John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (August 16, 2015)

Sunday 16 August 23:37:52 UTC 2015

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M436, August 16, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

“The worshipful treatment of pets may be the thing that unites all Americans,” wrote an Atlantic Magazine blogger in July, describing the under-construction luxury terminal for animals at New York’s JFK airport. The “ARK” will offer shower stalls for traveling horses, “conjugal … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 16 August 23:25:26 UTC 2015

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 16 August 23:25:25 UTC 2015

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. I slipped my hand down her underwear, only to discover upon retracting my hand that she doesn't know how to wipe her own arse properly. I had to either focus on cumming, or freak out over my shit-covered fingers. I did not cum. FML [Link]

FMyLife » KeysToHappiness says FML

Sunday 16 August 23:25:24 UTC 2015

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday, when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How do you de-oil a polar bear? Very carefully [Unlikely]

Sunday 16 August 23:08:02 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Sneak Peek Behind the Scenes of 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens'

Sunday 16 August 23:00:00 UTC 2015

Star Wars fans may have to wait until December to see 'The Force Awakens' in theaters. But here are X [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Spice use plagues Anchorage. I blame the Fremen [Stupid]

Sunday 16 August 22:28:01 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Farmer's Almanac predicts a long, cold winter for the United States this year. Better bundle up now [Murica]

Sunday 16 August 22:14:50 UTC 2015

Murica [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: If you are going to start a fight in a Chuck E. Cheese, it's probably best not to leave your picture behind in the photo booth [Facepalm]

Sunday 16 August 22:13:54 UTC 2015

Facepalm [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Pee-wee Herman's Anti-Crack PSA

Sunday 16 August 22:00:00 UTC 2015

Plus Ally Sheedy, Bette Midler, Clint Eastwood, Olivia Newton-John, and Nancy Reagan. [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Tuition-Free Colleges

Sunday 16 August 21:48:00 UTC 2015

For those who want to avoid being saddled with huge student loan debt, here are six schools that offer tuition-free educations. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You can buy this British castle for the price of a council flat, but yeah, there's a catch [Interesting]

Sunday 16 August 21:46:58 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Discarded celebrity waxworks find new lives in Ohio's BibleWalk museum. Come for John Travolta as King Solomon, make a run for the exit when you get to Tom Cruise as Jesus. Special Fark Bonus: museum director's hairdo [Amusing]

Sunday 16 August 21:34:52 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » To the moon Alice, to the moon [Amusing]

Sunday 16 August 21:31:56 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "No one stared at my breasts. No one grabbed my ass. No one licked their lips, called my baby, told me to smile, to fix my hair, be better, look prettier, or to come home with them" [Interesting]

Sunday 16 August 20:15:22 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [268 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You had ONE job [Fail]

Sunday 16 August 20:11:58 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this spitter [Photoshop]

Sunday 16 August 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Unusual Facts About ‘The Usual Suspects’

Sunday 16 August 20:00:00 UTC 2015

The twisty criminal caper arrived in theaters 20 years ago today. [Link]

FMyLife » IceWrath says FML

Sunday 16 August 19:20:15 UTC 2015

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is there anything more terrifying than being chased by a koala that only wants a hug? (pics, video) [Amusing]

Sunday 16 August 18:54:17 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Listen to the recording that proves MH17 was destroyed by the CIA – at least according to the Russians [Followup]

Sunday 16 August 18:45:15 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I don't care who you are. That sign is funny" [Amusing]

Sunday 16 August 18:42:19 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Giant Gummy Bear + Liquid Nitrogen + Shotgun = Candy Carnage

Sunday 16 August 18:00:00 UTC 2015

"What did the gummy bear ever do to you?!" [Link]

Mental Floss » America's Shrewdest Con Man: The "Christian Kid"

Sunday 16 August 17:00:00 UTC 2015

Cheating you out of your life savings? Sure. Drinking? Out of the question. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "While there's no doubt Tinder has contributed to today's throwaway dating culture, it can't solely be blamed for it. The fact that twentysomething men want to sleep around is hardly Tinder's fault" [Obvious]

Sunday 16 August 16:43:41 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [150 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » fire starter says FML

Sunday 16 August 16:40:44 UTC 2015

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Parents are being warned to be vigilant for children and teenagers visiting rogue tattooists and buying kits over the internet as part of a celebrity-fueled craze for 'inking'" [Stupid]

Sunday 16 August 16:18:44 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [114 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MikaykayUnicorn says FML

Sunday 16 August 16:11:24 UTC 2015

Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Things You Should Know About Louisville

Sunday 16 August 16:00:00 UTC 2015

There's a lot more to this city of 750,000 than horses and bourbon. [Link]

