Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
FMyLife » ashamed says FML
Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Singapore reduces its publication bans from 257 to 17. Not so fast, Jehovah's Witnesses [Interesting]
[link] [15 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This story is just like a Disney fairy tale – or it would be if Disney films had Eastern European beggars, potty-mouthed Swedish people and single moms with six kids [Sappy]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Why Do Birds Fly?
Let’s talk about aerodynamics (air-oh-die-NAM-icks). [Link]
Fark.com RSS » While most people use the holiday period to celebrate, it's also been revealed as the biggest time for marriages to go into meltdown. 'Tis the season for break-ups [Sad]
[link] [87 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Surrogate Mother to man who hired her: great news, I am having triplets. Man: well Look, I ordered just the one, soooo, yeah, I'm gonna need you to just go ahead and "get rid" of the others, mmkay? [Sad]
[link] [107 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Biodegradable Bowls Find Use for Food Waste
Seed shaped bowls are made from food waste and become fertilizer when you're done. [Link]
Mental Floss » 2015 Will Likely Be the Warmest Year in Recorded History
When global warming meets El Niño. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Sad: having breast cancer and needing a mastectomy. No, seriously, fark you cancer, fark you right in the eye: When you are 8 years old [Sad]
[link] [52 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 25 Amazing Facts About Iowa
Learn more about the home of sliced bread, John Wayne, and the country's first female lawyer. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark-ready headline of the day: "Condom challenge: teens invent a new way to potentially maim themselves online" [Stupid]
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman horrified to learn she's been sleeping with a scorpion for three months. On the bright side, at least it wasn't a Whitesnake or a Judas Priest [Scary]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: A Hospital Memo on the Deaths of Kennedy and Oswald
Here is the internal memo that Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas sent out to employees after President Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald were both brought there. * Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to wrap that oddly-shaped gift this holiday season. Just print out one of these custom box templates. Don't worry—there is a coffin shape option. * For the person … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Australia to use drones to protect swimmers from sharks, which seems a bit overkill as Hellfire missiles are pretty powerful [Interesting]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch These Rare Outtakes From Charlie Chaplin’s Early Films
As the creator of the compilation notes, "Chaplin was a perfectionist, but he wasn't always perfect." [Link]
Fark.com RSS » PSA: if you scored lower than 150 on the LSAT, you shouldn't be going to law school, because you won't pass the bar exam. Then again, if you scored lower than 150 on the LSAT, you probably can't read this [Obvious]
[link] [81 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Sometimes you eat the bear … and sometimes the bear eats you. But not this time. This time you eat the bear [Scary]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Slow cooking just got extreme this Thanksgiving. Introducing perpetual stew [Strange]
[link] [76 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » FDA approves more autism in future flu-shots [Interesting]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this express [Photoshop]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Linda Harvey says anti-LGBT activists like herself are boycotting so many places, good heavens, they can't find anywhere to shop [Dumbass]
[link] [222 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Archaeologists at Galilee find the world's oldest fava seeds, also some liver and a nice chianti [Interesting]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Dogs have no concept of personal space as these pictures, humping your leg, prove [Amusing]
[link] [39 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » According to Google, the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday may be on to something [Ironic]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Remember those UCF students that make free bionic arms for kids? They aren't stopping. This time it's free bionic wheel chairs for quadriplegic veterans [Followup]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Spain to send seven hundred Spanish language teachers to America, as we apparently don't have anyone over here who speaks Spanish [Strange]
[link] [67 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Since today has been such a slow news day, here's a story about a kitten delivery service [Sappy]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » anthony says FML
Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Chemistry Cooking Hacks From an Award-Winning Teacher (and Foodie)
Prepare for Thanksgiving dinner with some tips from a chemistry expert. [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Far Out Facts About ‘Lost in Space’
Trivia, Will Robinson! Trivia! [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If I had $20 for ratchet straps, I probably wouldn't have a mattress on top of my car [Advice]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Firefighters: The sex shop is burning down. Customer: Go away, batin' [Dumbass]
[link] [61 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » These Lockers Could Someday Replace TSA Conveyor Belts
The DHS is testing the new system as a more efficient upgrade to old security technology. [Link]
Futility Closet » Reminder
