John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Best Korean photoshoppers must have weekend off [Fail]

Saturday 28 November 23:45:11 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » West Hempstead, NY debuts new house demolishing program for veterans who are in a hospital for surgery [Murica]

Saturday 28 November 23:28:44 UTC 2015

Murica [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day' [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 22:31:17 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Take a Tour of a 'Tsunami-Proof' Capsule

Saturday 28 November 22:00:00 UTC 2015

The spherical wooden structure was designed to protect individuals from giant waves. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This week's Great Canadian Moment is from Sudbury, Ontario, and involves two guy pals who freed a Bald Eagle from a trap. Warning: Photo is unbearably, adorably Canadian [Hero]

Saturday 28 November 21:54:18 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man and woman make it to safety after "somehow" falling into Lake Michigan [Awkward]

Saturday 28 November 21:46:28 UTC 2015

Awkward [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop tennis match: French teepee edition [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 November 21:30:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield meets Randall Munroe of XKCD. No, this is not a nerdy argument about who wins. And no, Randall Munroe does not look like you think he looks [Amusing]

Saturday 28 November 21:08:46 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [89 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » AlwaysTired says FML

Saturday 28 November 20:22:18 UTC 2015

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Wtfbruhimmovingout says FML

Saturday 28 November 20:22:17 UTC 2015

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Things You Should Know About Oklahoma City

Saturday 28 November 20:00:00 UTC 2015

11. Google Street view once caught Flaming Lips frontman—and proud Oklahoma City native—Wayne Coyne washing up in a bathtub in his front yard. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wondered what was really going on inside that whiskey barrel? Here comes the intoxicating science [Interesting]

Saturday 28 November 19:43:29 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This woman was dying, and decided she would die in the luncheonette she ran for 36 years [Sad]

Saturday 28 November 18:15:55 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Ever Happened to All Those Subway Cars We Dumped into the Atlantic?

Saturday 28 November 18:00:00 UTC 2015

For now, it appears that we’ve finally dumped something into the oceans that doesn’t seem to be hurting them. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're at a gun range, you think you'd know standing directly behind a target is quite possibly the worst idea ever [Florida]

Saturday 28 November 17:50:02 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Firefighters rescue owl from being tangled in a fishing line, which may be the only thing you read about big hooters today [Misc]

Saturday 28 November 17:35:00 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a closer look at the terrorist who killed three and wounded nine at the Colorado Planned Parenthood [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 17:30:17 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [910 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leftover turkey recipe thread: GO [Survey]

Saturday 28 November 17:05:24 UTC 2015

Survey [link] [119 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Amazing Photos from Nat Geo WILD's 'Safari Live'

Saturday 28 November 17:00:00 UTC 2015

Nat Geo WILD is taking viewers on a live tour of South Africa’s Sabi Sands Park [Link]

Fark.com RSS » One man actually found something a LifeLock account is useful for: cyberstalking his ex-wife [Ironic]

Saturday 28 November 16:27:48 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Back-And-Forth Facts about Abbott and Costello

Saturday 28 November 16:00:00 UTC 2015

At their peak, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were quite possibly the two most quoted men in America. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cannabis infused coffee is now out on the market. Perfect for anyone who likes to wake and bake [Cool]

Saturday 28 November 15:57:05 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Australian Christmas tree sets record with having 518,838 lights, just as many hours trying to untangle the darn lights [Spiffy]

Saturday 28 November 15:14:17 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » anon says FML

Saturday 28 November 14:48:52 UTC 2015

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good news, carnivores: beef prices dropping as fatter cattle head to market. As for you vegetarians, continue to graze away to your hearts content [Spiffy]

Saturday 28 November 14:35:38 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop theme: If cartoons were real [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 November 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Drones and Drum Lines to Help Protect Aussie Swimmers From Sharks

Saturday 28 November 14:00:00 UTC 2015

Authorities are trying out high-tech methods for preventing shark attacks on New South Wales' coast. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with a history of filing baseless complaints has his "utterly frivolous" lawsuit claiming that USA Today ruined his illegal jailhouse gambling operation by deciding to stop publishing Las Vegas betting odds thrown out [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 November 13:55:59 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman saves paralyzed dog from being put down, is able to nurse it back to health and mobility with physical therapy, promises of steaks [Sappy]

