Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Bar to patrons: Stop playing Candy Crush and drink your beer [Interesting]

Sunday 31 July 23:49:59 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » You know the presidential election has gotten weird when a dead gorilla is polling at 5% of the vote [Murica]

Sunday 31 July 22:17:42 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Baby giraffe born in Cincinnati Zoo. That is one tall baby [Sappy]

Sunday 31 July 21:39:42 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Homeless man denied help for lack of evidence of absence of home [Facepalm]

Sunday 31 July 21:06:52 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this tree that's like something out of a Robert Frost poem [Photoshop]

Sunday 31 July 20:00:01 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Trash service stops until further notice in Flint, MI. Residents now watching Mad Max and longing for such a utopia [Sick]

Sunday 31 July 19:51:51 UTC 2016

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Mental Floss » 10 Things We Learned From the 'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child' Script

Sunday 31 July 19:30:00 UTC 2016

Can't make it to London to see the show, but curious to find out a bit about it? We've got you covered. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Naked, breaking and entering and drinking a pina colada mix is no way to go through life, son [Strange]

Sunday 31 July 18:29:48 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » crazyattracts says FML

Sunday 31 July 18:29:09 UTC 2016

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Hutchie931 says FML

Sunday 31 July 18:29:05 UTC 2016

Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meanwhile, let's see how ISIS is doing in Iraq these days….oh, wow…that certainly did not end the way they intended [Fail]

Sunday 31 July 18:25:18 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Why people think potheads are lazy. I'd write a joke for this headline, but…dude [Obvious]

Sunday 31 July 18:10:49 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » It's like rain on your wedding day [Sad]

Sunday 31 July 17:55:51 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Paraguay police raided drug lord's cell after learning he was planning to escape by blowing a hole in prison wall. Discover he was only building an extension [Awkward]

Sunday 31 July 17:54:02 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » sad_unicorn says FML

Sunday 31 July 17:51:38 UTC 2016

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML [Link]

FMyLife » 🙁 says FML

Sunday 31 July 17:18:39 UTC 2016

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Mapping an Imaginary World

Sunday 31 July 16:30:00 UTC 2016

Jerry Gretzinger has been drawing a giant map for more than 50 years. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you happened to have seen a missing AN-32 military plane recently, the Indian Air Force would love to hear from you [Strange]

Sunday 31 July 16:22:18 UTC 2016

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Mental Floss » The Week's Best Amazon Deals You Can Still Get

Sunday 31 July 15:30:00 UTC 2016

As a recurring feature, we share some amazing Amazon deals we’ve turned up. These items were the ones that were the most popular with our readers this week, and they’re still available. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently, people in Canada still think the "travelling gnome prank" is funny [Silly]

Sunday 31 July 15:20:02 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » It takes a good guy with a water jet pack to stop a bad boat with a fire [Spiffy]

Sunday 31 July 15:17:02 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » Ex-Employee says FML

Sunday 31 July 15:14:00 UTC 2016

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Amsterdam building world's largest bonfire [Spiffy]

Sunday 31 July 14:53:02 UTC 2016

[link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The fact that scores of pet owners were duped by a fake app that promised to provide on-demand dog-poo pickup for a monthly fee shows how lazy we've become as a society [Sad]

Sunday 31 July 14:31:03 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » The New York Times Ivy League Upper-Class Twit Wedding Section attempts to justify its existence [Unlikely]

Sunday 31 July 14:27:02 UTC 2016

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Weird Universe » More Site Woes

Sunday 31 July 14:22:40 UTC 2016

As part of the ongoing site upgrade and maintenance we've been doing lately, we moved the site on Saturday night to a shiny, fast, new server. This inadvertently caused a cascade of problems. First, it took the site offline entirely until about mid-day Sunday. Then a whole bunch of settings got reset to default values. As a result, no one … [Link]

Weird Universe » Name That List, #32

Sunday 31 July 14:22:39 UTC 2016

What is this a list of? The answer is below in extended.

