John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » When you're a state employee you probably shouldn't submit an expense report for all that time spent commuting to and from hair and nail salons [Facepalm]

Friday 27 November 23:17:38 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A twist in the market that nobody expected leads to a sudden increase in the demand for snow tires. In Ontario [Obvious]

Friday 27 November 23:00:41 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here she is, Miss Holocaust Survivor [Interesting]

Friday 27 November 22:35:41 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » SC court rules felon, who illegally possessed a gun and was beating his wife, was right to kill his brother-in-law for trying to stop the abuse [Murica]

Friday 27 November 22:07:42 UTC 2015

Murica [link] [177 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Homespun Facts About Kansas

Friday 27 November 22:00:00 UTC 2015

Here's why there's no place like the Sunflower State. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In space, no one can hear you stream [Fail]

Friday 27 November 21:31:51 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Swedish police: just in case a terrorist or two treis a holiday here this yër, could we be armed with something more potent than a can of surströmming? [Facepalm]

Friday 27 November 21:27:44 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lonely surfer [Photoshop]

Friday 27 November 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Residents of the Marshall Islands are faced with a choice of staying where they are and watch rising sea levels submerge their homes, or fleeing to Arkansas to make a new life. So, really, no good answer either way [Sad]

Friday 27 November 20:55:04 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's your Black Friday edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz [Survey]

Friday 27 November 20:54:03 UTC 2015

Survey [link] [19 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » fabz says FML

Friday 27 November 20:38:10 UTC 2015

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 27 November 20:38:09 UTC 2015

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bacon factory badly damaged in fire. Fire investigators say the blaze was accidental, smelled delicious [Sad]

Friday 27 November 20:14:25 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [20 comments] [Link]

The Oatmeal – Comics, Quizzes, & Stories » Black Friday

Friday 27 November 20:12:40 UTC 2015

Black FridayOur 2015 Black Friday Sale.View [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The rise of the Black Friday backlash [Interesting]

Friday 27 November 20:05:51 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Active shooter at Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. At least one officer shot [NewsFlash]

Friday 27 November 19:16:14 UTC 2015

NewsFlash [link] [2096 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man who crashed while fleeing police Thanksgiving morning gets ultimate wish, escapes from patrol car – while wearing handcuffs – in time to make it home to dinner with his family [Facepalm]

Friday 27 November 18:59:43 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Anytime you can say you have a grandma who's 102 years old and showing you how to hit a wiffle ball in the backyard, it's pretty special. So having her down here has been awesome" [Sappy]

Friday 27 November 18:30:10 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When he opened the sixth seal, I looked, and behold, there was a great earthquake, and the sun became black as sackcloth, the full moon became like blood, and I saw that a pie was baked into a cake and called piecaken [Murica]

Friday 27 November 18:24:36 UTC 2015

Murica [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Catholics say it is not OK to parade a giant plastic vagina through the streets. That honour is reserved for Virgins only [Amusing]

Friday 27 November 18:11:44 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Dozen Facts You Might Not Know About Dunkin' Donuts

Friday 27 November 18:00:00 UTC 2015

Because coffee and doughnuts will never go out of style. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Shine On You Crazy 'Diamond Problem of Multiple Inheritance' Solver [Weird]

Friday 27 November 17:55:42 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [44 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » clkoko says FML

Friday 27 November 17:38:57 UTC 2015

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML [Link]

FMyLife » askprussia says FML

Friday 27 November 17:38:56 UTC 2015

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and common: A few exotic plants in your living room. New and innovative: A waterfall and running creek in your living room [Cool]

Friday 27 November 17:12:43 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a nice look at all of the brawls that have broken out between bargain hunting Black Friday shoppers, including video of a massive fight that broke out in a Kentucky mall [Followup]

Friday 27 November 16:54:49 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [138 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You see a Muslim walking down the street towards a local mosque with headphones on. Do you: C.) Shove him to the ground while screaming that ISIS is sending him secret messages? [Obvious]

Friday 27 November 16:32:41 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boss of United Arab Emirates stocks up on American guns and planes to protect Dubai and Abu Dhabi from ISIS, Islamists and Iran. "The U.A.E. couldn't afford to just sit there and pretend to be Switzerland and have the whole region burn down&#

Friday 27 November 16:12:12 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Moving Facts About 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles'

Friday 27 November 16:00:00 UTC 2015

Those aren't pillows! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » To make it clear, the turkey's name that President Barack Obama pardoned is pronounced Abe, not Ah-bay [Silly]

Friday 27 November 15:41:38 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Portland high school cancels the school's winter dance over fears of a Patrick Swayze movie breaking out [Weird]

Friday 27 November 15:29:28 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two Connecticut moms are breast of friends, feed each other's children [Strange]

Friday 27 November 14:49:10 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Why Does This YouTube Star Eat the Apples in Chernobyl?

