Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Fark.com RSS » San Pablo cop arrested after allegedly buying drugs with child in car. Usually drug dealers only take cash [Fail]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anyonexx0 says FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML [Link]
FMyLife » TheGoodSister says FML
Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML [Link]
Weird Universe » TSA gets a hold on things
A couple of TSA agents at Denver International Airport have been found manipulating the screening process to grope other mens gentials they found attractive.
[Link]
Overheard In The Office » Just the Grilled Water, Then
Server: Are you ready?Customer: I don’t know what I want. What do you like?Server: When the customer makes up his mind and orders.Cincinnati, OhioOverheard by: I Like the Grilled Tuna [Link]
FMyLife » howaboutthemcarrots says FML
Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Residents need $1mil to purchase land where they have established public gardens to feed the poor. City contributes dozens of police and a bulldozer [Stupid]
[link] [95 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 7 Incredible Hoards Discovered in the Past 7 Years
Wikimedia Commons // CC BY 2.0 For thousands of years, people have buried their treasures to keep them safe from authorities and marauders or as offerings to the gods. Every now and then, someone is lucky enough to find one of these long-lost hoards. Here are seven of the best finds in the last seven years. 1. The Staffordshire Hoard … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark-ready headline: "Ducks wander around downtown DC for no clear reason" [Sappy]
[link] [63 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Good: Man in online relationship finds out upon meeting woman for first time that she likes to swing. Bad: A bat [Scary]
[link] [75 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Smoking Is Deadly
If you are going to haul gun powder around on the front seat of your car then perhaps DON'T light a cigarette. Or better yet, don't haul gun powder around at all. Darwin Award averted for now. [Link]
Mental Floss » A Taylor Swift Acapella Parody About Science
Science is the driving force behind all of our daily comforts—and basically everything else. This playful parody of Taylor Swift's "Style" reminds listeners that science will always be cool. [Link]
Mental Floss » See the Handwritten Notes on Abraham Lincoln’s Autopsy
150 years after his assassination, Cooperstown's Fenimore Art Museum is debuting a new exhibit, "Autopsy for a Nation: The Death of Abraham Lincoln." [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman glues her naked boyfriend to a chair. Needs help soonish [Amusing]
[link] [108 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This has got to be the most embarrassing way possible to rupture a tendon in your thumb. Ok, wait, it's at least No. 2 [Asinine]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 9 Spunky Facts About Dachshunds
Here’s the lowdown on everyone’s favorite vertically challenged dog. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Two TSA agents fired for manipulating passenger screening systems in order to grope hot men [Sick]
[link] [165 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Bad news: Drone delivering asparagus crashes and burns. Good news: Grilled asparagus [Fail]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nookie Monster arrested in Times Square after grabbing teen's breasts [Dumbass]
[link] [56 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Theme: Song titles. Difficulty: No Stairway [Photoshop]
[link] [153 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: The Most Iconic Bar In Each State
Thrillist put together a list of the most iconic bars in each state (and D.C.). Check and see if you ever had a few at your state’s famous tavern. * Exactly 150 years ago today President Lincoln was shot while watching a play at Ford’s Theatre. The Associated Press was on hand and here is the actual story they published … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » In what may be the greatest meeting of pseudo-intellectuals this century, celebrity has-been Pamela Anderson to visit Sheriff Joe to extoll the benefits of his meatless jail meals [Silly]
[link] [56 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » No one knows what to do with this 76-foot hole in Chicago. Suggestion: Leave it the way it is as a monument to Illinois politics [Interesting]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you hack the lottery by modifying security cameras, sneaking into glass computer room, installing a rootkit in 59 seconds, and setting up offshore company to collect winnings, you may want to wear a fake mustache when buying the actual ticket [Fai
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Computer games can hold some of the most terrifying, nightmarish creatures imaginable: eldritch Lovecraftian horrors, undead zombies, fashionistas [Strange]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The People Behind 5 Iconic Shoe Brands
You love the snappy footwear. Get ready to meet their makers. [Link]
Mental Floss » Why Are Baseball Games Nine Innings Long?
