John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » "Son, hold my wine while I find out what this cop wants" [Fail]

Saturday 24 December 23:05:04 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dad-to-be posts heartbreaking picture as girlfriend dies days before Christmas [Sad]

Saturday 24 December 22:38:04 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Augsburg evacuated to defuse massive IED left by unknown British national over 70 years ago. Inflate your paper bags [Scary]

Saturday 24 December 21:35:04 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Arizona welcomes its new self-driving overlords [Interesting]

Saturday 24 December 21:27:04 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Science says your grandparents are having the kind of mindblowing sex you could only dream of. Now you have something to talk about over Christmas dinner with the family [Cool]

Saturday 24 December 21:12:05 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop This Instructional Padawan [Photoshop]

Saturday 24 December 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Everything Leaving Netflix in January

Saturday 24 December 21:00:00 UTC 2016

You’d better get your ‘Saved by the Bell’ fix in now. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Strange sulfur smell presages Hellmouth reopening under Philadelphia [Scary]

Saturday 24 December 19:31:18 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police on lookout for wanted Canterbury hitchhiker, last seen with some uncouth losers while cracking bawdy jokes in virtually unintelligible English [Scary]

Saturday 24 December 19:27:18 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Santa Claus is coming to town, and here's how you can track him flying around the world this Christmas Eve [Cool]

Saturday 24 December 19:24:17 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Headline of the Year preliminaries: Context headlines, Round 5 [HOTY]

Saturday 24 December 18:57:02 UTC 2016

HOTY [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Give me an M …"M"… Give me a U …"U"… Give me an M …"M"… Give me a P …"P"… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand an S …"S"… What do you get? [Sick]

Saturday 24 December 18:07:07 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [74 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Grinch says FML

Saturday 24 December 17:27:41 UTC 2016

Today, it's Xmas Eve, and my partner's quick afternoon catch-up with his friends has turned into 5 messy drunks in our house at 1am. So it's no to the "us" time evening we had planned before spending tomorrow with our families who live over 3 hours away. Guess who had promised to drive and now can't? FML [Link]

FMyLife » Scarlett_Pixie says FML

Saturday 24 December 17:27:40 UTC 2016

Today, my partner convinced both of our little brothers that we are naming our son Obi-Wan. They now won't stop rubbing my belly and quoting Star Wars. This is going to be one long Christmas. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » A Group of Suitcase-Sized Satellites Will Transform Hurricane Tracking

Saturday 24 December 17:22:28 UTC 2016

CYGNSS "will improve our knowledge of how hurricanes grow so that we can better prepare and protect people in the path of each hurricane as it comes." [Link]

Mental Floss » Everything New Coming to Netflix in January

Saturday 24 December 16:30:00 UTC 2016

A new year means dozens of new movies and TV shows to stream. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not News: Vesna Vulovic dies. News: After free falling 33,000 feet in a plane accident. Fark: 44 years later. Curse you, 2016 [Sad]

Saturday 24 December 16:19:32 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you love Christmas and hate other motorists, why not decorate your car with 10,000 Christmas lights? "The kilometer-long string of lights is connected to power in the boot of the car ensuring the car is a standout" (pics) [Dumbass]

Saturday 24 December 16:16:48 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's Slinky, it's Slinky / For fun it's a wonderful toy / What protects a bird feeder, makes squirrels take a breather / And makes a slinkety sound? / A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing / Everyone knows it's Slinky [Spiffy]

Saturday 24 December 15:59:47 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [50 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Nick M says FML

Saturday 24 December 15:24:19 UTC 2016

Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature of 104 degrees. After I settled back in bed with some water, my mom said, "This is how you're supposed to feel on your 21st birthday, not your 18th." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Saturday Morning Book Club is curious: if you could meet any character from a book, who would you be most interested in meeting? [Interesting]

Saturday 24 December 15:00:00 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [265 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What’s the Difference Between a Gift and a Present?

Saturday 24 December 14:30:00 UTC 2016

Sometimes we call them gifts, sometimes presents. Is there a difference? [Link]

Weird Universe » Surrealist Furniture

Saturday 24 December 14:07:39 UTC 2016

Italian sideboard, 1964, created by Fabio de Sanctis. Made from walnut wood and the doors of a Fiat 600. Titled "Cielo, Mare, Terra" (Sky, Sea, Land).

Estimated cost: $15,500 – $18,800.

More info: dorotheum, Fondazione Fabio de Sanctis, artnet.

[Link]

Weird Universe » Tiny Town, PA

Saturday 24 December 14:07:38 UTC 2016

Homepage here.

News article here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wanted to see a 6-1/2 foot swamp eel? Well, today you're in luck [Strange]

Saturday 24 December 14:01:39 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop what he's surfing out of [Photoshop]

Saturday 24 December 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » But think of all the good things Giant Meteor 2016 could have brought us, like global unity [Unlikely]

Saturday 24 December 13:36:17 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [33 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » FabFor87 says FML

Saturday 24 December 13:32:37 UTC 2016

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » California man fights DUI charge for driving under influence … of caffeine: "It's really stupid" [Asinine]

Saturday 24 December 13:24:47 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teenager who rescued a stray cat just received some very unexpected holiday presents when her new kitty gave birth to Noel, Joy, Christmas, and Faith under the tree, just in time for a very merry Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 24 December 13:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [1119 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you plan on attending Alaska's biggest Hanukkah celebration, then you better be ready for menorah ice sculptures, a dreidel-shaped bounce house, and circus acrobats [Spiffy]

Saturday 24 December 12:10:18 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Visit any rural, small-town church potluck dinner and you'll see main street America is still cooking like we're in the middle of the Great Depression [Murica]

