John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Sarlacc pit discovered in Arizona [Scary]

Saturday 6 February 23:37:33 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Albuquerque police looking for female "Zapp Brannigan" who might have a lead in a shooting investigation. A sexy lead [Weird]

Saturday 6 February 23:24:13 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So let's celebrate the Chinese new year, which is the year of the…WTF is that? [Fail]

Saturday 6 February 22:37:53 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [129 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This High School Student Has Created a Device to Help Parkinson's Patients

Saturday 6 February 22:00:00 UTC 2016

What started as a science fair project is now a Kickstarter-funded product. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marijuana shops are outlawed but a church is perfectly legal… to sell weed [Cool]

Saturday 6 February 21:41:29 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this drainage [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 February 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three held in Egypt over pyramid scheme [Ironic]

Saturday 6 February 20:41:29 UTC 2016

Ironic [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police arrest local weather forecaster for being wrong about an early spring. Jim Cantore seen whistling as he casually leaves town [Stupid]

Saturday 6 February 20:36:48 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your hooker in 30 minutes or it's free [Florida]

Saturday 6 February 20:06:50 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Things You Should Know About Rochester

Saturday 6 February 20:00:00 UTC 2016

Learn more about the Flower City. (Or is it the Flour City?) [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Podunk, USA, pre-Walmart: No, Walmart, stay away we don't want you to kill our town. Podunk, USA, post-Walmart: Walmart, Walmart please come back. We love you, Walmart, we're dying without you [Fail]

Saturday 6 February 19:37:10 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [131 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 February 19:28:14 UTC 2016

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML [Link]

FMyLife » myusofwe says FML

Saturday 6 February 19:28:13 UTC 2016

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bad: ISIS supporter in Dearborn planned to attack a church. Good: He was turned in by his own father who discovered his stash of weapons and intent [Interesting]

Saturday 6 February 19:11:30 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Walmart sues Puerto Rico over 91.5% tax rate applicable only to Walmart. Puerto Rico says you're lucky we didn't take the other 8.5% [Interesting]

Saturday 6 February 19:00:20 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [171 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're going to commit a home invasion, maybe you should wear a mask so the victim can't recognize you from his high school yearbook [Fail]

Saturday 6 February 19:00:19 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In order to prevent bad things, the FAA has ordered a no drone zone around the Super Bowl. Fark: Of 32 miles [Weird]

Saturday 6 February 19:00:18 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now EVERYBODY is claiming their body naturally produces alcohol [Followup]

Saturday 6 February 18:39:37 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Charles Darwin: "Hey kids, why not try taking your toboggan down an Olympic bobsled track? It'll be fun" [Dumbass]

Saturday 6 February 18:30:48 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [125 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Is El Niño, and Why Does It Have Such a Big Impact?

Saturday 6 February 18:00:00 UTC 2016

Everything is connected. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chicago goes crazy for paczkis in February, because Polish donuts go so well with soupy pizza [Obvious]

Saturday 6 February 17:48:51 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Art Gallery suing next-door School of Rock because of the noise those kids make with their gahl-durned electrified … air conditioner? [Asinine]

Saturday 6 February 17:24:20 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What If Rickrolling Is Just Karmic Retribution For Rick Astley Not Getting To Celebrate His One Major Award?

Saturday 6 February 16:34:23 UTC 2016

Happy 50th birthday, Rick Astley! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here is one thing that is finally kicked off her bucket list, as this 82-year-old woman found her 96-year-old birth mother after looking for decades [Sappy]

Saturday 6 February 16:23:49 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In their ongoing fascination with tiny things in Japan comes a tiny bookstore that is only large enough to stock one title at a time [Strange]

Saturday 6 February 16:14:43 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Love trapped

Saturday 6 February 15:45:30 UTC 2016

A man who died after having sex with a prostitute ended up trapped inside of her. They had to be taken to the hospital to be "de-coupled"

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian lawyer brands unlikely friendship of goat and tiger as ….*shakes magic 8 ball*…. gay propaganda [Stupid]

Saturday 6 February 15:39:49 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Magical Facts About 'Peter Pan'

Saturday 6 February 15:30:00 UTC 2016

It may be officially old enough to retire, but Walt Disney’s Peter Pan has never grown up. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sorry I can't join you on that marathon, I'm allergic to running [Spiffy]

Saturday 6 February 15:01:42 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [36 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Alex says FML

Saturday 6 February 14:44:06 UTC 2016

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML [Link]

FMyLife » ReiracsNeve says FML

Saturday 6 February 14:44:05 UTC 2016

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this dirty victory [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 February 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » North Korea is going to launch a rocket today and Japan is probably going to shoot it down. I'll be in my bunker [Awkward]

Saturday 6 February 13:01:38 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #273

Saturday 6 February 13:00:55 UTC 2016

Happy Joe Lucky was no Roger Rabbit, but he does a credible job here with Gisele MacKenzie. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A beloved cat who has spent almost five years patrolling a West Yorkshire railway station has been given a promotion and a uniform for her dedication to her job of rodent control. Just in time for Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 6 February 13:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [608 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Wedding ring instead of coin

Saturday 6 February 12:07:05 UTC 2016

Two examples makes this a recurring theme, though not a frequently recurring one. The theme being: wedding rings used instead of coins.

