John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » A closer look at the most controversial swimsuit since the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini: the burkini [Giggity]

Saturday 27 August 22:49:45 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [191 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The University of Chicago's crackdown on idiotic trigger warnings is "all about money." TRIGGERED [Followup]

Saturday 27 August 22:24:45 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [261 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most adorable teeny-tiny hamster with a broken arm coming out of the veterinarian's office you'll see all day [Sappy]

Saturday 27 August 21:10:23 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida couple loses a lawsuit to end town ban on front yard gardens. Apparently rows of squash are not a desirable alternative to the traditional front yard decorations of plastic pink flamingos [Florida]

Saturday 27 August 20:34:35 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this UFO [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 August 20:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Central Park's Lamp Posts Have a Hidden Trick To Help You Navigate

Saturday 27 August 20:00:00 UTC 2016

You don't need a map or a phone to get around Central Park—the tools are all right there. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: ZUS Kevlar MFi certified 4ft lightning cable. Make sure your charging cable is protected from all the ballistics life throws at it. (Sponsored Link) [Plug]

Saturday 27 August 19:47:39 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rednecks get a polite Canadian welcome when they attempt to cross the border with a rocket launcher in their car [Stupid]

Saturday 27 August 19:44:13 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [127 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most exclusive restaurant in America…or is it just a myth? [Interesting]

Saturday 27 August 19:14:04 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [138 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » sick and lonely says FML

Saturday 27 August 19:10:14 UTC 2016

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML [Link]

FMyLife » stillnotdivorced says FML

Saturday 27 August 19:10:13 UTC 2016

Today, my soon-to-be ex-wife decided she'll be moving into my apartment complex. She always goes out of her way to pick fights with me every chance she gets, has alienated my children from me and has made what should be a very simple divorce into a ridiculously long and contentious one. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ok, now it's cool NOT to be a Hipster? Then what am I supposed to do with this monocle, 1920s typewriter, and facial hair? [Cool]

Saturday 27 August 18:59:07 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two best friends born three days apart learn 41 years later the hospital accidentally switched them at birth [Awkward]

Saturday 27 August 18:45:30 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » On this day back in 1928, 15 of the most powerful nations in the world signed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, outlawing war as a means to settle international disputes. Think how much worse the 20th century would have been without this landmark pact [Fail]

Saturday 27 August 18:16:54 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wait, wait, Cancel that. I guess it says HELF [Spiffy]

Saturday 27 August 17:06:48 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most depressing photo you'll ever see on the internet of a couple who's been married 62 years saying goodbye to each other as they get ready to be taken away to different nursing homes. I'll be in my funk [Sad]

Saturday 27 August 16:44:50 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Look Up Tonight! Venus and Jupiter Will Appear Extremely Close to Each Other

Saturday 27 August 16:30:00 UTC 2016

This is the closest the planets will appear to each other in the night sky until 2065. [Link]

Mental Floss » The Case of the Deadly Bagpipes

Saturday 27 August 16:11:15 UTC 2016

Doctors say a British man’s fatal lung infection was likely caused by daily use of his fungi-filled wind instrument. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Question of the day: "Did Oklahoma police go too far when they pepper-sprayed an 84-year-old woman?" Uhhh, who exactly is taking the 'No' side on this? (with video) [Awkward]

Saturday 27 August 16:08:43 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [146 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » UnderAcheiver says FML

Saturday 27 August 15:50:05 UTC 2016

Today, my new supervisor arrived after my old one had transferred away and we had a quick evaluation meeting. As it turns out, I'm not actually a good employee like I thought. I just had a shitty boss who didn't care enough to let me know I wasn't meeting company standards. FML [Link]

FMyLife » ThankfullyNotKickedOut says FML

Saturday 27 August 15:50:04 UTC 2016

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over all you 'World's oldest person' types, the REAL 'World's oldest man' has been discovered and he's only 145 years young [Interesting]

Saturday 27 August 15:46:15 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NYC's Bryant Park is tracking visitor behavior. Mostly the minor league criminals who go there to practice in hopes they'lll someday be called up to work in Central Park [Strange]

Saturday 27 August 15:35:25 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Weekend's Can't-Miss Amazon Deals

Saturday 27 August 15:30:00 UTC 2016

As a recurring feature, our team combs the Web and shares some amazing Amazon deals we’ve turned up. Here’s what caught our eye today, August 27. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school millennials now expect to be able to customize their personal parking spaces with painted designs and messages [Silly]

Saturday 27 August 14:59:17 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "We were looking to get street cred back in the tiki world" [Cool]

Saturday 27 August 14:54:49 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school teacher shocked, shocked I tell you, after being attacked by a student with a stun gun [Scary]

Saturday 27 August 14:52:28 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Behold the most Canadian liquor store robbery of all time [Strange]

Saturday 27 August 14:43:11 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Building Schemes

Saturday 27 August 14:34:11 UTC 2016

In 1983, East Carolina University mathematicians Thomas Chenier and Cathy Vanderford programmed a computer to find the best strategies in playing Monopoly. The program kept track of each players’ assets and property, and subroutines managed the decisions whether to buy or mortgage property and the results of drawing of Chance and Community Chest cards. They auditioned four basic strategies (I … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wonder what happens when a truck full of airbag cartridges crashes in front of your home and detonates? BONUS FARK: Takata airbags [Scary]

Saturday 27 August 14:32:10 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [108 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Unfazed By Fire

Saturday 27 August 14:30:00 UTC 2016

People who ignore fires burning around them, even as firemen battle to control the flames, seems to be a recurring theme in weird news. For instance, in addition to the case below, we've also seen the Thurlow family who wouldn't let a fire cause them to miss the latest episode of St. Elsewhere.

