John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » The Branch Dildonian road show headed to Las Vegas, featuring refusals to enter pleas, offering a pocket constitution to the prosecutors, and Ammon's Oregon lawyer getting thrown out of court for using a cell phone [Dumbass]

Saturday 16 April 22:54:21 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [208 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Pre-Show Rituals of 8 Famous Comedians

Saturday 16 April 22:30:00 UTC 2016

There's nothing funny about the need for silence, sugar-free Red Bull, or some Parliament Funkadelic. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Convicted sex offender dentist wants to work at Family Dentistry practice. And why not, since Missouri was kind enough to renew his license while he was in prison [Sick]

Saturday 16 April 21:26:26 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dropping oil prices have helped return North Dakota to its previous state of being a desolate wasteland devoid of civilization, habitable land, or hope for the future. Raider and deathclaw attacks are said to be on the rise as well [Interesting]

Saturday 16 April 21:02:56 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bing Crosby's Rancho Mirage estate complete with 6700 sq ft cottage is up for sale. If you had $5million, you'd be signing the papers right now [Cool]

Saturday 16 April 20:37:02 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Some of Yellowstone's Grizzlies Play in a 'Bear Bathtub'

Saturday 16 April 20:30:00 UTC 2016

Hidden cameras caught all of the adorable action. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this public stunt [Photoshop]

Saturday 16 April 20:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Fair Enough

Saturday 16 April 19:09:11 UTC 2016

Image: Wikimedia Commons Joseph Grinnell’s Game Birds of California (1918) notes that the avocet is known as the lawyer bird because of “its long bill and its oft-repeated vociferations.” Please support Futility Closet on Patreon! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Day of the Walking Red [Giggity]

Saturday 16 April 19:08:36 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [100 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Bloody Nose says FML

Saturday 16 April 19:06:20 UTC 2016

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML [Link]

FMyLife » parentalnightmare says FML

Saturday 16 April 19:06:19 UTC 2016

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Venezuela hopes to avert a massive energy crisis by setting their clocks forward half an hour [Strange]

Saturday 16 April 19:05:22 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good luck with that [Facepalm]

Saturday 16 April 18:18:23 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That sweet deal that you got on your new house may be because it used to be a meth lab, which the seller didn't tell you about. Enjoy spending $30k to clean it up [Scary]

Saturday 16 April 18:02:30 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [90 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newspaper reporter rated the worst job in America. Just think how the reporter covering THAT story must have felt [Fail]

Saturday 16 April 17:45:28 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As much as I hate variations on already perfect foods, I think I know what I'm making this weekend to go with beer and playoffs [Spiffy]

Saturday 16 April 17:30:23 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After polluting your body by smoking all that crap and drinking all those cold ones last night rejoice in the fact that once again pouring yourself a warm one of coffee will redeem your self-worth in life [Interesting]

Saturday 16 April 17:25:08 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Few People Die From Lightning Strikes These Days. Why?

Saturday 16 April 16:30:00 UTC 2016

It’s more complicated than any one cause, but there are at least three major factors at play. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently spring has not come for Colorado, as they may be getting up to four feet of snow in this mid-April storm [Scary]

Saturday 16 April 16:07:02 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [124 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: Piñata for adults – with candy and tiny bottles of liquor. Just in time for Cinco de Mayo. This totally makes up for all the birthdays that my mom couldn't find a piñata like they had on Sesame Street. (Sponsored

Saturday 16 April 15:30:34 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [6 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Best Amazon Deals We Could Find Today, April 16

Saturday 16 April 15:30:00 UTC 2016

As a recurring feature, our team combs the Web and shares some amazing Amazon deals we’ve turned up. Here’s what caught our eye today, April 16. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Proving that he belongs in law school, 68-year-old man sues UConn, the only school of the 11 he applied to that rejected him [Interesting]

Saturday 16 April 15:20:51 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » UC Berkeley student whose family fled Iraq in 2002 after his diplomat father was killed on orders from Saddam Hussein for being pro-American was kicked off a flight for saying "God willing" in Arabic [Murica]

Saturday 16 April 15:07:51 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [353 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pennsylvania set to become the 24th state to legalize medical marijuana on Sunday. And because this is Pennsylvania, no, you can't smoke it [Spiffy]

Saturday 16 April 15:03:05 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida man attempts to get to Bermuda by hamster wheel. Bermuda Triangle comments, "c'mon guys, you're making this too easy" [Strange]

Saturday 16 April 14:57:05 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cougar caught prowling through LA high school. Nice [Giggity]

