John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Overheard In The Office » You Need to Stop “Listening” to Your Cats.

Friday 8 May 23:54:08 UTC 2015

Female coworker: Can I ask you a question?AP clerk: I'm not allowed to answer questions anymore.Female coworker: Never? Regardless of what the question is?AP clerk: That's what they told me.Deerfield, Illinois [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two to three nights a week, Dr. Jim Withers rubs dirt in his hair and muddies up his jeans and shirt before walking the dark streets of Pittsburgh, making "house calls" to the homeless [Hero]

Friday 8 May 23:33:04 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Does Anyone Know the Whole Formula for Coke?

Friday 8 May 23:30:23 UTC 2015

From McDonald’s Big Mac sauce to KFC’s 11 herbs and spices, companies that rely on trade secrets go to great lengths to keep them confidential. In fact, it’s long been rumored that only two people know the formula to Coca-Cola—and actually, they each only know half, so even if one of them turned traitor, the complete recipe would still remain … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Airline bans guy for life, after he boarded plane dressed as female flight attendant, used a sex toy to help cabin crew with safety presentation, then showed everyone his strategically placed Pinocchio tattoo [Amusing]

Friday 8 May 23:22:38 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [39 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MedChew says FML

Friday 8 May 23:16:32 UTC 2015

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » George Carlin: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that." Scientists: "We may have discovered what causes that" [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 22:25:42 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Listen up, you slugabeds. Stop your fudgeling and flirting with the callipygian younkers so you may deliciate on this list of archaic words we should still be using. Cromulent [Silly]

Friday 8 May 22:18:02 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Conspiracy theorists claim to have solved the Da Vinci code and linked Mona Lisa to aliens. "The likelihood of Leonardo Da Vinci being an alien or half-breed is very high." Still not as high as conspiracy theorists apparently are [Unlikely]

Friday 8 May 21:40:00 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [58 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MyNameIsNotJeff says FML

Friday 8 May 21:28:18 UTC 2015

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Bonnie and Clyde says FML

Friday 8 May 21:28:17 UTC 2015

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » This Airplane Seat Knows When You're Nervous

Friday 8 May 21:20:59 UTC 2015

Airplanes are one of the safest ways to travel. Your chances of dying in a plane crash are roughly one in 11 million. The odds that you’ll be killed in a car accident, on the other hand, are much better: one in 5000. Still, about 30 percent of us find there’s something disconcerting about rocketing through the air at 500 … [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Hip Facts About Hypsilophodon

Friday 8 May 21:20:58 UTC 2015

Wikimedia Commons Hypsilophodon was discovered all the way back in 1849, and our outlook on this little animal has changed quite a bit since then. 1. Scientists Used to Think that Hypsilophodon was an Avid Tree-Climber. When Victorian paleontologists started looking over the creature, many mistakenly assumed that one toe on each foot opposed the others. As anyone who’s ever … [Link]

Mental Floss » How Betamax Was Going to Change Your Life, According to Sony

Friday 8 May 21:20:47 UTC 2015

“There was an astronaut walking on the moon, and we were watching it on TV.” “I didn’t see it.” “Oh, you’re kidding me!” So goes the conversation between two men in The Flying Clouds, a promotional film made by Sony to trumpet the incredible benefits of Betamax, their videocassette system. (The movie also reminded viewers about the miserable realities of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jackie Chan becomes Singapore's anti-drug ambassador, expresses support for death penalty against drug traffickers just months after own son's drug arrest in China [Sad]

Friday 8 May 21:08:09 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Tongue Exercises Can Quiet the Roar of Your Snoring

Friday 8 May 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Snorers, rip off your nasal strips. A little bit of tongue wagging might be a more effective treatment to keep your naps noiseless. Certain tongue and mouth exercises decreased snoring in a small pilot study based in Brazil, recently published in CHEST, the journal of the American College of Chest Physicians. Snoring is caused by soft tissues blocking the upper … [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Study: Half Of Tinder Users Aren’t Single

Friday 8 May 20:51:00 UTC 2015

According to a study by market research firm GlobalWebIndex, 30 percent of users on the smartphone hookup app Tinder are already married, and nearly 50 percent aren’t single. What do you think?
[Link]

