John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Australia has suffered a literal shiat storm [Sick]

Monday 2 January 23:50:06 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Get Weird With These 13 Unusual Liquors

Monday 2 January 23:30:00 UTC 2017

Quinoa vodka, ant-filled gin, unicorn tears, and more. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man arrested for shooting and killing a donkey during an argument with his girlfriend [Dumbass]

Monday 2 January 23:12:53 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Great Omaha Gumball Theft case may have been solved [Fail]

Monday 2 January 22:20:04 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dude. The proper terminology is "African American people food" [Asinine]

Monday 2 January 21:25:54 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [183 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actual headline: Uniquely Utah: Charles Ellis Johnson and the Erotic Mormon Image [Unlikely]

Monday 2 January 21:20:05 UTC 2017

Unlikely [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In light of recent events, photoshop 6-year-old Carrie Fisher watching her mother perform in Las Vegas in 1963 [Photoshop]

Monday 2 January 21:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Many Electoral Votes Did George Washington Have?

Monday 2 January 20:30:00 UTC 2017

Our first president can also claim the only unanimous electoral college wins in history. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ok, last time: If you shoot a gun into the air to celebrate New Year's Eve, shoot straight up and make sure you're standing directly underneath it when it comes back down to solve the problem you insisted on creating [Asinine]

Monday 2 January 20:20:05 UTC 2017

Asinine [link] [155 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your flying car is almost ready for the driveway [Cool]

Monday 2 January 19:50:04 UTC 2017

Cool [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Awesome Facts About the Catskills

Monday 2 January 19:30:00 UTC 2017

7. Nobody put baby in a corner in the Catskills. (Think further south.) [Link]

Futility Closet » Small World

Monday 2 January 19:05:40 UTC 2017

Venezuela means “little Venice.” The stilt houses of Lake Maracaibo reminded Amerigo Vespucci of the Italian city, so he named it accordingly. [Link]

Mental Floss » Every Underground Subway Station in New York City Now Has Free Wi-Fi

Monday 2 January 19:00:00 UTC 2017

Let the surfing begin! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Midvale man arrested after stabbing two burglars armed with bats. No word if any of them were gifted [Murica]

Monday 2 January 18:57:38 UTC 2017

Murica [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Best Way to Protect Your AirPods? Disguise Them as Dental Floss

Monday 2 January 17:30:00 UTC 2017

It takes just seconds and could save you $160. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The many varied flavors of Soylent, hurt Butt butthurt, and a remote-controlled underwear vehicle. Unless you're still as hung over as Don Lemon, you'll get a laugh out of the Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-12-25 to Sat 2016-12-31 [FarkBl

Monday 2 January 16:57:38 UTC 2017

FarkBlog [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police in New Jersey seek overweight, excessively hairy, naked man. That narrows it down [Scary]

Monday 2 January 16:50:05 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » People are outraged the Vatican has a McDonald's [Followup]

Monday 2 January 16:20:05 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [134 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The Tattooed Lady

Monday 2 January 16:18:42 UTC 2017

Not the Groucho song.

[Link]

Mental Floss » 16 Fast Facts About 'Homestar Runner'

Monday 2 January 15:30:00 UTC 2017

Celebrate Free Country, USA and all its citizens with a quick rundown of Homestar trivia. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mini Cooper driver drives poorly. Minny Driver and Bradley Cooper not involved [Fail]

Monday 2 January 15:13:16 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [55 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Danicole927 says FML

Monday 2 January 15:03:59 UTC 2017

Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Monday 2 January 15:03:58 UTC 2017

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where women dressed up as bats get all of my press? This town needs an enema [Florida]

Monday 2 January 14:43:44 UTC 2017

Florida [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kansas Gov. Voodoo Economics proposes — make sure you're sitting down for this — robbing the future to cover a deficit caused by tax cuts that didn't exactly bring rainbow-shiatting unicorns [Fail]

Monday 2 January 14:27:49 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [189 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this sad polar bear [Photoshop]

Monday 2 January 14:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Vincent’s Curtsy

Monday 2 January 12:35:35 UTC 2017

Vincent's Curtsy is a squatting technique often used by people (children, in particular) as a "holding maneuver" when they need to urinate. It involves squatting so that your heel pushes up against the perineum. A variant involves energetically crossing the legs. These maneuvers are known colloquially as the "pee dance."

