Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Skydivers nearly collide with plane they jump out of (with terrifying video clip) [Scary]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Michelle Obama says "cheese dust is not food." You know that this means WAR [Obvious]
[link] [335 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 of the World’s Oldest Breweries
Humanity has been enjoying beer for a really long time, as these still-running establishments can attest. [Link]
Mental Floss » 21 Photos Inside an Abandoned Mall Covered in Snow
It's like a gigantic make-believe snow globe. [Link]
Mental Floss » How Well Do You Really Know Yourself?
You've known yourself your whole life, but do you really know yourself all that well? This video shows that personality tests use vague information to make you feel like they are accurate, when really they could describe anyone. [Link]
The Onion » Man Would Rather Annoy Small Group Of Friends Than Bunch Of Strangers At Party
PHILADELPHIA—Affirming his distaste for larger social gatherings, local man Pete Trobeman told reporters last weekend he prefers evenings spent annoying a handful of close friends to irritating groups of strangers at parties. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this high-flying hammock [Photoshop]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Have A Nerdy Valentine's Day
Just in case your loved one or crush doesn’t know just how much of a nerd you are, these Valentine’s Day cards will take care of it. * If you’ve got the time, swing by one of these really weird towns and look around. * Some golf courses are to die for— literally. This one is built on a graveyard. … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You can get your kicks on route 66, but your chicken guts are currently all over route 13 [Sick]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Gay Alabama Couple Always Dreamed Of Getting Married Surrounded By Hostility
MOBILE, AL—Saying the memories they made today would last the rest of their lives, gay couple Jeremy Newell and Aaron Mitchum of Mobile, AL confirmed Monday that they had always dreamed of getting married surrounded by hostility. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Here's what to do in case your car gets stuck on train tracks, and you're not a supporter of the standard 'panic and gibber like a chipmunk' tactic [Interesting]
[link] [113 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Survivalist preparing for the collapse of America has stockpiled food and supplies. Article has helpful map to his stockpile, you know, just in case [Dumbass]
[link] [114 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Beck Wikipedia Page ‘Hacked’ After He Beats Beyoncé At Grammys
After he received the Grammy Award for Album of the Year over Beyoncé, the Wikipedia page of singer Beck Hansen was reportedly “hacked” by angry internet users who wrote that he was the “stealer” of the award from “Bey… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Let's say you only have 100 orgasms left, how would you go about working them out? [Interesting]
[link] [127 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Manager of a Whole Foods supermarket makes up robbery story in an attempt to make off with 34,000 organic, free range, gluten free, locally sourced dollars [Dumbass]
[link] [23 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » myself says FML
Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML [Link]
FMyLife » wtf?? says FML
Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This is why we can't have nice things like Kinder eggs, bucky balls, exploding targets [Sad]
[link] [93 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Infographic: How Powerball Works
With no winner from the previous drawing, the jackpot for Wednesday’s Powerball lottery is expected to surpass $450 million, as gamblers around the nation buy more tickets in hopes of drawing the lucky numbers. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » The Pentagon spent $500K on Viagra last year. No, not on just one pill [Sappy]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A pastor wants to convert more people to Christianity. Wait, did I say people? I meant robots [Florida]
[link] [98 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 25 Fun Facts About the Hollywood Walk of Fame
Lights, camera, terrazzo! [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman, 82, arrested for theft of "Sexiest Fantasies" body spray. Mom? [Amusing]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Wave Of Dread Makes Rare Daytime Appearance
KETTERING, OH—Caught totally off-guard by the sudden onset of unease, local woman Mary Inglewood confirmed to reporters Monday that her usual wave of dread had made an extremely rare daytime visit. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Croatian court bans dog from barking at night [Asinine]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "How to make breakfast with your vagina." Surprisingly, article is not about how to seduce a chef [Weird]
[link] [195 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman admits to boyfriend that she engaged in sex acts with her dog. Your dog wants none of this [Sick]
[link] [141 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Strange States: Ohio's Warther Museum
If you want to learn about someplace, you can always pick up a textbook. But if you want to get to know a place, you're going to have to dig a little deeper. And what you find there might be a little strange. The Strange States series will take you on a virtual tour of America to uncover the unusual … [Link]
Futility Closet » Cross Purposes
