John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Bad: Making a mistake at work. Worse: A $1.8 million mistake. Fark: You broke a nuclear missile [Fail]

Saturday 23 January 23:44:15 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [147 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Killer Facts About ‘Shaun of the Dead’

Saturday 23 January 23:30:00 UTC 2016

How Edgar Wright’s zombie horror-comedy resurrected the genre. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Subby will be captaining a Nintendo Wii bowling team at the Moose lodge he belongs to. Help him pick a good name for the three-member team [Amusing]

Saturday 23 January 23:07:15 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [284 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As if the lead count wasn't bad enough, Legionnaires bacteria has popped up in Flint's water supply, and not the kind that results in Brainiacs [Scary]

Saturday 23 January 21:46:00 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Giant Ice Maze is Now the World’s Largest

Saturday 23 January 21:30:00 UTC 2016

Looking to get lost this winter? Head to Poland. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this hole [Photoshop]

Saturday 23 January 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [43 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » wedding leper says FML

Saturday 23 January 20:21:54 UTC 2016

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML [Link]

FMyLife » anonymous says FML

Saturday 23 January 20:21:53 UTC 2016

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is the cutest video of The National Zoo's young panda making snow angels you will see all winter [Sappy]

Saturday 23 January 20:01:04 UTC 2016

Sappy [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » On the plus side, all this weather may be ending the drought in California [Cool]

Saturday 23 January 19:34:10 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Things You Should Know About Hartford, Connecticut

Saturday 23 January 19:30:00 UTC 2016

Mark Twain once said, "Of all the beautiful towns it has been my fortune to see, this is the chief." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cop who tried to pull over a motorcycle by ramming the rider off the bike, pulling his gun and kicking him in the chest loses lawsuit. Was that wrong? Should he not have done that? [Interesting]

Saturday 23 January 19:18:02 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [223 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drunk driver vs 1988 movie "Funny Farm" gazebo. He didn't knock it out. He beat the piss out of it [Dumbass]

Saturday 23 January 17:57:01 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stolen semi-trailer recovered but $70,000 worth of cheese was missing. Apparently the thieves just couldn't leave the provolone [Followup]

Saturday 23 January 17:44:55 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Forensic Sculptors Help Police Close Cold Case

Saturday 23 January 17:30:00 UTC 2016

Each student produced a detailed clay head that police could check against their list of cold cases. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FDA warns of potential danger of 'male enhancement' gum. Which finally explains the nickname "Bazooka Joe" [Strange]

Saturday 23 January 16:43:28 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You might actually WANT to eat at this McDonald's [Interesting]

Saturday 23 January 16:27:43 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boston has the highest murder rate in the country. No, not THAT country [Interesting]

Saturday 23 January 15:58:00 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [44 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 23 January 15:30:11 UTC 2016

Today, I discovered that the pain I've had for the past couple of weeks was actually due to a broken collar bone. Now work won't pay for the treatment I need because I continued to work despite the pain. FML [Link]

FMyLife » OhNo says FML

Saturday 23 January 15:30:10 UTC 2016

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Magical Facts About 'Willow'

Saturday 23 January 15:30:00 UTC 2016

Based on a story by George Lucas, this 1988 action-adventure has earned a place in pop culture history. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guess which state finally realized that their residents are too stupid to drive? [Florida]

Saturday 23 January 15:24:18 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [89 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Veteran with one leg and suffering from brain cancer straps plow blade to his off-road wheelchair and clears sidewalks near school [Hero]

Saturday 23 January 15:22:25 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Vietnam vet sues Navy for Purple Heart that was denied because he couldn't prove he wasn't hit by "friendly fire" [Asinine]

Saturday 23 January 14:37:06 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While people in the Mid-Atlantic sit in their nice warm homes during the blizzard, soldiers will still stand guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery [Hero]

Saturday 23 January 14:19:58 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [190 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Baked Beans in Boots

Saturday 23 January 14:09:18 UTC 2016

One of life's unanswerable mysteries — Why did the man have baked beans in his boots?

London Times – June 30, 1998

What’s in the boot, then?
A motorist who was stopped for a routine police check in Colchester, Essex, was found to be wearing wellington boots filled with baked beans in tomato sauce.
Officers warned him to choose more suitable … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this masked woman [Photoshop]

Saturday 23 January 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 14

Saturday 23 January 13:34:20 UTC 2016

What orgasmic product was this illustration touting? Vibrators? Lingerie? Diamond rings?