Mental Floss » Meet Palestine’s All-Women Racecar Team

Friday 8 May 20:24:44 UTC 2015

Speed Sisters Teaser (in Production) from SocDoc Studios on Vimeo. “I feel the need … the need for speed!” Tom Cruise’s Maverick may have said it first, but a group of Palestinian women are bringing it back in a big way. The “Speed Sisters” are the first team of women racecar drivers in the Middle East, and the eponymously named … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In the understatement of the year, teen admits that surfing on the metro train was 'stupid.' (with video of what a stupid person on an MBTA train looks like) [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 20:20:18 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't worry, DC Farkers, you're not being invaded. Those aircraft overhead are just vintage models from WWII celebrating V-E Day with some low-level flyovers [Hero]

Friday 8 May 20:11:43 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: The Hologram Comedy Club

Friday 8 May 20:06:59 UTC 2015

“Wasn’t George Carlin great? Coming to the stage next is Richard Pryor.” There are plans for a new stand-up comedy club that will feature holograms of deceased comedians. * These are not the happiest cakes on Earth. They are complete and unmitigated Disney nightmare-inducing disasters. * The Great Gatsby? Moby-Dick? The Gettysburg Address? Reviewers at the time didn’t have nice … [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Cases of Mistaken Mail Deliveries

Friday 8 May 20:00:18 UTC 2015

Everyone loves getting packages in the mail—assuming it’s what they ordered. But occasionally, delivery services make mistakes, and depending on what gets misdelivered, the results can run from mildly amusing to straight up catastrophic. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this horny little fellow [Photoshop]

Friday 8 May 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » AWK-ward: Getting stuck in the elevator with the woman you just robbed [Fail]

Friday 8 May 19:35:18 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [38 comments] [Link]

The Onion » News in Brief: Unemployed Sibling Makes Last Push For Group Mother’s Day Gift

Friday 8 May 19:26:00 UTC 2015

FOX CHAPEL, PA—Asserting that the gesture would mean a lot more coming from all of them, local unemployed man Jeff Thomas reportedly made one final push to his siblings Friday suggesting that they all go in together on a group Mother’s Day gift. “I think Mom would really appreciate it if we got her something nice that was from the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, y'all. Why on earth are you still wearing pants? [Survey]

Friday 8 May 19:17:31 UTC 2015

Survey [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There are many things you don't want to hear a doctor say. High on that list is "accidental brain surgery" [Scary]

Friday 8 May 19:16:42 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » That Time William McKinley Gave Away His Lucky Flower—And Then Died

Friday 8 May 19:00:00 UTC 2015

Early in his political career, an opponent of William McKinley’s gave him a red carnation boutonniere to wear during a debate. McKinley went on to win that debate and then the congressional election in 1887 (he served in the Ohio House of Representatives for 14 years), and he saw this red carnation as his good luck charm. He began wearing … [Link]

Mental Floss » Explore Google Maps in LEGO Form

Friday 8 May 18:45:28 UTC 2015

Google Street View is an amazing tool that allows you to explore places all over the world without ever leaving your home. But walking through the Taj Mahal on your computer can get dull pretty quickly—so Stockholm developer Einar Öberg made a mod to mix things up. Brick Street View is a unique website that lets you explore the far … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Video of man catching rare sawfish nearly becomes video of man getting his face sawed off [Florida]

Friday 8 May 18:43:31 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cumming residents aren't excited over idea of adults-only hotel [Strange]

Friday 8 May 18:40:57 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nine-year-old kid writes a letter to 230 world leaders inviting them over for ice cream. Kim-Jong Un responds [Spiffy]

Friday 8 May 18:40:36 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Friday 8 May 18:31:38 UTC 2015

forwallowed
adj. wearied with tossing about The post In a Word appeared first on Futility Closet. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark: Townies protesting planned Muslim cemetery. Unexepectedly not Fark: Because of the danger to the local water supply [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 18:13:56 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Federal law prohibits smoking on Greyhound buses, even in the baggage compartment. ESPECIALLY in the baggage compartment [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 17:37:20 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [23 comments] [Link]