A brief history of how we arrived at that number, and who should get credit for it. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » San Antonio chef and food truck owner given a $2,000 fine by police–because she was giving her food away to the homeless rather than selling it to hipsters [Asinine]
[link] [164 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » OptMouse says FML
Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It's now official: Generalissimo Francisco Franco was a dictator. In other news, he's still dead [Interesting]
[link] [20 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman orders pizza and asks for the "cutest delivery boy" to "tell me I'm pretty" when he delivers. And that's all he did. Honest [Unlikely]
[link] [106 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Give a mouse a cookie and he'll want a glass of milk. Try to set a mouse on fire and you burn your whole goddamn garage down [Dumbass]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Ketchup Facts That Go Well With Everything
You know it’s a hamburger’s best friend, but do you know these tasty nuggets about the king of condiments? [Link]
Mental Floss » Scientists Determine Shakespeare Authored 'Double Falsehood'
A psychological profile of Lady Macbeth would probably say things like "manipulative," "paranoid," "unlikely to create genuine social bonds," and "a bit of a germaphobe." An analysis of Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing would likely produce words like "cocky," "arrogant," and "highly social." But how about an analysis of Shakespeare himself? In a study published in Psychological Science, Ryan … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Minnesota forbids making eye contact with senators, as they may feel threatened and attack [Stupid]
[link] [138 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Lebac says FML
Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » 12 Things You Might Not Know About 'Where the Red Fern Grows'
Where the Red Fern Grows, Woodrow Wilson Rawls’s touching tale of a boy and his loyal hounds, has been captivating audiences since its publication in 1961. Even if you loved the book when you read it in school, you may not know about Rawls’ background and inspirations for this classic coming-of-age tale. 1. Rawls was an unlikely bestselling author. “Woody” … [Link]
Mental Floss » Black Sunday: The Storm That Gave Us the Dust Bowl
It seemed like an ordinary day at first. Like any other day, folks on the Great Plains were struggling to get by. People walked to church, swept up from the dust storm that had blown through the week before, perhaps discussed the Congressional hearings that had brought the plight of the region, which had been ravaged by drought and the … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Just When I Learned to Tell Time, Too
Bimbette: I hate that I have to memorize a new date everyday.Monroe and LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois [Link]
Overheard In The Office » A No-Holds-Barred Look Into the World Of Midget Plate-Spinners
Coworker to boss: Poor Karen, I felt so sorry for her. She was so tiny, and she was doing six or seven at a time.Toronto
Ontario
CanadiaOverheard by: spice [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …Ask Anyone I've Ever Slept With
Lesbian customer service rep: Hey, how does Smith* want to get paid?Straight female sales rep: I don't know.Lesbian customer service rep: He's your client!Straight female sales rep: So?Lesbian customer service rep: So that's your job!Straight female sales rep: Fuck you!Lesbian customer service rep: Promises, promises…Straight female sales rep: That's not a promise, that's a threat.Fort Mill, South Carolina [Link]
Overheard In The Office » My Hard Drive’s Been Zionized
Bored tech guy: Can I help you?Bimbette: Yeah, um, I need an update on my anti-Semitic virus program.Bored tech guy: You mean ‘Symantec’?Bimbette: Yeah, that’s what I said — anti-Semitic.Quinnipiac University
Hamden, Connecticut [Link]
Fark.com RSS » North Carolina bill to allow unrestricted concealed carry would allow guns anywhere in the state. Duke may suck, but you better be damn careful about saying so [Stupid]
[link] [513 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Last minute tax advice: a Snickers bar is not a deductible business expense [Interesting]
[link] [60 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » My bathroom encounter. DIT [Advice]
[link] [634 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 19 Things You Might Not Know About ‘American Psycho’
Before he was the Caped Crusader, Christian Bale committed what many believed would be “career suicide” be agreeing to take on the role of Patrick Bateman, the 1980s yuppie/serial killer at the heart of ‘American Psycho.’ [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Washington University rowing team has an "Oh carp" moment during practice [Scary]
[link] [52 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …In a Completely Different Context Than Usual.
