John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » FML says FML

Saturday 13 February 23:55:58 UTC 2016

Today, I had to take a coworker aside and awkwardly let him know he had a dried cum stain down the back of his shirt. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 13 February 23:55:57 UTC 2016

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kinky couple calls police for help because they lost their handcuff key. Police arrive, present outstanding warrant for husband, and thank them for thoughtfully pre-handcuffing him [Amusing]

Saturday 13 February 23:23:16 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When being watched by the police it might be a good idea to leave your 1.5 lbs of heroin, $20,000 cash and guns at home [Florida]

Saturday 13 February 23:06:16 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Audit finds pretty much every traffic court in Missouri is a cesspool of corruption and rights violations [Obvious]

Saturday 13 February 23:04:16 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Surprising Facts About Your Favorite Romantic Comedies

Saturday 13 February 23:00:00 UTC 2016

This Valentine’s Day, know your rom-coms. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scalia dies on Texas hunting trip. Dick Cheney's current whereabouts unknown [NewsFlash]

Saturday 13 February 22:21:51 UTC 2016

NewsFlash [link] [1629 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman beats husband after discovering he planned to attempt an armed takeover of a federal wildlife sanctuary [Florida]

Saturday 13 February 22:06:33 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Rock Steady

Saturday 13 February 21:38:24 UTC 2016

If we’re given 32 stones, each a different weight, how can we find both the heaviest and the second heaviest stone in 35 weighings with an equal-arm balance? Click for solution … Please support Futility Closet on Patreon! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » At least 50 vehicles reported involved in crash on ice-covered I-78, with multiple fatalities [Scary]

Saturday 13 February 21:31:12 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Strange lights in the sky weren't actually a UFO, they were just a man flying his box kite 10,000 feet high with LED lights on its tail. Which raises the question: Where the fark can you buy a kite that can fly 10,000 feet high? [Strange]

Saturday 13 February 21:21:16 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these kids trying to get ahead [Photoshop]

Saturday 13 February 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Font Was Designed Exclusively for Coding

Saturday 13 February 21:00:00 UTC 2016

"Operator" aims to make web developing just a little easier. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CNN gives you a nice list of ways you should feel bad for paying less than $2 a gallon for gas [Obvious]

Saturday 13 February 20:33:00 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [138 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well, what's the point of having a fast car if you can't drive fast? [Asinine]

Saturday 13 February 20:20:11 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [53 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » ugh says FML

Saturday 13 February 19:40:33 UTC 2016

Today, I found out my doctor misdiagnosed my kidney stones as constipation. Now, I'm shitting like crazy from the laxatives that he gave me, and I also have to pass a kidney stone. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 13 February 19:40:32 UTC 2016

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Larger-Than-Life Facts About Texas

Saturday 13 February 19:20:39 UTC 2016

The birthplace of presidents, movie stars, folk heroes, and outlaws, here are 25 facts about the Lone Star State. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tired of cars parking in her driveway, homeowner starts blocking them in with two tons of gravel, a garden trowel and a sign reading 'Happy digging' (pics) [Amusing]

Saturday 13 February 18:57:04 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [226 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are mega yachts, there are private jets, and then there's this insane combination vehicle. It could be the next ultimate toy for billionaires [Strange]

Saturday 13 February 18:17:34 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Those 8,500 troops, 50 warships and 200 military aircraft deployed along the Ukrainian border this week? They're just there for a "military exercise", according to Russian spokesman Boris Badenov [Unlikely]

Saturday 13 February 17:57:37 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Men Who Stare at Laundry

Saturday 13 February 17:16:03 UTC 2016

The international Washing Machine Collectors Club is now 3000 members strong. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A drug dealer who took to Facebook to mock the judge who spared him jail has been ordered to return to court so his sentence can be reviewed" [Dumbass]

Saturday 13 February 17:03:01 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [157 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Brutal Cold Snap Is Freezing Much of the U.S. This Weekend

Saturday 13 February 17:00:00 UTC 2016

Low temperatures on Saturday morning will plummet to double digits below zero in the Upper Midwest, with lows on Saturday and Sunday dipping near or below zero in the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » All I ever got in a cereal box was a cheap toy [Amusing]

Saturday 13 February 16:51:24 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Whoop Whoop …Whoopin' it up at the Carnival in Rio since 1953. Debauchery I tells ya [Interesting]

Saturday 13 February 16:29:14 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » F-16 pilot discovers his plane will only take 15 minutes worth of fuel while refueling over ISIS-held territory. KC-135 Stratotanker crew says no worries, we'll keep nursing you with gas until you get home safely [Hero]

Saturday 13 February 16:07:21 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Surprising Grammy Winners

