John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Judge sets bail at $2,000 after "attempted murder of a police chief" turns out to be "driving within 15 feet of a police chief" [Misc]

Saturday 26 September 23:40:41 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Huge Facts About 'Sábado Gigante'

Saturday 26 September 22:53:27 UTC 2015

Tonight marks the first Saturday in 53 years that the Univision juggernaut won't air an episode. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How to get to Osaka? Walk down the block and wait inside the strawberry for a #4 bus [Amusing]

Saturday 26 September 22:34:48 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Germany under siege by roving gangs of Syrian refugees [Followup]

Saturday 26 September 22:17:04 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [223 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In a rare moment of sanity, a school district has reinstated the game of tag [Followup]

Saturday 26 September 21:43:52 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World ends tonight for Mormons, unless it's cloudy [Asinine]

Saturday 26 September 21:34:05 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're at the gas pump and see a spider on your fuel tank. What's the dumbest thing you could do? With video goodness [Fail]

Saturday 26 September 21:29:58 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hajjiahad? [Misc]

Saturday 26 September 21:24:15 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Inexpensive: £4.50 date. Cheap: asking for a refund [Awkward]

Saturday 26 September 21:16:23 UTC 2015

Awkward [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama provides military equipment to Al Qaeda [Fail]

Saturday 26 September 21:12:42 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In 1980, not a single state had an obesity rate above 15%. Now, not a single state has an obesity rate below 15% [Fail]

Saturday 26 September 21:06:43 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » In Japan, You Can Hire a Handsome Boy To Wipe Your Tears Away

Saturday 26 September 21:00:00 UTC 2015

Because a cute guy is better than a Kleenex. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mr and Mrs Scumbag steal wallet from accident victim, go on spending spree and get captured on CCTV, turn themselves in. Husband tells cops that stealing the wallet "isn't in his character" [Unlikely]

Saturday 26 September 20:59:57 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mexico to the U.S.: You keep your "ice bucket challenge." We'll have our own coke snorting challenge [Interesting]

Saturday 26 September 20:10:42 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two legal drug dealers arrested after illegally selling drugs [Florida]

Saturday 26 September 20:10:09 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this pavement painter [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 September 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Take advantage of opertunity in Edmonton" [Facepalm]

Saturday 26 September 19:53:39 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A modern day Bonnie and Clyde, they are not [Dumbass]

Saturday 26 September 19:43:11 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » According to science, people sleep better when they're naked. But you can still wear socks, right? Because not wearing socks to bed is wrong [Giggity]

Saturday 26 September 19:37:25 UTC 2015

Giggity [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Non-believers you're wrong, the Pope does have rainbows coming out of his…. won't finish headline for fear of lightning [Weird]

Saturday 26 September 19:32:41 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teenager and his mother get threatened by a robber wielding a knife, so the teenager does the sensible thing and beats the man with a tire iron [Florida]

Saturday 26 September 19:02:28 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [70 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » My Daughter Fails at Life says FML

Saturday 26 September 18:50:20 UTC 2015

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet says FML

Saturday 26 September 18:50:19 UTC 2015

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » National bathroom contest held to name the best public restroom in the country. Which after drinking a couple of six packs is usually the one that is closest [Cool]

Saturday 26 September 18:16:09 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Reporter to State Department: Any comment on Saudi Arabia being named to lead the UN Human Rights Council? It's about to behead and crucify the son of a prominent regime critic. Answer: "I can't give that off the top of my head" [Asin

Saturday 26 September 17:44:53 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's the 4th Blood Moon in a year and a half. Everyone prophesize [Unlikely]

Saturday 26 September 17:38:40 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police find giant weed forest in London a few streets down from college dorms. Students apparently were "unaware" [Amusing]

Saturday 26 September 17:37:16 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » On Sept. 27, See a Rare Total Eclipse of a Red Super Harvest Moon

Saturday 26 September 17:02:39 UTC 2015

The darkened terrestrial disk will be ringed by every sunrise and every sunset in the world, all at once. [Link]

Mental Floss » A 1990s Cartoon-Inspired Art Show is Coming to Brooklyn

Saturday 26 September 17:02:37 UTC 2015

IMAGE Gallery is turning "Cartoons & Cereal" into an art form—and pop-up art show. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Banksy, you shall go to the ball [Amusing]

Saturday 26 September 16:39:18 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It turns out those wedding chapels in Vegas actually result in a real marriage. Who knew? [Amusing]

Saturday 26 September 16:07:17 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man on meth waves large stick at construction workers, gets naked for them. Confused construction workers vow to never whistle randomly at people walking down the street ever again [Stupid]

Saturday 26 September 15:55:07 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's one of the few good things to come from McDonald's lately. Is it dusty in here or what? [Sappy]

Saturday 26 September 15:24:03 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [67 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » itwaswarm says FML

Saturday 26 September 14:57:36 UTC 2015

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » WakeUpToADream says FML

Saturday 26 September 14:57:35 UTC 2015

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Behind-the-Scenes Facts About ‘Laverne

Saturday 26 September 14:30:00 UTC 2015

Schlemiel! Schlemazel! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Girl suspended from school for wearing the wrong shade of green after teacher almost had to hit the Independent Thought Alarm twice that day [Stupid]

Saturday 26 September 13:49:12 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [211 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bay City, Michigan learns that the most important aspect to burying a time capsule is making sure it's waterproof [Fail]

Saturday 26 September 13:35:17 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this yoga bomb [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 September 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Jayne Mansfield’s Hand

Saturday 26 September 12:54:40 UTC 2015

1958: Journalist tries to record in words the exact sensation of touching Jayne Mansfield's hand.