Tucson Daily Citizen – Sep 15, 1961

Wirral Globe – Dec 21, 2011
Tunnel police are trying to trace the owner of a gold wedding ring that turned up in the reject tray of an automatic toll machine.
The ring … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Restless for another cute critter to idolize, Japan nominates the frog as this year's candidate for cute overload. "Signs are in evidence that more young women will be flocking to frogs-both real and of the ersatz variety" [Weird]

Saturday 6 February 11:55:49 UTC 2016

Weird [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: You don't have to be charged with a crime for us to seize your money and your house. New hotness: Not so fast, renters. We can't steal your landlord's apartment, but we can have you evicted just for spite [Murica]

Saturday 6 February 11:34:49 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [150 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Valentine’s Day Cards for Chemistry Geeks

Saturday 6 February 11:30:00 UTC 2016

Won't you be amine? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For a year a small town in Maine has had no taxes, no elections, and very little government. But it's not the Tea Party nirvana some expected. "No matter where you go, people ask if you've heard when they're going to have town meeting

Saturday 6 February 10:54:49 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman asleep in bed with her husband killed by morning wood [Scary]

Saturday 6 February 9:34:21 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The First U.S.-Minted Penny Was Horrific

Saturday 6 February 9:30:00 UTC 2016

Lincoln's mug has nothing on this. [Link]

FMyLife » UUUGHHH says FML

Saturday 6 February 8:34:05 UTC 2016

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 February 8:34:04 UTC 2016

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 February 8:34:03 UTC 2016

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML [Link]

GraphJam » Inspirations for Toys

Saturday 6 February 8:33:59 UTC 2016

fun toy violence - 1453464320 LoL by: sandpiperrr Tagged: fun , toy , violence Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 6 February 8:33:56 UTC 2016

eye hands head light ouch pain Pie Chart switch - 4224000256 Graph by: katexxxx Tagged: eye , hands , head , light , ouch , pain , Pie Chart , switch Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Couple of Derps

Saturday 6 February 8:33:48 UTC 2016

Submitted by: beeeeeeeeer Tagged: how people see me , meat , Owl , statue , twilight , vampire , wtf Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Time spent eating an orange

Saturday 6 February 8:33:47 UTC 2016

black brown color coordinated diversity eating ethnic girls kids orange peel Pie Chart pink skin the simpsons venn diagram yellow Graph by: tabbythenutter Tagged: black , brown , color , coordinated , diversity , eating , ethnic , girls , kids , orange , peel , Pie Chart , pink , skin , the simpsons , venn diagram , yellow Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Taco Bell Is Missing an Opportunity

Saturday 6 February 8:33:30 UTC 2016

bed cereal morning opportunity Pie Chart taco bell Graph by: Unknown Tagged: bed , cereal , morning , opportunity , Pie Chart , taco bell Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Their Not Going to Get This One

Saturday 6 February 8:33:21 UTC 2016

How Graph by: inestical Tagged: best of week , grammar , grammer police , Pie Chart , their , there , theyre Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » This Is Going to Be Hilarious

Saturday 6 February 8:33:20 UTC 2016

Cats laser pointers pets Pie Chart Graph by: captiosus Tagged: Cats , laser pointers , pets , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » The World's Most Accurate Clock Has No Hands

Saturday 6 February 7:30:00 UTC 2016

You can thank this thing for your GPS. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We told you that you didn't want to know how the sausage was made [Sick]

Saturday 6 February 7:18:00 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Foregone Conclusions

Saturday 6 February 6:04:26 UTC 2016

Here’s the opening of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do; once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading. Choose any of the first 12 words and tap your way forward in the sentence from that point, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Things you should not do this Monday for Chinese New Year or risk full year of bad luck: eat tofu, eat leftover rice, chop food, sweep floor, wash clothes, take out garbage, greet someone who's still in bed, scold children, curse. You're welc

Saturday 6 February 5:52:00 UTC 2016

PSA [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Fun Supercut Imagines Movies Ending at Their Title Drop

Saturday 6 February 5:30:00 UTC 2016

When a character says the name of the film, it's time to roll the credits. [Link]

Mental Floss » Turn The Tables On Telemarketers With This Extremely Patient Robot

Saturday 6 February 5:00:00 UTC 2016

Roger Anderson of The Jolly Roger Telephone Company was so sick of telemarketers, he created a robot to deal with them. [Link]

Mental Floss » These Tactile Picture Books Help Blind Kids Learn to Read

Saturday 6 February 5:00:00 UTC 2016

Titles include 'Noah's Ark,' 'Goodnight Moon,' and 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar.' [Link]

Mental Floss » Rare Snow Rollers Form Across Idaho

Saturday 6 February 4:30:00 UTC 2016

The frosty formations only form in very precise weather conditions. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Asbestos removal requires specially-trained personnel wearing hazardous material suits working under carefully controlled conditions … unless it's Orlando, then just call some firemen [Florida]