FMyLife » anonymous says FML

Sunday 16 August 15:46:18 UTC 2015

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Fantastic Facts About 'The NeverEnding Story'

Sunday 16 August 15:00:00 UTC 2015

The movie adaptation of German writer Michael Ende's 1979 fantasy novel The Neverending Story (Die unendliche Geschichte) was released during that special era in the 1980s when a PG rating almost certainly meant nightmares for children under the age of 10 (see: Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal). But that didn't stop Wolfgang Petersen's magical adventure story from becoming a bona … [Link]

FMyLife » Tarlachia says FML

Sunday 16 August 14:18:28 UTC 2015

Today, my vehicle's transmission shifter moves freely without shifting gears. I'm stuck in park, in a parking lot, unable to even put it into neutral to push the vehicle out of the way of several parked cars. The old lady screaming at me just outside my door doesn't understand logic either. FML [Link]

FMyLife » someboody says FML

Sunday 16 August 14:18:27 UTC 2015

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I can understand that it can happen anywhere, but it seems to happen a lot at Walmart. It needs to stop." Good luck with that [Unlikely]

Sunday 16 August 14:16:09 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [211 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch: Building a Hut from Scratch

Sunday 16 August 14:13:06 UTC 2015

This guy built a rad hut complete with a chimney, bed, walls, the whole deal–from scratch. More like this, please. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » On this day in 1977, Elvis left the building forever … or did he? [dramatic music stinger] [Sad]

Sunday 16 August 13:30:23 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this smoky surprise-attack [Photoshop]

Sunday 16 August 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Public Nudity [CSB]

Sunday 16 August 13:00:00 UTC 2015

CSB [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Brief History of Rum—and 11 Kinds You Should be Drinking

Sunday 16 August 12:30:00 UTC 2015

Let’s talk about rum—but first we need to discuss garbage. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In response to US-South Korea military exercises, North Korea threatens to bomb the hell out of the ocean a few miles off their own coast [Unlikely]

Sunday 16 August 12:19:24 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Near-naked women angering tourists with their near-nakedness (Not safe for work) [Giggity]

Sunday 16 August 12:13:42 UTC 2015

Giggity [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Sea Captain’s Hallucination

Sunday 16 August 11:58:25 UTC 2015

Original article here. [Link]

Weird Universe » The Dare Killer, 1933

Sunday 16 August 11:53:30 UTC 2015

Oscar Hickey, Hazel Short, Vernon Tucker, and Maxine Scott had all been at a dance, after which they drove home together. This involved a lot of drinking and some gun play in which they were "amusing themselves by playing with a revolver, firing occasional shots as they sped along the concrete slab."

While stopping at a gas station, Tucker and … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "First. Safest. Best." is the motto of the paramilitary group whose instructor was critically injured by shrapnel from an exploding target [Murica]

Sunday 16 August 11:22:08 UTC 2015

Murica [link] [155 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indonesian plane goes missing with 54 people on board. CNN placed on red alert, all leaves cancelled, all employees ordered to report for duty immediately [News]

Sunday 16 August 10:54:56 UTC 2015

News [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch: Competitive Finch Singing

Sunday 16 August 10:30:00 UTC 2015

Male finches naturally compete, through song, with each other. These New York dudes bring their birds to sing-offs! [Link]

FMyLife » bruised says FML

Sunday 16 August 9:02:40 UTC 2015

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 16 August 9:02:39 UTC 2015

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML [Link]

GraphJam » No Pain, No Gain

Sunday 16 August 9:02:38 UTC 2015

chubby,Pie Chart,thinspiration,weight,weight loss Graph by: milzamo Tagged: chubby , Pie Chart , thinspiration , weight , weight loss Share on Facebook [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 16 August 9:02:38 UTC 2015

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML [Link]

FMyLife » MissyPants says FML

Sunday 16 August 9:02:37 UTC 2015

Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML [Link]

GraphJam » Hypothetically Date That Is

Sunday 16 August 9:02:36 UTC 2015

dating,fish in the sea,infographic,judgement call Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dating , fish in the sea , infographic , judgement call Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » And No Prize!?

