John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Sleep tight, Oregonians. Bundy Militia sympathizer and "Constitutional Sheriff" Glenn Palmer has a private force of 65 untrained, uncertified, "special deputies" he's appointed [Asinine]

Saturday 20 August 22:10:32 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [379 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French couple keeps full grown gorilla in their home for 18 years. Only problem is they can never go anywhere because "Digit" goes nuts when he's left alone and he's a gorilla so you can imagine how that goes [Strange]

Saturday 20 August 21:34:26 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » On "extreme wilderness adventure", cruise company forced to limit "black tie" events. "Guests may be required to step into water several inches deep in order to reach shore". Oh, the humanity [Facepalm]

Saturday 20 August 21:31:16 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Justice Dept: Bail rules that keep poor defendants locked up because they cannot afford to purchase their freedom are unconstitutional. John Oliver raises a Bud Light Lime in salute [Obvious]

Saturday 20 August 20:59:33 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these typical Australian sports enthusiasts [Photoshop]

Saturday 20 August 20:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The NY Public Library Will Send You an Emoji-Inspired Image From its Archives

Saturday 20 August 20:00:00 UTC 2016

Tweet at the emoji bot, and get a related image back from the library's enormous digital archive. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Town to spend $70 million on a new football stadium. A high school football stadium [Murica]

Saturday 20 August 19:41:14 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [228 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fat, drunk, and pantsless is no way to show up for the first day of school, teacher [Dumbass]

Saturday 20 August 19:36:53 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No, KFC's secret recipe was not found in a just-discovered scrapbook [Unlikely]

Saturday 20 August 19:36:04 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The truth about aliens is coming soon …and President Obama will deliver the message for the Lizard People. SOON [Weird]

Saturday 20 August 19:15:02 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Reserving a good beach spot by putting down your towel? Yeah, that's a fine. A BIG fine [Strange]

Saturday 20 August 18:13:54 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oh hell no [Scary]

Saturday 20 August 18:11:57 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And in other news, Chuck Yeager is still alive and could still probably smoke your ass in a dogfight [Hero]

Saturday 20 August 17:48:09 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Look, America, stop trying to make canned wine a thing. Just stop. It's for your own good [Unlikely]

Saturday 20 August 17:35:06 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hey, kids, now that summer break is over, remember to take plenty of paper, pens & pencils to school, and remove all firearms from vehicles before driving there [Florida]

Saturday 20 August 16:24:08 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Kumamon Marathon" to be run in Thailand to boost Kumamoto tourism, glorify Satan [Amusing]

Saturday 20 August 16:05:47 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Since it feels like you're doing everything else in life wrong, it was only a matter of time before somebody came along to point out that you're watering your vegetables wrong as well [Sad]

Saturday 20 August 16:02:10 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Physicists Believe They've Discovered a Fifth Fundamental Force of the Universe

Saturday 20 August 16:00:00 UTC 2016

If the discovery holds up, it will radically shake up what we know about the workings of the universe. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In today's news, local middle school students had sex during school hours. Film at 11 [Florida]

Saturday 20 August 15:57:12 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you think your work is bad now, wait until they make everyone in your office use the same long community table [Scary]

Saturday 20 August 15:30:31 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » You Need to See This Weekend's Best Amazon Deals

Saturday 20 August 15:00:00 UTC 2016

As a recurring feature, our team combs the Web and shares some amazing Amazon deals we’ve turned up. Here’s what caught our eye today, August 19. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Saturday Morning Book Club is curious to know which book you have read the most often, and why you keep going back to it even when you know every page by heart [Interesting]

Saturday 20 August 14:00:00 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [242 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Full moon I guess [Followup]

Saturday 20 August 13:51:45 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bangladesh shows how flamewars over the plot of a TV soap opera worked prior to the internet [Stupid]

Saturday 20 August 13:40:26 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Plastape Poses

Saturday 20 August 13:11:08 UTC 2016

Poses (pronounced poh-ZAYS) were introduced in 1949 as an alternative brassiere that attached to the chest by means of adhesive strips of something called Plastape. "Place them in position, press with a forefinger — and there you are!"

However, the product proved unpopular. Perhaps because women thought it seemed too much like gluing coffee filters to their chest.

Detroit Free Press … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this stadium mantis [Photoshop]

Saturday 20 August 13:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'If hikers spot any llamas, Dawson is cocoa brown and Chai is black with white under his chin.' Thanks, I would have had trouble spotting them amongst all the native llamas roaming the Rockies [Strange]

Saturday 20 August 12:44:30 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Forget Rio, welcome to the Kitten Olympics. Come for the opening ceremony where the American flag was raised by a groundhog, stay for the kittens scoring purr-fect tens on Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 20 August 12:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [622 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Problem: You've just been released from the hospital, but it's too late to catch a bus. Solution: Just hop in the ambulance parked out front and drive yourself home [Dumbass]

Saturday 20 August 11:39:07 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looking to buy a tank used on D-Day? Today is your lucky day [Spiffy]

Saturday 20 August 11:25:31 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently getting a pass for 'mishandling classified information' only works if your name is Hillary Clinton [Spiffy]

Saturday 20 August 11:08:06 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [512 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Outlaw attack rooster taken into custody, sentenced to live on a farm [Unlikely]

Saturday 20 August 11:07:07 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The singing bush reports that "El Chapo" son might be a bargaining chip [Obvious]

Saturday 20 August 10:56:34 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What happens when a wedding party and a llama convention collide [Sappy]

Saturday 20 August 10:55:42 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FEMA to bring in "New and Improved" FEMA Trailers to Louisiana. Now with 75% less Formaldehyde and Lead [Unlikely]

Saturday 20 August 10:20:01 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Would Happen to Your Body If You Stayed in Bed Forever?