Saturday 6 February 4:21:05 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We get all kinds of thieves in here. From the fella who stole a snake and lost it at Lowe's to a guy who stuffed an alligator in his shorts pocket [Facepalm]

Saturday 6 February 4:08:18 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » An Erased Nude Was Discovered in Leonardo da Vinci’s Notebook

Saturday 6 February 4:07:36 UTC 2016

We're still finding surprises in the notebooks he left behind. [Link]

Mental Floss » College Students Can Now Play Video Games For Tuition

Saturday 6 February 3:45:00 UTC 2016

In addition to bragging rights, Blizzard Entertainment now offers college tuition money to winning teams who compete in 'StarCraft II,' 'Hearthstone,' or 'Heroes of the Storm.' [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CDC says to use a condom to avoid Zika but how are you supposed to get it on the mosquito? [Followup]

Saturday 6 February 3:31:57 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I submitted this with a batter headline [Interesting]

Saturday 6 February 3:03:56 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [33 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 February 2:51:54 UTC 2016

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Spend Some Time With These African American Cookbooks From History

Saturday 6 February 2:49:22 UTC 2016

A new book covers the often overlooked contributions of black cooks and chefs to American cuisine. [Link]

Mental Floss » DNA Test Reveals Explorers Club Never Ate Storied Woolly Mammoth Meat

Saturday 6 February 2:49:21 UTC 2016

Yale scientists analyzed leftovers from the 1951 fete, and discovered that the legendary dish was actually sea turtle. [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch This Visualization of the Sun's Invisible Magnetic Field

Saturday 6 February 2:49:20 UTC 2016

NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center provides a color-coded view of the Sun's magnetic activity. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Everyone who believes the government released all of the documents on the Kennedy assassination step forward … not so fast [Interesting]

Saturday 6 February 2:46:59 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [90 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finally, a bracelet that feeds caffeine directly into the bloodstream. Shut up and take my money [Cool]

Saturday 6 February 2:35:58 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 NSFW Lines from James Joyce’s Incredibly Dirty Love Letters

Saturday 6 February 2:30:00 UTC 2016

Borrow these for Valentine's Day at your own risk. [Link]

Mental Floss » There Are Hills on Pluto That Float Like Icebergs

Saturday 6 February 2:15:00 UTC 2016

The floating hills move across the dwarf planet in frozen nitrogen. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Soon there will be a Bigger Ben [Cool]

Saturday 6 February 2:03:39 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » When Hitchcock Banned Audiences From Seeing His Movies

Saturday 6 February 2:00:00 UTC 2016

The Master of Suspense refused to let anyone see 'Rear Window' for over two decades. [Link]

The Onion » Photo Finish: Odell Beckham Jr. Ejected For 7-Week-Late Hit On Josh Norman

Saturday 6 February 1:45:00 UTC 2016


[Link]

FMyLife » Coccinelle says FML

Saturday 6 February 1:36:36 UTC 2016

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Figure Out How Much House You Can Afford

Saturday 6 February 1:30:00 UTC 2016

Purchasing your house is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, so you want to make sure it’s a smart one. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 6.4 magnitude quake hits Taiwan. Details are a bit shaky but there has been at least one large building collapse [Scary]

Saturday 6 February 1:26:44 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [70 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Hreid254 says FML

Saturday 6 February 1:07:32 UTC 2016

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this angel [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 February 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In their defense – the guy high on PCP probably didn't know he had been shot either [Facepalm]

Saturday 6 February 0:49:13 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Surprising Secrets From Los Angeles History

Saturday 6 February 0:31:13 UTC 2016

Forgotten street plans, the ashes of a martyr, and the origins of Doritos. [Link]

Mental Floss » Millennials Think They’re Narcissistic, Too (Thank You Very Much)

Saturday 6 February 0:30:00 UTC 2016

Young people and Baby Boomers rank Millennials' narcissism at similar levels. The difference? Boomers don't think they're narcissistic at all. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No, no one thinks the stuff in McDonald's new cheese sticks is actually cheese. No, no one is stupid enough to file a federal lawsuit over it. Well, almost no one [Stupid]

Saturday 6 February 0:26:29 UTC 2016

Stupid [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Funny, you don't look like a cat [Fail]

Saturday 6 February 0:14:12 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want to call Comcast and complain? They have just added the Fourth Circle of Hell to the experience [Obvious]

Saturday 6 February 0:14:01 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man crashes drone into the Empire State Building. 2/4. Never forget [Dumbass]

Saturday 6 February 0:13:06 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » He gets a doughnut, she gets a doughnut, everybody gets a doughnut [Cool]

Saturday 6 February 0:08:32 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Maine's highest court rules that a prosecutor pretending to be asleep during the defense's closing arguments may have been some seriously childish bullsh*t, but it 's not enough to overturn a murder conviction [Amusing]

Saturday 6 February 0:05:19 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » At least they fixed the lost luggage problem [Strange]

Saturday 6 February 0:03:11 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Facts About ‘Invasion Of The Body Snatchers’

Saturday 6 February 0:00:00 UTC 2016

The original pod people movie is turning 60 years old. [Link]

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