John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Good idea: Tipping your waitress. Bad idea: Trying to put the money down the front of her shirt (w/video) [Fail]

Sunday 24 May 23:36:31 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [74 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 24 May 23:28:55 UTC 2015

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 24 May 23:28:54 UTC 2015

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Things You Might Not Know About 'Thelma

Sunday 24 May 23:00:00 UTC 2015

Thelma and Louise never made it to Club Med, but they did make a impact. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You have only five weeks left to block the fast lanes of Indiana Interstates [PSA]

Sunday 24 May 22:24:21 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [413 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "We're of the belief here at UCF that if you flunk a class, you should pay more" [Florida]

Sunday 24 May 22:05:16 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til someone steals Harry Truman [Scary]

Sunday 24 May 21:27:26 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When picking a car for your 100 mph drunken joy ride try to avoid the one with "student driver" logos [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 21:04:13 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Computer Program Can Write Its Own Rap Lyrics

Sunday 24 May 21:00:00 UTC 2015

Plenty of rappers have claimed that they’re the best alive. But now they’ve got some competition—from a computer program. A team of Finnish computer scientists has developed a machine-learning algorithm, dubbed “DeepBeat,” which has “learned” how to rap by analyzing the rhymes present in approximately 10,000 songs by more than 100 artists. When it came to creating the program, the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Craft beer drinkers are finally discovering this thing called "Lager" [Ironic]

Sunday 24 May 20:48:24 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [142 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sword wielding man in an elf costume attacks a BMW. Apparently Ganon was driving in Portland on Saturday [Weird]

Sunday 24 May 20:24:08 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burning tanker shuts down major freeways. Just another day in Detroit [Obvious]

Sunday 24 May 20:05:15 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this specialist and his specializations [Photoshop]

Sunday 24 May 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 59: The Wizard of Mauritius

Sunday 24 May 19:52:41 UTC 2015


In 1764 a French engineer on a tiny African island claimed that he could see ships beyond the horizon. In today’s show we’ll review the strange story of Étienne Bottineau and consider the evidence for his claims to have invented a new art. We’ll also ponder a 400-year-old levitation trick and puzzle over why throwing a beer can at someone … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having quadruplets is not that unusual … unless you're 65, and already have 13 kids [Strange]

Sunday 24 May 19:44:20 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pro-tip: If a woman offers you a massage, make sure it does not involve tying you to a bed and setting you ablaze first [Scary]

Sunday 24 May 19:20:32 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caught fooling around? Science has a new defense: infidelity lurks in your genes. Warning: big scientific words, though the plus side is that if you learn a few you'll sound more convincing as your mate brandishes the cast iron pan [Interesting]

Sunday 24 May 19:05:25 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Humans and Dogs Have Been Best Friends For Way Longer Than We Thought

Sunday 24 May 19:00:00 UTC 2015

Dogs have long been our animal BFFs, but how far back can our companionship be traced? According to a new study, further back than we thought. Previous studies have suggested that dogs became domesticated roughly 11,0000 to 16,000 years ago as companions to hunter-gatherers. But a new study published in Current Biology found that dogs were likely domesticated a staggering … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Must have been a good night drinking. Thieves steal a government vehicle from a storage lot and took it on a joyride for six hours. They then returned it [Strange]

Sunday 24 May 18:35:35 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Despite the UK's advances in modern medicine this episode has all the finesse of improvised surgery on Nelson's flagship during the Battle of Trafalgar" [Scary]

Sunday 24 May 18:05:22 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [37 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » hellpop says FML

Sunday 24 May 17:45:53 UTC 2015

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Four reasons why feeding bread to ducks is stupid: "It's junk food for ducks" [Obvious]

Sunday 24 May 17:27:25 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » SURE they are… [Unlikely]

Sunday 24 May 17:06:02 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Why NYC's Bagels are So Delicious

Sunday 24 May 17:00:00 UTC 2015

Conventional wisdom has long held that the "softness" of New York's water—meaning it has comparatively low concentrations of calcium and magnesium—is why the city can claim it has the world's best bagels. While there is some logic to this (harder water toughens the gluten in dough), the real reason that the bagels are better here has more to do with … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Undercover PETA operative files complaint because sheep shearers were swearing (Some Not safe for workish images in article) [Silly]

Sunday 24 May 16:49:24 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Yunessan Spa House in Hakone, located in south-eastern Japan, offers relaxing ramen baths as part of its total spa experience. The baths are filled with a ramen pork broth and synthetic noodles (they're not allowed to use the real thing)&#34

Sunday 24 May 15:55:13 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [34 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » uwotm8 says FML

Sunday 24 May 15:45:59 UTC 2015

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Hyenayena says FML

Sunday 24 May 15:45:58 UTC 2015

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML [Link]

FMyLife » VeganVampyre says FML

Sunday 24 May 15:45:57 UTC 2015

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Now Who Will I Have Sex with at Lunch?