Saturday 16 April 14:44:54 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [42 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » mute says FML

Saturday 16 April 14:38:24 UTC 2016

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 16 April 14:38:23 UTC 2016

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Royal Facts About ‘Coming to America’

Saturday 16 April 14:30:00 UTC 2016

Eddie Murphy’s hilarious performance(s) turned a silly little film into a certified comedy classic. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your own EVIL lair on a private Scottish island with a helipad for launching your evilness on the world for only €1.2million. Take my MUHAHAHAHA gazillians [Cool]

Saturday 16 April 14:14:52 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Can’t Wait ‘Til He Puts on the Darth Vader Mask and Tells the Baby He’s Her Father

Saturday 16 April 13:50:24 UTC 2016

Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during … [Link]

Weird Universe » Cabbage Walking

Saturday 16 April 13:45:49 UTC 2016

Vice.com reports that artists in Kashmir have started walking cabbages (and other vegetables) on a leash, as a way to protest the ongoing military conflict over the region. One artist explains: "What I wanted to do basically is juxtapose the absurdity of this performance with what was happening around—the structures of violence that I was seeing around me."

These Kashmir … [Link]

Mental Floss » Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Lifelong Obsession with Sherlock Holmes

Saturday 16 April 13:30:00 UTC 2016

Happy birthday to the Sherlock superfan! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Vodka doesn't necessarily make bad cocktails, but every bad cocktail has vodka in it" [Obvious]

Saturday 16 April 13:08:34 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [192 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this natural development [Photoshop]

Saturday 16 April 13:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And at 26 years and 21 days, Tammy the cat has seen more than 1352 Caturdays and she is not ready to stop counting yet either [Caturday]

Saturday 16 April 12:00:18 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [790 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Exchanging Greetings and Introductions

Saturday 16 April 11:29:33 UTC 2016

[Link]

Mental Floss » What’s With the Sea Monsters on Old Maps?

Saturday 16 April 10:30:00 UTC 2016

The world was a scary place in the Middle Ages. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know you love Taco Bell when your senior photo is a picture of you lying next to a Doritos Locos tacos on some train tracks while surrounded by hot sauce packets. "I go there, like, every week" [Silly]

Saturday 16 April 9:21:32 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 'Koyaanisqatsi' Trailer Recreated Using Stock Footage

Saturday 16 April 8:53:11 UTC 2016

What was revolutionary in 1983 is now common in stock footage. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Being a cop is hard. If it's not the bad guys going after you, it's the swans [Florida]

Saturday 16 April 8:52:32 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know what pairs really well with popcorn? Coffee [Scary]

Saturday 16 April 8:33:00 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [30 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Squawkward

Saturday 16 April 7:48:39 UTC 2016

clarinet,How People View Me,SpongeBob SquarePants,squidward Graph by: tim95f Tagged: clarinet , How People View Me , SpongeBob SquarePants , squidward Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Pshhh, Reporting Bugs

Saturday 16 April 7:48:33 UTC 2016

best of week beta tester bugs glitch Pie Chart - 5411083776 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: best of week , beta tester , bugs , glitch , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 16 April 7:48:16 UTC 2016

Pie Chart scary startled toast - 3924139008 Graph by: Hintfo Tagged: Pie Chart , scary , startled , toast Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 16 April 7:48:05 UTC 2016

absolutes Be Yourself disney Follow Your Dreams geeks nerds Pie Chart revenge - 4085213184 Graph by: Coldmist Tagged: absolutes , Be Yourself , disney , Follow Your Dreams , geeks , nerds , Pie Chart , revenge Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » Film Chronicles the End of an Era for a New York Matzo Factory

Saturday 16 April 7:00:00 UTC 2016

Streit's churned out matzos on the Lower East Side for the better part of a century—now it's gone. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How do you save America's endangered black-footed ferrets? Obviously, it involves deploying UAVs to carpet-bomb Montana prairie dog colonies with peanut butter-flavored plague vaccine bomlets [Strange]

Saturday 16 April 6:20:00 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » “The Pythagorean Curiosity”

Saturday 16 April 6:13:30 UTC 2016

Here’s the item I mentioned in Episode 99 of the podcast — New York City engineer John Waterhouse published it in July 1899. It’s not a proof of the Pythagorean theorem, as I’d thought, but rather a related curiosity. It made a splash at the time — the Proceedings of the American Society of Civil Engineers said it “interested instructors … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Palm Beach Zoo has an immediate opening for tiger keeper [Florida]