Coworker #1: With all the rain we've been getting, I bet the streams are running full.Coworker #2: That depends on how much beaver action there's been. (pause) Did I seriously just say that?Colchester, VermontOverheard by: hddesc [Link]
Mental Floss » How Drones Help Farmers
Drones give farmers a bird's-eye-view of their crops, so they actually know where pests and infertile areas are. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Herpes? In my sunbed? It's more likely than you think [Sick]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Robert Kennedy Jr. would like to apologize for comparing the way vaccines have inflicted autism upon countless children to the Holocaust, will use "other words" to describe the "autism crisis" in the future [Dumbass]
[link] [130 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » NC murder suspect with poorly drawn tattoos found sleeping on Daytona Beach [Florida]
[link] [54 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Timberwolves’ Arena Staff Cleaning Up During Third Quarter So They Can Go Home Right At Buzzer
MINNEAPOLIS—Removing any filled trash bags from their receptacles and sweeping along the empty concourse, members of the Target Center custodial staff reportedly began cleaning up midway through the third quarter of Monday night’s game between… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Perhaps the biggest risk of robbing someone by bike is that they could beat you and steal your bike [Amusing]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Pick the Numbers That Add up to 11
[Link]
Mental Floss » Journalist Jennie June Was "Having It All" in the 19th Century
Striking a happy balance between work and home has been a struggle for women for decades. Long before “having it all” permeated acclaimed sitcoms like 30 Rock and just about every women's magazine, it was the groundbreaking reality of journalist Jane Cunningham Croly, better known to her readers as Jennie June. Jane Cunningham was born in England in 1829, but … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This is a robbery. Don't do anything funny. I'm the funny one okay? [Dumbass]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » New survey finds five of the ten unhappiest U.S. cities are in Ohio. Residents of the other five said they were unhappy but at least they weren't living in Ohio [Fail]
[link] [161 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Appropriate Jobs for Women in 1920
You can be an opera singer, or a woman dentist. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Schrödinger's whale [Strange]
[link] [38 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » These Are the Options?
Office dude: Some of the guys here are so blatant when they stare at and talk about cute girls that work here. I think it’s demeaning.Office chick: Yeah, but I would rather be sexually harassed for being attractive than have guys call me ‘ugly.’ Wow… I just set the feminist movement back, like, 50 years.Seattle, Washington [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Bomb squad finds grenade in Dorset village, lets a local five-year old kid blow it up [Cool]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Architect Presents Obama With Generic Options For War Memorial That Could Work For Syria, Libya, Yemen
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that the commander-in-chief might want to get a head start on such a project soon, architect Owen Levin presented President Obama with generic options for a national memorial Tuesday that could feasibly honor an American war i… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » American teens are more stressed today than adults. Especially trying to figure out how to eventually pay off $100,000 of college loans with only minimum wage jobs [Scary]
[link] [218 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Guess what, you ever-increasing population? Sharks need to eat, too [Interesting]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
The Onion » New Evidence Suggests Middle East Conflict Predates All Human Civilization
NEW YORK—In a major breakthrough that provides new insight into the region’s deep-seated instability, researchers at Columbia University presented evidence Tuesday that indicates the long-running conflict currently engulfing the Middle East pr… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Robot stranded inside Fukushima plant, begins plotting revenge [Scary]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » But It Reads at a 40-Year-Old's Level
Office lady, answering about her age: A lady never tells. My box is 30-35.Brooklyn, New YorkOverheard by: casayoto [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Report: American Millennials Among Least Skilled In World
A new report by the nonprofit Educational Testing Service found that even though “millennial” Americans age 20 to 34 are attaining higher levels of education than their peers in other countries, they have far fewer job skills. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » The government takes away your rights, nothing. The NSA spies on you, nothing. Start charging you for volleyball that's a protesting [Interesting]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lighthouse [Photoshop]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Kidney stone-removing bed
Zhu Qinghua, a Chinese rice farmer, has invented a "kidney stone-removing bed." A person is strapped into the bed and hung upside down. Then the entire device vibrates intensely thanks to some kind of tractor engine attached to it.