The daily New York Times crossword puzzle fills a grid measuring 15×15. The smallest number of clues ever published in a Times puzzle is 52 (on Dec. 23, 2008), and the largest is 86 (on Jan. 21, 2005). This set Bloomsburg University mathematician Kevin Ferland wondering: What are the theoretical limits? What are the shortest and longest clue lists that … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Prince Charles to be anointed and crowned 'Defender Of The Faith" in England, taking over from Judas Priest [Interesting]
[link] [79 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Man’s Ironclad Grasp Of Issue Can Withstand 2 Follow-Up Questions
DEL CITY, OK—Stunned by his immense breadth of knowledge and quiet confidence while discussing the issue, friends of local man Eric Bridges told reporters Monday the 28-year-old’s ironclad understanding of gas prices was able to withstand a ba… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » U.S. Supreme Court won't stop same-sex marriages in Alabama despite Judge Roy Moore doing his best George C. Wallace impersonation [Interesting]
[link] [249 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » With their snowflakes getting sick, anti-vaxxers start getting their kids vaccinated. Just kidding, measles parties are a thing now [Scary]
[link] [426 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 22 Photos Inside an Abandoned Mall Covered in Snow
It's like a gigantic make-believe snow globe. [Link]
Mental Floss » Name the Surnames of Simpsons Characters
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Finnish man attempts to sell dead Siberian flying squirrel by advertising it on a supermarket bulletin board, blames his cat for everything [Dumbass]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » What 1992 Thought Wearable Computers in 2003 Would Look Like
"CD-ROM shoulder pads are back again this year!" [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "Scotland's rudest man" sent to jail for three months after breaching his ASBO fifty times [Stupid]
[link] [73 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 13 Awesome and Inspiring Tom Hiddleston Quotes
Sure, he's got a background in theater and starred in prestige pics like War Horse and Midnight in Paris. But it was the super-sized blockbusters Thor and The Avengers that brought Tom Hiddleston global fame, thanks to his dangerously fun turn as the villainous Loki. While the world goes wild for all things God of Mischief, Hiddleston has proven just … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Here's a look at what's inside the combat rations for soldiers of 20 different countries and yeah, those French guys eat pretty well between surrenderings (pics) [Interesting]
[link] [164 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Slideshow: The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 9, 2015
The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 9, 2015 
[Link]
The Onion » Onion Poll: Do You Believe The Government Should Require Parents To Vaccinate Their Kids?
The Onion – America's Finest News Source 
[Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Study: Singles Who Use Emojis Have More Sex
According to an annual survey conducted by Match.com, people who use emojis were found to have sex more often than those who don’t. 
[Link]
The Onion » Editorial Cartoon: Downward Dogged
Downward Dogged 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Cal student government gets A in Government 101, F in Financing a College [Silly]
[link] [61 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » wellalrightythen says FML
Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Aunt of the year leaves three kids in the back of her car while she goes shopping. One of them got hold of a lighter, started playing with it, and the next thing you know someone's t-shirt is on fire [Florida]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark NotNewsletter: Where Cupid goes to die [FarkBlog]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 'Which' Versus 'That'
If you're confused about 'that' versus 'which,' don't feel bad. It's one of the most common topics people ask me about. [Link]
Mental Floss » What’s In The Measles Vaccine?
In the 1950s, 3 to 4 million people got measles every year in the United States. Scientists developed a vaccine for the highly contagious respiratory disease in 1963, and by 2000, the disease was effectively eliminated from American soil. But unvaccinated people continue to contract the disease. A particularly bad outbreak occurred in Ohio’s Amish country last year, infecting more … [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Two sisters fined and deported from Cambodia after being literally caught with their pants down taking naked selfies at the ancient temple of Angkor Wat [Dumbass]
[link] [147 comments] [Link]
The Onion » New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Boob-twerking woman returns for Valentine's Day, specifically those among you whose only companionship is your hand (Not safe for work) [Interesting]
[link] [162 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Water Sommelier
"arno steguweit is europe's only water sommelier, and a certified wine sommelier in germany. after ten years in the hospitality business, including creating europe's first water menu, arno's role focuses on how best to taste and recognise quality within different waters."
You have to give Arno credit for creating his own job category. I wonder how much business he gets. … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this technology takeover [Photoshop]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » These Teens Are Not Impressed by the Power Glove
Adults of a certain age will remember how excited they were when the Power Glove (which was originally designed for the space program) was released in 1989. Sadly, though the Mattel-produced Nintendo accessory had a lot of promise, it ultimately was a dud—it was very hard to use, which took the fun out of gameplay. And when these teenagers got … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Wasn't This a Star Trek Movie?