The Onion » News in Brief: God Realizes He Forgot To Put Souls In Humans

Friday 8 May 17:22:00 UTC 2015

THE HEAVENS—While pacing across His Eternal Kingdom on Friday, the Lord God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, suddenly realized He had forgotten to provide human beings with souls, sources from on high reported. “I could have sworn I put souls in there, but apparently it never happened—I hope no one’s noticed,” said God, adding that … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lawsuit filed against pediatric dentist says his practice is "a front for a "sadistic and systematic scheme of physical and psychological torture and abuse" of children." Legal experts say he could be plant food by the end of trial [F

Friday 8 May 17:20:45 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Pod City: Catch up on ‘Wits,’ ‘Amicus’ and Other Noteworthy Podcasts

Friday 8 May 17:18:02 UTC 2015

This week a good portion of my podcast diet took me back to the ‘90s—but in the best way possible. (Unlike the Full House revival, which I’m already sick of hearing about.) Below are a few highlights, in no particular order. By the way, if you haven’t yet checked out my roundups of awesome food, music and TV podcasts, what … [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Ailments Humans And Animals Share

Friday 8 May 17:18:01 UTC 2015

Humans aren't as different from the rest of the mammal world as we’d sometimes like to think. We’re not the only animals that get acne as youngsters, or suffer from allergies during the spring. Humans can even pass along some of their illnesses to their pets. Here are 12 familiar ailments that you might not know your pets can suffer … [Link]

Mental Floss » Acquaintance Cards: The Polite Way to Say “Can I Follow You Home?”

Friday 8 May 17:18:00 UTC 2015

Getting a date in Victorian times was a little more complicated than setting up a profile and swiping right. Etiquette dictated when and how people should be introduced, when they could be visited, and what was appropriate behavior for an unmarried couple. For the more brazen young man, there were acquaintance cards—the 19th century equivalent of “hey, girl, can I … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently in Illinois the difference between a treehouse and an elevated guest house is still up in the air [Obvious]

Friday 8 May 16:55:41 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Plane crash on I-285 in Atlanta kills four, traffic unchanged [Scary]

Friday 8 May 16:45:10 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A roll is a roll and a toll is a toll, and President Obama may put tolls on roads to take your rolls if this article is not a troll [Stupid]

Friday 8 May 16:33:15 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In New York, even the lottery tickets will insult you [Obvious]

Friday 8 May 16:19:23 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The director of the Iraqi national symphony (a) lives in Dubai and never works with the musicians, (b) siphons all the symphony's money into his personal bank accounts, or (c) plays his cello for rescuers and victims at bombing sites [Hero]

Friday 8 May 16:09:46 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Must captains go down with their ships? Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yes, absolutely [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 15:59:14 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A West Virginia man is in jail after police say he foiled his own robbery by accidentally pepper-spraying himself [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 15:56:17 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stupid: Getting caught cheating on your wife. Priceless: Getting caught cheating on your wife on live radio [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 15:52:49 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [50 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » alaina2001 says FML

Friday 8 May 15:48:45 UTC 2015

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Martine624 says FML

Friday 8 May 15:48:44 UTC 2015

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » How Sony Betamax Was Going to Change Your Life, According to Sony

Friday 8 May 15:48:32 UTC 2015

“There was an astronaut walking on the moon, and we were watching it on TV.” “I didn’t see it.” “Oh, you’re kidding me!” So goes the conversation between two men in The Flying Clouds, a promotional film made by Sony to trumpet the incredible benefits of Betamax, their videocassette system. (The movie also reminded viewers about the miserable realities of … [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Eliot Ness, Head of "The Untouchables"

Friday 8 May 15:48:31 UTC 2015

For years, every time we so much as touch a toe out of state, I’ve put cemeteries on our travel itinerary. From garden-like cemeteries to boot hills, whether they’re the final resting places of the well-known but not that important or the important but not that well-known, I love them all. After realizing that there are a lot of taphophiles … [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Things You Might Not Know About ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’

Friday 8 May 15:48:30 UTC 2015

The Oscar-winning drama premiered 41 years ago today. [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Jokes from Around the World