Friday 27 November 14:45:35 UTC 2015

YouTuber Bionerd23's videos from the Exclusion Zone aim to show viewers how safe the nuclear disaster site can be these days. [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Leftovers

Friday 27 November 14:45:32 UTC 2015

[Link]

Weird Universe » Death of the Human Ostrich

Friday 27 November 14:16:22 UTC 2015

1906: Robert Naysmith, the "human ostrich," died from eating too many hatpins and brass nails.

Back in the day, I think there were a number of people who earned a livelihood by exhibiting themselves as human ostriches. Tough way to make a living.

(left) Topeka Daily Capital – July 17, 1906; (right) The Sketch – July 4, 1906

Saint Paul Globe – … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this delivery center [Photoshop]

Friday 27 November 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Oglethorpe University's 'Crypt of Civilization'

Friday 27 November 13:30:00 UTC 2015

Not content to simply bury a box or a tube, the institution (and its president) buried an entire room. [Link]

Weird Universe » Television Set for the Differently Abled

Friday 27 November 13:16:47 UTC 2015

Very forward-looking and thoughtful of Westinghouse to create a TV set that aided one-handed people. Of course, nowadays you only need one finger (on the remote) to tune! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The good news is that front page article about how you're working 80-hours a week at two different Subways just to feed your family really touched a lot of people. The bad news is Subway just fired you from one of those jobs [Sad]

Friday 27 November 12:59:38 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [126 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Study finds that one in three have seen their neighbors naked. The other two are busy counting their blessings [Creepy]

Friday 27 November 12:55:42 UTC 2015

Creepy [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fearing the corrupting influence of the outside world, polygamist church leaders were able to block the establishment of a public library in southern Utah, until now. Up next: free Internet access followed by the discovery of Fark.com [Cool]

Friday 27 November 12:42:55 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man goes rock climbing without gear, gets stuck but is able to call 911 and hang on until rescuers arrived. The real amazing feat is he got cellphone reception in a canyon [Spiffy]

Friday 27 November 11:59:48 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Lowkey: A Word That's Lowkey Snuck Into Our Vocabulary

Friday 27 November 11:30:00 UTC 2015

How is language evolving on the internet? In this series on internet linguistics, Gretchen McCulloch breaks down the latest innovations in online communication. [Link]

FMyLife » I hate retail says FML

Friday 27 November 11:26:59 UTC 2015

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's not newsworthy when a customer gets a very large unexpected bill. It IS newsworthy when the bill is $1.4 trillion [Fail]

Friday 27 November 10:58:49 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Leftovers

Friday 27 November 10:51:00 UTC 2015

[Link]

GraphJam » I Hope You Brought Enough For Everyone

Friday 27 November 10:27:35 UTC 2015

Graph by: caf0162 Tagged: drugs , gum , Pie Chart , teachers , truancy story , violence Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Happy Easter!

Friday 27 November 10:27:27 UTC 2015

art easter egg venn diagram Graph by: mezerskezer Tagged: art , easter , egg , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Friday 27 November 10:27:26 UTC 2015

consequences will never be the same dating fat FMyLife Jessi Slaughter Pie Chart - 4216399872 Graph by: silea Tagged: consequences will never be the same , dating , fat , FMyLife , Jessi Slaughter , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » You're Going to Regret That Later

Friday 27 November 10:27:21 UTC 2015

dogs,dog food,eating,edible,flow chart Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dogs , dog food , eating , edible , flow chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Truth

Friday 27 November 10:27:16 UTC 2015

Graph by: Unknown Tagged: advertising , maybe , no , truth , yes Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Oh Please Call It a Lift

Friday 27 November 10:27:14 UTC 2015

accent,english,How People View Me,Pie Chart Graph by: Unknown Tagged: accent , english , How People View Me , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Just Wanted an Even, Summery Glow

Friday 27 November 10:26:59 UTC 2015

Graph by: Unknown Tagged: burn , expectations , reality , tan Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It's the Candy That Counts

Friday 27 November 10:26:52 UTC 2015

costume,halloween,superheroes Graph by: James Ged (via www.cabletv.com) Tagged: costume , halloween , superheroes Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beep your bus horn at me for walking too slowly across the road? That's me laying down in front of your bus in protest [Strange]

Friday 27 November 10:13:09 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't you just hate when a party crasher unexpectedly ruins your Thanksgiving dinner? Yeah, it even happens to U.S presidents [Scary]

Friday 27 November 9:41:16 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Jobs You Didn’t Know Dryer Sheets Could Do