Zhu has been strapping his wife into this thing and claims it's completely cured her kidney stones. [shanghaiist.com]
[Link]
Weird Universe » Bollywood King Kong
More info here.
Tip of the hat to my pal Lawrence Person. [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Better Ask Somebody Your Own Age, Kiddo
Six-year-old girl at front desk: Do I look sexy?1 Main Street
Valhalla, New YorkOverheard by: Switters [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Some blockhead comes up with a unique way to rebuild damaged coral reefs [Cool]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 18 Literary Maps of the United States
The first United States transcontinental road trip was completed in 1903, and Americans have been enamored with the open road ever since. The only thing more American than a road trip? A literary route celebrating American authors. The Library of Congress’ Language of the Land exhibit collects bookish state maps that chart the regions and the writers who loved them, … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Colorado marijuana taxes finally start helping schools: "We have been putting Band-Aids on schools that really need to be rebuilt. To receive $40 million per year in marijuana taxes would provide more than just new roofs and boilers" [Spiffy]
[link] [214 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Tulsa wannabe cop that shot an unarmed man has become a not-so-wannabe manslaughter defendant [Followup]
[link] [359 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch TV With Homer Simpson in Virtual Reality
Enjoy a can of Duff beer alongside Homer on the couch [Link]
Fark.com RSS » How far down the list of "Annoying Problems That Need Government Regulations" do you have to go before you get to hair-dryer noise in restrooms? [Asinine]
[link] [84 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » anon says FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Karl Vincent
[Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Playing God (in the Movies)
14 mortal attempts to portray the Almighty. You’ve really arrived in Hollywood when you get to play God.
*
7 Places That Could Give You Superpowers, but Will Probably Kill You. Your odds of scoring those powers are probably worse than winning the Powerball lottery.
*
Cooking with Roadkill. Yes, people do that, and here’s how.
*
Gwyneth Paltrow is living off … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you've ever thought you wanted to kill yourself after waiting on hold for the next available operator, you should imagine how this guy felt [Florida]
[link] [54 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » High Times magazine's New York-rooted editor-in-chief Dan Skye: "The Colorado cannabis industry is an economic miracle. Everyone in the United States is following Colorado's lead" [Spiffy]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » University of Wisconsin-Madison students snap, crackle, and pop the world's record for largest Rice Krispies treat [Spiffy]
[link] [12 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML [Link]
FMyLife » gottaflossmoreoften says FML
Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML [Link]
FMyLife » transcendingnerd says FML
Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML [Link]
FMyLife » whymanwhy says FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML [Link]
FMyLife » yupthissucks says FML
Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML [Link]
FMyLife » bigmouthedmommy says FML
Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML [Link]
FMyLife » unprofessional says FML
Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML [Link]
FMyLife » mademoiselle meurtre says FML
Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML [Link]
FMyLife » drewcaver says FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » After woman asks teenagers to quiet down in movie theater, they assault her in parking lot. Two of the alleged attackers were caught on security cam, so if you see either of these young girls…. Hold on, those are teenagers? Seriously? [Stupid]
[link] [198 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Without any warning, Walmart suddenly starts closing down stores Monday evening [Interesting]
[link] [163 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » This Octopus Was Trained to Take Your Photo
You don't have to tell flossers how awesome octopuses are. We are well versed in just how smart, agile, and even adorable these cephalopods can be. But one particular octopus named Rambo at Auckland's SEA LIFE Aquarium now has an arm—or two—up on all the others. The aquarium partnered with Sony to promote one of their waterproof cameras by teaching … [Link]
Futility Closet » Oops
Robert Barker and Martin Lucas overlooked a crucial not in their Bible published in 1631. Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable notes, “The fine of £300 helped to ruin the printer.” Further Bible errata: In Myles Coverdale’s 1535 Bible, Psalm 91:5 read “Thou shall not nede to be afrayed for eny bugges by night” (rather than terror). The “Cannibal Bible,” … [Link]
Mental Floss » John Wilkes Booth's Three Plots Against Lincoln
One hundred and fifty years ago today, John Wilkes Booth shot the president in the back of the head. It was actually Booth’s third plot against Lincoln. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you light a cigarette while making a bomb, you might be an idiot [Dumbass]
[link] [46 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » TV's 10 Best Fake Swear Words
Swearing on network television is a tricky business. To get around restrictions, some shows replace the "bad" words with benign ones. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Just after they made the vinyl LP a high-priced collectible, collectors now proclaim the VHS videocassette will become a high-priced collectible, thanks to fools who threw out their VHS tapes en masse [Unlikely]
[link] [196 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Foods We Couldn't Have Without Preservatives
Many people are shying away from foods with less-than-natural ingredients. But what they don’t know is that, without added preservatives and food preservation processes, many of the foods we love today would never make it to the dinner table. Here are 11 pantry staples that wouldn’t exist without the necessary additives. 1. WINE Now we’ve got your attention. Some wines … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nudist candidate for mayor of San Francisco holds up Wiener on way to work [Weird]
[link] [23 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And My Husband's Right in the Middle Of Their Ages
Coworker, about baby that she brought to office: Oh, she's three months old.
