John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Hipster Santa returns to Portland. He knows if you've been bad or good or buying fair trade coffee, but you've probably never heard of him [Amusing]

Saturday 3 December 23:38:35 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hidden camera left in a forest to capture pictures of wild animals snaps a naked man high on LSD who thought he was a tiger (Not safe for work obviously) [Amusing]

Saturday 3 December 23:02:42 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man breaks into neighbor's home to pet their cat [Florida]

Saturday 3 December 22:08:08 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: Crosley Limited Edition Turntable. Play music and export to Mac or Windows. For 33 1/3, 45, and 78 RPM; 7", 10", and 12" records. Are turntables a hipster thing? I thought they were Gen-X. (Sponsored Link) [Plug]

Saturday 3 December 21:59:09 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Blind man loses benefits after failing to respond to government letter that he couldn't read [Asinine]

Saturday 3 December 21:53:09 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » UK government admits what we've known all along: alcohol benefits the economy and is a net benefit for the taxpayer [Spiffy]

Saturday 3 December 21:42:20 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Up to 40 people expected to have perished in Oakland night club fire [Sad]

Saturday 3 December 21:39:43 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [174 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While the city of Gatlinburg begins to allow people back in to assess the damage, set up stations for insurance and unemployment claims, one bold reporter asks the now homeless city officials why they couldn't have done more [Facepalm]

Saturday 3 December 21:06:08 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these futuristic space fighters [Photoshop]

Saturday 3 December 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That firefighter whose house was set ablaze and had "Lie With Pigs, Fry Like Bacon" spray painted on the side? Turns out he did it [Dumbass]

Saturday 3 December 20:37:09 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wearing socks to bed is not only good for your health, it makes you a better lover [Amusing]

Saturday 3 December 20:30:09 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » City okays payout in case where police shot and killed naked teen. Fark: To officer who killed teen [Interesting]

Saturday 3 December 20:09:09 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: Never write letters when you're under the influence of anesthesia [Amusing]

Saturday 3 December 19:33:37 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lawyer sues college student for bad Yelp review, asking $100,000. Judge biatch-slaps lawyer and orders him to pay $26,831 to the pro bono lawyer who defended the student. Tag is for the lawyer that sued [Dumbass]

Saturday 3 December 17:45:24 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [173 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » You Need to See Amazon's Best Weekend Deals

Saturday 3 December 17:00:00 UTC 2016

From the Smart Shopping Team… [Link]

Mental Floss » Cinnamon Roll Peeps Have Arrived

Saturday 3 December 16:08:41 UTC 2016

The iconic marshmallow candy company has unleashed some new flavors, just in time for the holidays. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Although little Johnnie's shotgun show-and-tell presentation drew a record number of police and fire officials, few stopped to congratulate him on his project [Scary]

Saturday 3 December 15:46:55 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mummified knees are Queen Nefertari's, sharp [Interesting]

Saturday 3 December 15:45:01 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I mean, other than Farkers [Obvious]

Saturday 3 December 15:41:59 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lawyer wants parrot that witnessed a murder to be put on the stand, as he hopes to make the caged bird sing [Strange]

Saturday 3 December 15:32:41 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » New York Public Library Turns Former Library Apartment Into Teen/Tech Center

Saturday 3 December 15:30:00 UTC 2016

For years, a custodian apartment in the library's Washington Heights branch was closed to the public. Now, it's a brand-new public space. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Different types of alcohol affect your mood, and more importantly – the severity of your hangover. Here's the proof [Interesting]

Saturday 3 December 15:19:20 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Saturday Morning Book Club is making a list and checking it twice…what is the perfect book to give as a Christmas present to that book-loving person on your list? [Interesting]

Saturday 3 December 15:00:00 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [56 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » heaventlyassbutt says FML

Saturday 3 December 14:31:02 UTC 2016

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Australia may criminalize drinking and walking [Asinine]

Saturday 3 December 14:30:58 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Why It's Unwise to Hire Relatives.

Saturday 3 December 14:11:17 UTC 2016

Boss: Do you live to give me shit everyday?
Employee: No, but that's a great question!
Boss: Alright, let's just put our cards on the table.
Employee: Can you beat a full house? Bellevue, Washington [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these young fishermen [Photoshop]

Saturday 3 December 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » They said it was a million dollar wound, but the bail bondsman wasn't buying that [Awkward]

Saturday 3 December 13:45:56 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Seven Warning Signals of Cancer

Saturday 3 December 13:32:22 UTC 2016

Nice photo. Though the connection between Sophia Loren and warning signals of cancer completely escapes me.

The ad ran in magazines and newspapers in 1967 and '68, such as here: Broadcasting – Dec 2, 1968.