Saturday 16 April 5:03:00 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Camera Lens From Apollo 15 Up For Auction

Saturday 16 April 5:00:00 UTC 2016

The rare 500mm lens, worth an estimated $600,000, was used to take 293 photos of the Moon and space. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Michigan county discovers it can make good money off overdue library books [Asinine]

Saturday 16 April 4:03:12 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Russians Capture Trabzon

Saturday 16 April 4:00:00 UTC 2016

Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 232nd installment in the series. APRIL 15, 1916: RUSSIANS CAPTURE TRABZON While Russia’s main spring offensive on the Eastern Front failed at the Battle of Lake Naroch from March 18-30, 1916, Russian arms won great victories further afield in the opening months … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Smoking kills. Vaping blinds [Scary]

Saturday 16 April 3:47:13 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tried to kill yourself? That will be $155 fine [Weird]

Saturday 16 April 3:36:00 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Research Shows Smokers Have a Harder Time Finding Jobs

Saturday 16 April 3:30:00 UTC 2016

They also get paid less than nonsmokers. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » People who live in glass house want $3.99 million for it [Interesting]

Saturday 16 April 3:17:21 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [36 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 16 April 3:16:57 UTC 2016

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Animated Facts About Pixar

Saturday 16 April 3:15:00 UTC 2016

The beloved animation company just celebrated its 30th anniversary. [Link]

Mental Floss » Learn What Makes a Photograph 'Art' with The MoMA's New Photography Course

Saturday 16 April 3:00:00 UTC 2016

The self-guided class is free, and available online. [Link]

FMyLife » never dip the wick in crazy says FML

Saturday 16 April 2:30:10 UTC 2016

Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FedEx worker in Memphis falls asleep while loading plane, ends up in Lubbock, Texas [Amusing]

Saturday 16 April 2:10:54 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Want to Sell Your Home For More Cash? Consider a Farmhouse Sink

Saturday 16 April 2:00:00 UTC 2016

A new report by real estate database Zillow confirms that the rustic look is here to stay—at least for now. [Link]

Mental Floss » Time for Some Mental Hygiene: It's the mental_floss Weekly Puzzle

Saturday 16 April 1:45:05 UTC 2016

Cat videos are cool and all, but the next time you’re in need of a mid-day pick-me-up, consider something slightly more stimulating: our weekly brain teaser, created by the late, great mathematician and puzzle master Martin Gardner. This week, it’s up to you to solve Lord Dunsany's chess problem. LORD DUNSANY'S CHESS PROBLEM Admirers of the Irish writer Lord Dunsany … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 16 April 1:26:30 UTC 2016

Today, I finally had to accept that I have feelings for a very cute and funny guy. It wouldn't be so bad if he weren't my brother. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Philly porcupine fathers two ugly-ass porcupettes with two different baby mamas, can't be bothered to name them (w/ pics & vid) [Obvious]

Saturday 16 April 1:22:14 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A pizza box that turns into a pot pipe? What a country [Cool]

Saturday 16 April 1:10:06 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do you have any driving superstitions? Subby will always only run 2 yellow lights and then will stop at the third [Silly]

Saturday 16 April 1:05:20 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [142 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch the Very Valuable Story of the Number Zero

Saturday 16 April 1:00:00 UTC 2016

How zero went from nothing to something. [Link]

FMyLife » pissedandpoor says FML

Saturday 16 April 0:53:50 UTC 2016

Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 16 April 0:53:49 UTC 2016

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Things You Should Know About the Adirondacks

Saturday 16 April 0:45:00 UTC 2016

New York’s mightiest mountains are as historic as they are breathtaking: The Adirondacks have seen Olympic glory, resurging wildlife, and the sudden dawn of a presidency. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » They don't have a huge rat problem in London, they have a super-sized huge rat problem which grows by the day because of cannibalism [Scary]

Saturday 16 April 0:44:10 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tesla Model X windshield causes double vision, playing head games with drivers and making them hot blooded [Misc]

Saturday 16 April 0:30:55 UTC 2016

Misc [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FDA to allow you to frolic in acid to prevent birth defects . . . wait allow folic acid? Never mind [Misc]

Saturday 16 April 0:17:18 UTC 2016

Misc [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Yo quiero black tar heroin [Amusing]

Saturday 16 April 0:13:08 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this dude standing [Photoshop]

Saturday 16 April 0:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Flat Water Bottle Fits Comfortably Inside Your Bag

Saturday 16 April 0:00:00 UTC 2016

The reusable, BPA-free plastic drinking vessel is flat like a piece of paper. [Link]

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