John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Helmet camera captures Florida man driving in ditches, medians, and knocking over streetlights. Police unsure if stroke victim or average Florida driver (Not safe for work links in sidebar) [Florida]

Monday 19 December 23:50:52 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's official: Idiocracy now a documentary [NewsFlash]

Monday 19 December 23:46:33 UTC 2016

NewsFlash [link] [1390 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman finds rocket warhead in yard, posts pic to Facebook asking what it is. Well, it's metal and pointy and call 911 dumbass [Facepalm]

Monday 19 December 23:45:02 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Library book finally finds its way home – 122 years overdue [Awkward]

Monday 19 December 22:58:59 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bana Alabed, the 7-year-old whose Twitter account and posts made her the face of Syria's plight in Aleppo, has made it to safety [Followup]

Monday 19 December 22:40:08 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Doctors in India Are Using AI to Combat Blindness

Monday 19 December 22:17:40 UTC 2016

Machine learning is being used to better understand the spread of blindness and predict the success rates of eye surgeries. [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Tips for Achieving Your Fitness Resolutions in 2017

Monday 19 December 22:00:00 UTC 2016

For anyone who’s planning to pursue a fitness- and health-related New Year's resolution, it’s important to start preparing before the clock strikes midnight on December 31. [Link]

Mental Floss » The Strange Phenomenon That Sailors Called "The Burning of the Sea"

Monday 19 December 21:54:32 UTC 2016

From Puerto Rico to Bali to California, the oceans are alive with light. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finally, a multimillionaire oil heir you don't want to punch [Florida]

Monday 19 December 21:19:30 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Two Errand Boys

Monday 19 December 21:13:26 UTC 2016

Another conundrum from Henry Dudeney’s Canterbury Puzzles: A country baker sent off his boy with a message to the butcher in the next village, and at the same time the butcher sent his boy to the baker. One ran faster than the other, and they were seen to pass at a spot 720 yards from the baker’s shop. Each stopped … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this cold swimmer [Photoshop]

Monday 19 December 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Happens When You Send a Letter to Santa Claus?

Monday 19 December 21:00:00 UTC 2016

Yes, Virginia, Santa does read his mail. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pakistan Airlines adds ritual goat sacrifice to their preflight checklists to ensure good luck [Stupid]

Monday 19 December 20:47:34 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Answer Starts With 'Q'

Monday 19 December 20:46:14 UTC 2016

Take the quiz! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You make one lousy crystal meth sale to an undercover agent and suddenly no one wants you to be constable anymore [Dumbass]

Monday 19 December 20:42:30 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Truck plows into Christmas market in Berlin [NewsFlash]

Monday 19 December 20:42:21 UTC 2016

NewsFlash [link] [518 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fishing communities in Madagascar struggle due to its disappearing coral. It's disappearing, Coral [Sad]

Monday 19 December 20:18:31 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man attempts to dual-wield while robbing an Uber car. Driver teaches him why that only works in movies, presumably after delivering a clever one-liner [Florida]

Monday 19 December 20:16:33 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Things to Do at Work When Everyone Is Out of the Office

Monday 19 December 20:02:56 UTC 2016

You could celebrate the solitude with long lunches and Facebook marathons at your desk—or you could do a few of these productive things instead. [Link]

Mental Floss » Coworking Studio Offers Free Workspace for Food Bank Donations

Monday 19 December 20:00:00 UTC 2016

Contributions to Moisson Montréal could get you free time at a shared office space in the city. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » White supremacist who plotted to build a "death ray" to kill Muslims and President Obama faces sentencing today after being convicted under an anti "dirty bomb" statute passed by Congress in 2004, because "Criminal Stupidity"

Monday 19 December 19:45:31 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark NotNewsletter: In which 2016 decided it wasn't done with us yet [FarkBlog]

Monday 19 December 19:15:30 UTC 2016

FarkBlog [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark's 2016 Headline of the Year contest: Geek headlines [HOTY]

Monday 19 December 18:59:17 UTC 2016

HOTY [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark's 2016 Headline of the Year contest: Sports headlines [HOTY]

Monday 19 December 18:45:03 UTC 2016

HOTY [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why we need to keep funding religious charities, reason number 666: Who else is going to perform exorcisms on our rescued underage sex workers? [Creepy]

Monday 19 December 18:30:36 UTC 2016

Creepy [link] [129 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Did the Nazis Find Out About Anne Frank’s Family? There's a New Theory

Monday 19 December 18:26:34 UTC 2016

The family may have been discovered in the course of an unrelated investigation. [Link]

Mental Floss » More People Are Using the Word 'Jedi' in Everyday Life

Monday 19 December 18:26:33 UTC 2016

The word has evolved beyond the context of 'Star Wars.' [Link]

Mental Floss » It's Not Too Late to Holiday Shop With These Amazon Deals

Monday 19 December 18:26:28 UTC 2016

From the Smart Shopping Team… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian bath lotion kills 41 drinkers, proving yet again the wisdom of just putting the lotion in the basket when you're told [Sick]