Sunday 16 August 9:02:31 UTC 2015

cereal,mess,Pie Chart,pouring,prize,slowly Graph by: TheManWhoShearsLlamas Tagged: cereal , mess , Pie Chart , pouring , prize , slowly Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Chips of Justice

Sunday 16 August 9:02:27 UTC 2015

chips justice Lays pringles TV - 5504492544 Graph by: (via thefrogman) Tagged: chips , justice , Lays , pringles , TV Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Average 12-year-old's vocabulary

Sunday 16 August 9:02:22 UTC 2015

Graph by: bagels4321 Tagged: conversation , epic , FAIL , legitimate , like , mom , Pie Chart , pre-teens , um , vocabulary , win , youth Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » My Cooking

Sunday 16 August 9:02:18 UTC 2015

cooking,eat,eating,food,How To,know,tired,venn diagram Graph by: Villiers Tagged: cooking , eat , eating , food , How To , know , tired , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » But Somehow Bandana Is the Same

Sunday 16 August 9:02:16 UTC 2015

Graph by: Unknown Tagged: banana , english , Evanescence , japanese , languages , secret onion rings , spanish , spreadsheet , that face , バナナ Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Will Always Love You, Drugs

Sunday 16 August 9:02:11 UTC 2015

Bar Graph celeb OD whitney houston - 5829465856 Graph by: Stevego Tagged: Bar Graph , celeb , OD , whitney houston Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What Everything Looks Like

Sunday 16 August 9:02:09 UTC 2015

costume everything gollum lady gaga like looks Lord of the Rings sloth the goonies totallylookslike.com - 3038888192 Graph by: notsjhartsfield Tagged: costume , everything , gollum , lady gaga , like , looks , Lord of the Rings , sloth , the goonies , totallylookslike.com Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Brief History of Santa

Sunday 16 August 9:02:08 UTC 2015

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: christmas , history , saint nicholas , santa , Video Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Classic: The Hips Aren't Hip

Sunday 16 August 9:02:02 UTC 2015

best of week,face,humiliating,tattoos Graph by: Norwegia Tagged: best of week , face , humiliating , tattoos Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Satisfaction Never Smelled So Sweet

Sunday 16 August 9:01:53 UTC 2015

bathroom humor,Pie Chart,pooping,work Graph by: Unknown Tagged: bathroom humor , Pie Chart , pooping , work Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Why Young Children REALLY Want Toys

Sunday 16 August 9:01:52 UTC 2015

break destroy fun kids toys - 1496128768 LoL by: DanniDrummer Tagged: break , destroy , fun , kids , toys Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » We're Number One!

Sunday 16 August 9:01:51 UTC 2015

number one population prisons united states world - 6275766784 Graph by: (via Upworthy) Tagged: number one , population , prisons , united states , world Share on Facebook [Link]

Mental Floss » Driving the Lower 48 States in 124 Hours

Sunday 16 August 8:30:00 UTC 2015

Drive the lower 48 states 4,000 times faster than real time. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I'm sorry, are you finding the 20,000 ton pile of putrid, rat-infested industrial and domestic waste that spontaneously combusts on a weekly basis a problem?" [Sick]

Sunday 16 August 7:16:08 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Civil Rights legend Julian Bond has died [News]

Sunday 16 August 6:59:35 UTC 2015

News [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Black and White

Sunday 16 August 6:51:28 UTC 2015

By Ivan Pavlovich Ropet. White to mate in two moves. Click for solution … Please support Futility Closet on Patreon! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pot is once again at the center of yet more senseless violence [Scary]

Sunday 16 August 6:00:38 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If the ape at the zoo calmly tells you to mind your own business, don't say you weren't warned [Interesting]

Sunday 16 August 5:47:33 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Our host is feeling a bit under the weather so he won't be in the studio tonight. Instead here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from May 26, 2012 for you to listen to [Spiffy]

Sunday 16 August 4:27:02 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: Ceiling cat. New hotness: Cat door bear [Amusing]

Sunday 16 August 4:01:32 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man in critical condition after fall from high-rise apartment building in Chicago. If only there were a device which could slow a fall… oh, yeah, he was already wearing a parachute [Sad]

Sunday 16 August 3:18:31 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Couple arrested for using stolen credit card info to buy a bird. Police consider them a flight risk [Stupid]

Sunday 16 August 2:38:35 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [19 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » simugeek says FML

Sunday 16 August 2:25:38 UTC 2015

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML [Link]

FMyLife » suuoerwholock says FML

Sunday 16 August 2:25:37 UTC 2015

Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML [Link]

FMyLife » BrandNewLemon says FML

Sunday 16 August 2:25:36 UTC 2015

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ferguson police officer describes spending his "Michael Brown bonus," surprised to find people have a problem with this [Dumbass]

Sunday 16 August 2:22:24 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » China denies it made a nearly identical copy of Chicago's "Bean" sculpture, claiming that the original version reflects the sky, while theirs reflects the ground [Silly]

Sunday 16 August 1:50:28 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: Always look for the small print that says there are hundreds of dead Spanish influenza victims buried there when buying property [Weird]

Sunday 16 August 1:01:45 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this unsupported cyclist [Photoshop]

Sunday 16 August 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

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