John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » His user name was INCESTGUY8629. With mugshot OTD [Creepy]

Thursday 18 May 23:50:58 UTC 2017

Creepy [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nothing says "Congratulations on your Graduation" like starting a massive brawl with other parents over a seat [Facepalm]

Thursday 18 May 23:50:04 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 5 year renovation project for "Eggbeater Jesus" mosaic begins this month. Touchdown Jesus still waiting for bowl season [Fake]

Thursday 18 May 22:50:04 UTC 2017

Fake [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Walmart shopper gets deer in wrestling hold because 'Murica [Murica]

Thursday 18 May 22:20:05 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As if you needed another reason to stop using baby changing tables in gas station restrooms [PSA]

Thursday 18 May 21:50:04 UTC 2017

PSA [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Coast to Coast Bandit' arrested in New York City. Whereabouts of Zorak and Moltar currently unknown [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 21:20:05 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: Get that grill fired up, you Farkers. Simple burgers and brats to your fancy shmancy selections.. But don't skip sharing. We can all enjoy your goodies for the grill season [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 21:00:00 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [186 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A new contender for bad PR has just reaccommodated United and Pepsi. Burger King very much regrets a ruling to stop them from handing out flyers at Dachau. It needed a ruling because they appealed a former court order. Try the new gas broiled burgers

Thursday 18 May 20:50:04 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'll see your floorboard feline and raise you with toilet bowl iguana [Florida]

Thursday 18 May 20:20:04 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these bridge leapers [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 May 20:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A quarter of Americans are really atheists in the closet. That's a big closet [Obvious]

Thursday 18 May 19:50:04 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [311 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In a move definitely not to deflect attention from his Russian scandal, Trump bombs pro Syrian forces [Obvious]

Thursday 18 May 19:41:45 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Homeowners outraged to find city owns the land under their docks, although real estate experts suggest reading the fine print in any contract so they can be sure of what's below the dock and what's up dock [Florida]

Thursday 18 May 19:20:05 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Admit it, you've spent many restless nights wondering where the cleanest gas station bathroom in every state was located. Sleep well tonight, my friend [Murica]

Thursday 18 May 18:50:04 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Baby boomer doctors are more likely to Fark up and kill you than are Gen X and Millennial doctors [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 18:18:36 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NYPD officials are now saying the car that rammed into a crowd of pedestrians in Times Square does not appear to be an act of terrorism, but instead the result of the area being mistaken for a farmer's market [Followup]

Thursday 18 May 17:50:57 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Speeding car plows into pedestrians at Times Square. Reportedly one dead, at least 11 injured [News]

Thursday 18 May 17:48:36 UTC 2017

News [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Never argue about pepperoni with your Pizza Hut supervisor when they have the pepper spray [Scary]

Thursday 18 May 17:46:44 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Misc

Thursday 18 May 17:40:53 UTC 2017

The Hawaiian name of the reef triggerfish is Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. NINETEEN AND TWO HALVES has 20 letters. 123456789 = ((86 + 2 × 7)5 – 91) / 34 It rained golf balls in Florida in 1969. “God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.” — J.M. Barrie [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Brazen raccoon sneaks into house and goes on a rampage, scares the bejebbies out of couple then goes on to terrorize the cat [Scary]

Thursday 18 May 17:20:04 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "That's not my husband," woman says after in-flight emergency. To be fair, after he started attacking people with a coffee pot, I wouldn't admit to marrying him either [Followup]

Thursday 18 May 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boeing needs new names for its updated fighters. Surely we can come up with a few [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 16:13:29 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [173 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian currency under attack by clever counterfeiters armed with scissors, scotch tape and glitter. Police suspect local kindergarten class [Stupid]

Thursday 18 May 16:00:25 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cookie Cop pulled out of retirement, solves one more case. Suspect's canine companion still on the lam [Stupid]

Thursday 18 May 15:43:29 UTC 2017

Stupid [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Have you been the victim of Wineshaming? And no, that doesn't involve waking up naked in someone's back yard surrounded by empty Sutter Home bottles [Strange]

Thursday 18 May 15:20:05 UTC 2017

Strange [link] [154 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finally, an article explaining why subby never had children [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 14:50:04 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alex Jones loses his battle with Big Yogurt [Amusing]

Thursday 18 May 14:20:05 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 11AM Go Through Inbox

Thursday 18 May 14:03:24 UTC 2017

Co-worker #1: Those jokes you emailed were really funny.
Co-worker #2: Yeah they were. Which one was your favorite?
Co-worker #1: Number twelve.
Co-worker #2: Which one was that one?
Co-worker #1: Um, the one right after number eleven, dork. 910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Flash the grumpy post office cat is retiring after 22 years. Get off my counter [Sappy]

Thursday 18 May 13:50:04 UTC 2017

Sappy [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sorry, millennials, but looks like you may have to surrender your trophy for "Most Entitled Generation" to the baby boomers. Don't worry, they'll be dead soon. You can have it back then [Obvious]

Thursday 18 May 13:20:05 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [417 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this nonconformist [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 May 13:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Roger succumbs to what ailed him [News]

Thursday 18 May 12:49:26 UTC 2017

News [link] [629 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Give her the perfect gift — a funeral

Thursday 18 May 12:49:15 UTC 2017

Surprise, honey! I pre-arranged your funeral.