5 American flags 2 golf balls 12 pairs of boots 96 bags of urine, feces, and vomit Several improvised javelins Insulating blankets Used wet wipes A feather from Baggin, the Air Force Academy's mascot falcon A small silicon disk bearing goodwill messages from 73 world leaders A cast … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A guy kicks his 8 year porn addiction, takes up fishing. Subby says: only 8? Pffft, amateur [Awkward]

Sunday 31 July 13:46:59 UTC 2016

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Overheard In The Office » I Suggest You Never Go There, Ajay

Sunday 31 July 13:39:38 UTC 2016

Guy: "south america is like a cleaner, richer, nicer version of india"
Indian coworker: … Sunshine Suites NoHo [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this headless baseman [Photoshop]

Sunday 31 July 13:00:01 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Archaic Technology Chicanery [CSB]

Sunday 31 July 13:00:00 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » That feeling you get after criticizing the fire marshal in public, then having to get rescued from a stuck elevator by the same fire department [Facepalm]

Sunday 31 July 12:48:02 UTC 2016

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Mental Floss » Philae the Comet Lander Sleeps Forever

Sunday 31 July 12:30:00 UTC 2016

Earlier this week, the European Space Agency switched off radio communications with the plucky spacecraft, whose landing on the comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko captivated the world. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French Muslims refuse to bury terrorist who killed priest [Hero]

Sunday 31 July 12:27:16 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Skydiver who wanted to jump 25,000 feet without a parachute gets net. All net [Followup]

Sunday 31 July 12:14:14 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Diligent police follow up on 911 hang-up call. Unfortunately, they were given the wrong address, so they diligently shoot the guy multiple times [Asinine]

Sunday 31 July 11:15:08 UTC 2016

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Mental Floss » High Temperatures in Upstate New York Cause Manure Pile to Spontaneously Combust

Sunday 31 July 10:30:00 UTC 2016

Firefighters spent two hours extinguishing the blaze after townspeople complained about the smell. [Link]

FMyLife » taroschain says FML

Sunday 31 July 10:19:02 UTC 2016

Today I realized I got more birthday wishes from people checking my ID for alcohol purchases than from friends. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Scopitones

Sunday 31 July 9:34:00 UTC 2016

Full story here.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Active shooter downtown Austin. Police telling people to stay out of downtown. Here we go again [News]

Sunday 31 July 8:32:34 UTC 2016

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Mental Floss » 45 Years Ago Today, Astronauts Drove on the Moon

Sunday 31 July 8:30:00 UTC 2016

The lunar rover topped out at 8 mph. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hitler didn't kill Hitler and was not as good a guy as you thought [Obvious]

Sunday 31 July 8:09:36 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 July 7:50:50 UTC 2016

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Stylish Shirts Change Color When Exposed to Pollutants

Sunday 31 July 6:30:00 UTC 2016

This new twist on a '90s trend will help you become more aware of your environment. [Link]

Futility Closet » Love Maps

Sunday 31 July 6:16:47 UTC 2016

Here’s why your relationships keep falling apart — finding the right course is almost impossible. The French noblewoman Madeleine de Scudéry devised this map of the “Land of Tenderness” in 1653, for her romance Clelia. A couple starting at New Friendship, at the bottom, can take any of four roads. Two of them stay safely near the River of Inclination: … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 July 6:15:45 UTC 2016

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Netflix goes down for several hours. Somehow, the world survives [Scary]

Sunday 31 July 5:42:14 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Turkey's President Erdogan has some more brilliant post-coup "reform" ideas, like shutting down all military academies, cutting the size of the police and military forces, and giving him personal control of the military and spy agencies [

Sunday 31 July 5:30:17 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of eclectic music hosted live by a farker (9PM AKDT/10PM PT) [Live]

Sunday 31 July 4:57:19 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » Checkpoint96 says FML

Sunday 31 July 4:55:46 UTC 2016

Today, it's the fourth day in a row that I've been kept awake by my grandmother's snoring. I want to be pissed off, but she has sleep apnea, and I feel guilty for even wanting her to shut the hell up. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Keep Track of What Books You've Read With This Scratch Off Poster

Sunday 31 July 4:30:00 UTC 2016

Can you get through all 100 books? [Link]

Mental Floss » The Most Presumptuous Campaign Song in History?

Sunday 31 July 2:30:00 UTC 2016

“I Will Always Love You” is an undoubtedly beautiful song, but is it appropriate for a political campaign? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The drunken car crash was bad enough, but the resulting bee attack made things worse [Scary]

Sunday 31 July 2:12:24 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Store has to recall its own brand of fruit and peanut yogurt because it has no warning label stating that it contains peanuts [Facepalm]

Sunday 31 July 1:38:23 UTC 2016

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Fark.com RSS » Mercedes is arguing that you can say anything you want about a car in a commercial as long as the fine print says the truth. Expect the 2018 E-Class to be able to fly, go underwater, and shoot missiles [Asinine]

Sunday 31 July 1:31:23 UTC 2016

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FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 31 July 1:18:48 UTC 2016

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Corrections officials in Louisville, KY arrest a woman. Woman has no pants on when arrested. The woman has no pants on when she finally appears in court 3 days later. The female judge is not amused, apologizes to the woman, and then goes headhunting

Sunday 31 July 1:18:24 UTC 2016

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John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons