John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 9 April 23:38:26 UTC 2016

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML [Link]

FMyLife » GreenShelves says FML

Saturday 9 April 23:38:25 UTC 2016

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML [Link]

FMyLife » John_Elvis says FML

Saturday 9 April 23:38:24 UTC 2016

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two ugly-ass white tiger cubs are born at theme park. Welcome to Earth, Titan and Apollo [Spiffy]

Saturday 9 April 23:29:18 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Young woman punched in the face for no apparent reason by man in the park. With helpful picture of the park in the early 1930s [Scary]

Saturday 9 April 23:08:18 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 1,200 participants successfully break world record in a game of 'human mattress dominoes.' Yes, there is a video [Silly]

Saturday 9 April 23:02:47 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » One-week-old ugly-ass tiger cubs make their debut at Chinese zoo [Sappy]

Saturday 9 April 22:47:47 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Intense Facts About ‘Hostel’

Saturday 9 April 22:30:00 UTC 2016

Eli Roth’s intense horror film, which helped revitalize the “torture porn” genre, was a commercial success. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You may think you're a badass, but are you a 70-year-old, cane-wielding, chased-off-a-robber at-Waffle-House badass? [Hero]

Saturday 9 April 22:25:37 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » School children launched a stuffed animal into space. It's basically become Sandra Bullock in 'Gravity' (Some Not safe for work images in sidebar) [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 22:18:47 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In defense of pretension [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 22:07:34 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » B-52's join the fight against ISIS, bringing a New Wave in the allied offense [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 21:51:47 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [134 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Houston, we have a problem [Scary]

Saturday 9 April 21:43:07 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know who else liked to seize territory? [Ironic]

Saturday 9 April 21:42:52 UTC 2016

Ironic [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Starbucks barista offends customer with accurate prediction [Amusing]

Saturday 9 April 20:53:47 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » You Can Eat Avocado Seeds (But It’s Unclear Whether You Should)

Saturday 9 April 20:30:00 UTC 2016

Avocado seeds are getting a lot of attention these days, but are they actually worth the trouble? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Challenge: Get jiggy with this puzzle piece [Photoshop]

Saturday 9 April 20:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 4-year-old saved his mom's life by unlocking her cellphone and calling for help, is now planning to put Kindergarten on hold while he considers offers made by both Apple and the FBI [Spiffy]

Saturday 9 April 19:58:22 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Facebook campaign underway to get female tourists to take off their clothes and post pictures of it [Giggity]

Saturday 9 April 19:29:18 UTC 2016

Giggity [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I was wondering if I'd be able to get a pic of that plane landing when suddenly it hit me [Dumbass]

Saturday 9 April 19:07:47 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stop me if you have heard this one before. Apple and the Justice Department are locked in a battle over unlocking an iPhone [Facepalm]

Saturday 9 April 19:02:45 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [60 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 9 April 18:46:42 UTC 2016

Today, while hiking alone for the first time, I had to take a leak. I ended up wiping with what turned out to be a poison ivy leaf. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Overweight dog loses half his body weight. Goes from chunky to hunky [Spiffy]

Saturday 9 April 18:08:20 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I'm scared on top of this utility pole. I'm going to puma pants" [Strange]

Saturday 9 April 17:47:18 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Store Daily Deal: iSafe Drive 64GB. Thumb drive for backing up your iPhone and expanding your iPhone storage. I need this yesterday. (Sponsored Link) [Plug]

Saturday 9 April 17:32:51 UTC 2016

Plug [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sorry, Crocodile Dundee, but if you want a REAL knife, you have to come to Texas [Amusing]

Saturday 9 April 16:31:24 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Skin-Sensitive Camisole Was Designed for Breast Cancer Patients

Saturday 9 April 16:30:00 UTC 2016

Radiation oncologist Katie Deming was determined to make radiation treatment less painful for breast cancer patients. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Use the forms, Luke [Silly]

Saturday 9 April 16:12:49 UTC 2016

Silly [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want to cut your risk for diabetes or obesity? Simple: drink the good stuff, not that 2%, 1%, or (god forbid) skim crap [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 15:51:23 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [146 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Best Amazon Deals We Could Find Today, April 9

Saturday 9 April 15:49:53 UTC 2016

As a recurring feature, our team combs the Web and shares some amazing Amazon deals we’ve turned up. Here’s what caught our eye today, April 9. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know that Facebook post that claims you can pay your income taxes in cash at the nearest 7-Eleven? Yeah, about that…wait, you mean it's true? Really? [Strange]