I had never seen the phrase "gone sensation" and thought maybe it was a typo, but Merriam-Webster defines it as "a feeling of faintness or weakness."

Spokane Daily Chronicle – Apr 17, 1958
Jake Gets Thrill, Peachy Sensation From Jane's Hand
KINGSVILLE, Texas, April 17. — … [Link]

The Onion » News in Photos: Pope Francis Washes Feet Of Philly Phanatic

Saturday 26 September 12:43:00 UTC 2015


[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Couple charged after having sex in the drive-through line at McDonald's instead of having some class and doing it in the bathroom [Giggity]

Saturday 26 September 12:16:04 UTC 2015

Giggity [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When a couple found six abandoned kittens and decided to try and care for them, the entire neighborhood stepped up to help. A truly heartwarming story for Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 26 September 12:00:00 UTC 2015

Caturday [link] [528 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A leak says NASA's going to announce there's water on Mars, I hope the rumor holds water [Cool]

Saturday 26 September 11:15:11 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [107 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 26 September 10:50:16 UTC 2015

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Thai that on for size says FML

Saturday 26 September 10:50:15 UTC 2015

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww…" and back … [Link]

FMyLife » Enanimus says FML

Saturday 26 September 10:50:14 UTC 2015

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 26 September 10:42:45 UTC 2015

bass drummer fish food fruitcake often Pie Chart snare will-it-drum - 4058841856 Graph by: kfrechette Tagged: bass , drummer , fish , food , fruitcake often , Pie Chart , snare , will-it-drum Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » But Everyone Cares About What I Post, Right?

Saturday 26 September 10:42:44 UTC 2015

facebook,posts,status updates,venn diagram Graph by: Valii- Tagged: facebook , posts , status updates , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Oh My God, You Minimalized Kenny

Saturday 26 September 10:42:40 UTC 2015

art characters minimalism Apparently there are 315 characters here, can you guess them all? Graph by: (via Greg-guillemin) Tagged: art , characters , minimalism Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Toyota sudden acceleration incidents

Saturday 26 September 10:42:21 UTC 2015

acceleration,Bar Graph,Before And After,cars,recall,toyota Graph by: wtfwtflol Tagged: acceleration , Bar Graph , Before And After , cars , recall , toyota Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » You Love My Lady Lumps

Saturday 26 September 10:42:19 UTC 2015

Graph by: Unknown Tagged: black-eyed peas , cool , my humps , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Most Importantly, A Movie Deal

Saturday 26 September 10:42:17 UTC 2015

deal,enemies,Harry Potter,movies,parents,Pie Chart,wand Graph by: TSolomon311 Tagged: deal , enemies , Harry Potter , movies , parents , Pie Chart , wand Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Saturday 26 September 10:42:11 UTC 2015

curse words Pie Chart puzzle spare time word search - 3921885184 Graph by: Sadie555 Tagged: curse words , Pie Chart , puzzle , spare time , word search Share on Facebook [Link]

Weird Universe » The Violaeol

Saturday 26 September 10:23:12 UTC 2015

Original article here.

In 1935, one Alfred Grosjean (as named in a separate TIME magazine article) invented the "violaeol."

Some years later, luthier Josh Rieck recreated one for his own use.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » While most normal 4-year-old boys idolize superheroes, policemen or sports heroes that they will never meet, Carter idolizes someone he sees 6 days a week and neither snow nor rain nor heat will keep him away [Sappy]

Saturday 26 September 10:22:04 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Amazing pictures of enormous vegetables will make your backyard gardening efforts look very medi-okra [Weird]

Saturday 26 September 9:47:52 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Man Builds Hut With Heated Floors From Scratch

Saturday 26 September 8:46:32 UTC 2015

120 days of work in 14 minutes of video. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No, I didn't say I left my Vans on your porch. I said I left my VAN on your PORSCHE [Scary]

Saturday 26 September 8:11:57 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wearing a man bun can have an unwelcome side effect – even beyond the ridicule [PSA]

Saturday 26 September 7:44:03 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Dictation Software is Changing the Way We Communicate

Saturday 26 September 7:00:00 UTC 2015

It makes us think before we speak. [Link]

Futility Closet » Take Two

Saturday 26 September 6:31:14 UTC 2015

Ulysses, Kansas, moved. Founded in 1885, the town thrived at first, but after four years a drought arrived, and by 1906 the population had dwindled from 1500 to 100. Worse, during the boom years the town had sold thousands of dollars’ worth of bonds to finance improvements that were never made. When East Coast bondholders began to sue, the city … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drunk man misses turn, drives his vehicle over a guardrail, hits several trees while tumbling down an embankment, completely submerges the car in a river, and is arrested nearby trying to get into someone else's car. While naked [Dumbass]

