John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Mother of the year: Suspended license, on probation for DUI, reckless driving, no headlights, open containers, and four kids aged 2,3, 14 & 16 in the car. Interesting mug shot [Dumbass]

Sunday 10 January 23:54:57 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [67 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 10 January 23:17:24 UTC 2016

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kerplunk. I passed it. With pic [Hero]

Sunday 10 January 22:50:39 UTC 2016

Hero [link] [714 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Unlock Netflix’s Hidden Categories

Sunday 10 January 22:44:17 UTC 2016

The streaming service has more than 76,000 entertainment categories, some of them as specific as “Feel-Good Sports Movies For Ages 8 to 10.” [Link]

Mental Floss » This New Material Stores Heat for Later Use

Sunday 10 January 22:00:00 UTC 2016

This could lead to a future of self-warming sweaters and windshields that automatically de-ice. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this instance of having too many Firefox tabs open [Photoshop]

Sunday 10 January 21:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man orders Kindle online, surprised to receive hot tumor sampler box instead [Fail]

Sunday 10 January 20:48:38 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Withdrawing money while black? Yep, that's an arrestable offense [Asinine]

Sunday 10 January 20:12:51 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [363 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Devotedmom says FML

Sunday 10 January 18:38:32 UTC 2016

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML [Link]

FMyLife » fuxtix says FML

Sunday 10 January 18:38:31 UTC 2016

Today, I jokingly pretended to eat my 3 year old's fingers after he put his hand near my face. Turns out he was showing me the contents of his nostril; I ended up with something I definitely didn't want on my tongue. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meat theft on the rise in Canadian grocery stores. Police to begin a steak-out [Interesting]

Sunday 10 January 18:22:40 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want to move into a £3million mansion and only have to pay £1 per month in rent? Just a few requirements: you have a pet, you like people, never call the landlord Mike [Cool]

Sunday 10 January 18:12:37 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » IKEA Hack: Turn Stools Into a Bicycle

Sunday 10 January 18:00:00 UTC 2016

Tons of assembly required. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Zuckerberg vaccinates child. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE [Asinine]

Sunday 10 January 17:26:43 UTC 2016

Asinine [link] [219 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't like the mug shot that's currently circulating with your arrest warrant? Simple solution – send the police a better one [Strange]

Sunday 10 January 17:17:58 UTC 2016

Strange [link] [20 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Brayden says FML

Sunday 10 January 16:15:26 UTC 2016

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 10 January 16:15:25 UTC 2016

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know it's a slow news day when the newspaper reports on a story about how police are investigating a broken coin-operated candy dispenser found abandoned on a frozen river [Interesting]

Sunday 10 January 16:10:37 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Splendid Facts About 'Four Weddings and a Funeral'

Sunday 10 January 16:00:00 UTC 2016

The 1994 romantic comedy launched the career of Hugh Grant, who was originally considered "too handsome" for the role. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Petition calls for ban on pointless online petitions. Expect soon new petition that calls for ban on pointless petitions calling for ban on pointless petitions. Petitions [Obvious]

Sunday 10 January 15:38:49 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hunting tip: If you shoot a Maryland "Robo-deer," you won't be able to buck your imminent arrest [Fail]

Sunday 10 January 15:07:30 UTC 2016

Fail [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Japanese take their highballs very seriously. "Proper preparation requires a very precise number of stirs – thirteen and a half stirs of the whiskey" [Obvious]

Sunday 10 January 14:55:37 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Did the FBI run the largest dark web child porn servers? [Awkward]

Sunday 10 January 14:08:02 UTC 2016

Awkward [link] [164 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » China sends in its heavy hitters to defend their dominance over the South China Sea Islands: Cute flight attendants [Spiffy]

Sunday 10 January 14:04:29 UTC 2016

Spiffy [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Doing it yourself [CSB]

Sunday 10 January 14:01:00 UTC 2016

CSB [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this gripping fear [Photoshop]

Sunday 10 January 14:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 of the World's Largest Telescopes—and Their Discoveries

Sunday 10 January 14:00:00 UTC 2016

You can visit all of them. [Link]

Weird Universe » Carnival in Trinidad: Then and Now

Sunday 10 January 13:39:58 UTC 2016

I don't mean to sound like an Old Fart, but the 1957 Carnival just seems to me so much more charming and weird and ingenious–look at those bipedal seahorses with the mermaid–than the current version, which seems to be about nothing more than bare flesh. Maybe the 2015 videographer simply did not film the weird costumes–but then again, every other … [Link]

Weird Universe » The Tick Tock Man

Sunday 10 January 13:32:17 UTC 2016

Sankey Flynn (1918-2001) had an unusual condition. His ears made a ticking sound, about twice every second, which earned him the nickname "Tick Tock." The noise was so loud that other people could easily hear it. It was caused by a "spasmodic contraction of muscles in the roof of his mouth." He never tried to find a cure for his … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It is now legal to bring a gun into a psychiatric hospital in Texas. What could go wrong? [Murica]

Sunday 10 January 13:23:02 UTC 2016

Murica [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No, you can't have $949.8 million, not yours. How about $1.38 billion next Wednesday? [Unlikely]

Sunday 10 January 13:09:02 UTC 2016

Unlikely [link] [196 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS communication to sleeper cell in the United States intercepted [Obvious]

Sunday 10 January 12:20:03 UTC 2016

Obvious [link] [118 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Strange (and Smelly) Story of Performance Farters

Sunday 10 January 12:00:00 UTC 2016

Flatulence has always been funny. [Link]