You can get bonus posts and other rewards by supporting Futility Closet on Patreon — interact with me and other readers, browse the growing archive of bonus material (there are now more than 100 bonus posts), see my book recommendations, and more. You choose the amount to contribute, and you can change or cancel it at any time. See our … [Link]
Mental Floss » Get Tangled in These Mythical God Family Trees
Keep track of all your gods with these helpful diagrams. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Sleigh bells ring are you listening? In the lane snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight – lighting up green women's underwear [Fail]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 More Great Kids' Comics for Early Readers
Young readers will love these fun and exciting comic books. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Scientists locate the place in the brain where happiness exists. Apparently it is right next to the spot that knows how to do an unrestricted Google Image Search [Interesting]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hate visiting your family over the holidays? You can pay this guy to come ruin your Thanksgiving and never receive an invitation again [Amusing]
[link] [67 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pardoning the turkey: the bane of all presidents [Amusing]
[link] [70 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Finish These Movie Titles
Take the quiz! [Link]
Mental Floss » See Australian Parakeets Form a Super-Swarm
When the little birds come together, they become a superorganism with millions of eyes and a single purpose. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Boston man arrested for posing as Harvard-educated lawyer, stealing clients' money making him indistinguishable from any other lawyer [Interesting]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » After one of its aircraft was shot down by Turkey yesterday, Russia announces it is deploying anti-aircraft missile systems in Syria, which is kinda weird since ISIS doesn't really have an air force so what would… oh… uh-oh [Followup]
[link] [197 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Just in case the apocalypse should ever happen [Cool]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Artist writes 'paedo' in stolen communion wafers. Catholics furious. Everyone else mostly amused [Amusing]
[link] [159 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Anonymous Rick-rolls ISIS, trying to prove they are more inhumane [Interesting]
[link] [53 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 13 Scientific Terms Even Smart People Misuse
The good people of the American Museum of Natural History set the record straight. [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Giving Thanks
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » 100 years ago today Albert Einstein published his theory of general relativity. Not e=mc2, the other one about gravity. So here's David Tennant to explain it [Cool]
[link] [59 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » JFK: I want to go to Mars. Engineers: It's too far, we can go to the moon though? JFK: Yeah go on then [Cool]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you are driving on I-91 this weekend. Slow down. There are pigs everywhere. Also, there may be a rampedup holiday police presence [Silly]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Everyone loves those traditional holiday dishes: roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, ham and banana casserole, pumpkin pie…wait, back up a minute there. WTF? [Strange]
[link] [49 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » New program allows Pussy Von Fluffy-Wuffy to visit you in the hospital – and it ain't even Caturday [Cool]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Why Is U.S. Currency Green?
The color green wasn't always synonymous with money. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Remember kids – when a headline ends with a question mark the answer is "no" [Obvious]
[link] [23 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Drank a little too much last night and don't want to go to work? DO NOT pay a friend to call in an ISIS bomb threat [Followup]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » coolest_mom says FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch This Teenager Set the New Rubik's Cube Speed Record
Lucas Etter is the first person to solve a standard cube in under 5 seconds. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Teen runs a full marathon. Accidentally [Cool]
[link] [61 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Police Took More From Citizens Than Burglars In 2014
Economist Martin Armstrong notes that $4.5 billion in personal property was seized by police in 2014 via civil forfeiture, the process by which a criminal suspect surrenders goods possibly connected to that crime, figures that well surpass the $3.5 billion in property stolen by burglars last year. What do you think?
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this icehole [Photoshop]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Can’t Miss the Show
January 1985: The women of the Thurlow family proved they were serious fans of the TV show St. Elsewhere. Even as their house burned down around them, they remained parked in front of the TV set, watching the latest episode through the haze of the smoke, unwilling to miss a single moment. The firefighters had to drag them away. But … [Link]
FMyLife » dickbag says FML
Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » 13 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Retail Store Employees
Your butt can have a negative impact on their sales. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Phuc Dat Bich admit hoax and claims he's just a Joe Carr [Followup]
[link] [121 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Mystery Illustration 13
Which corporation–still around today–felt that this technological monster symbolized all the services they provided, back in 1969?