The answer is here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Hello, Fire Department? Yes, my truck seems to be on fire… No, don't worry, I'm bringing it to you. See you in five" [Strange]

Saturday 23 January 13:12:17 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Town stunned by drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery [Amusing]

Saturday 23 January 13:04:27 UTC 2016

Amusing [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Massive 27-pound Maine Coon cat named Spock mistaken for an illegal wild animal would like the good Caturday people of San Jose to know he's just a precious domesticated pussy cat [Caturday]

Saturday 23 January 13:00:00 UTC 2016

Caturday [link] [682 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leave it to someone from Texas to make a business where customers get to destroy rooms full of furniture with sledgehammers and other instruments of destruction. "There's a lot of frustrated people in this city" [Murica]

Saturday 23 January 12:44:35 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You want a prediction about the weather, I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life. It's your Great East Coast Blizzard Snowmageddon thread [Live]

Saturday 23 January 12:30:00 UTC 2016

Live [link] [555 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Best man makes bride cry at wedding [Cool]

Saturday 23 January 11:47:35 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » There are 39 Kinds of Snowflakes

Saturday 23 January 11:30:00 UTC 2016

Snowflakes aren’t quite as unique as you’d think. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What do you mean what I did was uncool? Did you see how many views I got on Facebook? OK, yeah, the area I was snow boarding has been closed for six years and the avalanche I created could have killed folks, but hey, the views were totally worth it [

Saturday 23 January 10:39:03 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [59 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Replotted: What Type of Bus Are You Taking?

Saturday 23 January 9:33:27 UTC 2016

air,bo,fart,Pie Chart,school,school bus,smelly Graph by: Drewskis Tagged: air , bo , fart , Pie Chart , school , school bus , smelly Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 100% Accurate:

Saturday 23 January 9:33:13 UTC 2016

Graphs on GraphJam Graph by: NateTheGrape Tagged: accurate , best of week , graphjam , Pie Chart , self referential Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » They Would Have Gotten Away With It Too, If It Wasn't For That Meddling Law Against Scaring Kids

Saturday 23 January 9:32:51 UTC 2016

best of week cartoons costume Pie Chart scaring scooby doo TV Graph by: fancypants11 Tagged: best of week , cartoons , costume , Pie Chart , scaring , scooby doo , TV Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » The Worst-Designed Thing You've Never Noticed (Spoiler: It's Flags)

Saturday 23 January 9:30:00 UTC 2016

You'd be surprised how bad (and good) flags can be. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It sucks when a quirk in a "find my phone" app labels your home as the location of all the missing phones so cops and angry people keep showing up at your door. "My biggest fear is that someone dangerous or violent is going to visit our h

Saturday 23 January 9:08:35 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thanks to the bravery of this food critic, St. Louis is now safe from the horrible scourge of leashed dogs inside of a beer hall [Asinine]

Saturday 23 January 8:42:35 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [80 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » believe me now?? says FML

Saturday 23 January 8:14:21 UTC 2016

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 23 January 8:14:20 UTC 2016

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 23 January 8:14:19 UTC 2016

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » The Mapparium, a Stained-Glass Globe You Can Stand Inside

Saturday 23 January 7:30:00 UTC 2016

It's geographically accurate. The labels, not so much. [Link]

Futility Closet » Enlightenment

Saturday 23 January 6:33:14 UTC 2016

Biologist F.W. Went points out that the physical size of human beings was a critical factor in their mastery of fire. Any flame must maintain a certain size in order to sustain the ignition temperature of its fuel, and a wood or coal fire in particular radiates so much heat that it must maintain a fairly large critical mass in … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No need to panic just because one of the world's most dangerous volcanoes is spewing a little smoke. What? It's spewing lots of smoke …..PANIC [Scary]

Saturday 23 January 5:45:00 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Facts For John Hancock's Birthday

Saturday 23 January 5:30:00 UTC 2016

You won’t find his likeness anywhere on American currency. Instead, we’ve given this founding father a linguistic tribute—thanks to one revolutionary document, his very name is now a synonym for signature. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Passionate calligrapher makes 10-ft long ink brush to set world record for worst case of writer's cramp [Strange]

Saturday 23 January 4:40:53 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch the Sunrise From Space (Where Astronauts See It Every 90 Minutes)