Random office worker: Do you have other children?
Coworker: Yes. Two. Both older. Tallahassee, Florida [Link]
Overheard In The Office » When Lifestyles Collide
Receptionist: I slept a lot this weekend, 'cuz I drank a lot, you know? I woke up at 5:30 yesterday afternoon, which, you know, just hurt my feelings.Boss: What?Oklahoma City, OklahomaOverheard by: freudian flip [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 3PM Coffee Break
Employee #1: Thanks for the coffee. You didn’t pee in it or anything, right?
Employee #2: Oh my god, you are like my freaking wife! 101 15th Street
San Francisco, California [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …In the Past Five Minutes.
Office guy #1, laughing: Man, your polo shirt is on inside out.Office guy #2: That's the second time I've done that.St. Louis, MissouriOverheard by: rdguy [Link]
The Onion » Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 14, 2015
ARIES: Next week will see you at the front of a ragtag band of orphans, but that shouldn't surprise you, as you've been running the world's shabbiest orphanage for years now. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » You can't spell "San Diego vacation cruise" without "Norovirus" [Obvious]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » According to a new study by the National Academy of Sciences, if people move faster to get away from a tsunami, more of them will survive. Wow, really? [Obvious]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Couple dies after crashing their Ford Model T. This is not a repeat from the 1920s [Sad]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You shall not overpass [Scary]
[link] [47 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » That’s Coming from Her TV — It’s Stuck on Lifetime
Patient: Stop raping me!Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Americans often look upon British food as bland and stodgy, or just plain weird. This item will do nothing to change that. Behold: Breakfast in a can [Sick]
[link] [142 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Blackwater contractors sentenced to 30 years in prison for Iraqi massacre [Sick]
[link] [123 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You gotta break a lotta eggs to get three years in the coop [Dumbass]
[link] [9 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 15 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About 'Kingpin'
Be sure to buff your balls… bowling balls, that is, and get ready for some little-known facts about the Farrelly brothers’ 1996 comedy, Kingpin. 1. WOODY HARRELSON WAS ONCE PETER FARRELLY’S ROOMMATE. The pair lived together for four years while Harrelson filmed Cheers. 2. HARRELSON WAS A TERRIBLE BOWLER. And we mean terrible. His bowling was so bad that bowling … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Unable to pay for his drinks at a bar, man invents "Flaming Bouncer" [Florida]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Who Are You?
Peon: I’m not sure if everyone’s aware, but I have taken the time to name people’s tummies in the In-house Department.Wilmington, Delaware [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Apparently passenger jetliner pre-flight checklists do not include "make sure all the baggage handlers have gotten off" [Fail]
[link] [59 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this bad day for the planet [Photoshop]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Beautiful Bookmarks Bibliophiles Will Love
Save your place in style with these fun, untraditional bookmarks. 1. Corner Bookmark, $2.50 Don’t fold down page corners! These bookmarks, which are made of cotton fabric and a stablizer, slip right over the corner to save your place. 2. “I Like Big Books” Bookmark, $4 
Appropriate for fans of books, puns, and Sir Mix-a-Lot. 3. Your Cat in the … [Link]
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