Monday 19 December 18:23:36 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » U.S. to disclose an estimate of the number of Americans under surveillance. Which should be the total of all who currently use Google, Facebook and Twitter [Scary]

Monday 19 December 18:22:33 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian fan builds legendary Soviet motorcycle for Metallica frontman James Hetfield [Cool]

Monday 19 December 18:18:34 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do not even THINK of serving this for lunch at school when you know all the kids have smartphones [Florida]

Monday 19 December 18:11:29 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now that the troubles of Africa are all sorted out, surely we have £5.2 million in aid for the "Ethiopian Spice Girls" [Facepalm]

Monday 19 December 18:07:29 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Antimatter beamed with laser reveals possible secrets of how the universe was created, and unleashes anti-sharks with frikken pineapples on their heads, because antimatter is weird shiat [Obvious]

Monday 19 December 18:04:09 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian ambassador to Turkey shot in Ankara, which will make it difficult for him to walk. Especially since he's dead [NewsFlash]

Monday 19 December 17:50:11 UTC 2016

NewsFlash [link] [578 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Deer crashes through window of gym, takes a few laps, rushes off before Browns can sign him [Weird]

Monday 19 December 17:38:17 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Baby Sea Stars Are Real-Life Water Benders

Monday 19 December 17:01:00 UTC 2016

Scientists say the larvae flap tiny hairs to create liquid vortices that can either draw food in or help propel them through the water. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's Sunday, Sunday, gotta get down on Sunday [Sad]

Monday 19 December 16:40:57 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man breaks into 'Sexy Salad' restaurant, eats food, urinates in a garbage can and falls asleep on the floor. Says establishment passes first test for holding a Fark party [Facepalm]

Monday 19 December 16:24:28 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [48 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Michael292 says FML

Monday 19 December 16:16:52 UTC 2016

Today, after recently getting stitches removed due to a surfing accident, I had to go to the hospital again to have my eye stitched up due to an idiot who brought a surfboard to a pool, got on it outside the pool, and it slipped from under him and into my face. FML [Link]

FMyLife » socialbanana says FML

Monday 19 December 16:16:51 UTC 2016

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 International Recipes for Traditional Holiday Desserts

Monday 19 December 16:15:04 UTC 2016

Every generation can agree on the importance of a sweet treat after dinner. [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Christmas "Card"

Monday 19 December 16:14:57 UTC 2016

[Link]

Mental Floss » The Swedish Subculture Keeping 1950s America Alive

Monday 19 December 16:00:00 UTC 2016

Greaser culture came to Sweden in the '50s and it never left. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Seven of the 10 most stolen cars are more than 10 years old: "The smart thief knows the latest cars are only a waste of time because of anti-theft technology" [Obvious]

Monday 19 December 15:56:52 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [159 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Frying turkeys, screwdrivers at a knife fight, and a Spartan Christmas tree: these are YOUR Headlines of the Week from Sunday, 12/11 to Saturday, 12/17 [FarkBlog]

Monday 19 December 15:37:27 UTC 2016

FarkBlog [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Unicorn hot chocolate' is the new trend to keep you warm, sustain Lord Voldemort [Murica]

Monday 19 December 15:36:29 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Lively Facts About ‘Corpse Bride’

Monday 19 December 15:30:00 UTC 2016

Tim Burton's Oscar-nominated stop motion feature wed some innovative animation techniques to a centuries-old story about life, death, and devotion. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Because Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, some churches have decided not to hold a Sunday service [Ironic]

Monday 19 December 15:13:29 UTC 2016

Ironic [link] [119 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: Scrivener for Windows. Too late for NaNoWriMo, but ready for your New Year's resolutions for a higher daily word count. (Sponsored Link) [Plug]

Monday 19 December 15:10:21 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [7 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » bballer4_life says FML

Monday 19 December 14:38:56 UTC 2016

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » This Colorful Pigeon Is the Dodo’s Closest Living Relative

Monday 19 December 14:30:00 UTC 2016

Years of isolation allowed the Nicobar pigeon to develop its brilliant plumage. [Link]

Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 134: The Christmas Truce

Monday 19 December 14:07:25 UTC 2016


In December 1914 a remarkable thing happened on the Western Front: British and German soldiers stopped fighting and left their trenches to greet one another, exchange souvenirs, bury their dead, and sing carols in the spirit of the holiday season. In this week’s episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll tell the story of the Christmas truce, which one participant … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 5PM That’s a Wrap

Monday 19 December 14:05:58 UTC 2016

Secretary: I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what’s up?
Secretary: So you’re Indian, right? I’m going to an Indian funeral today. And I’m not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well…you’re not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they’re so Indian that they’re going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn’t mean you can laugh. Also wear all … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this laundry [Photoshop]

Monday 19 December 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » When Christmas Was the Only Day You Could Legally Go Bowling

Monday 19 December 14:00:00 UTC 2016

Bowling hasn't always had a wholesome reputation. [Link]

Weird Universe » Atomic Dog Tags

Monday 19 December 13:21:48 UTC 2016

September 1950: The AMVETS organization announced its plan to issue plastic dog tags to all civilians in the United States, to help identify people in case of an atomic emergency. The tags would carry the wearer's name, address, and blood-type. The tags were plastic in order to "prevent radiation effects in the event of an atomic explosion."