Saturday 26 September 5:33:52 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [38 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Sports News in Brief: Wild-Eyed Jim Harbaugh Informs Players They Must Kill Their Pregame Meal

Saturday 26 September 5:30:00 UTC 2015

ANN ARBOR, MI—Stressing the importance of physical and mental preparation for their upcoming game against UNLV, a wild-eyed, frenzied Jim Harbaugh reportedly informed all University of Michigan players Saturday that they would have to kill their pregame meal themselves. “You have four hours to track, catch, and slaughter your food before kickoff,” Harbaugh said during a 7 a.m. team meeting, … [Link]

The Onion » News in Brief: Horrified Pope Calls Philadelphia Humanity’s Greatest Sin Against God

Saturday 26 September 5:30:00 UTC 2015

PHILADELPHIA—Visibly aghast as he took the pulpit at the Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul in Philadelphia to deliver a sermon Saturday, a horrified Pope Francis reportedly referred to the city as a “blighted abomination, forsaken by Heaven” and “humanity’s greatest sin against God.” “In my travels, I have seen countless examples of man’s inhumanity toward his fellow man, … [Link]

Mental Floss » What's the Right Way to Make a Sazerac?

Saturday 26 September 4:48:03 UTC 2015

If you pronounce New Orleans "New Or-leens," or if you can’t get enough of those Big Ass Beers sold on Bourbon Street, you’re probably not actually from New Orleans. But if you’re feeling adventurous and missing the Big Easy, a Sazerac might be just what the doctor ordered. ‘Tails and Stories A few hundred years ago, you might have actually … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "He told officers he was examining the gun, placed it in his pocket and the gun discharged, striking him in the penis" [Dumbass]

Saturday 26 September 4:39:54 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 16) "I've had better" [Facepalm]

Saturday 26 September 4:29:50 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [250 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Queen Marie of Romania's Heart Will Find a New Home

Saturday 26 September 4:00:00 UTC 2015

In November, it will be moved from museum storage to the castle where she died in 1938. [Link]

Mental Floss » Study Finds We Can Feel Embarrassed Even When No One's Watching

Saturday 26 September 3:30:00 UTC 2015

Science confirms we're our own worst critics. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Maybe you need to give your staff a little more toilet break time if they're peeing in the warehouse drinking fountain because they don't have enough time to walk to the bathroom [Sick]

Saturday 26 September 3:26:16 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Mobile Private Island for Aspiring Supervillans

Saturday 26 September 3:00:00 UTC 2015

Features include waterfalls, an outdoor cinema, and a shark-feeding station. [Link]

FMyLife » sobusy says FML

Saturday 26 September 2:55:03 UTC 2015

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Non-Profit Organization Recreates Magazine Covers With Shelter Dogs to Help Them Get Adopted

Saturday 26 September 2:30:00 UTC 2015

Transforming shelter dogs into cover models is as fashionable as it sounds. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Waiting on the East Coast for your delivery of the new iPhone 6S? Blame the Pope [Followup]

Saturday 26 September 2:15:33 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The Stout Scarab

Saturday 26 September 2:12:01 UTC 2015

The 1936 Stout Scarab is referred to by some as the first minivan. Its definitely one cool car! [Link]

Mental Floss » Fidget More, Live Longer, a New Study Finds

Saturday 26 September 2:00:00 UTC 2015

A new British study shows that even little movements can help reduce mortality. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Somebody get this Monday to Friday tarantula off this Monkey Festival airplane [Scary]

Saturday 26 September 1:50:43 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Archaeologists Discover 7-Pound Calcified Uterus in British Cemetery

Saturday 26 September 1:30:00 UTC 2015

It's the largest such mass ever found by archaeologists: “I’ve never seen anything quite like that before, nor have my colleagues, and we were very excited." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge will decide if man is drug dealer or dumb shopper [Strange]

Saturday 26 September 1:03:07 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis will sleep on a bed donated by Macy's, covered in bedding donated by Macy's, sit in lounge chairs donated by Macy's at dining tables donated by Macy's, and look through curtains donated by Macy's. Macy's [Facepalm

Saturday 26 September 0:41:08 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [67 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » zAstonish says FML

Saturday 26 September 0:33:33 UTC 2015

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Delicious Facts About Reese’s

Saturday 26 September 0:30:00 UTC 2015

They’re arguably America’s favorite candy, so you could always know a little more about this divine marriage of chocolate and peanut butter. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beggars CAN be choosers, if Finnish food is one of the choices [Interesting]

Saturday 26 September 0:02:36 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop theme: Create a new pumpkin spice product [Photoshop]

Saturday 26 September 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Russia Exhumes the Remains of the Last Tsar and Tsarina, Nearly a Century After Their Deaths

Saturday 26 September 0:00:00 UTC 2015

The Russian Orthodox Church wants to conduct additional tests on Romanov family remains before declaring them holy relics. [Link]

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