[Link]

Weird Universe » The Littlest Maniac

Saturday 3 December 13:32:21 UTC 2016



Original article here.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Decapitated body of young man found in Merrimack River. Investigators say they will continue to Monitor the situation [Creepy]

Saturday 3 December 13:13:51 UTC 2016

Creepy [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » At this often stressful time of the year, Louie and Luna want you to know that love conquers all on Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 3 December 13:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [645 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Vikings ask Trump how he'd handle the Bears [Awkward]

Saturday 3 December 12:43:59 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [33 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 3 December 12:20:28 UTC 2016

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » A Watch Strap That Clicks Together Like LEGOs

Saturday 3 December 11:30:00 UTC 2016

The smartphone-friendly accessory is called the Loopless and Buckleless Band. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Farking at CES in Vegas, Part 2 [FarkParty]

Saturday 3 December 11:09:39 UTC 2016

FarkParty [link] [82 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 3 December 10:55:28 UTC 2016

Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Tune In This Weekend: HISTORY Commemorates Pearl Harbor Attack

Saturday 3 December 10:30:00 UTC 2016

This weekend, HISTORY honors the veterans of Pearl Harbor with a series of documentaries. [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch How Computers Sort Lists (It's Complicated)

Saturday 3 December 9:27:43 UTC 2016

How fast can you alphabetize 1,280 books? See how computer scientists can make the process much faster. [Link]

FMyLife » betterpianist says FML

Saturday 3 December 9:20:04 UTC 2016

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML [Link]

GraphJam » Much Better Than Derpetology

Saturday 3 December 9:19:12 UTC 2016

derp herp herpes lizards Pie Chart school studying - 4530370304 Graph by: Tox_Mace Tagged: derp , herp , herpes , lizards , Pie Chart , school , studying Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » That's Why I Use Paper Plates

Saturday 3 December 9:19:11 UTC 2016

cleaning dishes Pie Chart sink - 5416674304 Graph by: lordnex Tagged: cleaning , dishes , Pie Chart , sink Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Xbox Live Users Take Note

Saturday 3 December 9:18:47 UTC 2016

best of week flow chart gay homosexuals xbox live - 6257321472 Graph by: (via It's Pronounced Metrosexual) Tagged: best of week , flow chart , gay , homosexuals , xbox live Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Santa's house in the North Pole is now listed on Zillow. "Steeped in Old World charm and a toy-lover's paradise, it's nestled on 25 idyllic acres – perfect for spirited reindeer games" [Amusing]

Saturday 3 December 7:57:00 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Joe DiMaggio

Saturday 3 December 7:30:00 UTC 2016

Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio once bought his-and-hers crypts in Los Angeles. So why is his final resting place 400 miles away from hers? [Link]

FMyLife » chessu says FML

Saturday 3 December 6:33:02 UTC 2016

Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman born without a vagina has surgery to create one. "I finally feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel." PHRASING [Cool]

Saturday 3 December 6:18:00 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [129 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Still Life

Saturday 3 December 6:09:52 UTC 2016

After each of his victories as a matador, John Fulton would paint a portrait of the bull he had slain using its own blood, after the manner of the hunter-painters who had decorated the cave walls of Altamira. Fulton grew up in a Philadelphia rowhouse but became captivated by the bullring after seeing the 1941 Tyrone Power film Blood and … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Buzz Aldrin has become the oldest person to have reached the South Pole. Hero tag trumps Followup tag because fark you, 2016 [Hero]

Saturday 3 December 5:59:00 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [84 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Mayrose125 says FML

Saturday 3 December 4:25:02 UTC 2016

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Colombia plane crash survivor curled up in a fetal position before impact, which was learned after trying to deal with United Airlines customer services [Followup]

Saturday 3 December 4:02:51 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Domino's in Japan is dressing up their delivery scooters to look like reindeer. How long until one of them runs over a grandma? [Followup]

Saturday 3 December 3:51:08 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why is a marriage like a tornado in West Virginia? Eventually, someone's gonna lose a trailer [Scary]

Saturday 3 December 3:50:05 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Diplomat from fascist police state beats Mongolian rapper for wearing symbols from different fascist police state [Ironic]

Saturday 3 December 3:24:35 UTC 2016

Ironic [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft isn't normal. Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft in the Himalayas really, REALLY isn't normal, but on MTOS it is [Hero]

Saturday 3 December 3:10:05 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [22 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Work_sucks says FML

Saturday 3 December 2:44:00 UTC 2016

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Neighbours don't like having a dominatrix next door, because the noise is keeping their kids awake [Awkward]

Saturday 3 December 2:30:05 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Lewis and Clark Weren't the Only Explorers to Map the American Frontier

Saturday 3 December 2:30:00 UTC 2016

Multiple parties of brave explorers journeyed to map the American frontier. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hitting your boyfriend in the face with a squid in front of the bagel shop might not be normal where you're from, but this…is…FLORIDA [Florida]

Saturday 3 December 2:16:49 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Flying sharks spotted off the coast of Australia because of course that's where flying sharks would live [Scary]

Saturday 3 December 2:15:50 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Waco pimp gets 12 life sentences. Says he should have just played chess [Interesting]

Saturday 3 December 2:11:21 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Best Korea puts on display of firepower against its sworn enemy the Pacific Ocean as it vows revenge for UN sanctions [Silly]

Saturday 3 December 1:50:05 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [30 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Sleepless Dreams says FML

Saturday 3 December 1:16:37 UTC 2016

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I bet your favorite bar doesn't hold cockfights in the basement [Unlikely]

Saturday 3 December 1:10:05 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this chandelier [Photoshop]

Saturday 3 December 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark ready headline: Pastor says car salesman swiped wife's nude photos from his iPhone, sent them to swingers' site [Giggity]

Saturday 3 December 0:30:05 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Scientists Figure Out How Some Probiotics Work

Saturday 3 December 0:30:00 UTC 2016

Beneficial bacteria give off a chemical that gives the immune system a gentle nudge. [Link]

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