Friday 8 May 15:48:28 UTC 2015

Laughter may be a universal language, but not every country chuckles at the same jokes. Here are a few international knee-slappers to bring down the house the next time you address the United Nations. [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Lusitania Sunk, Breakthrough on Eastern Front

Friday 8 May 15:48:23 UTC 2015

New York Times The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that shaped our modern world. Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 181st installment in the series. May 7, 1915: Lusitania Sunk, Breakthrough on Eastern Front One of the worst maritime disasters in history, the sinking of the … [Link]

The Onion » News in Brief: Trip To Bar Gives Friends Opportunity To Sit Around, Do Nothing In Different Place

Friday 8 May 15:37:00 UTC 2015

BALTIMORE—Welcoming their trip to local bar Cavanaugh Tap House as a much-needed change of pace, a group of friends expressed their excitement Thursday at the opportunity to sit around and do nothing in a completely different setting, sources confirmed. “When we all get together at someone’s apartment, we usually just spend the whole night hanging around and drinking on the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you left a $100,000 watch at Newark Airport the TSA is actually going to return it. No word on how many diamonds it will be missing [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 15:35:01 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [37 comments] [Link]

The Onion » News in Photos: Wild, Rutting Animals Pour Onto Prom Dance Floor

Friday 8 May 15:30:00 UTC 2015


[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Police Searching For Teen Who Spray-Painted ‘Promposal’ On Cliffside

Friday 8 May 15:06:00 UTC 2015

Authorities in Idaho are searching for a teenager who spray-painted a prom proposal, or “promposal,” in huge pink-and-blue letters across the side of one of the state’s scenic Black Cliffs. What do you think?
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » How many cancerous fish do you have to catch in a river before it gets put on the 'compromised' list? Apparently, hundreds or thousands [Fail]

Friday 8 May 14:50:34 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Exactly Are ‘Baby’ Greens?

Friday 8 May 14:41:06 UTC 2015

Any garden-variety produce shelf offers up an embarrassment of leafy green riches, including a good number of the “baby” variety. What exactly does this infantilization of salad mean? Baby greens are just that—babies. Baby greens like spinach, kale, and arugula are harvested when they’re 15 to 40 days old, as opposed to 45 to 60 days, for a more immature … [Link]

Mental Floss » Reading These Words Sets Off Completely Different Brain Processes Than Speaking Them Aloud

Friday 8 May 14:41:05 UTC 2015

Though the words may be the same, for your brain, reading a sentence aloud is nothing like writing it down. Some people who have brain damage from strokes or injury might be able to write the words “Take the dog to the park,” but not say the sentence out loud, and vice versa. This is because, as connected as writing … [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Awesome Things Identified at the American Museum of Natural History's ID Day

Friday 8 May 14:41:04 UTC 2015

For the past 26 years, the American Museum of Natural History has been inviting visitors to bring the unidentified objects discovered in backyards, attics, and the great outdoors to an event called Identification Day, which this year is happening this Saturday, May 9. “ID Day stemmed from in-house scientists receiving many inquiries from the public throughout the year wanting to … [Link]

Mental Floss » The Most Interesting Comics of the Week

Friday 8 May 14:41:03 UTC 2015

Every week I write about the most interesting new comics hitting comic shops, bookstores, digital, and the web. Feel free to comment below if there's a comic you've read recently that you want to talk about or an upcoming comic that you'd like me to consider highlighting. 1. Secret Wars #1 By Jonathan Hickman, Esad Ribic and Ive Svorcina
Marvel Comics … [Link]

Mental Floss » George R.R. Martin's Tale About an Elvis Impersonator

Friday 8 May 14:41:02 UTC 2015

Since 1991, George R.R. Martin has been busy killing off your favorite characters from the epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire. But before he was writing about the kings of Westeros, Martin paid the bills by writing about a different king: Elvis. After spending a decade or so selling short stories and writing a few novels, Martin … [Link]

The Onion » Mothershould: What Kind Of Mom Stick Is Right For You?