Saturday 13 February 15:44:45 UTC 2016

Kate Winslet is one Tony away from an EGOT. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are these the worst Valentine's Day photos ever? Well, surely they can't be that bad…*Scrolls* hmmm, it's bad but not that bad…*scrolls" Ok, that's pretty bad … *scrolls* OH LAWD [Scary]

Saturday 13 February 15:33:10 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rare Nazi propaganda board game that encourages German children to invade Britain and there's no possible way to lose for sale at British auction. Still a better game than Monopoly [Interesting]

Saturday 13 February 14:30:12 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [77 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 13 February 14:29:15 UTC 2016

Today, my evil mother-in-law decided to look for a house in my city. There is a house for sale across the street from mine, and it's in her price range. FML [Link]

FMyLife » SnurklesMcGee says FML

Saturday 13 February 14:29:14 UTC 2016

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » What's the Difference: Album, Record, and Song of the Year?

Saturday 13 February 14:13:07 UTC 2016

It's not quite as confusing when you break it down. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this birdwatcher [Photoshop]

Saturday 13 February 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Speed of aircraft carrier

Saturday 13 February 13:48:19 UTC 2016

Example from 1960 of the military's gift for stating the obvious.

No luck in tracking down the referenced pamphlet. Doesn't seem that the Navy saved copies of all the thousands of pamphlets it published over the years.

The Sikeston Daily Standard – June 3, 1960
Anchors Aweigh. In Washington, a U.S. Navy pamphlet titled Executive Future: Officer Candidate School in the … [Link]

Weird Universe » Dagwood Splits the Atom

Saturday 13 February 13:20:49 UTC 2016

I would not trust goofball slacker Dagwood Bumstead to split any atoms for me. But in 1948 the authorities obviously thought he was an identifiable role model for their science popularization.

I would like to see this updated for this week's news: DAGWOOD DISCOVERS GRAVITY WAVES.

See several more pages of this comic here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Man collects scrap metal, sells it, buys food. News: the food is for the 70-odd feral and homeless cats he cares for. Fark: He hasn't missed a day for over 21 years, or approximately 1,100 Caturdays [Caturday]

Saturday 13 February 13:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [567 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We lost one of our own today. RIP dolphkhan [Hero]

Saturday 13 February 12:30:00 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Cool Aerial Footage of Hundreds of Sheep Being Herded

Saturday 13 February 12:00:00 UTC 2016

Count them. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Answering the door covered in blood was a little on the creepy side, but no matter how you slice it, police also think it was a little on the patricide [Scary]

Saturday 13 February 11:52:36 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [12 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 13 February 10:55:29 UTC 2016

Today, I now know what it feels like to violently sneeze while a nurse still has a needle in your arm. FML [Link]

FMyLife » neveragain says FML

Saturday 13 February 10:55:28 UTC 2016

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 13 February 10:55:27 UTC 2016

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French nuns Awaken the Giant Within, avoid soup kitchen eviction with $25,000 check from rictus-grinning giant they've never heard of. "This is wonderful – now we don't have to be in the street" [Sappy]

Saturday 13 February 10:04:36 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Swarms of Ladybugs in Ultra HD

Saturday 13 February 10:00:00 UTC 2016

Did you know that ladybugs hibernate? [Link]

GraphJam » Why Did I Eat the Whole Thing?

Saturday 13 February 9:00:59 UTC 2016

eating,feels bad,ice cream,Pie Chart Graph by: KemitTheFrog Tagged: eating , feels bad , ice cream , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Replotted: When Do They Learn Tackle Again?

Saturday 13 February 9:00:40 UTC 2016

When Do They Learn Tackle Again? Graph by: jackglaser Tagged: Bar Graph , magikarp , Pokémon , replotted , splash , toliet Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » And It All Magically Turns To Lint

Saturday 13 February 9:00:37 UTC 2016

Washing My Clothes Graph by: rx8ball Tagged: clothes , dryer , ipod , lint , Pie Chart , pockets , receipts , washer Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Hank Azaria Is the Man!

Saturday 13 February 9:00:30 UTC 2016

infographic simpsons television voices - 4678825472 Er, the men? Graph by: (via i.imgur.com) Tagged: infographic , simpsons , television , voices Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » The Drink That Comes With a Human Toe

Saturday 13 February 8:00:00 UTC 2016

"You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow—but the lips have gotta touch the toe." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Armed robber tries to steal expensive shoes. Victim disarms the robber. Also unarms him [Sick]

Saturday 13 February 7:22:00 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [267 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hai skool seenyers upset they're righting scors ar low on ACT evin if they kan pay $50 to git rescord [Murica]

Saturday 13 February 6:48:00 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Perspective