Sunday 24 May 15:44:14 UTC 2015

Office manager: Tess* is not going to be in for a few days. Her mother died.Boss: Why does everything always happen to me?Hackensack, New JerseyOverheard by: Gary [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work

Sunday 24 May 15:44:12 UTC 2015

Manager: Hey there! How are you feeling about your second day?
Intern: Whelmed.
Manager: I’m sorry, what was that?
Intern: Whelmed. You know, you can be “overwhelmed” and “underwhelmed,” but I’m just “whelmed.”
Manager: I see. Well, maybe some coffee would help? 1400 16th Street NW
Washington, DC [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I'm Scared of the Conscience-Suppressors

Sunday 24 May 15:44:11 UTC 2015

Peon: I'm not on nearly enough medications to be a lawyer.Kanata
Ontario
CanadiaOverheard by: not a lawyer [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Did I Sound Like a Big, Angry Guy or a Soft-Spoken Lad with a British Accent?

Sunday 24 May 15:44:06 UTC 2015

Cube-dweller (on phone): Thank you for calling , Andy speaking.Customer: Can I speak to Charles, please?Cube-dweller: Speaking.Customer: Oh, I thought you said you were Andy?Cube-dweller: Yes.Customer: So…you're Andy and Charles?Cube-dweller: Yes.Customer: Okay… Well, I'm returning your call.Winnipeg
Manitoba
CanadiaOverheard by: Andy. I mean, Charles. [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (May 24, 2015)

Sunday 24 May 15:33:27 UTC 2015

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M424, May 24, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

Among the requirements of “Visual Arts 104A” at the University of California San Diego is that, for the final exam, students would make a presentation while nude, in a darkened room. Prof. Ricardo Dominguez (who would also be nude for the finals) … [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Things You Might Not Know About 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade'

Sunday 24 May 15:00:00 UTC 2015

You already know that Harrison Ford improvised his gunshot in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but even if you’re an Indy fan, there are probably a few facts and stories you don’t know about the third installment of director Steven Spielberg and producer George Lucas’s collaborative adventure series. 1. SPIELBERG MADE LAST CRUSADE TO APOLOGIZE FOR TEMPLE OF DOOM. After … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sheriff Joe Arpaio asks the public for help paying his legal fees. That's the joke [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 14:55:10 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [261 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The operation was making so much money that when a VW Golf that they were using was seized by police, nobody bothered trying to get it back" [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 14:32:23 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bacon arrested after dispute over sausage [Ironic]

Sunday 24 May 14:15:07 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Haven’t You Seen the Prequel?

Sunday 24 May 14:02:31 UTC 2015

Receptionist #1: How could we have known what happened 10 thousand years ago if Jesus lived only two thousand years ago?Receptionist #2: Because people before Jesus wrote things down in the Bible.Receptionist #1: There were people before Jesus?1600 Utica Avenue South
Minneapolis, MinnesotaOverheard by: the saga continues [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's oldest person turns 116. Is one of only three remaining people born in the 1800s who is still alive [Spiffy]

Sunday 24 May 13:55:17 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Among the new animal species discovered in 2015 is a frog that gives birth to live tadpoles, a pufferfish that makes elaborate designs in the seafloor sand to attract mates, and a spider that does cartwheels when threatened [Weird]

Sunday 24 May 13:40:56 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop what this woman is measuring [Photoshop]

Sunday 24 May 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: A day in the crowd [CSB]

Sunday 24 May 13:00:00 UTC 2015

CSB [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And Leaving Early from Happy Hour to Shoot Heroin into My Eyelids

Sunday 24 May 12:43:37 UTC 2015

Dude #1: I quit smoking last week.Dude #2: How’s that going?Dude #1: Well, I’m leaving early to go drinking.St. Louis, Missouri [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pot heads arrested at pot convention for selling pot [Obvious]

