John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Overheard In The Office » Then What Are Those in That Bowl on Your Desk?

Friday 13 February 23:54:34 UTC 2015

Client: Is your service free?Salesman: No. Well, I guess it could be, but we don't live in the land of lollipops and candy canes.Provo, UtahOverheard by: Chris Lumo [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your coffee preference can actually determine the successes and failures of your love life. Never date a person who only drinks their coffee black and unforgiving [PSA]

Friday 13 February 23:29:38 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thirty-two people in the US and Mexico have been arrested in a $100 million cash-for-gold scheme connected to drug cartel activity. Apparently those gold places at the mall aren't really that trustworthy [Strange]

Friday 13 February 23:26:21 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [21 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » StrawHatBill says FML

Friday 13 February 23:24:57 UTC 2015

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FloridaMan, super-genius – arrested driving stolen car, lists "Drug dealer" as occupation [Florida]

Friday 13 February 22:48:02 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Now That Would Be Special.

Friday 13 February 22:47:54 UTC 2015

Customer service rep: ABC* client. is being special again.Sales manager: I want to start a drinking game where I do a shot every time Sue* calls one of our clients “special.”Accounting rep: You'd be sooooo drunk.Sales manager: I would die.Fort Mill, South Carolina [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The worst part about driving off a cliff is having to climb back up to the road three days later when nobody notices [Unlikely]

Friday 13 February 22:42:01 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you choose to flee the scene of a crash, make sure any incriminating evidence is not left behind. Like your wallet, driver's license, and your prosthetic arm [Strange]

Friday 13 February 22:15:58 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Tequila is Made

Friday 13 February 22:00:00 UTC 2015

Oh, tequila. For many drinkers, the liquor’s name conjures up memories of blurry nights and painful mornings. But to lump all tequilas in with the cheap stuff is to ignore half a millennia of drinking history and some really tasty liquor. Agave You My Liquor Under Mexican law, tequila must be made by a Consejo Regulador del Tequila (CRT)-certified location … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently, the list of people playing the State of the Union Drinking Game included Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 21:57:55 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this fight for nuts [Photoshop]

Friday 13 February 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Unsinkable Violet Jessop

Friday 13 February 21:00:00 UTC 2015

Boylo // Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons If you survived an ocean liner crash, you’d consider yourself extremely lucky. If you survived that crash and the 1912 Titanic disaster, you’d probably start thinking about avoiding water-based transportation. And if you made it through all of that only to find yourself aboard the sinking HMHS Britannic just four years later, you … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alligator blood could help fight infections, possibly because no germ is going to want to mess with someone covered in alligator blood [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 20:46:56 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: How Franklin Joined the Peanuts Gang

Friday 13 February 20:30:00 UTC 2015

The Peanuts comic strip got its first African American character thanks in part to a school teacher’s letter following the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. * I bet you didn’t grow up wanting to be a professional mourner. Or a gold stacker. You don’t see these really odd occupations on career day. *
If you have yet to see … [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Facebook Lets User Choose Who Controls Their Account After Death

Friday 13 February 20:14:00 UTC 2015

Facebook has announced that rather than “memorialize” the accounts of Facebook users who die, which doesn’t allow others to edit or manage the page, the social network will now permit users to designate a “legacy contact” who…
[Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Disney Rebooting ‘Indiana Jones’: What To Look Forward To

Friday 13 February 20:12:00 UTC 2015

Disney Studios is rumored to be rebooting the Indiana Jones franchise, which it acquired along with Star Wars when it merged with Lucasfilm in 2012.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » And now, a very special Friday the 13th version of the Fark Weird New Quiz, and we–whoa, easy there. There's nothing behind you. Why do you keep looking over your shoulder? [Survey]

Friday 13 February 20:07:32 UTC 2015

Survey [link] [27 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Corporation Surprised To See Its Tax Money Circle Back Around To It So Soon

