John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Mom-to-be still CrossFitting while 8 months pregnant. Fetus already won't stop talking about it [Interesting]

Wednesday 23 November 23:50:05 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Unusual Last Wills

Wednesday 23 November 23:30:00 UTC 2016

One was called "the legacy of bitterness." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Youthful blood may not reverse aging after all. Vampire Peter Thiel reportedly planning to sue Gizmodo for publishing this information [Followup]

Wednesday 23 November 23:20:05 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Introducing a Smartwatch That's Powered by Body Heat

Wednesday 23 November 23:00:00 UTC 2016

The PowerWatch is currently available for pre-order on Indiegogo. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police now say they have a suspect in custody after the shooting of a Wayne State police officer early this morning. In other new we apparently now have a state named "Wayne." Please adjust your flags accordingly [Followup]

Wednesday 23 November 22:50:05 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Supermoon Tides May Have Stranded an Octopus in a Parking Garage

Wednesday 23 November 22:30:00 UTC 2016

Experts say we can expect to see more sea critters inland as sea levels rise and flooding increases. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: pizza is not a valid form of ID when trying to get into a bar, unless you happen to be the Little Caesar's guy or a Noid [Facepalm]

Wednesday 23 November 22:20:09 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » For Sale: A Glass Mural Commissioned by East Germany's Secret Police

Wednesday 23 November 22:00:00 UTC 2016

A German art historian is hoping to sell the work for $21 million in Miami next week. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Get not thee drunk in Lancaster County this Thanksgiving [Interesting]

Wednesday 23 November 21:50:05 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Handwritten poem by Anne Frank highlighting her aviation exploits auctioned for $148,000 [Interesting]

Wednesday 23 November 21:20:05 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop theme: Ways to combat winter [Photoshop]

Wednesday 23 November 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Do You Stress the Word: THANKSgiving or ThanksGIVing?

Wednesday 23 November 21:00:00 UTC 2016

Here’s something else to stress about for Thanksgiving. [Link]

FMyLife » don't cry over spilled milk says FML

Wednesday 23 November 20:52:49 UTC 2016

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML [Link]

FMyLife » KismetSiren says FML

Wednesday 23 November 20:52:48 UTC 2016

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beanz Meanz Banz [Facepalm]

Wednesday 23 November 20:47:38 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Why Do We Wish on the Turkey’s Wishbone?

Wednesday 23 November 20:30:00 UTC 2016

The tradition comes from Europe, and is thousands of years older than Thanksgiving. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sometimes it takes a good guy with a blunderbuss [Spiffy]

Wednesday 23 November 20:13:21 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Keep Your Pet Safe This Thanksgiving

Wednesday 23 November 20:00:00 UTC 2016

Go ahead and let Fido or Fluffy join in the celebrations, but follow these dos and don'ts to keep your pet safe. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If your kid still has green hair from Halloween, you probably used the wrong dye [PSA]

Wednesday 23 November 19:50:04 UTC 2016

PSA [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Nobody Pinches Harder Than a Coconut Crab

Wednesday 23 November 19:31:00 UTC 2016

Scientists say the crab’s “mighty claw” is only bested by the jaws of an alligator. [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Rarely Used Orchestral Instruments

Wednesday 23 November 19:30:00 UTC 2016

Composers have long pushed the boundaries of classical music by writing parts for new and innovative instruments—but not all of them have ended up a permanent fixture in the orchestra … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's 'Swastika & Trump' graffiti is brought to you by New Haven, Connecticut [Asinine]

Wednesday 23 November 19:20:05 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [196 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's tallest decapitating water slide to be demolished [Sad]

Wednesday 23 November 19:09:10 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Beware of Buying 'Aloe Vera' That Contains No Aloe Vera

Wednesday 23 November 19:00:00 UTC 2016

New lab tests find that "aloe vera" gels sold by major retailers don't contain chemical traces of the plant. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CCTV video of murder at funeral from 2008 released in effort to catch criminals. The brawl at the funeral left one dead. Well, two, technically [Followup]