Sunday 24 May 12:35:05 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Zero Gravity Frog

Sunday 24 May 12:35:00 UTC 2015

NASA footage of experiments with frogs in a zero-g environment, performed on the Space Shuttle Endeavor, 1992.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cool: Immigrant couple leaves entire $847,000 estate "to America." Not cool: "At the rate the federal government spends money, the $847,215 left by the Petraseks will be used up in about eight seconds" [Spiffy]

Sunday 24 May 12:15:17 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [66 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Vlen says FML

Sunday 24 May 12:08:41 UTC 2015

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're drunk in the afternoon in your trailer next to the church. There are a bunch of screaming kids outside playing volleyball in the parking lot and all you have is your BB gun. What do you do, deputy? [Obvious]

Sunday 24 May 12:05:11 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Windmill Car

Sunday 24 May 11:58:29 UTC 2015

Ecowarriors love 1) electric cars and 2) wind turbines. A stroke of genius to combine the two!

Original article here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fire 49 times into a car, killing an unarmed man? That's a … well, not even a slap on the wrist. And yes, plenty of people have a problem with this [Followup]

Sunday 24 May 11:17:03 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [187 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Damn Zubats

Sunday 24 May 11:13:08 UTC 2015

Number of Steps it Takes for a Wild Pokemon to Appear Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Bar Graph , Pokémon , zubats Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » The Job Paradox

Sunday 24 May 11:13:06 UTC 2015

boring,boss,cashiers,commute,decent,enjoyable,job,live,pardox,salary,venn diagram Graph by: Unknown Tagged: boring , boss , cashiers , commute , decent , enjoyable , job , live , pardox , salary , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » North Korea

Sunday 24 May 11:13:05 UTC 2015

dead infographic Kim Jong-Il news North Korea Graph by: Unknown Tagged: dead , infographic , Kim Jong-Il , news , North Korea Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I For One Would Pay Not to See Snooki Naked

Sunday 24 May 11:13:03 UTC 2015

Bar Graph,naughty pics,reality tv,Weinergate Graph by: rvg1981 Tagged: Bar Graph , naughty pics , reality tv , Weinergate Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What Does the Scouter Say About His Sleep Habits?

Sunday 24 May 11:13:01 UTC 2015

energy,Line Graph,over 9000,sleep Graph by: Unknown Tagged: energy , Line Graph , over 9000 , sleep Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Lethality of Substance in Games vs Real Life

Sunday 24 May 11:13:00 UTC 2015

Bar Graph,Death,lava,lethal,real life,substances,video games,water Graph by: Unknown Tagged: Bar Graph , Death , lava , lethal , real life , substances , video games , water Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I Make How Much an Hour?!

Sunday 24 May 11:12:57 UTC 2015

Graph by: StarsHallelujah Tagged: Bar Graph , college , job , salary Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » People Who Email Me

Sunday 24 May 11:12:55 UTC 2015

big computer email friends internet myspace p33n Pie Chart spam Graph by: hobojo94 Tagged: big , computer , email , friends , internet , myspace , p33n , Pie Chart , spam Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Sunday 24 May 11:12:51 UTC 2015

as seen on tv big boned fat garfield Pie Chart - 4025711616 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: as seen on tv , big boned , fat , garfield , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Things that stick

Sunday 24 May 11:12:49 UTC 2015

Bar Graph elmers glitter glue stick super glue Graph by: tigerstar Tagged: Bar Graph , elmers , glitter , glue , stick , super glue Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What Would I Do Without You?

Sunday 24 May 11:12:44 UTC 2015

car alarms panic Pie Chart stealing - 6347980544 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: car alarms , panic , Pie Chart , stealing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Sorry, It Needs to Be More Prettier

Sunday 24 May 11:12:43 UTC 2015

art class,creativity,Pie Chart,school,teachers Graph by: obsidianz Tagged: art class , creativity , Pie Chart , school , teachers Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Time Spent Talking About My Garden

Sunday 24 May 11:12:42 UTC 2015

admiring asking better dumb garden neighbor nursery Pie Chart planning questions talking - 3265927936 Graph by: moon-cat Tagged: admiring , asking , better , dumb , garden , neighbor , nursery , Pie Chart , planning , questions , talking Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Peoples reactions when witnessing an accident