Friday 8 May 14:33:00 UTC 2015

Choosing a mom stick is one of the most important decisions a mother makes. On Mothershould, Grace Manning-Devlin breaks down some pros and cons of popular models.
[Link]

The Onion » Strongside/Weakside: Strongside/Weakside: Stephen Curry

Friday 8 May 14:16:00 UTC 2015


[Link]

The Onion » Sports News in Brief: Buccaneers In-House Counsel Already Has 26 Missed Calls From Jameis Winston

Friday 8 May 14:11:00 UTC 2015

TAMPA BAY, FL—Noting that his phone’s voicemail has been almost single-handedly filled by the rookie quarterback, Tampa Bay Buccaneers general counsel David Cohen confirmed Friday that he has already received 26 missed calls from Jameis Winston. “As of this morning, he’s called me more than two dozen times, mostly between the hours of 1 and 4 a.m.,” said Cohen, adding … [Link]

The Onion » News in Brief: Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

Friday 8 May 14:09:00 UTC 2015

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured. “These must be the exact entrance doors that Grandpa and Grandma came through, and the hallway their 10 … [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Lovely Facts About 'Girl With A Pearl Earring'

Friday 8 May 13:27:11 UTC 2015

Despite a deceptively simple composition, Johannes Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring has captured the imaginations of art fans around the world. While little is certain about the girl behind the mesmerizing gaze, here's what we do know about this now-legendary work. 1. No one knows for sure who the girl is. Scholars estimate the painting was completed in 1665. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Idris Elba may be James Bond, not in the next movie, but in real life, as he breaks the UK's 88-year old land speed record–while driving a Bentley [Cool]

Friday 8 May 13:14:56 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [185 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this bed bug [Photoshop]

Friday 8 May 13:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » (Oh, It Totally Is the Same Shirt.)

Friday 8 May 12:48:12 UTC 2015

Newly hired engineer: Isn't that the same shirt you wore yesterday?Principal engineer, slowly: No, but even if it was, that's a dick thing to say.Denver, Colorado [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Tommy Lee.

Friday 8 May 12:48:11 UTC 2015

Old lady: Are they big ones?Young lady: You only want big ones?Old lady: That's all I ever do anymore.Young lady: I'll find you a couple big ones. Old lady: What's big to you?Delran, New JerseyOverheard by: Bruce Banner [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I'll Give You $3 Change Back

Friday 8 May 12:48:10 UTC 2015

Coworker #1, in men's room, to Coworker #2 as he zips up: You can just give me the $5 later…Providence, Rhode IslandOverheard by: Shakes It Off Himself [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Thin People Don’t Need to Like Their Food As Much As I Do

Friday 8 May 12:48:09 UTC 2015

Heavy lady #1: God, I’m on this new diet, and I’m having a hard time staying on it.Heavy lady #2: Is it the soup diet?Heavy lady #1: Yeah… All I’ve had to eat today was a half bowl of soup.Heavy lady #2: Did you eat the banana yet?Heavy lady #1: No, I tried. I don’t really like bananas.504 Lavaca Street
Austin, TexasOverheard … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …And Do You Think You Could Get Me John Leguizamo's Autograph?

Friday 8 May 12:48:08 UTC 2015

CSR, on customer welcome call: Is your last name Valdez?Customer: Yes, it is.CSR, on customer welcome call: Is your father Juan Valdez? You can say you have a famous father!Troy, MichiganOverheard by: Mortgage Whisperer [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Warned You This Job Would Require Flexibility.

Friday 8 May 12:48:07 UTC 2015

this is like going through your ass to brush your teeth!San Antonio, TX [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Perhaps the World’s Fattest

Friday 8 May 12:48:04 UTC 2015

CSR: I always put ’25’ when it’s supposed to be ’52.’ I must be anorexic.1500 JFK Boulevard
Philadelphia, PennsylvaniaOverheard by: indigo [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Um, Isn't That FreeCell?

Friday 8 May 12:48:03 UTC 2015

Office worker on phone to friend: No, go ahead and ask the question–I can think and work at the same time.Jeanerette, Louisiana [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fairfax Co. VA school board votes to include gender identity as a protected class. Thanks, Obama [Obvious]

Friday 8 May 12:45:57 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [203 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hispanic restaurant owners to host 'White Appreciation Day" with the understanding they 'might' receive a backlash. Well…guess what? [Amusing]

Friday 8 May 12:37:10 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [324 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Japan names macaque "Charlotte." I just call it "Little Elvis" [Amusing]

Friday 8 May 12:08:32 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » University to host symposium about Frozen, expected to look in detail at why people can't just let it go [Stupid]

Friday 8 May 12:07:13 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Star Wars and Taylor Wines

Friday 8 May 11:57:07 UTC 2015

This 1978 marketing video starts off as a homage to Star Wars and then bizarrely segues into wine sales. Around 5 minutes in, the C-3PO character starts disco dancing.