This first clipping I found circulating online, without any kind of attribution.

After a little searching I found this second ad, which seems similar enough that I assume it's from the same funeral home.

Burlington Free Press – Feb 17, 2013 [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A photographer waited in a river every night for four years to get that perfect beaver shot. Apparently nobody ever told him about the internet [Cool]

Thursday 18 May 12:28:14 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » School district apologizes for inappropriate comments that inadvertently ended up in a high school yearbook. This is not a repeat from every graduation season since the dawn of the first high school yearbook [Amusing]

Thursday 18 May 11:48:31 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In a completely shocking turn of events, a white police officer was found innocent of shooting an unarmed black man by an Oklahoma jury [Followup]

Thursday 18 May 11:30:17 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [184 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Win A Houseboy Contest

Thursday 18 May 10:45:58 UTC 2017

In my physical copy of LIFE magazine for December 20, 1963, this ad occupies page 89.

In the scanned copy at Google, there is an entirely different ad on page 89. The image you see here is my scan of the paper copy.

I have no explanation for this. Did LIFE print regional issues with different ads?

In any case, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'll see your ceiling cat and raise you with floorboard feline [Cool]

Thursday 18 May 10:22:39 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A look at how a school district treats its rich and poor high schools at lunch time [Asinine]

Thursday 18 May 10:19:30 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » GOP: Marijuana is EVIL and the DEBBILS LETTUCE and we will never ever never make it legal. Bankers: I'd like a slice of that market share please. GOP: Hey maybe we were a bit hasty with this whole cannabis thing [Obvious]

Thursday 18 May 9:54:31 UTC 2017

Obvious [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "…when he moved toward the reptile as though to kiss it, the snake bit him" [Florida]

Thursday 18 May 9:39:30 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chris Cornell dies at 52 [Sad]

Thursday 18 May 8:13:49 UTC 2017

Sad [link] [456 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Creationist sues the Grand Canyon for religious discrimination [Fail]

Thursday 18 May 7:37:29 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [203 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Block of concrete smashes through windshield on the highway, knocking driver unconscious. Mad Sweeney seen walking away muttering about his lost lucky coin [Scary]

Thursday 18 May 5:14:36 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nude squatter, meet Deputy Wang [Florida]

Thursday 18 May 4:37:28 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drunk woman drives through six mailboxes, all while carrying a lizard in her bra. Police found empty bottles of root beer-flavored nips in the vehicle. Nips trifecta now in play [Dumbass]

Thursday 18 May 4:19:28 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Letter found from Helen Keller to the Nazis. May have given clues to her hiding place [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 4:17:29 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Most smokers: "Jesus, you guys are restricting my rights so much, why don't you just make smoking illegal?" Laguna Beach: Challenge Accepted [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 4:13:27 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the 'Cow Poop Bingo' has been cancelled at North Andover's 45th annual Sheep Shearing Festival this weekend [Silly]

Thursday 18 May 4:08:28 UTC 2017

Silly [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Duck season – Rabbit season – Drone season – BLAM [Hero]

Thursday 18 May 4:07:27 UTC 2017

Hero [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 628: "To the Moon and Back". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 18 May 4:01:00 UTC 2017

Farktography [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Experts say the Turkish president's guards may have really farked up by stomping on protesters in Washington, D.C [Followup]

Thursday 18 May 3:56:29 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This sous vide sh*t is getting out of hand [Interesting]

Thursday 18 May 3:56:28 UTC 2017

Interesting [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mama duck and 12 ducklings rescued from 6th floor of Library of Congress, relocated to QL696 as they were clearly misshelved [Sappy]

Thursday 18 May 3:32:27 UTC 2017

Sappy [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Firefighter sitting in pickup truck at gas station gets picked up by tornado, goes for a flight, lands on front bumper, walks away with minor scratches. Ta da [Scary]

Thursday 18 May 3:28:00 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A six month long News 13 investigation reveals that convicted felons don't normally have half a million dollars lying around once they're released from prison [Facepalm]

Thursday 18 May 2:58:29 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Equilibrium

Thursday 18 May 0:33:16 UTC 2017

Michael Grab balances rocks. He regards it as a combination of art, engineering, and contemplative spiritual practice combining patience, critical thinking, and problem solving. But the only “ingredients” in his sculptures are rocks and gravity — there’s no mortar, cement, or artificial support holding them together; any one of them can be toppled with a finger. “The most fundamental element … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finally, a McCarthy makes a meaningful Russia accusation [NewsFlash]

Thursday 18 May 0:05:49 UTC 2017

NewsFlash [link] [632 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this masked man [Photoshop]

Thursday 18 May 0:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

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