Wednesday 23 November 18:39:10 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Wednesday 23 November 18:35:06 UTC 2016

forfex
n. a pair of scissors [Link]

Mental Floss » Over 1 Million More People Than Last Year Will Travel for Thanksgiving

Wednesday 23 November 18:30:00 UTC 2016

The vast majority of travelers will be hitting the open road. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » South Korean leader defends her purchase of nearly 400 Viagra pills, saying they were used to ward off potential "altitude sickness" in aides who accompanied her to Ethiopia, Kenya and Uganda whose capitals are as much as a mile above sea lev

Wednesday 23 November 18:20:06 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Homes for the deaf

Wednesday 23 November 18:02:00 UTC 2016

Nov 1994: During a staff meeting, Toledo mayor Carty Finkbeiner offered a creative solution to the problem of homeowners bothered by airport noise. They should just sell their houses to deaf people. A few days later he offered a tearful apology, insisting that he had simply said it was "an interesting idea."

The reality, of course, is that they sell … [Link]

Mental Floss » The Abandoned 'Dark Crystal' Sequel Is Being Turned Into a Comic Book

Wednesday 23 November 17:51:58 UTC 2016

It could never find its way into movie theaters, but 'The Dark Crystal' is set to return as a comic book. [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Dinner

Wednesday 23 November 17:51:57 UTC 2016

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman carries crack pipe in vagina. Tells cops she had no pockets [Florida]

Wednesday 23 November 17:50:05 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » PETA tells volunteers they have a new style milk they want them to sample. Then they tell the volunteers it's dogs' milk [Facepalm]

Wednesday 23 November 17:43:52 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [167 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Amazon's Great Wednesday Deals Get Closer to Black Friday

Wednesday 23 November 17:38:20 UTC 2016

From the Smart Shopping Team… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: Zoolz Lifetime Cloud storage. 500GB easily accessible storage, additional 500GB cold storage (similar to Amazon Glacier) – 1TB total. There is no Dana. (Sponsored Link) [Plug]

Wednesday 23 November 17:31:47 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with no arms denied bank loan because he couldn't provide fingerprints [Amusing]

Wednesday 23 November 17:13:52 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's Wednesday again, but it feels like Saturday mixed in with a good ol' helping of Tuesday boredom and anticipation of Friday. Irregardless *twitch*, it's time for your weekly "Oh god, I forgot to write" reminder. THIS is your F

Wednesday 23 November 16:47:12 UTC 2016

CSB [link] [27 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » funnyERstory says FML

Wednesday 23 November 16:31:00 UTC 2016

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In meeting with British politicians, Trump lobbied against wind farms spoiling the view at his golf course. But of course he did [Dumbass]

Wednesday 23 November 16:20:06 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 American Chocolate Companies You've Got to Try

Wednesday 23 November 16:08:00 UTC 2016

These chocolatiers are making finely crafted treats in your own backyard. [Link]

Mental Floss » Some Parts of the U.S. Will Have a Dreary Thanksgiving

Wednesday 23 November 16:00:00 UTC 2016

We'll have just enough sloppy weather to cause some headaches. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police bust $58k marijuana operation near Vice President's house. Police on the lookout for a 1981 Trans Am seen fleeing the scene [Amusing]

Wednesday 23 November 15:50:05 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » People Have Been Raising Turkeys in Mexico for 1500 Years

Wednesday 23 November 15:30:00 UTC 2016

Archaeologists in Oaxaca uncovered turkey bones and eggs in various stages of development. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just 1 in 5 adults really mean it when they tell other people that they are 'fine' [Obvious]

Wednesday 23 November 15:20:06 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French man inherits a house from deceased relatives. Turns out they hid gold throughout the house. $3.7 MILLION worth of gold [Cool]

Wednesday 23 November 14:50:05 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mom pays $250 for a replica of a Squidward painting from Spongebob. But she doesn't know what it is, and believes the seller who told her it could be worth $3,000 [Stupid]