Coworker: If she's a whale, then I'm a planet.Jersey City, New Jersey [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Sneaks Around on Her
Sales rep: No, she's back with her boyfriend, who's just a dick. Actually, not even interesting enough to be a dick. I mean, he works at Foot Locker.West Bridgewater, Massachusetts [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Then It's a Great Analogy
Financial analyst: This might be a bad analogy, but it's like this: if there's a guy up on the roof of a house and he's throwing babies off, and you just barely catch the first couple of babies, it might mean that's not a very good strategy and what you really need to do is get someone to go up on … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » “…Pay the Invoice, or the Cow Gets It”
Editor: Is there any way we can get hold of someone in accounting to see if this invoice has been paid?Assistant: I've been trying.Editor: There's nothing you can check online?Assistant: No.Editor: Well, can we sacrifice a cow or something? Will that get it paid?Assistant: You know accounting is in india, right?Editor: Gotta hit 'em where it hurts.Camden Street, Baltimore, MDOverheard by: … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …A Little Silhouetto Of a Man
Boss: Because Mike played that song so damn much. He had such a man crush on Justin. (pause) Yeah, but you're not a man. (pause) You're not a little, tiny man who looks like Harry Potter.Woodinville, Washington [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Just One Of the Hazards Of a Nebraska Two-and-a-Halfsome
Female coworker: I had to go to the chiropractor because I got sandwiched between two fat chicks.York, NebraskaOverheard by: Eric J Eckert [Link]
Weird Universe » Can You Flick It? A Subbuteo Story
The thrilling, incomprehensible, unnerving history of tabletop soccer.
Home page of Subbuteo. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » SNOWMG brace yourselves, Northeastern US, as SNOWMAGEDDON III: SNOW MORE is ready to strike. Will everything shut down? Will the power stay on? Will Boston ditch that annoying accent? It's your official Discussion Thread. Stay safe [Followup]
[link] [249 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: "Tub"thumping
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman charged with crockpot murder following long-simmering beef, CHiPs respond to scene of salsa spill on highway, and Bruce Jenner in a Karkrashian: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/1 – 2/7 [FarkBlog]
[link] [9 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Frozen beak nearly results in swan song [Unlikely]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It turns out Charles Manson's fiancee only wanted him for his body [Strange]
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » As bad as your job is, at least you don't have to collect sulfur inside a smoky, poisonous volcano for $12 a day [Scary]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And I’d Like the Singing Version of All Three
Resident: What brings you here today?Patient waiting for mammogram, pap smear, and colonoscopy: I’m here for a mammogram, a twat-o-gram, and an ass-o-gram.Hospital, 1000 Blythe Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Remember when you had to recall hundreds of thousands of bagels to avoid murdering your customers? Pepperidge Farms remembers [Scary]
[link] [35 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 12 Photos of the 1915 San Francisco World's Fair, Then and Now
San Francisco's Panama-Pacific International Exposition opened February 20, 1915, nearly 100 years ago. To mark the upcoming anniversary, iPhone app ScenePast Americana collected a slew of vintage pictures from the event and put them next to some current photos. Viewers can scour through pictures of the 630-acre exhibition held in San Francisco's Marina District. There's only one remaining building from … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 4PM Break Room
Engineer #1: This milk’s gone bad.
Engineer #2: So you just put three quarters of a gallon of bad milk back in the fridge?
Engineer #1: I told Hal* this morning and he said he’d take care of it, but obviously never did, so now whoever used it is gonna end up sick in bed tomorrow.