Saturday 28 November 13:40:13 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ugly-ass baby red pandas born at Philadelphia Zoo, in which they were named Betsy and Benjamin in honor of the two famous historical figures [Spiffy]

Saturday 28 November 13:35:18 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Gang Member Rugs

Saturday 28 November 13:29:50 UTC 2015

Created by artist Renato Garza Cervera out of leather, polyester, polyurethane foam, glass eyes, and paint. Cervera explains that rugs used to represent fierce creatures such as lions, tigers, or bears. So he decided to create rugs that show fierce creatures with more contemporary relevance.

He goes on to say that his rugs represent "Calibanization" (as in, the character Caliban … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A mother and her 4 kids were able to spend Thanksgiving with Tabitha – the beloved cat they had to leave behind when fleeing from domestic abuse – thanks to the generosity of total strangers. Welcome to a rather dusty Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 28 November 13:00:00 UTC 2015

Caturday [link] [666 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "About two or three seconds later, this is the sad part, the lady ran out with her hand like this saying 'here go the rest of his face'" [Scary]

Saturday 28 November 12:45:55 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Incredible Up-Close Views of Seeds

Saturday 28 November 12:00:00 UTC 2015

Cattails have never looked so glamorous. [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #266

Saturday 28 November 11:52:41 UTC 2015

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Selling yourself for the price of a sandwich isn't normal, but in Greece it is. Gyros: not even once [Sad]

Saturday 28 November 11:21:01 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [119 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » nitemastr15 says FML

Saturday 28 November 11:18:14 UTC 2015

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "That's pretty dirty when someone robs you on Thanksgiving day," he said. "That's a new low. That's kind of like robbing from the offering plate. Above and beyond that I just hope we get the trees sold so we can raise the mone

Saturday 28 November 10:43:47 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [6 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Daughter moves her wedding to the hospital room where her terminally ill father is. Is it dusty in here or what? [Sappy]

Saturday 28 November 10:35:56 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Trump offers apology to disabled reporter he mocked. Oh wait… demands apology from disabled reporter he mocked [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 10:29:57 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [229 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Our long national nightmare is over as a rare bust of Abraham Lincoln that went missing has been recovered [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 10:23:58 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Neural Network IDs Objects in the 'Star Trek: TNG' Opening Credits

Saturday 28 November 10:00:00 UTC 2015

Today's installment of "computers can be dumb." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The number of squid commercial fishermen are catching off the California coast is down this year. Thanks, El Nino [Interesting]

Saturday 28 November 8:52:02 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » A Self-Enumerating Crossword

Saturday 28 November 8:49:34 UTC 2015

Here’s a unique crossword puzzle by Lee Sallows. There are no clues — instead, each of the 12 entries must take the form [NUMBER](space)[LETTER](S), like so: EIGHT BS
NINETEEN XS
ONE J And so on. Can you complete the puzzle so that the finished grid presents an inventory of its own contents? (A couple observations to get you started: Because … [Link]

Futility Closet » Reminder

Saturday 28 November 8:49:33 UTC 2015

You can get bonus posts and other rewards by supporting Futility Closet on Patreon — interact with me and other readers, browse the growing archive of bonus material (there are now more than 100 bonus posts), see my book recommendations, and more. You choose the amount to contribute, and you can change or cancel it at any time. See our … [Link]

Futility Closet » A Long Visit

Saturday 28 November 8:49:32 UTC 2015

Your tedious nephews, Kerry and Kelly, are not honest, but they’re orderly. One of them lies only on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and the other lies only on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. At noon, they have the following conversation: Kerry: I lie on Saturdays. Kelly: I will lie tomorrow. Kerry: I lie on Sundays. On which day of the week … [Link]

Futility Closet » Practical Math

Saturday 28 November 8:49:31 UTC 2015

Sample questions from L. Johnson’s 1864 textbook Elementary Arithmetic Designed for Beginners, used in North Carolina during the Civil War: A Confederate soldier captured 8 Yankees each day for 9 successive days; how many did he capture in all? If one Confederate soldier kill 90 Yankees how many Yankees can 10 Confederate soldiers kill? If one Confederate soldier can whip … [Link]