Wednesday 23 November 14:20:05 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [89 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Fuck You, You Felch-Sucking, Mung-Eating, Necrotic Limp-Dicked Father-Raper

Wednesday 23 November 14:19:39 UTC 2016

Drone #1: Crikey Moses! Who the hell wants their picture taken in the Mastermind chair?
Drone #2: Crikey Moses?! You need some better swear words! 201 Wood Lane
London, England [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this desk fruit [Photoshop]

Wednesday 23 November 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » You Can Now Buy Your Own Origami Microscope

Wednesday 23 November 14:00:00 UTC 2016

The cheap, functioning paper microscope is designed to make scientific education available to the masses for cheap. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dalai Lama: This is fine [Unlikely]

Wednesday 23 November 13:26:46 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The UK is banning 'non-conventional' porn [Weird]

Wednesday 23 November 13:20:06 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Delicate college students complained about seeing a painting at an art exhibit that depicted members of the KKK. College responds by telling the students to grow up. Just kidding, the college cancelled the exhibit [Stupid]

Wednesday 23 November 13:04:44 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [211 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » First a polar bear petted a dog. Then the polar bear did what polar bears do — ate the dog (now with EVEN MORE SCIENCE) [Followup]

Wednesday 23 November 12:22:06 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pudsey the bear bares his pud, see? [Awkward]

Wednesday 23 November 12:01:06 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Abandoned 'Dark Crystal' Sequel Is Getting Turned Into a Comic Book

Wednesday 23 November 12:00:00 UTC 2016

It could never find its way into movie theaters, but 'The Dark Crystal' is set to return in 2017 as a comic book. [Link]

Mental Floss » Dinner

Wednesday 23 November 11:45:00 UTC 2016

[Link]

Weird Universe » Andy Warhol Eats a Hamburger

Wednesday 23 November 11:32:00 UTC 2016

[Link]

Mental Floss » Avoid the Dark Side With This Death Star Desk Lamp

Wednesday 23 November 11:30:00 UTC 2016

This "fully operational" Death Star will light up your room, and won't destroy an entire planet. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman gives birth to her own grandson. Surprisingly, this story isn't from West Virginia [Sappy]

Wednesday 23 November 11:28:46 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 91-year-old gay veteran sues for an honorable discharge after the repeal of DADT and the existence of Top Gun have made it okay to be gay in the Air Force [Interesting]

Wednesday 23 November 11:28:45 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Brilliant Gifts For The Traveler in Your Life

Wednesday 23 November 11:11:26 UTC 2016

Get those wanderlust-prone friends something that's suitcase-ready. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thing 1 arrested on suspicion of defacing several downtown L.A. landmarks. Thing 2 still at large [Weird]

Wednesday 23 November 10:31:06 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: The Danger of Comedy Sequels

Wednesday 23 November 10:30:00 UTC 2016

Great links for great people! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Yo dawg I heard you like conspiracy theories, so I put a conspiracy theory into your conspiracy theory so you can freak out while you are freaking out [Obvious]

Wednesday 23 November 9:36:25 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Catholic Church launches 'Sindr': the phone app which helps you get a quick confession in, if you have sinned [Facepalm]

Wednesday 23 November 9:27:00 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Map Lists Each State's Favorite Food-Related TV Show

Wednesday 23 November 8:30:00 UTC 2016

America is truly a nation of foodies. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's always a little embarrassing to find out the stealth destroyer you built for the military broke down in the Panama Canal and had to be towed to the Pacific Ocean by tugboats [Facepalm]

Wednesday 23 November 8:03:23 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » One of the World’s First Audio Books Discovered in Canada

Wednesday 23 November 6:30:00 UTC 2016

Most audio versions of literary works at that time were short poems. [Link]

