I heard you like to paint, so let's Photoshop a painting in front of your painting [Photoshop]

Friday 23 June 20:30:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This story has it all: Russian intelligence officers, Florida biker gangs, millions of Russian dollars being funneled to Donald Trump. Jeez, all we need is a James Bond villain in the . . . oh, hi, Zorin [Florida]

Friday 23 June 20:14:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "For many tourists, firing a Gatling gun or machine gun rounds out Yellowstone vacation" [Murica]

Friday 23 June 19:50:05 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » LEEEEEROYYYYYYYYYYY JENKINS dead at 83 [Sad]

Friday 23 June 19:44:04 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That child-like sex doll you were thinking about ordering? You might want to rethink that [Creepy]

Friday 23 June 19:20:04 UTC 2017

Creepy [link] [124 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Christian kindergarten teacher or porn actress? Why not both? [Awkward]

Friday 23 June 19:01:53 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Those 700 jobs Trump "saved" at +++CARRIER LOST+++ [Repeat]

Friday 23 June 18:28:15 UTC 2017

Repeat [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over, Assistant Crack Whore, the new worst job in the world is 'Cambodian Tarantula Hunter' [Scary]

Friday 23 June 18:11:53 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Figure and Ground

Friday 23 June 17:54:58 UTC 2017

Typographer John Langdon designed this ambigram for the Department of English & Philosophy at his institution, Drexel University. “This illusion was a particularly difficult challenge,” he told Brad Honeycutt for The Art of Deception (2014). “My attempts to create more ‘conventional’ (rotational, mirror-image, etc.) ambigrams for these two words were unsuccessful. But my personal investments in both philosophy and language … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the police will apparently shoot you if you have either of them [Followup]

Friday 23 June 17:50:04 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » USAF Thunderbirds pilots can do amazing aerial stunts and close maneuvering. Landing in a heavy downpour, on the other hand [Scary]

Friday 23 June 17:31:38 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Butt who's the graffiti artist who's behind all these ass drawings popping up all over town? [Florida]

Friday 23 June 17:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oroville dam now hit with lamprey invasion – "the stuff nightmares are made of" [Scary]

Friday 23 June 17:01:55 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We have your dog's ashes here to pick up. They're kinda big. Do you have a cooler? [Awkward]

Friday 23 June 16:20:06 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There should be a special place in hell for this guy. But a $120 million fine is not bad [Florida]

Friday 23 June 16:08:32 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this deep thinker [Caption]

Friday 23 June 16:00:01 UTC 2017

Caption [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nearly half of Americans personally know someone who's been shot [Murica]

Friday 23 June 15:50:05 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [550 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a cool video of a gorilla splish splashing spinning in a kiddie pool [Video]

Friday 23 June 15:10:33 UTC 2017

Video [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For a guy his lawyers plan to portray as a "boy genius," Martin Shkreli is kinda dumb: "Learning that federal prosecutors had opened an investigation, he volunteered to meet them- without a lawyer. After agents arrested him, he continued

Friday 23 June 14:19:53 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "#14: You must hand deliver a fruit basket to the King of Saudi Arabia each Ramadan. #15: You must renounce NASCAR and declare your loyalty to Formula One. #16: You must cut down the largest tree in Jordan with a herring" [Followup]

Friday 23 June 13:49:53 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The Wildflower State

Friday 23 June 13:33:00 UTC 2017

Texas license plates currently display the slogan "The Lone Star State." But before that became the license plate motto, state residents had to fight off a number of attempts to display slogans that weren't quite as manly.

In 1985, Texas highway commissioners voted to display "The Wildflower State" on Texas tags. The phrase would have been printed over a faint … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this abstract piece of … art? [Photoshop]

Friday 23 June 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 48

Friday 23 June 13:00:00 UTC 2017

What's the product being advertised?