The answer is here. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A 12-month investigation leads to a raid that leads to $15,000 in product being seized. The product? Sea snails and sea urchin [Strange]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch This Mesmerizing Fire Tornado Spin in Slow Motion
The Slow Mo Guys use box fans to create a fiery vortex in a metal bucket. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Military base automatic gate guards: Keeps terrorists out; escaping criminals in [Dumbass]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Giving Thanks
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Idiotic new research by some dumbasses shows that rude behavior spreads like a disease [Interesting]
[link] [71 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Genius has his friends film him throwing himself onto police cruiser, then posts the video online. What could possibly go wrong? [Florida]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Brilliant Gifts for the Audiophile in Your Life
Give the gift of an awesome listening experience this holiday season. [Link]
FMyLife » anonymous says FML
Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Thanksgiving Myths
Have some links for your long holiday weekend! [Link]
Mental Floss » Artist Recreates Dante's 'Inferno' With LEGO Bricks
These dramatic LEGO dioramas draw their inspiration from Dante's 'Inferno.' [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Two VA employees, demoted for abusing VA policies so they could collect hundreds of thousands of dollars in relocation money, are being transferred, allowing them to collect relocation money [Facepalm]
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » A Hoodie Designed for Ultimate Relaxation (or a Panic Attack)
The Baker Miller Pink hoodie is made to calm down athletes before a big event. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » What would you do if you found a huge 3.5 carat diamond ring and had no idea who it belonged to? Well an honest man would start a Facebook campaign to track down the owner (w/pic of diamond and a very hairy woman's ring finger) [Spiffy]
[link] [40 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » anonymous says FML
Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML [Link]
FMyLife » _Asykes_ says FML
Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML [Link]
FMyLife » FitnessFirst says FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML [Link]
FMyLife » WhatALetdown says FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML [Link]
GraphJam » Mama Mia, Will You Make Me Slow
Graph by: mybigfannypack Tagged: bohemian rhapsody , kart , mario , nintendo , Pie Chart , queen , racing , shell , video games Share on Facebook
[Link]
GraphJam » Who Needs Actual Statistics?
Graph by: Unknown Tagged: joke , Pie Chart , self referential , Statistics Share on Facebook
[Link]
GraphJam » Challenge Accepted
Graph by: icanhascookiez Tagged: Challenge Accepted , door , hands full , Pie Chart , pull Share on Facebook
[Link]
GraphJam » What My Milkshake Brings to the Yard
Graph by: 1130am Tagged: ants , milkshake , Pie Chart , realism , sticky Share on Facebook
[Link]
GraphJam » Maybe If Some Aliens Bothered To Enter…
Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Aliens , beauty pageant , best of week , earth , Pie Chart , winners Share on Facebook
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » A 23-year-old woman decides to celebrate her probation by throwing a party at a local hotel with drugs, alcohol, and six underage teenagers. She'll get to try again in a few more years [Florida]
[link] [44 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Self writing headline: Alberta's nipple exposure laws received some tweaking Monday [Giggity]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "You don't get to pull your gun out because you're a coward and shoot someone because they moved." In Texas, this is what progress looks like [Followup]
[link] [172 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman moving out of her boyfriend's apartment decides to shoot him one last time [Florida]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » YESS, United States saved [Spiffy]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Odd Historical Hints for Preparing a Turkey
Bread sauce and forcemeat, anyone? [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Go be fat on someone else's airplane [Facepalm]
[link] [140 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Are you sure Fiat is sitting on an unaired Charlie Sheen TV commercial? Positive [Misc]
[link] [11 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The moral of this story is always do a test patch before using that dye on your hair [Scary]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 13 Words To Know Before You Try to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner
Vocabulary.com, posted by Arika Okrent There you are, a half-hour before guests arrive, face-to-face with the tragic implications of not knowing what deglaze means. Does it involve icing? Pottery? That's when you realize: Recipes are not only about how to cook a particular dish. They're about words. So now, from our friends at Vocabulary.com, here are a baker's dozen (that … [Link]
Futility Closet » A Long Visit
Your tedious nephews, Kerry and Kelly, are not honest, but they’re orderly. One of them lies only on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and the other lies only on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. At noon, they have the following conversation: Kerry: I lie on Saturdays. Kelly: I will lie tomorrow. Kerry: I lie on Sundays. On which day of the week … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man dies from movie cliche [Florida]
[link] [50 comments] [Link]
The Onion » News in Brief: Parents Officially Designate Upstairs Television For Anyone Who Doesn’t Want To Watch Thanksgiving Football
GREENVILLE, NC—Aiming to accommodate family members’ preferences and avoid any frustration, local parents Melissa and Ron Walters officially designated the upstairs television for anybody who did not want to watch the Thanksgiving football games on Thursday, sources reported. “You can use the TV in the guest room if you don’t want to watch football,” said Melissa Walters, allocating the nearly … [Link]
The Onion » Infographic: Tips For Buying A New Computer
First you must determine which type of computer will best suit your needs. Are you looking for a desktop, laptop, tablet, backtop, superblet, or fulltop?