  [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three women rape man at gunpoint, steal his semen: "The women collected the man's semen each time he ejaculated, put it in a small plastic bag and stored it in their cooler box" [Strange]

Friday 8 May 11:54:29 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [490 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Facebook study by three researchers from Facebook says it's mainly your fault–not theirs–that you click on things you already agree with [Unlikely]

Friday 8 May 11:50:27 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Blame the Interns for Walking Around with Jello-shots Between Their Boobs

Friday 8 May 11:48:40 UTC 2015

Assistant: Yeah, sorry, I don't know how that happened. It's probably because I drink at work.Baltimore, Maryland [Link]

Weird Universe » Early Theremin Performance

Friday 8 May 11:48:24 UTC 2015

More info on this guy here. [Link]

FMyLife » NevertheKool says FML

Friday 8 May 11:32:00 UTC 2015

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML [Link]

FMyLife » flibbertigibbet says FML

Friday 8 May 11:31:59 UTC 2015

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Die-hard fans of Blue Bell ice cream refuse to get rid of their stash at home, listeria be damned. "So, I'm hoping that I won't catch it. It's more of a faith thing" [Followup]

Friday 8 May 10:35:15 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teacher admits looking at pornography in classroom but says he is 100 per cent certain he was not masturbating [Dumbass]

Friday 8 May 10:25:00 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 1 womb. 2 dads. Only 1 twin to pay support to [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 9:45:35 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Al Qaeda leader who claimed responsibility for the attacks against the French newspaper Charlie Hebdo also gets to claim their prize [Followup]

Friday 8 May 9:24:54 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [33 comments] [Link]

GraphJam » Re-Plotted: Batfamily

Friday 8 May 9:21:53 UTC 2015

alfred,batman,family Submitted by: GiantChild Tagged: alfred , batman , family Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Or, They Sign Off

Friday 8 May 9:21:51 UTC 2015

aim,instant messaging,oh ok,Pie Chart,typing,wordiness Graph by: ohaiivan Tagged: aim , instant messaging , oh ok , Pie Chart , typing , wordiness Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Chance You Will Return To That Dream You Were Just Having

Friday 8 May 9:21:50 UTC 2015

au natural Bar Graph Blood dreams flying nightmare return sexy shopping terror ultimate work - 2669583872 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: au natural , Bar Graph , Blood , dreams , flying , nightmare , return , sexy , shopping , terror , ultimate , work Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » A Challenger Appears!

Friday 8 May 9:21:44 UTC 2015

beat you up,challenge,college humor,fight,infographic Graph by: Unknown Tagged: beat you up , challenge , college humor , fight , infographic Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » What helicopters do in action movies

Friday 8 May 9:21:42 UTC 2015

action movies explosions helicopters movies - 3670676480 What helicopters do in action movies Graph by: DOOF Tagged: action movies , explosions , helicopters , movies Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Guide to Traffic Signals When Driving through or by a College Campus

Friday 8 May 9:21:40 UTC 2015

Graph by: Adfirmus Tagged: accelerate , blow , campus , change , college , crosswalk , driving , green , red , signals , speed , stop , students , traffic , yellow Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Hatred Is Bliss

Friday 8 May 9:21:39 UTC 2015

hate,like,love,Pie Chart,relationships Graph by: (via I Love Charts) Tagged: hate , like , love , Pie Chart , relationships Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Friday 8 May 9:21:38 UTC 2015

delicious nom people pop culture Soylent Green venn diagram - 3897671680 Graph by: taebek Tagged: delicious , nom , people , pop culture , Soylent Green , venn diagram Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » It'd Look Cool Preserved in Formaldehyde