Futility Closet » Midnight Oil

Wednesday 23 November 6:11:03 UTC 2016

In 1960, MIT mathematician George B. Thomas Jr. received a letter from a waterfowl farmer in Maine. The farmer thought he had discovered an error in a problem in Thomas’ influential textbook Calculus and Analytic Geometry. A little bewildered, Thomas looked into it and discovered that there was indeed an error. He thanked the writer and promised to correct the … [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Brilliant Ways to Holiday Shop Without Breaking the Bank

Wednesday 23 November 5:30:00 UTC 2016

Presented by Allstate. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teenagers can't tell what is news. If only there were a book from 2007 about how mass media tries to pass off crap as news to help them learn the difference [Sad]

Wednesday 23 November 5:11:57 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High on the list of things you don't want to hear from your school bus driver: "Are y'all ready to die?" [Scary]

Wednesday 23 November 4:56:21 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three-year-old saves his dad's life after force-feeding him yogurt as he was slipping into a diabetic coma. Fark: He has never been shown how to do this [Hero]

Wednesday 23 November 4:43:15 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A man doing the most hated job ever does the nicest thing ever [Sappy]

Wednesday 23 November 4:33:45 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If they bring a bike, you bring a squirrel. That's the Chicago way [Scary]

Wednesday 23 November 4:19:50 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As you prepare to roast a turkey this year here's a little primer on how yours was raised. Bon Appétit [Sick]

Wednesday 23 November 4:13:44 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doctors try treating gunshot victims with hypothermia. Preliminary results show that it works WAY better than treating hypothermia victims with gunshots [Cool]

Wednesday 23 November 3:38:34 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doctors remove USB cable stuck in man's penis. "The procedure lasted longer than an hour, with surgeons slicing it into three sections (the cable, not the penis)" [Dumbass]

Wednesday 23 November 3:27:01 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » National Policy Institute founder Richard Spencer claims ending his speech by shouting "Heil Trump" and "Heil our people" at an organization's meeting celebrating Donald Trump's election was meant to be ironic [Ironic]

Wednesday 23 November 3:14:34 UTC 2016

Ironic [link] [125 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman shaves kitten, plucks whiskers, sells it online as a hairless cat for $700 [Sick]

Wednesday 23 November 2:50:34 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Militarized police deploying "non-lethal" arms while defending corporate profits at Standing Rock. Dozens hospitalized, hundreds with hypothermia, one woman's arm literally blown off [Followup]

Wednesday 23 November 2:44:55 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [266 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The famous 'Spaghetti Dinner' scene from Lady and the Tramp. As reenacted by guinea pigs [Silly]

Wednesday 23 November 2:40:49 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Original Gerber Baby Humphrey Bogart celebrates 90th birthday [Spiffy]

Wednesday 23 November 2:40:36 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Revolutionary surgical procedure offers new hope for amputees. But will it be perfected before Donald cuts off Barron's hand during their light saber fight in Cloud City? [Cool]

Wednesday 23 November 2:26:34 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Unable to locate any sunshine, Scotland comes up with something better – the Fogbow [Spiffy]

Wednesday 23 November 2:17:54 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This morning's delivery of Florida may be slightly delayed due to spillage [Florida]

Wednesday 23 November 2:02:34 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mr. Miyagi claims two more victims in Queens [Sad]

Wednesday 23 November 1:38:34 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Word Origins Hiding In Plain Sight

Wednesday 23 November 1:30:00 UTC 2016

After a just little consideration, these word origins seem obvious once you know them. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Damn it, Meg Ryan [Giggity]

Wednesday 23 November 1:14:34 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this piece of fine art [Photoshop]

Wednesday 23 November 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After learning via text he'd been fired, truck driver dumps 1000 bushels of corn on highway, earning him a trip to kernel clink [Dumbass]

Wednesday 23 November 0:50:34 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rare humpback whale sighting: A) off the coast of Australia. B) south of Japan. C) near the Statue of Liberty [Strange]

Wednesday 23 November 0:26:34 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I was Playboy Playmate of the Year… how dare you use my picture to advertise your strip club [Florida]

Wednesday 23 November 0:02:34 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [72 comments] [Link]

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