Saturday 20 August 10:00:00 UTC 2016

Not good things, to our dismay. [Link]

Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 28

Saturday 20 August 9:47:00 UTC 2016

In what industry or occupation is this a professional signal?

The answer is here. [Link]

GraphJam » I Hate Pyros

Saturday 20 August 8:28:43 UTC 2016

Graph by: praetor_alpha Tagged: Pie Chart , team fort , TF2 , video games Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mysterious new Amazon project in Seattle rumored to be "grocery store" [Interesting]

Saturday 20 August 8:18:41 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Fly That Acts Like a Hermit Crab

Saturday 20 August 8:00:00 UTC 2016

Caddisfly larvae build armor out of pebbles. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sheriff Joe may be one step closer to wearing pink underwear himself [Followup]

Saturday 20 August 7:46:43 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In other news, Tech Mogul Drew Curtis has announced today that his Fark.com headquarters is relocating to San Diego [Cool]

Saturday 20 August 7:23:27 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [38 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymoose says FML

Saturday 20 August 6:36:55 UTC 2016

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » The Power of Prayer

Saturday 20 August 6:32:29 UTC 2016

In 1872 Francis Galton reflected that congregations throughout Britain pray every Sunday for the health of the British royal family. If prayer has tangible effects, he wondered, shouldn’t all this concentrated well-wishing result in greater health for its objects? He compared the longevity of royalty to clergy, lawyers, doctors, aristocracy and gentry, as well as other professions, and found that … [Link]

FMyLife » nevaagain says FML

Saturday 20 August 6:30:21 UTC 2016

Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meet the mysterious people behind all those naked Trump statues everywhere [Followup]

Saturday 20 August 6:17:56 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Obsessions That Influenced H. P. Lovecraft’s Work

Saturday 20 August 6:00:00 UTC 2016

Lovecraft’s weird fiction was shaped by his life events and many obsessions, from astronomy to shellfish. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A pair of criminal masterminds find themselves locked inside a cellphone store as onlookers laugh at them [Dumbass]

Saturday 20 August 5:39:55 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pitchy pillow pincher plundering plush porches, patios [Obvious]

Saturday 20 August 5:03:55 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What is more stressful, planning a wedding or a vacation, or being the type of person with enough time on their hands to answer polls like this? [Amusing]

Saturday 20 August 4:51:24 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » US jets scramble to intercept Syrian government planes. This should go well [Scary]

Saturday 20 August 4:50:59 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman, 20, drives to police station to pick up friends arrested for DUI. Guess what? She's drunk, too. BRILLIANT [Facepalm]

Saturday 20 August 4:03:38 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Elect Your Favorite Cereal Monster: Boo Berry, Count Chocula, or Franken Berry

Saturday 20 August 4:00:00 UTC 2016

Cereal lovers are encouraged to cast their vote for Boo Berry, Count Chocula, or Franken Berry. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man arrested for tossing pizza, and not in the old fashioned way [Dumbass]

Saturday 20 August 3:38:04 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lone Highway Patrolman endures the burden of manning a California emergency roadblock: "Come back, Ford Fusion. Come back" [Followup]

Saturday 20 August 3:26:24 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is it just subby, or does a sentence containing the terms 'manure pits' and 'drowning hazard' conjure up nightmare scenarios for you as well? [Sick]

Saturday 20 August 3:21:55 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In other news: North Korea HAD 400 million dollars [Strange]

Saturday 20 August 2:59:41 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'm going out on a limb here and saying no, he didn't take his medication [Scary]

Saturday 20 August 2:31:41 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida Game Warden: Please stop painting the animals [Florida]

Saturday 20 August 2:18:29 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Make Americans taste great again [Obvious]

Saturday 20 August 1:52:54 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Roommate responds to "Deez Nuts" with "Deez Bullets" [Asinine]

Saturday 20 August 1:44:42 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama follows Donald Trump's lead and will visit Louisiana next week [Amusing]

Saturday 20 August 1:40:56 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A flood of Biblical proportions, which just happened to directly target Tony Perkins house, is the first flood in history which was not caused by God's hatred of homosexuals [Repeat]

Saturday 20 August 1:32:34 UTC 2016

Repeat [link] [75 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Scared4Lf says FML

Saturday 20 August 1:07:03 UTC 2016

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Daddy says FML

Saturday 20 August 1:07:02 UTC 2016

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Grandmother celebrates 100th birthday by beating grandchildren in drinking game [Hero]

Saturday 20 August 1:06:42 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drunk, stupid and dressed as a knight is no way to go through Stockholm, good sire [Dumbass]

Saturday 20 August 1:02:56 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In latest sign of the times, foreign politicians are insulting each other by comparing their opponents to Trump [Facepalm]

Saturday 20 August 0:44:10 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oh, just use one of those standard S-1798s and write in "6.4 trillion dollars" where it says "machine gun" [Facepalm]

Saturday 20 August 0:25:21 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Princeton has reached peak political correctness with latest efforts to eliminate the word 'man.' No word on when they will change their name to Prince/Princesston [Facepalm]

Saturday 20 August 0:16:41 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop theme – the last photo or selfie you'll take [Photoshop]

Saturday 20 August 0:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Inanimate Objects That Have Been Swallowed By Snakes

Saturday 20 August 0:00:00 UTC 2016

Most serpents are not what you’d call discerning diners. [Link]

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