Friday 8 May 9:21:37 UTC 2015

Things my appendix does Graph by: Da_Erikz Tagged: anatomy , appendix , body , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Save Time; Start With a Salad

Friday 8 May 9:21:35 UTC 2015

Graph by: Baconyin Tagged: hard shell , noms , Pie Chart , taco , taco salad Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Use of time before 15 page essay due in 12 hours

Friday 8 May 9:21:33 UTC 2015

cheat class crying facebook FAIL Hall of Fame margins notes Pie Chart procrastination reading research school small writing - 3364932096 Graph by: mashabedda Tagged: cheat , class , crying , facebook , FAIL , Hall of Fame , margins , notes , Pie Chart , procrastination , reading , research , school , small , writing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Friday 8 May 9:21:29 UTC 2015

Graph by: Unknown Tagged: boredom , desk , Pie Chart , ruler , sproing Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » How Food Looks

Friday 8 May 9:21:27 UTC 2015

food,menu,neighbor,picture,plate Graph by: Alcnor Tagged: food , menu , neighbor , picture , plate Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Funniness of the word "Fail"

Friday 8 May 9:21:23 UTC 2015

LoL by: Saxman57 Tagged: FAIL , funny , word Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » 

Friday 8 May 9:21:22 UTC 2015

blanket cold cushions fetal position Heat Pie Chart television temperature - 4122242560 Graph by: crablock1 Tagged: blanket , cold , cushions , fetal position , Heat , Pie Chart , television , temperature Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Oh Hey Insomnia

Friday 8 May 9:21:19 UTC 2015

energy insomnia night Pie Chart sleep Graph by: stormchaser319 Tagged: energy , insomnia , night , Pie Chart , sleep Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » X=Will Smith

Friday 8 May 9:21:18 UTC 2015

Submitted by: Unknown Tagged: april fools , gettin jiggy with it , graph jams , Video , will smith Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Forget Charity and Kindness, I Want Presents!

Friday 8 May 9:21:15 UTC 2015

christmas holiday movies Pie Chart santa claus Graph by: Unknown Tagged: christmas , holiday , movies , Pie Chart , santa claus Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Don't Panic!

Friday 8 May 9:21:09 UTC 2015

alarm car dont-panic Pie Chart - 5736755712 Graph by: Unknown Tagged: alarm , car , dont-panic , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Everything Will Taste Like Rubber For a Month

Friday 8 May 9:21:08 UTC 2015

burning,hot pocket,Pie Chart Graph by: Unknown Tagged: burning , hot pocket , Pie Chart Share on Facebook [Link]

GraphJam » Points for Consistency

Friday 8 May 9:21:06 UTC 2015

Graph by: oliviagrace18 Tagged: Bar Graph , rain , UK , umbrella Share on Facebook [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Quake has caused millions of kids to miss school. Hell, subby knew two comp sci majors who failed out because of Diablo and one guy because of Duke Nukem [Sad]

Friday 8 May 8:57:43 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Female Waffle House employee who filmed a male Waffle House employee masturbating on the job says the video "somehow" ended up on Facebook before it went viral [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 8:53:48 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thanks to Washington legalizing the recreational use of marijuana, High Times can't hold its annual Cannabis Cup in Seattle [Ironic]

Friday 8 May 8:42:55 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS opens 262 room, 5 star luxury hotel in Mosul. Come and have a good time, but don't lose your head [Fail]

Friday 8 May 8:31:39 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cross removed from public school property with little fanfare, but comes with a bonus quote from school board chair and former Army Ranger, "I'm a defender of the Constitution and I believe in the separation of church and state" [Interest

Friday 8 May 8:25:40 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cadbury has a new flavor? Great, what is it? DEAR LORD [Sick]

Friday 8 May 8:24:00 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [40 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Random737193 says FML

Friday 8 May 7:14:09 UTC 2015

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML [Link]

FMyLife » dkh34 says FML

Friday 8 May 7:14:08 UTC 2015

Today, I was getting it on with a girl a year younger than me, and it was her first time. After 5 minutes, she started crying. What's wrong? She said I remind her of her dad. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."'Tis the DoJ," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door–Only this and nothing more" [Followup]