The Sikeston Daily Standard – Feb 19, 1959 … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This week on the Saturday Morning Book Club, we're looking for the best of the visual side: the graphic novel. Plus advice on where a newcomer should start [Interesting]

Saturday 27 August 14:00:00 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Thanks, Adderall!

Saturday 27 August 13:57:37 UTC 2016

Coworker to boss: What were we talking about? Oh yeah, multitasking! Houston, Texas [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Say McBye to the McEra of McMansions [Cool]

Saturday 27 August 13:30:19 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [213 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » One just needs to take a good look around where you live to realize we've hit peak dog in our cities [Obvious]

Saturday 27 August 13:21:20 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these umbrellas [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 August 13:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In Baltimore, even the rivers and streams have a drug problem [Sad]

Saturday 27 August 12:46:22 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dateline: Louisiana. "No one had the time to build an ark before the torrential rains and subsequent flooding, but animals still were rescued". And all are welcome on Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 27 August 12:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [513 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Conspiracy check: Show of hands here, how many think there's any Au in Fort Knox? [Interesting]

Saturday 27 August 11:34:20 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 29

Saturday 27 August 10:36:00 UTC 2016

It seems as if the ad agency could not quite settle on one model for their spokesperson for this product. (Maybe #2 and #4 are the same guy?)

In any case, what was this hirsute fellow pitching? Underwear? Soap? Cars? Cigarettes?

The answer is here. [Link]

Mental Floss » Comparing Coach-Class Legroom Across Airlines

Saturday 27 August 10:30:00 UTC 2016

JetBlue may feel cramped, but it's super roomy compared to other airlines. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: Posting video of you riding manatee. New hotness: Posting video of you playing with sea turtle hatchlings [Florida]

Saturday 27 August 8:44:22 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch How Bicycles Were Made (in 1945)

Saturday 27 August 8:30:00 UTC 2016

It's a staggering amount of work! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » An article written to appeal to the paranoid germophobe who freaks out at restaurants. Subject: Lemon in a drink. UNCLEAN [Stupid]

Saturday 27 August 7:54:00 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police say they have "ruled out the possibility of a Sharknado" in the mystery of a shark found in a roadside puddle. That's some fine police work there, Lou [Obvious]

Saturday 27 August 7:18:56 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Australia: "Don't stop there, it's a murderous hellhole" [Obvious]

Saturday 27 August 7:03:12 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » For the First Time in a Century, A Dodo Skeleton Is Coming Up for Auction

Saturday 27 August 6:30:00 UTC 2016

The composite skeleton is "95% complete," and nothing like it has come up for auction in over a century. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man proposes to girlfriend with time capsule they buried together five years ago. Oh, Canada [Sappy]

Saturday 27 August 4:53:11 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » National parks demand human sacrifice for hundredth anniversary [Scary]

Saturday 27 August 4:39:45 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Elderly man plays the piano after suffering a stroke, which is weird because he didn't know how to play a piano before [Strange]

Saturday 27 August 3:47:07 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Most interesting man in the world convicted in masterminding global online theft ring [Interesting]

Saturday 27 August 3:26:04 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trump's doctor writes off the cuff just like how Trump speaks off the cuff [Facepalm]

Saturday 27 August 3:05:00 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [293 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Richard Branson says he thought he'd die in his recent bicycle crash. No word yet on the condition of the nude model who had been riding on his back at the time [Followup]

Saturday 27 August 2:55:19 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida man survives lightning strike, spider, and snake bites. Florida man must be indestructible [Florida]

Saturday 27 August 2:50:48 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Skateboarding with a freaking jetpack. Coming up next: In the ER with a freaking jetpack [Cool]

Saturday 27 August 2:45:53 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most heinous kidnapping in the history of Calgary has been solved, as a plexiglass pig has been returned to a bar [Amusing]

Saturday 27 August 2:08:28 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wondering where your birthday card from Grandma went? Well, it's probably in the California apartment of a USPS worker (along with 48,287 other pieces of undelivered mail) [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 August 1:53:23 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scientific study finds beers of the two biggest German brewery rivals "actually taste almost exactly the same" [Awkward]

Saturday 27 August 0:54:16 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are times when it stinks to be a cop, like when you perform a well-being check on persons unseen for 2 weeks during a heat wave [Sad]

Saturday 27 August 0:53:50 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This Sunday is the ninth annual Go Topless Go protest, which seeks to free boobies from the savage bondage of, you know…tops. I believe we can all get behind this movement (Not safe for work) [Boobies]

Saturday 27 August 0:41:22 UTC 2016

Boobies [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oh look, just an ultra-rare sawfish Fark: 17 feet long [Florida]

Saturday 27 August 0:35:49 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The reason every movie has a disclaimer stating that it is fictional involves Rasputin's assassin, MGM studios, and a rape scene with Lionel and Ethel Barrymore. Just like you suspected [Strange]

Saturday 27 August 0:30:16 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this desert explorer [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 August 0:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

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