Saturday 9 April 15:21:23 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Oh hi, thanks for using our sperm bank to conceive your child. Turns out that donor wasn't the PhD candidate we advertised, he was a career criminal with schizophrenia. We good? Kthxbye" [Followup]

Saturday 9 April 15:15:25 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Fib-Free Facts About 'Pinocchio'

Saturday 9 April 15:00:00 UTC 2016

Earlier incarnations of the beloved marionette had him cracking wise, and getting handsy with the Blue Fairy. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're drinking and driving, just go home and sleep it off. Don't set up a fake DUI checkpoint along the highway [Dumbass]

Saturday 9 April 14:45:24 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Tractor Flees Burning Barn

Saturday 9 April 14:08:04 UTC 2016

Several years ago we got to hear Paul talk about the theory of resistentialism — this being the theory that inanimate objects can display spiteful behavior toward people.

This 1970 story seems to be related to that concept, as it demonstrates another form of purposeful behavior exhibited by an inanimate object — in this case, a will to survive.

The Louisville … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Wanna Borrow the Kneepads in My Desk?

Saturday 9 April 13:53:24 UTC 2016

Owner: Have you proposed to her yet? When are you gonna propose to that girl? You're not getting a bonus, a raise, or a review until you get down on your knees.
Employee: (smirks)
Owner: For her! Rogers, Arkansas [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Italian foodies unimpressed by inflammatory French video demonstrating one-pot recipe for pasta alla carbonara with creme fraiche and onion. "We're open to all kinds of variations on the carbonara, but this goes too far…désolé&#34

Saturday 9 April 13:50:49 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [70 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » minissaussette says FML

Saturday 9 April 13:48:59 UTC 2016

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anon says FML

Saturday 9 April 13:48:58 UTC 2016

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Colorado's proposed universal healthcare organization would rank 80th on the Fortune 500 list if it were a private company. Revenues would surpass state budget by over $16 billion [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 13:36:24 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The USPS is adjusting the postal rate yet again … downward? Wait, what? [Weird]

Saturday 9 April 13:25:49 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Flying a Trump flag in front of your home in New Jersey? Yeah, that's a jailing [Asinine]

Saturday 9 April 13:17:50 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this buffalo soldier [Photoshop]

Saturday 9 April 13:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Because it's not everyday that a kitty jumps straight into your van engine as you're going down a busy London street, let's give a hats-off to this fire brigade for rescuing this frightened little guy in just three hours after ripping the

Saturday 9 April 12:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [481 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Adjust the Lighting of These Portraits By Moving Your Cursor

Saturday 9 April 11:21:37 UTC 2016

This art project from Microsoft brings still photos to life. [Link]

Mental Floss » Learn to Make a Paper Airplane With a World Record Holder

Saturday 9 April 10:30:00 UTC 2016

“The paper airplane you folded in middle school—horrible design.” Ouch, John Collins. [Link]

GraphJam » What I'm Looking Forward to the Most In HP-DH Pt. 2

Saturday 9 April 10:03:21 UTC 2016

Graph by: abkneal Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Blackest of Fridays

Saturday 9 April 10:02:52 UTC 2016

black black friday FRIDAY infographic shopping Graph by: (via Brads Deals) Tagged: black , black friday , FRIDAY , infographic , shopping Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Obvi

Saturday 9 April 10:02:40 UTC 2016

Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: Line Graph , math , nerd , proof Share on Facebook [Link]

Weird Universe » Hat Styles From the Kitchen

Saturday 9 April 9:41:25 UTC 2016

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » VP of Jet Pack International critically injured after falling 10 feet during demo at Go Fast energy drink company [Scary]

Saturday 9 April 8:47:25 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Marbles Race (With Pro Commentary)

Saturday 9 April 8:30:00 UTC 2016

Watching marbles "race" is surprisingly exciting. [Link]

FMyLife » piss off says FML

Saturday 9 April 6:35:36 UTC 2016

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML [Link]

Mental Floss » In Honor of Obscura Day, Get Off the Couch and Explore

Saturday 9 April 6:30:00 UTC 2016

Why not visit an underground cave, historic cemetery, or troll museum? [Link]

Futility Closet » Moving Constants

Saturday 9 April 6:29:25 UTC 2016

If you mark two points on a circle, A and B, and a third point T, then angle ATB remains constant as T moves along the segment between A and B. (If you mark a point S in the circle’s other segment then you get another constant angle, ASB, and ASB = 180 – ATB.) If two circles intersect at … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 9 April 6:13:47 UTC 2016