Saturday 24 December 11:40:18 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Rogue Ales Releases Candy Beer for 2017

Saturday 24 December 11:30:00 UTC 2016

It tastes like a nutty candy bar, apparently. [Link]

FMyLife » stk says FML

Saturday 24 December 11:26:42 UTC 2016

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Andy says FML

Saturday 24 December 11:26:41 UTC 2016

Today, on my Facebook newsfeed, I noticed a photo of a coworker. In the comment section of the photo he and his wife had written "I love you" to each other. As a joke I commented "get a room". Turns out the woman with the same surname as my coworker wasn't in fact his wife, but his daughter. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here are 25 ingredients that everyone still uses, but shouldn't. Subby would like that pizza with a little extra sausage, please [Interesting]

Saturday 24 December 10:06:18 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [198 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Rebel Scum Makes Bamboo Death Star, Puts Plans on YouTube

Saturday 24 December 9:30:00 UTC 2016

"No one was hurt in bringing us this information." -Frank Howarth. [Link]

FMyLife » Tom Riddle says FML

Saturday 24 December 8:59:48 UTC 2016

Today, I was about to go out and get some groceries, but the moment I slammed the door I realized my keys were still inside. My inner caveman instincts told me to immediately break down the door, so now I have to get a doorknob replacement instead of food. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you like it, put a ring on it … but be prepared to call emergency services when you can't get it off [Awkward]

Saturday 24 December 8:46:00 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Weird Week in Review

Saturday 24 December 7:30:00 UTC 2016

Silly and strange news stories for your holiday weekend. [Link]

FMyLife » jeffnn says FML

Saturday 24 December 7:00:37 UTC 2016

Today, while building a gingerbread house with my two kids, they thought it would be funny to pee on it while I wasn't looking. Nobody noticed until my wife ate one of the pee-covered gingerbread men. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Turtleizer567 says FML

Saturday 24 December 7:00:36 UTC 2016

Today, after waiting several hours for my foreman to drop off material, I finally got a text back from him saying "Oh sorry, I totally forgot about you. I'm at the Christmas party." The Christmas party that no one told me about. FML [Link]

FMyLife » SHRINKY says FML

Saturday 24 December 7:00:32 UTC 2016

Today, we were looking forward to spending x-mas eve with our best friends of 13 years before moving across the country where we know no one. That was the plan. The stomach flu virus has a different plan. FML [Link]

FMyLife » sad associate says FML

Saturday 24 December 7:00:12 UTC 2016

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » The Jeep Problem

Saturday 24 December 6:04:40 UTC 2016

Image: Wikipedia An adventurer wants to explore a desert. He has a jeep that can carry up to 1 unit of fuel at any time and that will travel 1 unit of distance on 1 unit of fuel. As he travels he can leave any amount of the fuel that he’s carrying at any point, as a fuel dump to be … [Link]

Mental Floss » 27 Amazing Accomplishments of People Over 80

Saturday 24 December 5:30:00 UTC 2016

For some people, youth is just a warm-up. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "It's not every day you see Jesus and Crocodile Dundee running out of a landing craft, but there you go" [Amusing]

Saturday 24 December 5:18:02 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [24 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Dandy says FML

Saturday 24 December 5:12:54 UTC 2016

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML [Link]

FMyLife » not chicken spaghetti says FML

Saturday 24 December 5:12:34 UTC 2016

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 5 reasons fake news killed facts in 2016. Reason #6: Your grandparents finally set up their wifi router to autoconnect [Amusing]

Saturday 24 December 5:07:56 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The 100 funniest Santa's lap photos ever. Or as Santa likes to say, these are kids who are clearly "Claus-trophobic" [Amusing]

Saturday 24 December 4:44:24 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After 50 years, Batman still smells and the Joker still gets away [Amusing]

Saturday 24 December 3:50:05 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [61 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » ow says FML

Saturday 24 December 3:27:44 UTC 2016

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tipster Who Recognized 'Burrito Bandit' Rewarded with $5,000, complimentary hose-down [Spiffy]

Saturday 24 December 3:20:05 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oregon law professor, who wore blackface at party and intended her costume to provoke discussion, discovers the problems with nuance and the media. The moral of this story is don't do blackface no matter what the reason [Fail]

Saturday 24 December 2:50:05 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So what happens to all the unsold Christmas trees on Dec. 26? Two words: goat food [Amusing]

Saturday 24 December 2:41:57 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are still some people in the world who try to solve their problems by throwing snakes at them [Dumbass]

Saturday 24 December 2:20:05 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Semi driver hogs road [Fail]

Saturday 24 December 1:50:05 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [21 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » bookworm4332 says FML

Saturday 24 December 1:39:49 UTC 2016

Today, I received an email telling me that the t-shirt I ordered almost a month ago as a Christmas present for my brother had finally been delivered. Unfortunately, it was delivered to my college dorm, which is 2 hours away. I won't be able to pick it up until mid-January. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 24 December 1:39:48 UTC 2016

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 24 December 1:39:28 UTC 2016

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Christmas Foods of Yesteryear

Saturday 24 December 1:30:00 UTC 2016

Over the centuries, yuletide revelers have enjoyed far different culinary fare than we do today. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with baggage proposes to woman on carousel. Unfortunately, his proposal was left unclaimed [Sappy]

Saturday 24 December 1:20:05 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Theme: Christmas movie parody [Photoshop]

Saturday 24 December 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Listen, there have to be some consequences for opening Christmas gifts early, that's all I'm saying [Obvious]

Saturday 24 December 0:50:05 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Youtube views down across the board. Find out why after this ad finishes [Obvious]

Saturday 24 December 0:20:05 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [113 comments] [Link]

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