Friday 13 February 20:05:00 UTC 2015

MINNETONKA, MN—Saying he’d been expecting the multinational corporation to have to wait a little while longer, David MacLennan, the CEO of U.S.-based agribusiness Cargill, told reporters Friday he was surprised how quickly the money it had jus…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » How cold is it in New York City? Too cold to murder anybody [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 19:54:42 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The first winner of the Powerball jackpot to claim their prize is a mother of four who quit her job to care for her child with cerebral palsy and has an uncanny ability to make it dusty in here [Sappy]

Friday 13 February 19:40:56 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » DHS officials staging pre-dawn raids to seize illegally imported vehicles from law-abiding citizens. I feel safer already [Asinine]

Friday 13 February 19:38:50 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » White supremacists plan racially pure colony in Namibia. In Africa [Stupid]

Friday 13 February 19:33:18 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [187 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Like missionaries in an unholy land of chicken-hating liberalism, Chick-Fil-A set to open three stores in Seattle [Cool]

Friday 13 February 19:32:40 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Club with More U.S. Presidents than Skull and Bones

Friday 13 February 19:30:55 UTC 2015

Do you believe Friday the 13th is unlucky? Refuse to sleep in a hotel room on the 13th floor? Scorn baker’s dozens because they might be [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good news: New pill for new mothers helps increase milk supply, boost energy and even help with postpartum depression. Bad news: It's made of placenta [Sick]

Friday 13 February 19:19:43 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you like Amtrak trains but think they smell too nice, I've got some great news for you [Misc]

Friday 13 February 19:07:37 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Animals You Don’t Want to Kiss

Friday 13 February 19:00:00 UTC 2015

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then the mouth must be the window to endless nightmares. The business ends of many, if not most, of the planet’s creatures are terrifying. They’re gorgeous and horrible instruments honed over millennia by evolution to grab, gouge, tear, and destroy things—often flesh of other animals. Here, 10 such critters with scary, … [Link]

The Onion » Being On Volleyball Team Accounts For 97% Of High School Sophomore’s Identity

Friday 13 February 19:00:00 UTC 2015

VERONA, WI—Saying that there appears to be little else influencing her personality, sources close to Verona Area High School sophomore Angie Seldon confirmed Friday that 97 percent of the 16-year-old’s identity revolves around being a member o…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Modern forensics reveals that King Richard III died after being criticaled with a halberd for 1d10 x3 piercing damage [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 18:37:07 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [109 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » lizzie57 says FML

Friday 13 February 18:18:54 UTC 2015

Today, as a reward for finishing all my work in maths, I was told I could leave early. Apparently, later on, the class had a random attendance inspection. I didn't know about this until I received a detention for not being present at that class. My teacher had completely forgotten about me. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Generation X was irrevocably destroyed by the sinister machinations of Teen Beat magazine [Silly]

Friday 13 February 18:18:27 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [106 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » anon says FML

Friday 13 February 18:06:27 UTC 2015

Today, I was offered my dream job, which would require my wife and me to relocate from Oklahoma to New York. She was also offered her dream job today, in Los Angeles. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » Turning Points

Friday 13 February 18:02:18 UTC 2015

During the drive on Washington city in July 1863, Confederate sharpshooters were unknowingly presented with a particularly high-value target. Captain Robert E. Park wrote: ‘The sharpshooters and the Fifth Alabama, which supported them, were hotly engaged; some of this enemy, seen behind their breastworks, were dressed in civilians’ clothes, and a few had on linen coats. I suppose they were … [Link]

Mental Floss » Why is the Heart Associated With Love?

Friday 13 February 18:00:00 UTC 2015

In this week's episode of Big Questions, Craig Benzine explains why hearts are associated with romance— just in time for Valentine's Day. See Also…
Why Does Helium Make Your Voice Sound Funny?
Is Blood Ever Blue?
Misconceptions You Learned in School Don't miss an episode—subscribe here! [Images and footage provided by Shutterstock.] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Board of Education member at Stonington High says using police dogs to search for drugs was over the top, man [Cool]

Friday 13 February 17:47:38 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [50 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » TheKingKen says FML

Friday 13 February 17:40:10 UTC 2015

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Firefighters allow a woman to torch the home belonging to the man who raped and killed her 7 year-old daughter. "I'm the big bad wolf this time," the woman said, smiling as the home erupted in flames [Florida]