Futility Closet » Illumination

Saturday 28 November 8:49:30 UTC 2015

In the 1969 Night Gallery episode “Eyes,” Joan Crawford plays Claudia Menlo, a ruthless dowager who blackmails a doctor into performing a nerve transplant that will grant her vision for 11 hours. Afterward, alone in her apartment, she impatiently removes the bandages prematurely. She catches a glimpse of a crystal chandelier and then everything goes black. She rampages through her … [Link]

Futility Closet » Black and White

Saturday 28 November 8:49:29 UTC 2015

By Arthur William Daniel. White to mate in two moves. Click for solution … Please support Futility Closet on Patreon! [Link]

Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 82: Stealing Abe Lincoln

Saturday 28 November 8:49:28 UTC 2015


In 1876, a gang of inept Chicago counterfeiters launched an absurd plot to steal the body of Abraham Lincoln and hold it for ransom. In today’s episode of the Futility Closet podcast, we’ll follow their comical attempts to carry out the bizarre scheme, and uncover the secret society that was formed afterward to protect Lincoln’s corpse. We’ll also puzzle over … [Link]

Futility Closet » Home Free

Saturday 28 November 8:49:27 UTC 2015

A baseball poser from Clark Kinnaird’s 1946 Encyclopedia of Puzzles and Pastimes: “In a spring training game with the Dodgers at bat, the first man up hit a triple, the second man hit a double, the third man hit a double, the fourth man hit a single, the fifth man hit a single, the sixth man hit a single. Yet … [Link]

Futility Closet » The Thought That Counts

Saturday 28 November 8:49:26 UTC 2015

A Mississippi soldier’s incoherent letter to his fiancée, quoted in Bell Irvin Wiley’s The Life of Johnny Reb, 1943: I can bare the Storms of the wintery Blast for thy sake oh Miss S.J.H be thou ever Bless as Butiful as thou art and idol to my throbbing hart oh had I the mind of the poet So that I … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Puppy eats 10 batteries. Energizer considering using him as a replacement for that damn bunny [Scary]

Saturday 28 November 8:45:06 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [20 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » shal4 says FML

Saturday 28 November 8:24:36 UTC 2015

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 November 8:24:35 UTC 2015

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 November 8:24:34 UTC 2015

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML [Link]

GraphJam » Classic: It Shouldn't Be Like Cracking a Safe

Saturday 28 November 8:23:27 UTC 2015

classic Pie Chart shower temperature - 6135820288 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: classic , Pie Chart , shower , temperature Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Room You Where the flies are in your room. Flies

Saturday 28 November 8:23:26 UTC 2015

buzz flies go away pest room venn diagram - 3746448640 Graph by: metalheadgirl5 Tagged: buzz , flies , go away , pest , room , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 28 November 8:23:07 UTC 2015

class dares glue Pie Chart wood shop - 4380373504 Graph by: Mugsie Tagged: class , dares , glue , Pie Chart , wood shop Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Fast Food Fables

Saturday 28 November 8:23:03 UTC 2015

Graph by: geha714 Tagged: advertising , food , hamburgers , infographic , McDonald's , taco bell Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Block Dude Is Still My Favorite Game

Saturday 28 November 8:22:52 UTC 2015

graphing calculator,math,Pie Chart,tetris Graph by: Unknown Tagged: graphing calculator , math , Pie Chart , tetris Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 28 November 8:22:50 UTC 2015

blackout dark high school light Pie Chart power outage - 3918391808 Graph by: Max-Harley Tagged: blackout , dark , high school , light , Pie Chart , power outage Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Where's the beef? Trucker steals 40,000 pounds of meat [Strange]

Saturday 28 November 8:17:57 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your jailed son dies after being restrained on the ground by officers for up to 11 minutes despite saying he couldn't breathe? You bet that's a lawsuit [Obvious]

Saturday 28 November 8:14:52 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » People are upset that Reese's annual Christmas Tree peanut butter treats look less like trees and more like…well, indistinguishable brown globs [Awkward]

Saturday 28 November 8:04:53 UTC 2015

Awkward [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Largest Small-Scale Model Ever Built Once Protected the Nation From Floods