Friday 27 November 9:30:00 UTC 2015

Dryer sheets are designed to soften and freshen clothing, but they've got loads of other uses—and we've made a laundry list of them. [Link]

Mental Floss » Turn-of-the-Century Germany in Color Photographs

Friday 27 November 7:30:00 UTC 2015

Beach days looked a lot different back then. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Family earning over $1 million living in NYC public housing. "They should move them out," said Carmen Santiago, a building resident, whose whereabouts, as usual, remain unknown [Fail]

Friday 27 November 7:26:56 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS page hacked, replaced with Viagra ad. Anonymous group hopes Islamic State will rise up and take notice [Amusing]

Friday 27 November 7:20:58 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Water conservation in green buildings leads to higher health risks [Ironic]

Friday 27 November 7:16:01 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Central African Republic rebels have found 13 people who weigh the same as a duck [Sick]

Friday 27 November 6:57:49 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twas the day before Thanksgiving, when all through the house, the roaches were stirring, while naked mom was passed out drunk on the couch [Scary]

Friday 27 November 6:57:11 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Every time I drive by Walmart, I think of my son who was working on Black Friday in 2008 and was trampled to death by a horde of frenzied shoppers." No word why the parents don't take an alternate route [Sad]

Friday 27 November 6:31:03 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » A Self-Enumerating Crossword

Friday 27 November 6:21:30 UTC 2015

Here’s a unique crossword puzzle by Lee Sallows. There are no clues — instead, each of the 12 entries must take the form [NUMBER](space)[LETTER](S), like so: EIGHT BS
NINETEEN XS
ONE J And so on. Can you complete the puzzle so that the finished grid presents an inventory of its own contents? (A couple observations to get you started: Because … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's 2015, we have the internet, we have freakin' Google, and still some people have no idea what Black Friday is… Bless them [Amusing]

Friday 27 November 6:18:57 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mississippi man kills his father, injures his mother because they didn't bring him back any fast food [Fail]

Friday 27 November 6:14:59 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother who left newborn baby in NYC manger won't face charges, though authorities still unclear if she ever came to her census [Followup]

Friday 27 November 6:05:39 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [17 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Black Friday By The Numbers

Friday 27 November 6:00:00 UTC 2015

120: Resting heart rate of average Black Friday shopper
3 A.M.: Time cashier currently being screamed at about coupon code had to wake up to be here today
34%: Percentage of moms who will have all their Christmas shopping done after this, thank God
16: Average PSI of foot applied to another human’s back 91.9: Station to keep your dial …


[Link]

Fark.com RSS » 2 Deer, One Bullet [Unlikely]

Friday 27 November 5:47:08 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Halifax scuba diver finds a beer bottle that predates Canada and still has beer inside. Plans to put it in the toilet [Strange]

Friday 27 November 5:38:44 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Creative Recipes to Make With Your Thanksgiving Leftovers

Friday 27 November 5:30:00 UTC 2015

Go beyond the traditional turkey sandwich this year. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most disgusting thing you can do with your Thanksgiving leftovers: make Thanksgiving Leftover Pizza [Sick]

Friday 27 November 5:18:08 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Massachusetts officer facing decades in prison for reporting a hoax shooting decides to kill himself instead of facing justice [Followup]

Friday 27 November 5:10:40 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Des Moines police hunting for teenage girl who assaulted a police officer…with a snowball [Asinine]

Friday 27 November 5:08:03 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Thanksgiving turkey isn't even cold yet but we already have our first Christmas Tree theft [Florida]

Friday 27 November 4:43:57 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » An Arkansas Phone Booth Got on the National Register of Historic Places

Friday 27 November 4:30:00 UTC 2015

It is one of the earliest phone booth designs specifically for outdoor use. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Regardless of what anyone thinks about the conditions of carriage, they are there in the interests of our passengers' safety and to react in such a violent way because you've been told you can't take a bike on board defies belief&#34

Friday 27 November 4:13:10 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til you get arrested in a prostitution sting at a Home Depot parking lot [Fail]

Friday 27 November 3:47:40 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Breathtaking German Castles

Friday 27 November 3:30:00 UTC 2015

Take a virtual tour of some gorgeous German history. [Link]

FMyLife » NoBasement4U says FML

Friday 27 November 2:12:18 UTC 2015

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML [Link]

FMyLife » qwertycode says FML

Friday 27 November 2:12:17 UTC 2015

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Adios Career says FML

Friday 27 November 1:57:26 UTC 2015

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Artist Creates Miniature Paintings on Seeds

Friday 27 November 1:30:00 UTC 2015

Teensy-tiny art that fits on a pumpkin seed. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this creature of the deep [Photoshop]

Friday 27 November 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » WellGroomed says FML

Friday 27 November 0:50:18 UTC 2015

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML [Link]

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