Friday 13 February 17:38:51 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [247 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A group of teenagers arrested for running a child pornography ring on Instagram [Florida]

Friday 13 February 17:38:21 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Pod City: ‘Alison Rosen,’ ‘Profiles,’ and More Notable Recent Podcasts

Friday 13 February 17:00:00 UTC 2015

Is your daily commute putting you to sleep? Shake it up with some of my favorite podcasts from the last seven days. For more listening suggestions, head to the archive. THERE ARE 100,000 AIRLINE PASSENGERS IN THE AIR AT ANY GIVEN TIME. StarTalk Radio, Season 6, Episode 4 One can learn a lot from a podcast session with Neil deGrasse … [Link]

The Onion » Brian Williams Retreats To Mountainside Hut To Meditate On Fickle Nature Of Truth

Friday 13 February 16:47:00 UTC 2015

NGARI, TIBET—In the wake of his six-month suspension for false claims of riding in a U.S. military helicopter downed by Iraqi rocket fire, sources confirmed Friday that NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams has ventured to a small hut in the…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Superstition of Friday the 13th started not due to number who were at the Last Supper, but by an anti-superstition club in 1882 [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 16:37:41 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Send your Valentine in Denglisch, and find a love that lasts a 1,000 years [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 16:31:13 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The flight cabin is not the best place to whip out your Rocky Balboa impression, drunk Russian guy [Dumbass]

Friday 13 February 16:09:01 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » These "Eleven Real Valentine's Horror Stories" sound suspiciously like the average day on TotalFark Discussion, only with fewer goats [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 16:06:26 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 18 Things You Might Not Have Known About 'The Silence of the Lambs'

Friday 13 February 16:00:00 UTC 2015

The classic thriller is now old enough to legally have that chianti. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ukrainian nationalists and separatists celebrate ceasefire by shelling each other [Followup]

Friday 13 February 15:47:23 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [102 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » lilipalmer says FML

Friday 13 February 15:44:10 UTC 2015

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML [Link]

The Onion » SeaWorld Debuts New Controversial Orca Whale Burlesque Show

Friday 13 February 15:40:00 UTC 2015

SeaWorld Debuts New Controversial Orca Whale Burlesque Show
[Link]

The Onion » Benadryl Introduces New Non-Drowsy Allergy Dart

Friday 13 February 15:35:00 UTC 2015

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Promising consumers rapid relief from seasonal allergies without any drowsiness, Johnson & Johnson announced the release Friday of Benadryl Pierce, a new blowgun-administered antihistamine dart that will soon be available in dr…
[Link]

The Onion » Man Basks In Triumphant Glory After Purchases Line Up To Exact Value Of Gift Card

Friday 13 February 15:30:00 UTC 2015

CANTON, MI—Upon being informed by the cashier that his assortment of purchases totaled $49.56, local man Josh Molina triumphantly basked Thursday in the glory of using up nearly the exact value of his $50 Target gift card.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge: "Yeah you might have won $1.5 million while gambling in the casino but the cards were unshuffled and the money must be returned. Too bad" [Asinine]

Friday 13 February 14:51:30 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [223 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What's Going On With The 'D' In The Disney Logo?

Friday 13 February 14:30:00 UTC 2015

As a kid, you were a Disney expert. You watched and re-watched Disney classics on VHS until the magnetic tape came unspooled. You made your parents buy you more videos before the "Disney Vault" slammed shut. You knew all the lines to your favorite movies and you knew when the scary parts were coming. You knew everything there was to … [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Study: Settling For Adequate Partner Better Than Waiting For Soulmate

Friday 13 February 14:30:00 UTC 2015

According to researchers who studied the risk-taking behavior of early humans, people are better off, from an evolutionary standpoint, settling for a mate who’s available but maybe not the most ideal choice instead of waiting for a superior partner …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » They see him rolling. They hating [Sappy]

Friday 13 February 14:17:10 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work

Friday 13 February 14:07:29 UTC 2015

Clerk: I got an error message on that email I sent.
Manager: Well, then you aren’t holding your mouth right, are ya?
Clerk: What? 1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska [Link]

Overheard In The Office » So That's on My Resume under “Languages”

Friday 13 February 14:07:27 UTC 2015

Coworker: My best friend, like, he used to be black, so I sometimes speak with a black accent.Albuquerque, New MexicoOverheard by: Master Mahan [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And Why Does It Have Eyes and Hair?