FMyLife » Jack says FML

Sunday 10 January 11:36:37 UTC 2016

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML [Link]

FMyLife » whenlifeisalemon says FML

Sunday 10 January 11:36:36 UTC 2016

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You should avoid toxic shock syndrome at all costs. Period [Scary]

Sunday 10 January 11:16:02 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Since "snacks" was too vague, the Oregon dipshiats' new list of sh*t they forgot to pack includes "Gaming supplies," "Ice scrappers" [sic], "Mayonaise" [sic], "Aprans" [sic], "Shaving creme" [sic],

Sunday 10 January 10:12:28 UTC 2016

Sick [link] [410 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Browse the First Web Page Using the First Web Browser

Sunday 10 January 10:00:00 UTC 2016

The old web, in an old web browser…in your web browser. (It's turtles all the way down.) [Link]

GraphJam » It Must Have Taken at Least a Hundred People to Write "Baby"

Sunday 10 January 9:03:09 UTC 2016

Bar Graph,justin bieber,Music,queen,song,the biebs,writers Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Bar Graph , justin bieber , Music , queen , song , the biebs , writers Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » He's Just Trying to Help

Sunday 10 January 9:02:47 UTC 2016

annoying,carrying,dogs,venn diagram Graph by: Unknown Tagged: annoying , carrying , dogs , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Xzibit Would Love The ReBoot Reboot

Sunday 10 January 9:02:42 UTC 2016

Graph by: (via Jest) Tagged: grid , movies , reboot , TV , Xzibit , yo dawg Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » And Then She Ignores You

Sunday 10 January 9:02:38 UTC 2016

annoying cat feline meow venn diagram Graph by: Unknown Tagged: annoying , cat , feline , meow , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 10 January 8:00:17 UTC 2016

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML [Link]

FMyLife » retail can shart a cock says FML

Sunday 10 January 8:00:16 UTC 2016

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML [Link]

FMyLife » orcatheseapanda says FML

Sunday 10 January 8:00:15 UTC 2016

Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch a Map Geek Explain Weird Geography Quirks

Sunday 10 January 8:00:00 UTC 2016

In “A Map Geek’s Guide To The World,” a self-proclaimed geek explains some of the world’s most surprising geographical quirks. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mason turned massage therapist should have asked client ahead of time if she wanted demonstration of tongue-in-groove methods [Creepy]

Sunday 10 January 7:36:26 UTC 2016

Creepy [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Supermarkets stand by their policy of demanding ID for zero-alcohol sales [Facepalm]

Sunday 10 January 6:58:37 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Idaho hunter tracks down the elusive El Cougarcabra [Creepy]

Sunday 10 January 6:38:00 UTC 2016

Creepy [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Things You Should Know About Tel Aviv

Sunday 10 January 6:29:19 UTC 2016

21. The city hosts the largest Gay Pride parade in Asia and the Middle East, drawing a crowd of nearly 200,000. [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Facts About 'Monty Python's Life of Brian'

Sunday 10 January 6:29:16 UTC 2016

The legendary comedy troupe’s elaborate period piece succeeded in offending just about everyone. [Link]

Futility Closet » Special Delivery

Sunday 10 January 6:14:59 UTC 2016

In March 1999, fisherman Steve Gowan was fishing for cod off the coast of Essex when he dredged up a green ginger beer bottle with a screw-on rubber stopper. Inside he found a note: Sir or madam, youth or maid, Would you kindly forward the enclosed letter and earn the blessing of a poor British soldier on his way to … [Link]

Mental Floss » Dig in to This Extensive Ramen Poster

Sunday 10 January 5:30:00 UTC 2016

Designer Fanny Chu illustrates all her favorite ramen dishes. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » UK lad ODs on deodorant. Careful with that Axe, Eugene [Sad]

Sunday 10 January 5:24:17 UTC 2016

Sad [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Global warming has never looked so beautiful [Cool]

Sunday 10 January 4:24:30 UTC 2016

Cool [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Perhaps spraying yourself and your couch with alcohol and then lighting a cigarette to set a bedbug on fire might not be the most effective method of getting rid of them [Facepalm]

Sunday 10 January 4:05:18 UTC 2016

Facepalm [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » El Chapo interviewed by Sean Penn. And here some of you were worried he'd escape punishment [Interesting]

Sunday 10 January 3:48:41 UTC 2016

Interesting [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Will only one person win and decide tomorrow which country they want to buy? How big of a dent will the taxes put in the national debt? Will it be a Farker who'll buy everybody a beer and TotalFark? Its the Powerball drawing, live at 11PM ET/8 PT

Sunday 10 January 3:30:00 UTC 2016

Live [link] [231 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And the runaway bestselling book in Germany is … oh, not this shiat again [Scary]

Sunday 10 January 3:24:29 UTC 2016

Scary [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Over 800 sex offenders live in Tampa, most clustered in one neighborhood, so city to pass ordinance banning them from said neighborhood [Florida]

Sunday 10 January 2:03:34 UTC 2016

Florida [link] [161 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 10 January 1:50:45 UTC 2016

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 10 January 1:50:44 UTC 2016

Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » The Time Green Day Got in a Mud Fight With Fans

Sunday 10 January 1:30:00 UTC 2016

It was all fun and games until bassist Mike Dirnt lost some teeth. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rear Admiral fires seamen at work, relieved [Dumbass]

Sunday 10 January 1:15:38 UTC 2016

Dumbass [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this unwavering determination [Photoshop]

Sunday 10 January 1:00:01 UTC 2016

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

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