Saturday 28 November 8:00:00 UTC 2015

This model of the Mississippi River Basin was a feat of midcentury engineering. Now it's open to the public. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge says that Yelp doesn't manipulate reviews. Obviously this means Yelp's goons got to him [Obvious]

Saturday 28 November 7:41:09 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good: Montana finally makes the top of a list. Bad: The worst drivers list [Unlikely]

Saturday 28 November 7:22:53 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Orlando International Airport may remove moving sidewalks because they're too confusing and difficult for people to use [Florida]

Saturday 28 November 6:52:46 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » DIY

Saturday 28 November 6:48:03 UTC 2015

Nepal’s constitution contains complete instructions for drawing its flag: (A) Method of Making the Shape Inside the Border (1) On the lower portion of a crimson cloth draw a line AB of the required length from left to right.
(2) From A draw a line AC perpendicular to AB making AC equal to AB plus one third AB. From AC … [Link]

Mental Floss » Warning! These 1950s Movie Gimmicks Will Shock You

Saturday 28 November 6:00:00 UTC 2015

The gimmick craze of the 1950s put special effects in your face and under your seat, literally. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » American businessman bumps into a group of 400 soldiers in the airport on a layover eating MREs so he tells them each to buy up $50 of food in any of the restaurants on his credit card. Tag is for all parties involved [Hero]

Saturday 28 November 5:47:08 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [114 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's the problem: Police believe pointing a gun at someone "de-escalates" tense situations. I wonder if the same logic applies when people point guns at them? [Asinine]

Saturday 28 November 5:19:13 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [126 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looks like we got us a good old fashioned Holy War going on. This could get interesting [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 November 4:49:56 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Officers across six police force areas were involved in dawn raids today, arresting seven people and seizing two submachine guns, a pistol and ammunition. Skulls from the desecrated graves are still missing [Creepy]

Saturday 28 November 4:35:56 UTC 2015

Creepy [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » More Weirdness From Japan

Saturday 28 November 4:21:55 UTC 2015


Found a great Top 10 Weirdest Japanese Inventions list. The Daddy Nurser isn't number 1 but it should be! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » United Arab Emirates deploys secret Colombian mercenary army to Yemen to fight proxy war against Iran. Wait, what? [Strange]

Saturday 28 November 4:19:58 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Cookie Cutters To Make Your Holiday Treats Stand Out

Saturday 28 November 4:00:00 UTC 2015

We can't promise that appropriately themed cookie cutters will make your baked goods taste any better this holiday season. But they'll look super cute, and you'll probably have a lot more fun making them. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The deadly "kissing bug" has made its way to Florida. That's going to be one unfortunate cooties outbreak [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 3:39:14 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man fails to save water park after neglecting to assemble a ragtag group of youths for a dance competition or baseball game [Followup]

Saturday 28 November 2:49:52 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Japan apparently being invaded by vampires as they discover more than a dozen boats floating off their coast with only corpses aboard [Strange]

Saturday 28 November 2:32:55 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How to train your dog to catch lobsters. Give that hound some surf and turf [Interesting]

Saturday 28 November 2:29:43 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How do you say "He needed killin'" in Spanish? Spanish court hands down a suspended sentence to a British ex-pat who punched a man to death after noticing the man, who turned out to be a convicted pedophile, surreptitiously filming his da

Saturday 28 November 2:20:52 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [86 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 28 November 2:15:24 UTC 2015

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Show

Saturday 28 November 2:00:00 UTC 2015

This colorful wheel with dragons for spokes tells us a little about the glory days of Coney Island. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your older brother was looking out for your health when he sold you schwag [Ironic]

Saturday 28 November 1:38:09 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this cranberry harvest [Photoshop]

Saturday 28 November 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » streaker? says FML

Saturday 28 November 0:21:43 UTC 2015

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mississippi + Waffle House + argument over smoking + handgun = mugshot [Dumbass]

Saturday 28 November 0:03:47 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [90 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 17 Colorful Facts About The Beatles' 'White Album'

Saturday 28 November 0:00:00 UTC 2015

Mothers, the Farrow sisters, Eric Clapton, and Eric Clapton's sweet tooth were big inspirations. [Link]

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