Friday 13 February 14:07:26 UTC 2015

Cube wench: What’s this stuff coming out of me?Hollywood, CaliforniaOverheard by: Shameless Leprechaun [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this pussy in peril [Photoshop]

Friday 13 February 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Face Bra

Friday 13 February 13:43:26 UTC 2015


Continuing yesterday's theme of weird beauty products, I present the Hourei Lift Bra. From the product description:

you wear the Hourei Lift Bra on your face and it helps fight the smile lines that sadly grow more prominent with age. The band slides over the back of your head and then the frame fits easily onto your nose. Its soft … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Nick Lachey Was in the Bee Gees

Friday 13 February 13:40:31 UTC 2015

40-ish supervisor: You’re listening to the Bee Gees? Wasn’t Leif Garrett in the Bee Gees?20-ish employee #1: All I know is that someone in the group committed suicide.20-ish employee #2: No, Leif Garrett was in the Beatles.1241 Dyer Road
Santa Ana, California [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Colorado florists offering marijuana bouquets for Valentine's Day [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 13:36:00 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Even if you don't get the job, it is always nice to get a little interview feedback, right? Enter the most insulting rejection email you will ever read [Scary]

Friday 13 February 13:15:30 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [221 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alcohol may help elderly women live longer, which explains all those empty gin bottles you found in your mother-in-law's basement [Interesting]

Friday 13 February 13:10:03 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Lillian Miller, Professional Audience Member

Friday 13 February 13:00:00 UTC 2015

YouTube user reyzaguirr You might love TV, but there’s no way you love it as much as Lillian Miller. For more than 30 years, Miller was a regular on The Tonight Show, The Carol Burnett Show, and loads more of her favorite programs. But the little old lady and fan favorite wasn’t a famous actress. In fact, she didn’t sing, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Welease Bwian [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 12:42:34 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 12PM Order New Server

Friday 13 February 12:38:53 UTC 2015

Director: …so, do you have any ideas why all these clips are showing up as being not on server?
Engineer: Ah, yes, it’s a procurement error. We bought shit. 201 Wood Lane
Shepherd’s Bush, London
UK [Link]

Weird Universe » Strange Snacks

Friday 13 February 12:09:42 UTC 2015

You will certainly have fun browsing at the Taquitos snack site and reading their blunt appraisals. For instance, on the item pictured above.

Taste: Weird chemical taste. Crunchy and thick, but rather nasty.

Aroma: They smell like rancid oil. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Beware of owl attack" warning signs are now a thing in Salem Oregon [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 11:54:16 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [39 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » NotMacklemore says FML

Friday 13 February 11:45:16 UTC 2015

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 13 February 11:45:14 UTC 2015

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Dartfrogger says FML

Friday 13 February 11:45:13 UTC 2015

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And Then Mate with Our Cousins

Friday 13 February 11:38:01 UTC 2015

Partner: Nah, I have plans at my lake this weekend. We're gonna watch snakes eat fish.Cincinnati, Ohio [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is an outrage [Followup]

Friday 13 February 11:31:29 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [172 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 22 retarded Marines receive medical treatment [Sad]

Friday 13 February 11:29:58 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Victoria's Secret thief gets someone else's panties in a wad [Amusing]

Friday 13 February 11:22:21 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Free Market determines that Canada doesn't need its own version of Fox News [Fail]

Friday 13 February 11:13:00 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NBC now probing Brian Williams' claim that he was present for the birth of Jesus or something [Followup]

Friday 13 February 11:06:37 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch This Confectionery Make Delicious Hard Candy With Hearts in the Center

