Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Fark.com RSS » Fleeing homicide suspects in stolen truck open fire on police officers, injuring two innocent bystanders, crash after chase, then flee on foot with guns in hand. Police respond by…taking them calmly into custody? Wait, what? [Strange]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML [Link]
FMyLife » left, I guess says FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Authorities: Neighbor forced man onto high-rise balcony, microwaved his wallet. Florida, baby [Florida]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you're tweaking on meth or K2 and start hallucinating that someone is trying to break in, don't go shooting through your front door. Plus, it helps to get rid of the 16-year-old runaway you've been harboring. w/tweaktastic mugshot [Dum
[link] [40 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Take that, ancient history [Sad]
[link] [143 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 9 Popular ‘Game of Thrones’ Fan Theories
Nothing is what it seems to be in the land of Westeros, at least not if you follow the many elaborate theories concocted by 'Game of Thrones' fans. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » More cop math, $750,000 fine for missing dog posters [Fail]
[link] [76 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The ice is thinning on the lakes as spring approaches. Please remove your fishing shanties and for God's sakes, stop landing planes on them [Dumbass]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this cleansing [Photoshop]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It begins anew [Obvious]
[link] [806 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 8 Fun Facts About the Valyrian Language of 'Game of Thrones'
In the first two seasons of Game of Thrones, we heard the language of the horse-riding warrior Dothraki people (and here are seven fun facts about that language). The next two seasons introduced Valyrian, a group of languages worked out to a much greater degree than is evident on the show by language creator David Peterson. Here are eight fun … [Link]
FMyLife » anon says FML
Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Anonymous follows up its contributions of nothing to #ows and to the Arab Spring by contributing nothing to the cause of the student protesters in Quebec [Asinine]
[link] [50 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Beautiful, but Deadly
Some flowers are beautiful; some are deadly. Some are both. * So this is the place where Bill Nye hangs up his bow ties. * Dogs: Man's best friend? Well, Henri Matisse, Georgia O'Keeffe, John Cage, Maya Lin, and dozens of other artists who preferred feline companionship would beg to differ. * Celebrity photographer Victoria Will has, for the second … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Elderly woman bites flight attendant during flight. And you thought you could escape the zombie apocalypse by air [Scary]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The most interesting, prettiest, wealthiest, and best-educated people love brunch [Obvious]
[link] [74 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Chinese man cooked his wife a year's worth of meals, makes you look foolish for reheating last night's spaghetti [Spiffy]
[link] [49 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Exodiafinder687 says FML
Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML [Link]
FMyLife » ShampooThief says FML
Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Australia to anti-vax parents: Nice welfare checks you have there. It sure would be a shame if something were to happen to them [Interesting]
[link] [323 comments] [Link]
GraphJam » See Also: Martinis from Waitresses
Graph by: cbastedo Tagged: breakfast , brownies , cake , champions , chocolate , general mills , i-bet-you-guys-dont-even-get-my-tit~ , Pie Chart , vonnegut , wheaties Share on Facebook
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Here is the 1000-mile hike that shaped the National Park Service, so sit down and hear this awesome tale [Interesting]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’
WASHINGTON—After several seconds spent sitting motionless and glaring directly into the camera, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly began Sunday’s video announcing her 2016 presidential bid by warning the nation not to fuck th… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » A new contender has emerged: Mother of the Year candidate dangles her 2-year-old child over the rail of cheetah enclosure at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. What could possibly go wrong? [Dumbass]
[link] [102 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Utterly Spoiler-Free 'Game of Thrones' Preview
Season 5 starts tonight. We're not saying who's dead, who's alive, or what happens. But our little birds are whispering. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This is how much sleep you (and everyone you know) should be getting…and almost certainly aren't [Obvious]
[link] [67 comments] [Link]
GraphJam » The Line Blurs With Beers
Graph by: Unknown Tagged: crazy , gifs , hot , how i met your mother , Line Graph Share on Facebook
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these shadows [Photoshop]
[link] [23 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Celebrity Encounters of the Cool Kind [CSB]
[link] [280 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Talk about paying it forward: Man loses wallet 14 years ago, gets it returned with more money than he had in it [Weird]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Oooh, Little Cuts!
Husband: They have fajitas.Wife: I don’t like ordering Mexican food from non-Mexican restaurants.Husband: You don’t like anything.Wife: I like lots of things!Husband: Liar!Wife, after repeatedly hitting husband with menu: I liked that!TGIFriday’s
Bowling Green, Kentucky [Link]
Overheard In The Office » I’d Give Anything to Be As Miserable As You
Broker #1: I’m getting a divorce.Broker #2: No way, man. You’re lying.Broker #1, sadly: I wouldn’t lie about that.Broker #2: Oh, now, you’re just saying that to make me jealous.30 South Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois [Link]
Overheard In The Office » How Enron Used to Recruit.