Saturday 23 January 4:28:09 UTC 2016

Here comes the sun! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Consultant: "$50,000 could stop all this business with metal leaching into your water." Flint water people: "Aw, come on, why would we spend that kind of money?" GM: "Yeah, we're out" [Followup]

Saturday 23 January 4:10:33 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [167 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Penny Lane on 'Nuts!', Her Documentary About 'Goat Gland Doctor' John Brinkley

Saturday 23 January 4:00:00 UTC 2016

John Romulus Brinkley made a name for himself by implanting goat testicles into the testicles of impotent human men, seemingly curing them. But that was just the beginning for Brinkley. [Link]

Mental Floss » An Alarm Clock App That Wakes You Up With Games

Saturday 23 January 3:30:00 UTC 2016

A new app from Microsoft aims to make waking up in the morning fun—or at least, less miserable. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Would the nations that emerged from the Arab Spring as robust, thriving democracies please take one step forward. Not so fast there, Tunisia [Sad]

Saturday 23 January 3:25:08 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The real Colonel Sanders hated everything that KFC became – even before Norm MacDonald [Sad]

Saturday 23 January 3:00:54 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [174 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » First rule of a successful smash-and-grab burglary: you have to be able to smash [Fail]

Saturday 23 January 2:41:33 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Facial Recognition Software Could Help Researchers Identify Individual Whales

Saturday 23 January 2:25:29 UTC 2016

Using the markings on their heads and backs, scientists are able to effectively tell the animals apart. [Link]

Mental Floss » The Mystifying Air Bonsai Floats and Spins Like a Tiny Planet

Saturday 23 January 2:25:22 UTC 2016

Bonsai plants look even cooler when suspended in air. [Link]

Mental Floss » Time for Some Mental Hygiene: It's the mental_floss Weekly Puzzle

Saturday 23 January 2:25:21 UTC 2016

Cat videos are cool and all, but the next time you’re in need of a mid-day pick-me-up, consider something slightly more stimulating: our weekly brain teaser, created by the late, great mathematician and puzzle master Martin Gardner. This week, it’s up to you to determine the pattern of handshaking at a biophysics convention. Handshakes and Networks Prove that at a … [Link]

FMyLife » ChiefKoala says FML

Saturday 23 January 2:04:19 UTC 2016

Today, one of my professors left a cabinet door open whilst teaching class. The compulsion to get up and close it was so strong that I could barely concentrate on what was being taught. FML [Link]

FMyLife » sideeffect001 says FML

Saturday 23 January 2:03:30 UTC 2016

Today, the company I work for lost 3-weeks worth of time sheets, so we have to fill them all out again. I don't remember what I did yesterday, let alone three weeks ago. That's why I religiously fill out the time sheets in the first place. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch This Long-Lost Anti-Pornography Film From 1962

Saturday 23 January 2:00:00 UTC 2016

The work is an important historical find, shedding light onto 1960s views on pornography, sexuality, and censorship. [Link]

FMyLife » AustinFFA says FML

Saturday 23 January 1:46:17 UTC 2016

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oscars to be overhauled in order to be more inclusive, will still snub horror films [Followup]

Saturday 23 January 1:36:59 UTC 2016

Followup [link] [193 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Unforgettable Snowmen

Saturday 23 January 1:30:00 UTC 2016

Some inspiration for your personal snow projects! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this dawn of a new day [Photoshop]

Saturday 23 January 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch the MythBusters Implode a Steel Railroad Tanker

Saturday 23 January 1:00:00 UTC 2016

The railroad car was the largest prop in the history of the show. [Link]

Mental Floss » Have a Revolutionary Valentine's Day With These 'Hamilton'-Themed Cards

Saturday 23 January 0:30:00 UTC 2016

What to give the person who makes your heart go "BOOM." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French mayor forced to accept doubled salary against his will. No doubt he surrendered that fight quickly [Strange]

Saturday 23 January 0:23:00 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And there you were, wondering how Chinese restaurants made you want more an hour later. It's not just that poppy flavor [Strange]

Saturday 23 January 0:01:19 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New York village of Whitesboro decides after decades of debate that the old official seal of a white man throttling a Native American is a bad idea no matter how historically accurate it is [Facepalm]

Saturday 23 January 0:00:59 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [66 comments] [Link]

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