AMVETS hoped to … [Link]

Weird Universe » Frank Zappa, Steve Allen: 1963

Monday 19 December 13:21:47 UTC 2016

[Link]

FMyLife » LovelessNewlywed says FML

Monday 19 December 12:45:37 UTC 2016

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML [Link]

FMyLife » fuckingcool says FML

Monday 19 December 12:45:36 UTC 2016

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Christmas "Card"

Monday 19 December 12:15:00 UTC 2016

[Link]

Mental Floss » All Your Makeup Can Now Be Pokémon-Themed

Monday 19 December 12:00:00 UTC 2016

This collaboration between Pokémon and TONYMOLY is making us wanna buy 'em all. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oil prices to rise for the rest of this year because oil prices may rise next year [Obvious]

Monday 19 December 11:32:04 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 50 Vintage Christmas Cards From the New York Public Library Archives

Monday 19 December 11:30:00 UTC 2016

These charming designs are good enough to bring back. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Heritage without hate is just 'erig' [Murica]

Monday 19 December 11:29:31 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [226 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trumplandia faction inside the FBI withheld information from Director Comey, illegally leaked information to Trump surrogates, planned to leak to the press [Scary]

Monday 19 December 11:24:58 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [353 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Washington Post releases Chrome plugin that automatically fact-checks Trump tweets [Hero]

Monday 19 December 10:39:58 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Bad Bosses

Monday 19 December 10:28:39 UTC 2016

Links to keep you busy all day! [Link]

FMyLife » badcomparison says FML

Monday 19 December 10:25:59 UTC 2016

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Australia: where even your Christmas tree ornaments want to kill you [Obvious]

Monday 19 December 9:36:26 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Brilliant Subscription Boxes For Everyone on Your List

Monday 19 December 9:30:00 UTC 2016

Selecting the perfect present can be tough—so why not leave it to the pros? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man wearing only pants arrested trying to break into a home. But since this is Florida Man, the pants were on his arms [Florida]

Monday 19 December 9:22:15 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guy who predicted Brexit and Trump: "You know uh, from the hard data, this here Trump Train is about to fly off the farking rails" [Scary]

Monday 19 December 9:04:58 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [63 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Imagino1234 says FML

Monday 19 December 8:26:44 UTC 2016

Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Ways Tech Can Make Your Home Tidier

Monday 19 December 7:30:00 UTC 2016

Presented by Neato Robotics. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The biggest threat this holiday season? Shopping while lonely [PSA]

Monday 19 December 7:03:24 UTC 2016

PSA [link] [46 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Just an Exam says FML

Monday 19 December 6:39:21 UTC 2016

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Longer-Lasting Produce Might Soon Come to a Store Near You

Monday 19 December 6:30:00 UTC 2016

A company that makes edible, tasteless coatings to protect fruits and vegetables from spoiling just got a $33 million investment. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A sequel to "The Big Short" is brewing [Followup]

Monday 19 December 5:36:22 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 29 Spin-Offs That Almost Happened

Monday 19 December 5:30:00 UTC 2016

Were you sad to see Mad Men go last year? Perhaps it'll make you even sadder to learn that the award-winning cable show almost had its own spin-off—twice. [Link]

Mental Floss » 39 Fun Questions to Ask Amazon Echo

Monday 19 December 4:51:14 UTC 2016

"Alexa, what are the three laws of robotics?" [Link]

FMyLife » notamonkey says FML

Monday 19 December 4:50:23 UTC 2016

Today, I realised that a monkey can do my job. I was fired as an entertainer at the local fairground and literally replaced by a chimpanzee. He wears a hat and can hold balloons. FML [Link]

FMyLife » unhappystudent says FML

Monday 19 December 2:53:42 UTC 2016

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Frontier Airlines passengers forget to pay the "don't wait on the tarmac from 1am to 6am" and "11 hours to get your checked luggage" fees [Asinine]

Monday 19 December 2:20:46 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How does your cult survive when its telepathic leader dies? Members of Share International are about to find out [Awkward]

Monday 19 December 2:01:07 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jordanian security forces storm castle to free tourists held by armed men. No word if they had fun [Interesting]

Monday 19 December 1:42:26 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these taco t-shirts [Photoshop]

Monday 19 December 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Monday 19 December 0:48:42 UTC 2016

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You think holiday travel couldn't get any worse this week? Airport baggage handlers: "Challenge accepted" [Fail]

Monday 19 December 0:34:19 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [26 comments] [Link]

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