Image source: emaze.com
The technique is named after Dr. S.A. Vincent … [Link]

Mental Floss » Today Would Be Isaac Asimov's 97th Birthday (ish)

Monday 2 January 12:30:00 UTC 2017

"My parents were always uncertain and it really doesn't matter. I celebrate January 2, 1920, so let it be." [Link]

Mental Floss » 20"17"

Monday 2 January 12:15:00 UTC 2017

[Link]

FMyLife » hair or ears? says FML

Monday 2 January 11:43:42 UTC 2017

Today, I went to get my ears pierced. While the lady who did mine was twisting my hair up, she told me her life story of how she wants to be a pro hairstylist. She then spent 45 minutes playing with my hair. By the time she was done, it was time for them to close. I never got my … [Link]

FMyLife » TheAprilWitch says FML

Monday 2 January 11:43:41 UTC 2017

Today, I finally realized my sister-in-law tilts all the artwork on my walls every time she visits. Apparently, she's been doing this for years, just to drive me crazy. FML [Link]

FMyLife » PartyLosers says FML

Monday 2 January 11:43:40 UTC 2017

Today, we had a New Year's Eve party at our new house. We invited 30 people. One person showed up. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Monday 2 January 11:43:32 UTC 2017

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Pokecousin says FML

Monday 2 January 11:43:31 UTC 2017

Today, I had to explain to my Pokemon-obsessed 6-year-old cousin that Albinos are not "Shiny People". FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Theories About Amelia Earhart's Disappearance

Monday 2 January 11:30:00 UTC 2017

Did the famous aviator crash into the ocean and die, or did she meet another fate? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The prophet 'TB Joshua', renowned for predicting death of Michael Jackson, Paris ISIS attacks, disappearance of MH370, and narrow victory for Hillary Clinton, prophesies doom for Nigeria in 2017 [Scary]

Monday 2 January 11:12:20 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NYC couple spends $155,000 on vet bills for their puppy. "Your pet's life shouldn't have to be a financial decision" [Spiffy]

Monday 2 January 11:00:20 UTC 2017

Spiffy [link] [151 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Waiter fired for serving up a batch of lies [Sick]

Monday 2 January 10:56:20 UTC 2017

Sick [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Be Happy in 2017

Monday 2 January 10:30:00 UTC 2017

Links to keep you occupied all day! [Link]

Mental Floss » Don’t Stop The Music: The Smiths Fan Who Plotted to Hijack A Radio Station

Monday 2 January 9:30:00 UTC 2017

In 1987, one teenage fan in Denver, Colorado took his love of the English rockers a bit too far. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest thing ruined by hipsters? Gaydar [Ironic]

Monday 2 January 8:55:09 UTC 2017

Ironic [link] [164 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A Texas legislator has a good idea to improve public safety. It hit him right in the head [Scary]

Monday 2 January 7:46:08 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Pianissimo

Monday 2 January 7:29:50 UTC 2017

Composition 1960 #5, by avant-garde composer La Monte Young: Turn a butterfly (or any number of butterflies) loose in the performance area. When the composition is over, be sure to allow the butterfly to fly away outside. The composition may be any length, but if an unlimited amount of time is available, the doors and windows may be opened before … [Link]

FMyLife » SpookyBiscuits says FML

Monday 2 January 6:24:29 UTC 2017

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Monday 2 January 6:24:28 UTC 2017

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML [Link]

FMyLife » no more mr nice guy says FML

Monday 2 January 6:24:27 UTC 2017

Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's complicated [Dumbass]

Monday 2 January 5:47:50 UTC 2017

Dumbass [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When I die I want a bunch of inconsiderate asshats sledding over my grave. Not [Facepalm]

Monday 2 January 5:45:06 UTC 2017

Facepalm [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 16 Myths About Blindness

Monday 2 January 5:30:00 UTC 2017

The List Show is here to debunk some pervasive misconceptions. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sure, book your cheap holiday tickets with some airline called Jambojet. What's the worst that can happen? As your wife will sarcastically ask you days later when you're both still stuck on a bus. On a ferry. On your connecting flight through

Monday 2 January 5:11:43 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Paris' newest subway line: $230M/km. Berlin's, $250M/km. Copenhagen, $260M. NYC: $1.7 billion and counting. This is why we can't have nice things (unless we're close friends with Andrew Cuomo) [Followup]

Monday 2 January 4:58:47 UTC 2017

Followup [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Something's very fishy about this McDonald's story. Also, very wormy [Fail]

Monday 2 January 4:29:46 UTC 2017

Fail [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's the worst idea of the year, and it's only one day in: "Defence and technology group QinetiQ has built 'stealth' wind turbines which barely show up on radar. The giant turbines, each 400 feet high, appear on radar systems as

Monday 2 January 4:28:40 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You think snakes on a plane are bad? How about scorpions on a train? [Scary]

Monday 2 January 2:26:47 UTC 2017

Scary [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Elemental theme of massage business features earth, water and fire truck [Amusing]

Monday 2 January 2:02:48 UTC 2017

Amusing [link] [25 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » ashlyrose45 says FML

Monday 2 January 1:57:27 UTC 2017

Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." … [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Disney Animation's Evolution, 1937-2016

Monday 2 January 1:30:00 UTC 2017

This is just beautiful. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this wet mutt [Photoshop]

Monday 2 January 1:00:01 UTC 2017

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

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