Saturday 13 February 6:22:56 UTC 2016

Image: Wikimedia Commons Seeing the earth from a distance has changed my perception of the solar system as well. Ever since Copernicus’ theory (that the earth was a satellite of the sun, instead of vice versa) gained wide acceptance, men have considered it an irrefutable truth; yet I submit that we still cling emotionally to the pre-Copernican, or Ptolemaic, notion that … [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Works You Can Own From Artsy’s First-Ever Street Art Auction

Saturday 13 February 6:00:00 UTC 2016

Rare works from some of the biggest names in street art. [Link]

Mental Floss » Learn How to Make an Emergency Landing With an Airplane

Saturday 13 February 5:45:00 UTC 2016

It takes just 10 minutes to learn how to land a Boeing 737. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here they are, your Bundy Militia themed Valentine's Day cards. "'Ammon' love with you, Valentine" [Amusing]

Saturday 13 February 5:31:00 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Experience ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’ in Virtual Reality

Saturday 13 February 5:30:00 UTC 2016

The delights and terrors, all displayed in immersive virtual reality. [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Verdun Attack Delayed

Saturday 13 February 5:00:00 UTC 2016

Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 224th installment in the series. February 12, 1916: Verdun Attack Delayed By early February, 1916, the German Army had amassed one of the greatest concentrations of firepower in history north of Verdun in preparation for the Fifth Army’s impending assault on the … [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch 'The Most Satisfying Video in the World'

Saturday 13 February 4:30:00 UTC 2016

The 5-minute clip is a montage of some of the most soothing online videos. [Link]

Mental Floss » Researchers Have Reconstructed an Ancient Egyptian Throne

Saturday 13 February 4:15:00 UTC 2016

Experts used computer modeling software to recreate the ornate golden chair of Queen Hetepheres, an Egyptian ruler who lived around 2550 BCE. [Link]

Mental Floss » St. Vincent Designed a Guitar to Better Fit a Woman’s Body

Saturday 13 February 4:00:00 UTC 2016

For shredders whose chests aren’t entirely flat. [Link]

Mental Floss » What is the Difference Between Album, Record, and Song of the Year?

Saturday 13 February 3:30:00 UTC 2016

It's not quite as confusing when you break it down. [Link]

Mental Floss » Infographic: The Most Common Causes of Injury Throughout the Year

Saturday 13 February 3:15:00 UTC 2016

Flowing Data has created an infographic of the 250 products most frequently associated with emergency room visits throughout the year. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The science of combining alcohol and marijuana. Wait… there's a SCIENCE? [Interesting]

Saturday 13 February 3:01:48 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [162 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » ‘Saved by the Bell’-Themed Restaurant to Open in Chicago

Saturday 13 February 3:00:00 UTC 2016

The Max, in real life. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dollar General assumes all their customers have cars built before 1988 [Strange]

Saturday 13 February 2:46:49 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [203 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Military Has Developed a Super-Quick Quadcopter That Flies at 45 MPH

Saturday 13 February 2:41:39 UTC 2016

Watch the autonomous drone speed through an obstacle course. [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Spam People via Telegram, According to a 1928 Handbook

Saturday 13 February 2:30:00 UTC 2016

In 1928, Nelson E. Ross published “How To Write Telegrams Properly,” a booklet outlining proper telegram style and explaining how to send thousands of telegrams with the same message at once. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Behold: The ultimate government worker [Facepalm]

Saturday 13 February 2:16:21 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 16 Presidential Facts From Our Instagram

Saturday 13 February 2:00:00 UTC 2016

Find out who poured popcorn on Ronald Reagan, and which President kept a raccoon in the White House. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just in time for Valentine's Day, here are nine diseases you can get from kissing [Scary]

Saturday 13 February 1:53:40 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Hundreds of Cold Manatees Huddle in a Warm Florida Refuge

Saturday 13 February 1:30:00 UTC 2016

Cool temperatures along Florida’s Gulf Coast have caused the foraging manatees to ditch chilly waters for a toasty wildlife refuge. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lonely fellow [Photoshop]

Saturday 13 February 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Scratch-And-Sniff Posters Help Mask the Smells of NYC Subways

Saturday 13 February 1:00:00 UTC 2016

This student thesis is also a gift to New York City commuters. [Link]

FMyLife » SK8WITME says FML

Saturday 13 February 0:44:10 UTC 2016

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML [Link]

FMyLife » wet dreams says FML

Saturday 13 February 0:44:09 UTC 2016

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » The Origins of Charles Darwin’s Strangest Discoveries

Saturday 13 February 0:30:00 UTC 2016

New studies revelead the identity of some of Darwin's discoveries—the descriptions of which have long baffled scientists [Link]

FMyLife » tooembarrassed says FML

Saturday 13 February 0:13:42 UTC 2016

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Facts About ‘sex, lies, and videotape’

Saturday 13 February 0:00:00 UTC 2016

Nearly 30 years later, Steven Soderbergh’s feature debut is still one of the greatest independent films of all time. [Link]

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