Old coworker listening to another one use the shredder: I can tell you have great shredding skills.Watertown, MassachusettsOverheard by: silently sitting in my cube [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …Into the Digital Age
Nasty old lady: I ordered an ipad mini with wifi. I just have to call up the cable company and tell them to turn on the wifi in my house. I don't think I signed up for that.Coworker: Just have your son come over and help you.East Crescent Ave, Ramsey, NJOverheard by: Is her son a wifi hotspot? [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Back Up — Baby Pool Filled with Acid?!
Girl reporter: So he said, ‘I hope you people fall into acid!’ Who wishes that?Guy reporter: Wow, intense.Girl reporter: Yeah. But the logistics — who fills the baby pool with acid?Guy reporter: The terminator fell into acid in T2.Girl reporter: The Riddler… No, the Joker fell into acid.Guy reporter: He lived though.Girl reporter: And tried to kill Batman. So, see? People … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » My Colleagues’ Hatred Keeps Our Marriage Spicy
Coworker #1 on phone: No, no, no, dammit! I swear, I’m going to hang up — I mean it, I’m going to hang up. No. No. No! Dammit, I said I am going to hang up! Coworker #2 walks over, removes phone, slams it down: There, now we can all get back to our lives!Coworker #1 redials: Sorry baby, some crazy … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Superhero Diction Man Knew His Hour Had Come
Irate customs broker: I want to speak to someone with authority! Not someone who speaks like he has a potato in his mouth!Miami, Florida [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Now that the weather is getting nice again, it's worth reminding everyone that if you choose to sleep outside, don't sleep on the train tracks [Dumbass]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Just Nod and Smile– You Make More Money
Customer, putting bright plastic Easter eggs with toys inside them on the counter: I want to return these.Clerk: Is there a problem with them?Customer: I only let my kids play with educational toys, and these aren't good for them.Clerk: Okay.Customer: They have dinosaurs in them! But dinosaurs didn't hatch from eggs!Clerk: Actually, ma'am, they did…Customer: You can't tell me that something … [Link]
Weird Universe » Women’s Arm Wrestling
MMMrrrrraaaaagggghhhh!
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » A classic tale of teenage rebellion and repression features a delightful combination of dance choreography and realistic and touching performances. But since this was Japan and they were dancing on a train, they got six months of house arrest [Stupid
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man proposes to his girlfriend while they toured the Astrodome. Because what place is more romantic than a giant, hallow, decrepit, abandoned, money-sucking relic of the past? [Sad]
[link] [35 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML [Link]
Weird Universe » John Deere Manure Spreader
Eeyeuw! Thank god I am not a farmer, driving one of those manure plows. On the other hand, that manure spreader is pretty awesome. More of a "manure blaster" really. I envision "borrowing" one fully loaded with the most liquid poop and driving it down Main Street to wreak smelly, smelly vengeance.
By the way: if you want to see … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And Why Can’t They Control Their Tendency to Generalize?
Asian girl hanging up phone: Why can’t Asian people speak English?!133 East 13th Street
New York, New York [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Optical illusion of the day – Is the cat going up or down the stairs? [Strange]
[link] [157 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The best places for flan in Los Angeles. That hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant by your casa and your abuela's not on the list [Sappy]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » scared4myhair says FML
Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You take away a kid's cellphone, he hits you with a Gatorade bottle and kicks the windshield out of your car. It's the Dayton way [Dumbass]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You're doing it wrong — A New York taxi driver has been ordered to pay a cute lesbian couple $10,000 in damages after he told them to stop kissing in the back of his cab [Followup]
[link] [177 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » U.S. recon plane intercepted in 'unsafe' and 'unprofessional' manner by Russian fighter jet; индивид&~ and гусь wanted for quest
[link] [51 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » In a Word
fastuous
adj. haughty, arrogant, pretentious, or showy alabandical
adj. barbarous, uncivilized floccipend
v. to regard as insignificant or of no account In 1937 photographer Jimmy Sime caught sight of five boys outside Lord’s Cricket Ground during the annual Eton vs. Harrow match. Peter Wagner and Tim Dyson were Harrow students awaiting a ride to the Wagners’ country home in Surrey, … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hiker missing 10 days is found alive 60 miles from where he began. "One of the ladies from the administration department ran into my office and said, 'Kevin's on the phone.' I said what?" [Spiffy]
[link] [39 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "We can proudly say we're the first family on the block to have a swimming pool designed by Vanilla Ice." Word to your mother [Florida]