Friday 13 February 11:00:00 UTC 2015

Montreal-based candy shop La Confiserie CandyLabs makes adorable hard candies with red hearts in the center right in front of its customers. If you don't live in Canada, that doesn't mean you have to feel left out—Stereokroma took a behind-the-scenes tour of the process. It takes about 3 hours to craft the little pink treats, but the 9-minute video shows … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What's the future of Marine Corps amphibious warfare? BALLS [Strange]

Friday 13 February 10:57:32 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Color-Coded by Size

Friday 13 February 10:35:02 UTC 2015

Rep: What’s a vaginal dilator?Nurse: A penis?4645 East Cotton Center Boulevard
Phoenix, Arizona [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 19-year-old girl can't prove she's an American. Worse yet, she can't prove she even exists [Strange]

Friday 13 February 10:18:24 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [236 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gas prices too low for you? The State of Washington has a solution for that [Stupid]

Friday 13 February 10:11:00 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's 'Reefer Madness' story: Parents need to be on the lookout for a new form of marijuana called marijuana wax and butter. "You can be using it right next to a cop car, and they wouldn't know what you're doing" [Scary]

Friday 13 February 9:55:55 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » "Friday" the 13th

Friday 13 February 9:48:00 UTC 2015

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » NJ councilman literally caught red-handed in DUI arrest [Dumbass]

Friday 13 February 9:44:29 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The US Air Force is willing to lie, cheat, and steal to shoot down the A-10 Warthog [Obvious]

Friday 13 February 9:35:34 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Coffee table book converts into a coffee table [Ironic]

Friday 13 February 9:02:30 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Doctors urged to do more to promote the 'miracle cure' of regular exercise." Like THAT comes in a pill an HMO can charge you $85 bucks per [Unlikely]

Friday 13 February 9:02:00 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In tonight's rendition of "Guess the Farker" — "Pismo Beach officers responded to a report of a man described as completely naked and walking a pit bull threatening to kill a resident on the 300 block of Foothill Road" [Dumbass]

Friday 13 February 8:29:00 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Celebrate the Year of the Sheep at South Korea's Sheep Cafe

Friday 13 February 8:00:00 UTC 2015

Cat cafes are old news, and dog cafes are so pedestrian. For something a little less domestic, head to Seoul, South Korea, where you can sip your coffee alongside some sheep. Unlike the dog and cat cafes, these sheep aren't looking for a new home; they're full time residents of the Thanks To Nature Café, and have been for the … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » When You Shoot Guns and Jack Each Other Off All Day Long, Is It Really Such a Stretch?

Friday 13 February 7:16:38 UTC 2015

Sailor #1: You know how Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones are still performing even though they are 60-plus, right? What if bands like Motley Crew were still performing like that?Sailor #2 Well, they would have to find a new kind of drug to keep them going, because their crack tolerance must be incredible. What would happen if they started to come … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Same Thing He Does Every Night, Pinky

Friday 13 February 7:16:31 UTC 2015

Puzzled teen: And I'm like… What is Jesus doing in my cheetos?Hillsboro, OregonOverheard by: Beth [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Yikes. Frosty.

Friday 13 February 7:16:30 UTC 2015

Chipper cashier, leaving building: Hey, Travis? This is the sound of me leaving you here to die.Wendy's
Barrie
Canadia [Link]

Overheard In The Office » From My Big Book Of Ways to Ensure Co-Workers Don't Talk to Me

Friday 13 February 7:16:29 UTC 2015

(coworker #2 has just returned from a two-hour meeting)Coworker #1: How was the meeting?Coworker #2: My hemorrhoids are okay until we get to the 1:45 mark. Then I get that itchy twitchy feeling.Collegeville, PennsylvaniaOverheard by: Lola [Link]

FMyLife » CheeseTacos says FML

Friday 13 February 7:10:10 UTC 2015

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Donna Has Zero Tolerance for Sexual Harassment

Friday 13 February 6:50:24 UTC 2015

Male coworker: That smells good, what is it?Female coworker: Air freshener… and a fart.Nashville, Tennessee [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Couples who choose not to have children are selfish, says 78-year-old virgin [Ironic]

Friday 13 February 6:11:00 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [213 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Traffic Waves