The answer is here.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your most Canadian headline of the day: "Police advise Calgarians not to take selfies with moose on the loose" [Amusing]

Friday 23 June 12:47:04 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There comes a time in every young Arkansan man's life when his babysitter looks at him and asks if he's ready to lose his virginity [Sick]

Friday 23 June 12:19:00 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [190 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Setec Astronomy [Scary]

Friday 23 June 12:08:01 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 2016 video of an officer pulling a car over and beating the shiat out of the driver before ripping him out of his seat. Bonus: video catches another officer turning off the audio mid-beating. Bonus 2: No charges have been filed against the officers [

Friday 23 June 11:59:00 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [196 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beware the squirrels with ballsacks [Scary]

Friday 23 June 10:38:59 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can't get nachos prepared the way you like them? That's a stabbing [Asinine]

Friday 23 June 9:49:02 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Back in my day, we used nuclear radiation to produce really big plants in our atomic gardens [Strange]

Friday 23 June 8:07:01 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are no lesbian bars in Los Angeles anymore. So much for the gay agenda [Sad]

Friday 23 June 7:26:24 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you lost your car in the Potomac River sometime this morning, police would really like to talk to you. Unless, you know, you died. In which case, sorry, dude [Scary]

Friday 23 June 6:54:45 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I can only assume you are trying to enforce either Commando Mondays or Cardio Workout Thursdays [Amusing]

Friday 23 June 3:54:10 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Justin Trudeau joins Gary's Hug Club, which we are told is a CBSkids show and not that bar out past the county line [Giggity]

Friday 23 June 3:45:42 UTC 2017

Giggity [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "This is the first time that we are aware, that a black professional, in law enforcement, himself being shot and treated as an ordinary black guy on the street. This is a real problem" [Asinine]

Friday 23 June 3:39:25 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [150 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fat, drunk, and calling the cops on the Queen of England is no way to go through life, son [Dumbass]

Friday 23 June 3:36:57 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is why you don't buy children on an installment plan [Awkward]

Friday 23 June 3:32:21 UTC 2017

Awkward [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Deltona Deputies are seeking your help in identifying the Scumbag of the Week [Florida]

Friday 23 June 3:13:43 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And now another installment of California Freeway Pinball, sponsored by Road Rage™ [Scary]

Friday 23 June 3:04:25 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You no longer have to have a gender in Washington, D.C., as anyone who's looked for balls on a U.S. Congressman has known for years [Spiffy]

Friday 23 June 2:47:14 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you thought your bus driver in Paris had unusually hairy legs the other day, this might be the reason [Silly]

Friday 23 June 2:45:25 UTC 2017

Silly [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You might think a 43-minute lecture from 1979 on how lawyers should do cross-examination would be dull and boring. But you'd be wrong [Video]

Friday 23 June 2:23:36 UTC 2017

Video [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Tatlin’s Tower

Friday 23 June 2:05:29 UTC 2017

After the Bolshevik Revolution, architect Vladimir Tatlin proposed this enormous monument to house Communist headquarters in Petrograd. Two large helixes would spiral 400 meters into the air, surpassing the Eiffel Tower as the world’s foremost symbol of modernity. The helixes would point to Polaris, so that the star and the tower would remain motionless relative to each other. Suspended from … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A baby fell out of the window. You'd think that he would have gone POW. But good luck was with him that morning. He fell on his handy stuffed cow [Unlikely]

Friday 23 June 2:01:47 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boys at stuffy British school told dress code forbids shorts, and if it's too hot they can wear skirts like the girls. Boys: challenge accepted [Amusing]

Friday 23 June 1:39:58 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beware of 6.8 California earthquake that happened in 1925 says humorous joke-playing computer to numerous news organizations across the land. Skynet's a real prankster [Amusing]

Friday 23 June 1:18:09 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Iraqi-American Christians can't fathom why they're being deported. "I voted for Trump, I don't think he's a bad guy" [Obvious]

Friday 23 June 1:07:03 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [224 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Military planes are designed with the threat of small arms fire in mind, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to shoot at them [Murica]

Friday 23 June 0:56:20 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The Utah State Legislature is taking a sober look at the end of 3.2 beer" [Stupid]

Friday 23 June 0:34:31 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I can keep you safe." Gut-wrenching video of toddler trying to comfort her mother moments after Philando Castile shooting [Sad]

Friday 23 June 0:21:56 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police bust golf cart chop shop, because if you're going to start a crime ring, you might as well start small and stupid [Florida]

Friday 23 June 0:12:42 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Electric guitar sales have gotten bad – really, really bad [Interesting]

Friday 23 June 0:07:38 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [301 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cop who shot and killed 15-year-old Jordan Edwards now faces assault charges for pulling his gun on a fellow driver [Scary]

Friday 23 June 0:04:37 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this crazy jumper [Photoshop]

Friday 23 June 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

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