Do your research and pretend to gain even a cursory understanding of what it means for a computer to have a single-core 2GHz processor.
To save money on costly warranties, secure a promise from a computer-literate friend … [Link]
Mental Floss » In Denmark, You Can Walk Across the World on a Giant Grass Map
Take a midday stroll across the world. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you just "found" a field dressed six-point buck, the Ohio Division of Wildlife would like a word with you [Fail]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Kentucky restores voting privileges to 140,000 non-violent felons, all of whom would have voted for Drew [Murica]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Roofer steals floor, will be confined to four walls [Weird]
[link] [10 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » You Can Purchase 'Golden Girls'-Inspired Underwear
The skivvies offer an undercover homage to TV's favorite gang of geriatrics. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Bomb squad called in after object attached to parachute falls from sky and hits car. Authorities: It's just part of a weather balloon, nothing to see here, move it along people, pay no attention to those alien corpses [Weird]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Wandering around the airport aimlessly is not usually a problem. However, when you reach the tarmac, it is a BIG problem [Dumbass]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » High school teacher arraigned for battery, held in D cell [Fail]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man who judges others based on their appearance angry at being judged based on his appearance [Ironic]
[link] [49 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » These Japanese Babies Broke a Guinness World Record
Yup, "crawling competitions" are a thing. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man who went on various news outlets and claimed he was a victim of Islamaphobia arrested in Turkey for trying to join ISIS [Ironic]
[link] [40 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Teenage Australian girl beaten to death for no longer wanting to be Mrs. Daesh [Followup]
[link] [144 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » North Korea flushes its #2 [Scary]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Russia has now lost a chopper trying to rescue the crew of the plane they lost [Followup]
[link] [86 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch a Turkey Fashion Show From 1951
Before facing the ax, turkeys in Griffin, Georgia, suffered a much greater indignity. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A study of white Americans shows they long for the 1950s when they "didn't face so much discrimination" [Murica]
[link] [189 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Not News: Woman sues government for release of shooting footage. Fark: JFK footage [Misc]
[link] [13 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » What Astronauts Are Grateful for This Thanksgiving
On the ISS holiday menu: smoked turkey, candied yams, and rehydratable corn [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fan kicked out of a college football game sends the police department 20 dozen donuts. Delicious, tasty, wonderful … wait, is that coconut on the donuts? ARREST HIM [Amusing]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Newborn baby found abandoned in nativity scene at NY church. Jesus Christ [Sad]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Ancient Worm Gets Named After Black Flag Frontman Henry Rollins
Henry Rollins is the namesake of the muscular Rollinschaeta myoplena. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Some people just like to watch the world burn, some like to put ketchup all over their chips rather than on the side. These people are animals [Obvious]
[link] [53 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Mass transit is for poor people, according to transit officials [Interesting]
[link] [39 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Things You Didn't Know About Black Beauty
The classic book turns 138 today. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Breaking: Police dashcam video of shooting of Laquan McDonald released. Warning: graphic content [News]
[link] [786 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » anonymous says FML
Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML [Link]
FMyLife » wellfuckyoutoo says FML
Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this adorableness [Photoshop]
[link] [15 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » These Books Are Also Brazilian Subway Tickets
To increase literacy in Brazil, one publisher combined books with subway passes. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » News: Weirdo steals 90 pairs of underwear. Fark: Someone has 90 pairs of underwear to steal [Creepy]
[link] [57 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 16 Heavy-Hitting Facts About the 'Rocky' Movies
If it were up to studio executives, Burt Reynolds might have been Rocky, and he would have died in 1990. [Link]
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