Friday 13 February 6:00:21 UTC 2015

In 2008, physicist Yuki Sugiyama of the University of Nagoya demonstrated why traffic jams sometimes form in the absence of a bottleneck. He spaced 22 drivers around a 230-meter track and asked them to proceed as steadily as possible at 30 kph, each maintaining a safe distance from the car ahead of it. Because the cars were packed quite densely, … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Will Now Reject Every Helpful Suggestion You May Offer

Friday 13 February 5:48:21 UTC 2015

Receptionist to coworker: So my bum hurts because I won't let it poo.Winnipeg
Canadia [Link]

Fark.com RSS » South Carolina prison sentences inmate to 37 years solitary confinement for using Facebook. Seems reasonable [Scary]

Friday 13 February 5:17:18 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Look out America, here comes Megadrought [Scary]

Friday 13 February 4:50:00 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » What's Both Adorable and Disgusting, Alex?

Friday 13 February 4:44:01 UTC 2015

Performer, flubbing line: Kitten boobies! Adult Film Company
San Francisco, California Overheard by: fetishgirl [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Incinerators built on U.S. military bases in Afghanistan burnt only one thing: $20 million of taxpayer money [Asinine]

Friday 13 February 4:29:15 UTC 2015

Asinine [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I've Been Turning Them Inside Out for Weeks Now

Friday 13 February 3:40:00 UTC 2015

Banker on phone to call center (shouting): I need the washing machine and dryer installed in my house by tonight! This is completely unacceptable. Tonight! Do you understand? This isn't a debate! (now exasperated) It's an emergency: I've got no clean underwear left.London
EnglandOverheard by: So many answers, so many questions [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why eyewitness testimony should never sentence anyone to… well, anything actually. Fuel for the "Pics, or tit didn't happen" crowd [Ironic]

Friday 13 February 3:27:48 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The rise of the kilt. "Man-skirts can now be spotted at Crossfit gyms, hacker conferences, and other refuges of the unusual and the manly. With just a few yards of fabric, the kilt projects many of the qualities the modern man aspires to" [Sp

Friday 13 February 3:26:44 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [167 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alabama police cripple Indian grandfather for the crime of "being a skinny black guy wearing a toboggan" [Obvious]

Friday 13 February 3:12:20 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Awkward moment at Gitmo when defendants recognize defense translator from his previous job at a CIA black site [Stupid]

Friday 13 February 2:06:56 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Darth Vader's Penchant for CB Radio

Friday 13 February 2:00:00 UTC 2015

Ah, the 1970s: An era where Citizens' Band radios were at the height of their popularity. Although CBs were staples for truck drivers trying to identify speed traps and the cheapest places for fuel, people who didn’t regularly log thousands of miles on the road enjoyed fiddling around with them as well. Betty Ford liked to chat with people under … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most annoying husband in the world has written his wife a love letter everyday for the last 40 years [Sappy]

Friday 13 February 1:54:53 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 11AM Meet the New Girl

Friday 13 February 1:33:01 UTC 2015

Office Manager: …who knows, maybe Crystal is a very nice person.
Design Assistant: But I hate people named after rocks. 228 Gerrard Street East
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia Overheard by: J.B. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Indian food joint "disappointed" by customer response to its unannounced curried cockroach surprise. In related news, everything you have ever secretly feared about Indian food seems to be true (w/ NSF lunch pic) [Scary]

Friday 13 February 1:12:07 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Moth er of night flight [Photoshop]

Friday 13 February 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Naked man leaps on bus to escape burning building. So THAT's the excuse I should have tried [Scary]

Friday 13 February 0:56:22 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Are analog quantum computers still wishful thinking?" Well, are you typing on one? No? Then yes, they are still wishful thinking [Obvious]

Friday 13 February 0:31:48 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Charles Darwin’s Barnacle Room

Friday 13 February 0:00:00 UTC 2015

Barnacles latched onto a special place in Charles Darwin’s heart. By the time On the Origin of Species was published in 1859, the father of natural selection had long since become a self-taught expert on these fascinating arthropods. Why’d he start studying barnacles? As with many interests in Darwin’s career, it all began aboard the HMS Beagle. During the early … [Link]

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