[link] [20 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » CEO of medical marijuana company who was suing the state of Illinois unexpectedly dies. No word if it was an overdose on his own wares [Interesting]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » When you act with kindness and compassion, it stimulates the pleasure centres of your brain, just like sex, you dirty, selfish bastards [Spiffy]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Russian oligarch pledges $1 million prize to the first person that can live to be 123, who will turn around and spend it all on medical procedures needed to keep them alive for another year [Interesting]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 7 Secrets From a Grilled Cheese Master
In honor of Grilled Cheese Month, Melt Shop owner Spencer Rubin shares his tips for making the perfect sandwich. [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man steals church bus, leads police on massive chase [Dumbass]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » That "Brawlmart" link from a few weeks ago where one suspect died and one officer was wounded? Completely asinine video of the fight plus slow-mo explanation by police captain. Apparently they were a Christian rock band. On painkillers, looks
[link] [117 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Great tits no guarantee of success in the bedroom, says Prince Charles [Amusing]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4 year old boy and his 3 month old sister. I cleaned up the dishes from dinner while they napped. When I finished, I went to check on the baby, only to find the boy had woken up and drawn a dick on her face with a sharpie. I couldn't clean it off in time. … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A Colorado bill which would make it a felony to use explosive gases to produce marijuana concentrates at home "follows a rash of explosions and injuries resulting from amateur hash oil production" [Obvious]
[link] [89 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Tool or Weapon
And we made fun of the TSA for confiscating nail clippers as weapons, look what they can accomplish in the right hands. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The children as young as ten who will do ANYTHING to feed their internet porn addiction. One boy even used neighbour's wifi to access porn when parents took away his iPad [Obvious]
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Fark.com RSS » You'll NEVER TAKE ME [Sad]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You'd think Disney characters only did coke and had orgies in Robert Crumb cartoons. And you'd be wrong, according to Pluto [Amusing]
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Fark.com RSS » Lawyer wants bestiality charges reduced to theft of sperm [Strange]
[link] [20 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Millionaire convicted of child molestation. There is justice in this world after all [Florida]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Especially If He’s the Simon Who Helped Jesus Carry His Cross
Wishful thinking peon on phone: Yes, I can meet with this Simon guy. It’s not that Simon from American Idol, is it? Oh? That’s too bad… I guess I’ll still meet with him, though.111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, IllinoisOverheard by: Hear No Evil [Link]
Overheard In The Office » But Here at Mengele Inc. That’s Okay
Manager: You know butadiene is a reproductive toxin, right?Peon: A what?Manager: Reproductive toxin — it causes sterility.Peon: Okay… You know, maybe we should sterilize that town… Wait, was that out loud?Manager, laughing: Yeah.Houston, Texas [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Like Its Namesake
Editor: Did he use the word ‘genitalia’ at all?Older editor: Or ‘goodies’?20-something female reporter: It’s such a Latin-sounding word.Older editor: I know, ‘goodies’ really is.20-something female reporter: Genitalia. It’s such a beautiful word. It just rolls right off the tongue.Newsroom, Main Street
Cortland, New YorkOverheard by: Quietly Working at My Desk [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 12PM Conference Call
Office Manager: Well, I’m done with my conference call.
Employee: That wasn’t very long.
Office Manager: Sorry about that. I aim to satisfy. 132 East Central Avenue
Lake Wales, Florida [Link]
Overheard In The Office » What about a Carrot? I Could Do a Carrot, I Think
Employee: I got pulled over for speeding last week, but somehow I got out of the ticket. What is the best way to do that, really?Boss who’s an ex-cop: I once had a guy tell me he had a cucumber shoved up his ass, so I took him to the hospital and found out it was true.Employee: Did you give him … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » All That Is Covered in the Illustrated Syllabus
Teacher: Okay, so now that you know the basic rules of the computer lab, I have to ask you one more question… Do any of you ever check out the NMBLA website? [Silence.] Well I do, frequently. I want to know who the enemy is. Also, I like to look at the new Russian brides on Fridays.Boston, MassachusettsOverheard by: Cupcake1 [Link]
Overheard In The Office » It’s the Pepsi Degeneration
Assistant: I went to the grocery store this past weekend. Do you know my kids drank five two-liters of Pepsi since then? Three and a half kids drank five bottles of Pepsi.Sales guy: What’d you do with the other half a kid? … That must have been awful!8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina [Link]
Overheard In The Office » However, I Have Chewed Gum With It
Female coworker: I've never unlocked my car with my butt, I don't give a damn how big it is.Raleigh, NC [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lizard in the clouds [Photoshop]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
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