Sunday 24 May 11:12:39 UTC 2015

911,call,emergency,idiots,nothing,Pie Chart,stare,Video Graph by: electricger Tagged: 911 , call , emergency , idiots , nothing , Pie Chart , stare , Video Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » I'm Not Sure How Any of These Are Still Working

Sunday 24 May 11:12:38 UTC 2015

anatomy hearts merica paula deen ron swanson tumblr zombie Graph by: (via Awkward Elevator) Tagged: anatomy , hearts , merica , paula deen , ron swanson , tumblr , zombie Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How I Developed Alektorophobia

Sunday 24 May 11:12:34 UTC 2015

chickens,cuccos,link,Pie Chart,scary,video games,zelda Graph by: ILuffNinjawz Tagged: chickens , cuccos , link , Pie Chart , scary , video games , zelda Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » All About Nintendo

Sunday 24 May 11:12:31 UTC 2015

best of week infographic mario nintendo Pokémon video games zelda Graph by: Incontroll Tagged: best of week , infographic , mario , nintendo , Pokémon , video games , zelda Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Some Faith in Humanity Has Been Restored By the Internet

Sunday 24 May 11:12:30 UTC 2015

Graph by: xDIRECTIONERx Tagged: Bar Graph , Faith In Humanity Restore , the biebs , what does the internet th Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What Else Is There?

Sunday 24 May 11:12:29 UTC 2015

1960s,hippies,knowledge,Pie Chart,the Beatles Graph by: ilikepi3141592653589 Tagged: 1960s , hippies , knowledge , Pie Chart , the Beatles Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Better Names For Things

Sunday 24 May 11:12:26 UTC 2015

Graph by: (via Pleated Jeans) Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Singers at a Karaoke bar

Sunday 24 May 11:12:22 UTC 2015

LoL by: poptartninja Tagged: bar , dancing , drunk , karaoke , sing Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Iraq war veteran who lost his legs in combat finds a brand new friend in a rescue dog named Tango who is also missing a leg. "Being as I'm an amputee, as well, we thought … maybe we could teach each other a few things," [Sappy]

Sunday 24 May 10:45:01 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some potatoes have more iron than others [Scary]

Sunday 24 May 7:20:00 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twelve blind teenagers are preparing to hike at the Grand Canyon, making those of us with perfect vision look lazy [Spiffy]

Sunday 24 May 6:03:59 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman attempts selfie, gets a great shot [Dumbass]

Sunday 24 May 5:31:54 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [63 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » DENTALITY says FML

Sunday 24 May 5:27:41 UTC 2015

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML [Link]

FMyLife » DaoOfPow says FML

Sunday 24 May 5:27:40 UTC 2015

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the heart of beautiful downtown Juneau it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker, starting at 9PM AKDT/10PM PT [Cool]

Sunday 24 May 4:57:16 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [334 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A veteran's thoughts on why we shouldn't say Happy Memorial Day: "It's the one day on the American calendar meant to exemplify what it costs to be American and to be free… and we've turned it into a day off work, a tent sale and

Sunday 24 May 4:55:00 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [155 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Name the One-Syllable Words That Rhyme With ‘Cat’

Sunday 24 May 4:41:33 UTC 2015

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Turns out that the anti-gay pastor in Michigan who was outed via Grindr told a gay teen that he was better off going to Hell for suicide than for being gay [Followup]

Sunday 24 May 4:18:55 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [114 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » He got better [Strange]

Sunday 24 May 3:24:33 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently it was legal to add one's special sauce to a meal before [Sick]

Sunday 24 May 3:09:31 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Students are shocked, SHOCKED that someone would change their yearbook quotes to say things like 'Want to hear the most annoying noise in the world?' and 'The only negativity around here should be a pregnancy test' [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 2:36:31 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark-ready headline: "Police itching to find suspect in rash of genital flashers" [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 2:25:11 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man finds himself the owner of the only Porshce 911 ever made [Fail]

Sunday 24 May 1:29:38 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Half-naked man left taped to traffic lights by pals wearing nothing but underwear." What more do you want? (SFW pic) [Amusing]

Sunday 24 May 0:58:39 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is why Dancing With Machetes never caught on, although it's a lot more watchable than Dancing With The Stars [Scary]

Sunday 24 May 0:55:43 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Air Guitar? … pffffftttt

Sunday 24 May 0:34:52 UTC 2015

Bare your instrument and win the championship

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these birds over a palm [Photoshop]

Sunday 24 May 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

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