Architect: That’s ok, it’s … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Federal judge: Alabama's marriage ban is unconstitutional, and couples can begin marrying on Monday. Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore: F that, I'm in charge here and I said no [Followup]
[link] [1062 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » jimmy_poison says FML
Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Singapore man arrested at airport smuggling $300,000 worth of endangered fish will now face the scales of justice [Dumbass]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » TransAsia installs lock on barn door [Fail]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Artist Creates An Exact Replica of a 140-Year-Old Tree
This life-sized sculpture of a giant tree known as Middle Fork is not just any tree—it's a specific tree from a forest near the Snoqualmie River in Washington State. Seattle-based artist John Grade and his team spent two weeks in April 2014 making plaster casts of the chosen tree, which were then transported back to the MadArt studio space in … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The price of your favorite craft beer is about to go up, but you'll barley notice [Sad]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Plane missing for 54 years found in the Andes. Yeah, it's always the last place you look [Followup]
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Phil Spector Joins Jennifer Hudson To Present 'Best New Artist' Grammy
Phil Spector Joins Jennifer Hudson To Present 'Best New Artist' Grammy 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Something really big just went KABOOM in Donetsk. w/vids [Scary]
[link] [168 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Virginia pastor arrested for blaming his mysterious gunshot wounds on a made-up black mugger. The true story remains unknown, but the smart money is split between 1) jilted gay lover, 2) unpaid gay hooker, or 3) handling a firearm while drunk [Stupid
[link] [73 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » So what is the next airline trend? How about narrower seats [Stupid]
[link] [88 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Unquote
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” — Aristotle “Education enables you to express assent or dissent … [Link]
FMyLife » walllflower says FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Advertising Slogans
Take the quiz! [Link]
Weird Universe » News of the Weird, February 8, 2015
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M409, February 8, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
Good Ol’ Boy: A miles-long traffic jam on Interstate 20 near Tuscaloosa, Ala., on January 25th and on into the 26th was caused by a 18-wheeler that jackknifed and overturned when the 57-year-old driver took his hands off the wheel to pull … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You're not going to believe this, but Brian Williams may not really have stared down the barrel of a .38 while selling Christmas trees [Unlikely]
[link] [114 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Well, sir… The good news is that you don't have bladder cancer. The bad news is that you need a hysterectomy [Interesting]
[link] [64 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Or Was That Ali MacGraw?
Coworker: Crocodiles are carnivores, alligators are vegans.Jersey City, New Jersey [Link]
Overheard In The Office » For Those Who Feel Bad about Quitting College
Engineer lady: The price of first class stamps is now 41 cents!Engineer guy: If they made them in China, they’d be a lot cheaper.3003 West Casino Road
Everett, Washington [Link]
Overheard In The Office » That Goes Double for You, Bob
Manager: Okay, bitches. At this beach party I want y’all to take care of business down South. I don’t want no hairy pussy to attack me while I’m tanning. [All female coworkers nod and walk away.]Fulton Street
New York, New YorkOverheard by: coworker [Link]
Overheard In The Office » So Now He Just Does the Nanny
Coworker on phone: So I told my husband, “I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until you lose 30 pounds!”Dallas, Texas [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to the Farm
Project Manager: I hate these cubicles. Oh wait, they are not cubicles anymore. What are we supposed to call them? Coffices?
Field Manager: I like veal pens or officles. 85 E Street
South Portland, Maine Overheard by: brian brinegar [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 11AM Send Out Faxes
Assistant #1: I just accidentally punched that girl in the head by the fax machine.
Assistant #2: Good.
Assistant #1: Yeah, but then she said “Ow” all drawn out and gave me a nasty look.
Assistant #2: What a bitch.
Assistant #1: Quit squatting by the fax machine and I won’t punch you in the head. 233 Spring Street
New … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Trying to be a hero and stop an armed robbery? That's a felony offense [Amusing]
[link] [342 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » I Think I've Seen This Workplace Harassment Video…
Female employee to male boss: Show me what seven inches looks like.Kanata North
Canadia [Link]
Overheard In The Office » My Cup Runneth Over, If You Follow Me
Office drone, about son's sports team: Those are the easiest balls to get on top of.Hawthorne, New York [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Look, who hasn't forgotten that they had a copy of the Magna Carta in their basement? [Cool]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this proper young woman on her newfangled mechanical contraption [Photoshop]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML [Link]
FMyLife » sorry :/ says FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML [Link]
The Onion » Teen Crafting Marketable Persona In Garage Hoping To One Day Win Grammy
MODESTO, CA—Saying he is willing to do all the hard work necessary to succeed in the music business, local teenager and aspiring recording artist Morgan Reyes told reporters Sunday that he is in his garage every day crafting a widely marketable pers… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Adnan Syed wins motion to appeal conviction. Looks like someone wants a 'Serial' follow-up [Followup]
[link] [60 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » What Are The Colored Circles on Food Packages?
There's a lot of information crammed onto food packaging these days, and along with all of the helpful stuff (like nutritional data and ingredients), there's also the mysterious, multicolored row of circles or squares that serves a very important purpose … for the printer. [Link]
Overheard In The Office » They Don’t Tell Me What They’re Storing, and I Don’t Ask
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn’t his.Police station
Indianapolis, IndianaOverheard by: more information than anyone needed [Link]
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