Friday 8 May 7:07:00 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good news Chicago, you'll be plagued by hoards of flying spiders in your downtown area soon. Enjoy the summer [Scary]

Friday 8 May 6:36:03 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Seventh Art Cinema

Friday 8 May 6:32:42 UTC 2015

In the late 1990s, Frenchman Diynn Eadel set out to build an immense open-air movie theater in the desert near Sharm el-Sheikh, at the southern tip of the Sinai Peninsula. He arranged financing in Paris and installed projection equipment, 700 cinema seats, and a generator in the desert. Unfortunately, the theater was shut down by Egyptian authorities before its planned … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Everyone can't wait until self-driving cars are mainstream vehicles. Everyone except for car makers, car repairers, car dealers, and insurance agents [Obvious]

Friday 8 May 6:24:53 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [176 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Subby gets to start ambien tonight. What should I expect? [Advice]

Friday 8 May 5:15:00 UTC 2015

Advice [link] [456 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Ebola? In MY eyeball?" It's more likely than you think [Scary]

Friday 8 May 5:07:00 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After a flood of bad publicity, Comcast is taking the only logical step: Forcing its customers to sign non-disclosure agreements [Asinine]

Friday 8 May 3:59:51 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So you know that saying "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?" Science has proven it's not true [PSA]

Friday 8 May 3:42:59 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Verizon customer service is pretty bad-but can it actually kill? [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 3:06:49 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fitbit files for IPO. That's a pretty big step [Interesting]

Friday 8 May 2:45:51 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman learns the hard way that "organ donor" and "sexual predator" are right next to each other on the DMV's drop-down box [Florida]

Friday 8 May 2:17:09 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The end result of running over a beehive with your lawnmower is getting stung over 4,000 times and very dead [Scary]

Friday 8 May 1:26:04 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » The Advice They Should Give in Sex Ed

Friday 8 May 1:02:31 UTC 2015

Employee on phone: You have to lubricate. You can’t just shove it in there. This is a moving thing — you have to take care of it.270 Park Avenue
Huntington, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Like the “R” in “Toys Я Us”

Friday 8 May 1:02:28 UTC 2015

Female office executive #1: It's just been one of those days, ya know?Female office executive #2: Trust me, I know what you mean.Female office executive #3: Like one of those “panties on backwards” kinda days?Sparks, Maryland [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 10AM Application Performance Testing

Friday 8 May 1:02:27 UTC 2015

Tester #1: This kinda seems like that Olivia Newton-John video for Let’s Get Physical, don’t you think?
Tester #2: No. 901 Lakeside Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio Overheard by: mr.doitall [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Our Children Need Statistics Classes, Now More Than Ever

Friday 8 May 1:02:26 UTC 2015

Guy employee: So I read in the news today that drinking from Nalgene bottles while you’re pregnant may cause a miscarriage.Girl employee: Oh my gosh! My best friend just had a miscarriage, and she drinks from a Nalgene bottle all the time!Guy employee: See?Tully’s Coffee, Union Station
Seattle, Washington [Link]

Overheard In The Office » A Lovely Little Medium-Security B&B in Connecticut

Friday 8 May 1:02:25 UTC 2015

Maintenance guy: I’ll tell you. Back when I was in prison, at first, I couldn’t sleep because of all the noise. But I got so used to it that now I can’t sleep when it’s quiet.Boss: When you were where?Senlac Drive
Dallas, TexasOverheard by: Need to call the Temp Agency [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Sometimes You Back Into Those Jokes

Friday 8 May 0:50:40 UTC 2015

Boss: Yours is bigger than mine! Large notebook owner: I'm just lucky I guess.Coworker: You get what you're given.Boss: When you're pure like me you just walk into those jokes.Tulsa, OklahomaOverheard by: Beth [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The man who occupies the Congressional seat originally held by James Madison believes that ISIS has already invaded Texas [Stupid]

Friday 8 May 0:40:56 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NBC Nightly News: OMG it's a "pollen tsunami." Researcher in article, who actually measures pollen: "Numbers not unusually high. We haven't seen anything close to record-breaking" [Asinine]

Friday 8 May 0:24:20 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this bathroom view [Photoshop]

Friday 8 May 0:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [39 comments] [Link]

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