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 9 April 5:31:48 UTC 2016

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML [Link]

The Onion » Clinton Campaign Treasurer Crushed To Death After Stack Of Campaign Funds Topples Over

Saturday 9 April 5:30:00 UTC 2016

NEW YORK—Confirming the accident occurred while transferring a new load of cash into Hillary Clinton’s campaign finance warehouse, sources reported that Hillary for America treasurer Jose Villarreal was crushed to death Friday after a stack of campaign funds toppled over onto him. “We are deeply saddened to report that our friend and colleague Jose Villarreal was killed instantly this morning … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Need to cure your sugar addiction? Take up smoking [PSA]

Saturday 9 April 5:23:00 UTC 2016

PSA [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch This Flamethrower Set the Sky Ablaze in 4K Slow Motion

Saturday 9 April 4:30:00 UTC 2016

YouTube's The Slow Mo Guys take on 50-foot walls of fire. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NC congressman thinks the person standing up for gay people is a bully, rather than the people passing anti-LGBT laws [Followup]

Saturday 9 April 4:22:00 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [386 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Some 'Simpsons' Fans Are Petitioning to Make Lisa a Vegan

Saturday 9 April 4:00:00 UTC 2016

The beloved character's vegetarian lifestyle just isn't enough for some people. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Japan invents the salad cake: all the spongy texture of a cake, all the great flavor and vegetable-based nutrition of a salad. We shall call it….sake! No wait [Weird]

Saturday 9 April 3:37:28 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Former Navy SEAL who killed bin Laden never has to buy a drink again…but he does have to face the consequences for DUI [Dumbass]

Saturday 9 April 3:35:15 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Red Deer Likely Got a Boat Ride to the Scottish Isles 5000 Years Ago

Saturday 9 April 3:30:00 UTC 2016

Neolithic humans may have transported the red deer from central Europe, which would make them far better seafarers than previously believed. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Castaways learn a valuable lesson because they'd watched Gilligan's Island all those years ago [Hero]

Saturday 9 April 3:00:31 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Mother-Daughter Team Makes Impossibly Intricate Cookie Masterpieces

Saturday 9 April 3:00:00 UTC 2016

So detailed they hardly look real. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In annual tradition, over 100 Tokyo cherry blossom viewers rushed to hospital for acute alcohol intoxication [Obvious]

Saturday 9 April 2:55:26 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New sign for Civil War veterans buried in Billings cemetery. Personally I think displaying the sign would have been a better choice [Cool]

Saturday 9 April 2:49:39 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » THIS is how you Sonic [Strange]

Saturday 9 April 2:37:36 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [39 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » can you read? says FML

Saturday 9 April 2:30:59 UTC 2016

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Belle says FML

Saturday 9 April 2:30:58 UTC 2016

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » These Biodegradable Water Bottles Are Made From Algae

Saturday 9 April 2:30:00 UTC 2016

This is one disposable bottle you wouldn't have to feel guilty about using. [Link]

Mental Floss » Take a 360-Degree Virtual Look Inside India's Golden Temple

Saturday 9 April 2:00:00 UTC 2016

This interactive video places you in the middle of the important religious site. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cost of liver disease medication jumps from $400 a month to $40,000 a month. Martin Shkreli unavailable for comment [Sick]

Saturday 9 April 1:36:11 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This App-Controlled Couch May Be the Ultimate Piece of Customizable Furniture

Saturday 9 April 1:30:00 UTC 2016

The Lift-Bit is a piece of customizable furniture whose only limits are your imagination. [Link]

Mental Floss » Dumb, Nosy People Plug in Random Found USB Drives, Study Shows

Saturday 9 April 1:00:00 UTC 2016

A new study sheds light on how often people risk their cybersecurity for the sake of altruism (or curiosity). [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Buzzfeed is now officially the Gallagher of news media [Stupid]

Saturday 9 April 0:45:29 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » New Study Suggests That Retail Therapy Is Real—If You Buy the Right Things

Saturday 9 April 0:30:00 UTC 2016

Money may be able to buy happiness after all. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Falcon has landed [Cool]

Saturday 9 April 0:15:20 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [108 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Archbishop of Canterbury learns he is a bastard [Interesting]

Saturday 9 April 0:07:25 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this blackhawk [Photoshop]

Saturday 9 April 0:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Enter a Competition to Spend a Night in Hamlet's Castle

Saturday 9 April 0:00:00 UTC 2016

Royal ghosts and revenge plots not included. [Link]

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